‘Ebenezer’ review: Johnny Depp tries to scare up sympathy

Why remake “A Christmas Carol” again? Ti West’s “Ebenezer” has a solid pitch. The horror director of “Pearl” and “MaXXXine” cranks up the shivers in Charles Dickens’ moralistic ghost story with jump scares, a zombie horde of ghouls and a cemetery outside the curmudgeon’s bedroom window. It even invents a murder as a treat.

And why has Johnny Depp, who has spent the last several years reeling from his reputation-dinging public divorce trials, chosen loathsome Ebenezer Scrooge as his comeback? Perhaps he likes aligning himself with fiction’s most famously redeemed scoundrel. When this chastened Scrooge yelps, “I’m not the man I was!” Depp gets so riled up that he jumps on his bed until it breaks.

“Ebenezer” sounds like the title of a sympathetic prequel, the sob story of a nasty man’s first “Humbug!” It sort of is. Mostly it’s the same tale, slightly expanded.

Nathaniel Halpern’s script starts by flashing back to Scrooge’s business partner, Jacob Marley (Ian McKellen), while the cranky old creep is still alive, humanizing Scrooge by showing him palling around with a friend. Marley proves to be even meaner, harassing their employee Bob Cratchit (a well-cast Rupert Grint), while Scrooge simply snickers. When Marley drops dead, then returns seven years later as a ghost, this Scrooge is so scared he wets his nightgown. We’re gifted a close-up of the puddle.

That’s the tone in a nutshell. Frankly, I wish it worked. The best holiday heartwarmers have a morbid spritz to them, from “The Nightmare Before Christmas” to “Home Alone.” (On your next rewatch of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” be sure to enjoy the moments where Donna Reed plays Mary like a gothy witch.)

Dickens also prodded his Scrooge to be funny, writing that the character’s jokes were a means of “keeping down his terror.” The novel’s best punchline comes when he accuses Marley’s spirit of being caused by undigested beef or mustard, a hallucination “more of gravy than of grave.” That quip isn’t in here; this Scrooge instead eats punishing gray oatmeal.

Inequality looks especially harsh in Victorian England’s wintry cobblestone alleys. An opening montage cuts between images of hard labor, horse dung and frozen laundry that’s too stiff to fold. “Ebenezer” seems aware that this story, as beloved as it is, won’t inspire society to solve poverty. (The sleigh bells at the ending aren’t that happy.) Cynically, it even puts a sour spin on the two charity workers who ask Scrooge to donate money to the poor. Usually, those chaps are sketched as hapless but benevolent. Here, Scrooge accuses them of pocketing the cash and gauging by their panicky reaction, he’s right.

The Ghost of Christmas Past (a wraithlike Andrea Riseborough) whisks us to Scrooge’s childhood, which has been ladled with extra misery. Scrooge’s dad is now brutally abusive, a trauma with faint support in the book, and his kindly mentor Fezziwig (Ian Midlane) gets stabbed to death by a street urchin, a trauma that’s brand new. I don’t mind the violence — it’s very Ye Olde Fox News. Still, I was surprised that we actually see the knife plunge into Fezziwig’s big, soft belly.

Who is this grim adaptation for? It’s too dark for most kids and not frightening enough for adults. Possibly, a slice of preteens will find it just right. West has never made a PG-13 movie before and who knows if he will again. But I suspect he’ll be happy if his jarring adaptation imprints on even just one future filmmaker the way his own favorite horror films imprinted on him. There’s a glimpse of one of those classics in a shot where Scrooge gets sucked into his own mattress just as Johnny Depp’s jock did in the original 1984 “A Nightmare on Elm Street” — the future star’s feature debut.

Since then, audiences have had a lot of passionate feelings about Depp. Younger generations worshiped him as the blockbuster scamp of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise and the live-action redos of “Alice in Wonderland” and “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Older fans adored him as the adorable outcast of “Cry-Baby” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.” Just last week, I teared up watching a YouTube video of a dog trainer dressed like Edward Scissorhands doing an intricate pas de deux with a border collie. As best as I can explain, I was moved by how much the woman appeared to identify with Depp’s lonely character and how she’d filled her time teaching her pet to pirouette.

Depp is aware that he can pull strong emotions out of people, wrenching his Scrooge’s mouth into a painful frown. But his eyes are empathetic and gooey, a portal right to the miser’s inner child. He keeps making the cheapskate too cute, standing knock-kneed in fright with his hands folded up under his chin. Ultimately, the actor’s need to be loved — to claw himself out of what he fears is an early career grave, an image we see him physically do — hijacks the movie. The traditional beats don’t land.

In lieu of sniffles, we get a childhood sweetheart, Belle (Ellie Bamber), saddled with a subplot about her novelist ambitions, and a Tiny Tim (Freddie Lee-Grey of the recent “Lord of the Flies”) who’s darling but inessential. At least Scrooge’s nephew Fred (Sam Claflin) has a decency that registers and his wife (Daisy Ridley) even manages one of the film’s genuine laughs.

Still, as much as I liked this couple, their scenes get stolen from them twice: first by the impish Rose Williams as a dinner guest whose husband corrects her pronunciation of the word “macabre” and again by the sight gag of a jiggly, focus-grabbing dead goose. That bird is the most delightful thing in the movie. Bless it, everyone.