Occasional Digest

AGED 22? Sad about it? So obsessed with being disadvantaged by previous generations that you need to pay a stranger to listen to you talk? Here’s how:

Find the best

Never mind that you live at home, you’re traumatised and deserve the best, not mum’s friend Jackie who’s training to be a counsellor. Don’t stint and be sure to delve deeply into finding out exactly why it is that you, aged 23 and masturbating quietly so your parents don’t hear, feel depressed. Who understands your tough choices like: Deliveroo or Vinted?

Get careers coaching

Find a provider who’ll group therapy with career coaching, charging £300 an hour for vital self actualisation exercises and AI generated advice on AI job applications. When you get all that, avoid resentfully thinking you could tell strangers to ‘leverage their transferable skills’ and earn £50 a hour by focusing on your debts instead.

Discuss your feelings of failure

Why does someone who can’t afford a pint feel a failure? Clearly you have unresolved childhood trauma and imposter syndrome. That’s a 15-session problem, paid upfront. It’s an investment in your future, as was that highly valuable degree in Art History and Film Studies.

Don’t compare yourself to others

Yes, an influencer on TikTok has bought a flat in Shoreditch at 21 and claims it’s by cutting out McDonalds. But we all know there’s some weird foot pics shit lurking there and that’s too oversaturated a market for you to get into now. Though it is still necessary you sob to a stranger about it.

Explore your relationship with money

Why do you feel anxious every time your banking app opens? Why does seeing ‘£4.62 available’ cause your heart to race? Why have you started treating £10 like an heirloom? Your therapist will encourage you to unpack your ‘scarcity mindset’. You can’t put a price on mental health, you reassure yourself, while subject to exactly that.

Work on your boundaries

Learn to say no to things you can’t afford, such as holidays, weddings, restaurants, festivals, pubs, taxis, house deposits and having children before the age of 41.You’ll also learn to set healthy boundaries with your parents, including asking them to stop mentioning that £30 you borrowed.

Identify your coping mechanisms

You may have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as doomscrolling, drinking supermarket own-brand wine or therapy you can’t afford. Your therapist will encourage healthier alternatives. These include journalling, mindfulness and taking a walk in nature. Instead you tell her you’ve done all that and stay in.

Prince Tupouto’a ‘Ulukalala was born on September 17th 1985. 

The prince became the heir apparent to the throne in 2012 when his father, King Tupou VI, ascended to the throne.

The Crown Prince and Crown Princess Sinaitakala Tuku’aho married in July 2012. The Crown Prince and Crown Princess Sinaitakala Tukuʻaho have four children. A son, Prince Taufaʻahau Manumataongo, born 10 May in 2013; and three daughters Princess Halaevalu Mataʻaho, born on 12 July 2014, Princess Nanasipau’u born 20 March 2018, and Princess Salote Mafile’o Pilolevu, born 25 February 2021.

Tonga is the only sovereign indigenous monarchy in Oceania. 

In Tongan mythology, the Polynesian Sun god, Tangaloa, pulled the islands of Tonga from the sea using a tortoiseshell and a whalebone fishhook. During the god’s expedition, the shell and hook ripped an opening in the islands of Naupapu. This fishing line snapped, causing pieces of the island to fall into the sea, leaving Tonga as it is today.

A MIDDLE-AGED man who wants a girlfriend in her 20s realises it is possible but she is unlikely to be the finest physical specimen.

Tom, not his real name, 48, would ideally like to date a 25-year-old knockout but accepts that her having options would be an obstacle to their relationship.

He said: “The apps let you filter for age but sadly not for beauty. I’ve written ‘young at heart’ on my dating profile because it clearly doesn’t apply to my body, which now makes weird noises both when coming and standing up.

“My youthful partner needs to be fun but not immature, confident but not intimidating, attractive but not vain, independent but still have time for me and, most importantly, have absolutely no interest in men her own age. Also she should insist on paying for herself. But strangely that’s proving hard to find.

“So I’ve accepted that her attractiveness may have to be dialled down. I’m prepared to accept facial features that may not be entirely symmetrical, or maybe even plain. It’s a big concession but I’m decent enough to make it.

“She needn’t be stick-thin either. She can have some fat, maybe even a slightly noticeable tummy. And for the breasts I’m prepared go down to a C-cup. Finding a mate is so much easier when you’re not a superficial guy.

“The main thing is she hasn’t yet reached 30. After that stage they grow opinions and that’s really unattractive.”

It commemorates 16 September 1963, when the former British colony of Singapore and the East Malaysian states of Sabah and Sarawak, joined the Federation of Malaya to create the Malaysian Federation.

Singapore only remained in the federation for two years, leaving on 9 August 1965.

Originally this date was planned for 1 June 1963, but it was delayed twice; once to 31 August to make it coincide with an older national day, and then delayed again to allow referendums to take place in certain regions.

Malaysia Day has only been a national holiday since 2010. On announcing this holiday, Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak said the day would involve activities that would foster the Malaysia spirit and would be celebrated with formal events such as a parade to commemorate the historical moment. He added that it should remind the Malaysian people about their struggle in achieving independence. 

On 31 August, Malaysians celebrate Independence Day (Merdeka Day), so it is unusual for a country to effectively have two independence day holidays.