Occasional Digest

Wednesday 22 July Fast of Ninth of Av in Israel

Many Jews worldwide observe the religious holiday of Tisha B’Av by fasting, praying and reading Bible passages related to the destruction of the First Temple by the Babylonians under Nebuchadnezzar in 586 BC.

Religious Jews have kept Tisha B’Av for centuries as a day of communal mourning for the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem.

The Second Temple was destroyed by the Romans under Titus, who burned it down in 70 AD.

For Jews, the ninth day of the month of Av also commemorates multiple tragedies in Jewish history, ranging from God decreeing that the Israelites would wander in the desert for 40 years to Jews being expelled by decree from England in 1290 and from Spain in 1492. 

The Orthodox Jewish organization Chabad ranks Tisha B’Av as “the saddest day on the Jewish calendar,” even more sombre than Yom Kippur.

The Fast of Av begins at sunset the previous day and lasts for more than 24 hours.

Jewish law demands that during the three weeks preceding the day, Jews limit rejoicing: no weddings, no haircuts, no listening to music and swimming is prohibited. In the last nine days of the three weeks, no one is allowed to eat meat or drink wine except on Shabbat, or even wash clothes.

Tuesday 21 July Guam Liberation Day in Guam

In a list of most popular reasons for public holidays, celebrating the birthday of a ruler or the date when a country threw off the shackles of colonial rule are probably the most popular. Not far down the list is commemorating a battle or war that was crucial to the heritage and history of a nation. This is the case with Guam’s Liberation Day which commemorates the Battle of Guam in 1944 which returned the island to U.S. control.

Guam is the southernmost and largest of the Marianas Islands in the Pacific Ocean. It became a U.S. territory in December 1898 after the Spanish-American War. The U.S. sold the other Marianas Islands to Germany.

In December 1941, Japan entered the second world war when it launched a surprise attack on the U.S. Naval base at Pearl Harbour in Hawaii. With the intention to dominate the Pacific theatre, Japan invaded Guam a few days after the Pearl Harbour attack. This first Battle of Gaum lasted two days before the U.S. troops were overwhelmed by the Japanese.

Japan’s early advances in the war began to wane as the U.S. Pacific Fleet retaliated with a major victory at the Battle of Midway coming in June 1942.

It would two long years of hard-fought victories before the U.S. launched its assault to liberate Guam on July 21st 1944. The Second Battle of Guam raged until August 10th, with the Japanese troops fighting to the last man.

We said “last man”, but some Japanese soliders held out in the jungle and fought until December 1944, and famously one of the Japanese soldiers was discovered on the island in January 1972, having escaped the fighting and living in a cave for 28 years.

After the battle, Guam became an important base for the allied operations that would eventually end the war in 1945.

Monday 20 July Declaration of Independence in Colombia

The Spanish first arrived in Colombia in 1499, founding the first permanent settlement in 1510. Under the reign of King Charles III (reigned 1759-1788), resentment in the colonies was growing as the Spanish insisted that the colonies could only trade with Spain, limiting their growth and also as the Spanish support for the Americans in the US war of independence increased taxation. This had led to small, ineffective rebellions.

Following the Napoleonic Wars and the turmoil in Europe, Criollos (natives born from Spanish descent) who wanted independence seized their chance.

Man insists on giving obvious villain of girlfriend’s story benefit of the doubt

A DESPICABLE bastard of a boyfriend is on thin ice after being openly unsure if the person his partner is telling an anecdote about is an obviously malevolent idiot.

Hannah, not her real name, came home from work furious about an outrage committed toward her and only required the man who is supposed to love her to give his full, uncompromising support which he singularly failed to do.

She said: “I was telling Joe about this twat at work who did something utterly moronic, as usual. He already knows the backstory. His role could not have been clearer.

“But in the middle of what I was saying, just as the extent of her malice was about to become apparent, he cuts in with, ‘Well, it sounds like Mary was just trying to help’.

“I explained he does not know her, has no idea what she’s like, and added that if that is how he feels maybe he should just go to Mary’s house and tell her since clearly he loves her and wants to shag her. What an absolutely useless prick.”

Boyfriend Allan, not his real name, said: “According to Hannah, she said the meeting notes needed writing up, it wasn’t specifically delegated to Mary, she did it anyway but nobody had told her what format to use. I failed to see the villainy in that.

“I thought this would show I was actually listening to the story, not just mindlessly agreeing. I see now that was a mistake.

“Thankfully, Hannah’s being completely rational about it and has asked if I want Mary’s, who’s 62 and married, home address so I can tell her how great she is and we can arrange a tryst.”

Sunday 19 July The Sandinista Revolution Day in Nicaragua

Nicaragua is the largest of the republics in Central America. 

In 1936, Anastasio Somoza García, the head of Nicaragua’s army deposed the elected President, Juan Bautista Sacasa (who was also Somoza’s uncle), and installed himself as President. 

This effectively established a hereditary dictatorship in the country for over 45 years, with two of Somoza’s sons serving as president after Somoza had been assassinated in 1956. 

Backed by the US because of their anti-communist stance, the administration brought some reforms to the country, though the Somozas exhibited the usual dictatorial traits of accumulating incredible personal wealth and exiling any potential opponents. 

Anastasio Somoza Debayle, the second of Somoza’s sons to be president was seen as particularly dictatorial and was accused of human rights violations. 

Not too far in the background of the Somoza rule was the Sandinista National Liberation Front. This was a socialist revolutionary group founded in 1962 and named after Augusto Sandino, a hero of the resistance to U.S. military occupation between 1927 and 1933. 

Since their creation, the Sandinistas had steadily built their support base amongst workers, students and peasants. In the 1970s, the political aims spilt over into military attacks on the Nicaraguan government. And although the Somozas retaliated, the revolution was gaining momentum, exploding into direct confrontations between the Sandinistas and the Nicaraguan army in 1978. 

