THE magician counts down before throwing a deck of cards into the air and hurling a knife at me.
Bullseye. The blade is stuck into one card on a target hanging from my neck. Ten of clubs. The card I’d picked.
I look down from the stage at my three slack-jawed kids who’ve just had a memory that’ll last a lifetime.
This entertainment at Parkdean’s Vauxhall Holiday Park in Great Yarmouth is a cheerful blast from the past for me, but it’s spellbinding for my daughter Frankie-Beau, 13, and her nine-year-old twin brothers Reggie and Teddie.
As well as that knife-throwing magician, the feelgood fun on site includes X Factor stars Reggie ’n’ Bollie, a Taylor Swift tribute act, karaoke, bingo and stand-up comedy.
And thanks to a £5million refurbishment, the choice of awesome activities reads like a list of kids’ birthday party options: a high and low ropes course, Bear Grylls escape rooms, an inflatable bounce park, a swimming-pool obstacle course, pottery painting, off-road rangers and an adventure playground.
With an array of places to eat, we don’t even switch on the hob in our comfortable, contemporary caravan.
And the Hat-Tricks sports bar really hits the target, offering interactive darts, shuffleboard and a fantastic fairground crazy golf course.
Not to mention a next level arcade that reminds my wife, Kayleigh, and I of the excitement we used to have as kids winning tickets for prizes.
We’ve taken our children to Dubai, Turkey, the Netherlands and Disneyland, to name a few — but they feel they’ve hit the jackpot on this quintessential Great British caravan-park holiday here in Norfolk.
No frills but so many thrills.
Just five minutes down the road is the Golden Mile — a kids’ equivalent of the Las Vegas strip and the beating, buzzing, beachside heart of Great Yarmouth.
The must-visit attractions — a 50m Ferris wheel, the Sea Life centre and a circus — complement the retro coastal charm. Then, of course, there’s the Pleasure Beach amusement park, which has all the fun of the fair and then some.
There are hordes of cafes, bars and restaurants to pick from for food. We end up finding a little gem called The Box Tree, a small bistro in the Ocean Hotel overlooking the promenade, which serves fresh food of the highest quality and is great value for money.
They even serve our lunch on paper featuring old newspaper print, in a fun nod to the traditional way of eating fish and chips.
From there, we hop on the gloriously old-school Choo Choo Loco road train for a short £2 ride down the coast to The Little Venetian Waterways.
With moreish modern treats such as croffles, Venetian sodas and Biscoff ice-cream shakes, the island cafe is firmly in the 21st century. But the enchanting boating lake is a vintage voyage into the good old days. Frankie-Beau and I hire a rowing boat, while Kayleigh, Reggie and Teddie hop into a pedalo. This is fabulous family time like it used to be — no screens, no scrolling, no squabbling.
Because we’re reminding them — and us — of the joy you can find in the little pleasures; the things we’ve seen and done but are all new and exciting to them.
When we stroll down the dated high street of knick-knacks, our children see a lively hub of treats and toys.
While we wonder how the old ‘upside-down house’ is still pulling in the holidaymakers, our children are gobsmacked to see AN UPSIDE-DOWN HOUSE!
And the Golden Mile of amusements, bouncy castles and funfairs might just be the only time they’ve walked a mile without whingeing.
Because every few steps we’re re-energised by another coastal classic: that unforgettable whiff of hot doughnuts; devouring candy floss on the pier; enjoying a horse-and-cart ride along the promenade.
In the next decade of their lives, my kids — hopefully — will see more of the world. But I know they’ll never forget that little weekend break when their dad had a knife thrown at him in Great Yarmouth.
Because it was, simply, magic.