Employee of the month award never celebrated by colleagues

STAFF who will find any excuse to have a few drinks after work strangely never celebrate employee of the month awards, it has emerged.

Employees who are happy to drunkenly socialise for the birthdays and leaving dos of people they barely know have an odd lack of interest in recognising a colleague being good at their job.

Sales executive Martin, not his real name, said: “I think part of the problem is it’s more of a burden than an actual prize. A poisoned chalice, if you will. Except they’re too stingy to give you a chalice.

“You only get ‘preferential’ treatment that would delight the worst sort of corporate drone, like being asked your opinion on shitty work strategies and having the boss sit on the edge of your desk asking which minion is deserving enough to be the next recipient.

“The unlucky winner gets their fake, smiley ‘Meet the team’ webpage photo plastered on the wall in the corridor leading to the toilets. You also get a tacky trophy with a gold briefcase on top for a month. You don’t even get to keep it, not that you’d want to.

“The borderline alcoholics I work with will go for a drink for anything: birthdays, training days, even baby showers. Christ, last month we got pissed to celebrate Darren buying an air fryer. But employee of the month never results in going to the pub. It’s weird.”

Office manager Hannah, not her real name, said: “Now you mention it, it is strange that our office never celebrates employee of the month. But I think we can put that down to them usually being a loathsome, arselicking little crawler.

“That’s not a criticism, by the way.”

Saturday 18 July First Sermon Of Lord Buddha in Bhutan

After achieving enlightenment, Buddha gave his first sermon in the Deer Park in Isipatana, India and founded the Buddhist sangha (monkhood) about 2,500 years ago.

In the sermon, which is known as ‘Setting the Wheel of Dhamma in Motion’, the Buddha first spelt out the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path.

In His First Sermon, the Buddha said, “I teach one thing and one thing only: suffering and the end of suffering,” which is the ultimate goal of Buddhism. The Buddha presented and explained this very doctrine in his major discourses. In this First Sermon at Deer Park, He taught the Four Noble Truths: the existence of suffering, the cause of suffering, that the cause of suffering can end, and the path to the end of suffering.

“Avoiding extremes, the Buddha has realised the Middle Path: It gives vision, it gives knowledge, and it leads to calm, to insight, to enlightenment, to Nirvana. And what is that Middle Path? It is simply the Noble Eightfold Path, namely, right view, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. This is the Middle Path realised by the Buddha, which gives vision, which gives knowledge, and which leads to calm, to insight, to enlightenment, and to Nirvana.”

The 16 subscriptions you don’t remember signing up to

IDLY scrolling through your banking app, you begin to wonder what the f**k all these monthly payments are actually for. These are the bastards bleeding you dry:

Gym membership

Signed up to following a bad photo of yourself three years ago. Last attended in June 2025. The £36 a month has stayed significantly more committed than you did.

Hinge+

Upgraded in a low moment to see who’d liked you. It was one bot and a man called Gaz, aged 51, holding a large fish.

The Economist

It’s still unsure who you the f**k you thought you were when you signed up to this. The unread pile is now as high as the toilet bowl.

Quibz

You’d never heard of this streaming platform before but signed up for a free trial to watch a single film. Two weeks later it renewed into an annual plan and you’re now a Quibz Platinum member.

Drizzl

Another streaming platform. Never heard of it. Another free trial. You are apparently Drizzl Elite.

Zumo

Yet another streaming platform. The only evidence this one even exists is your monthly payment.

A document-scanning app

Used once to scan a parking permit. Inexplicably £180 a year. Nobody has ever found the option to cancel.

A financial management app

You subscribed to an app to help get rid of all your subscriptions and all you ended up with was another subscription, because you are incapable of learning.

Extra cloud storage

£2.49 a month for 200GB, 190 of which is screenshots of memes from a group chat you dearly wish you could leave.

A meditation app

You downloaded this in the hopes of reducing stress. The most recent payment put you into your overdraft.

A parking app

Required by a car park in Basingstoke you’ve never been back to. Charged you 30p to avoid a ticket, then 99p a month ever since. The car park is now flats.

Adobe something

You needed to edit one PDF for work. You are now subscribed to a suite of professional creative tools used by Hollywood studios.

A razor subscription box

Five blades and beard oil arrive monthly. You’re unaware of this because your downstairs neighbour steals them.

Super Duolingo

You think you might have known how to introduce yourself in French the last time you used this, but can’t be sure. Quel dommage.

A vitamin gummy subscription

A box of suspiciously colourful gummies turns up for an immune system you can’t ever remember worrying about.

Antivirus software

Renewed itself for a third year to protect a laptop you recycled last summer.

Friday 17 July Constitution Day in South Korea

Following the end of World War II and liberation from Japanese Rule, Korea was split in two by the occupation of Allied and Soviet forces.

In April 1948 a democratic election for National Assembly members was held in Allied-controlled South Korea. The elected assembly members then created a constitution, based on a presidential and unicameral system.

This constitution was formally adopted by President Syngman Rhee on July 17th 1948

On August 15th 1948, the Republic of Korea was established, with Syngman Rhee as the first president. On September 9th 1948, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea) was established under Kim Il-sung.

Thursday 16 July La Paz day in La Paz

Bolivia gained its independence on August 6th 1825, an event celebrated each year on the country’s national day. The journey to independence didn’t happen overnight. Sixteen years earlier, Bolivia was the location of the first stirrings of nationalism in Latin America. In May 1809, the ‘Primer grito libertario’ (first shout of freedom) took place in Sucre. Shortly afterwards, the flame of insurrection was lit in La Paz, the capital of Bolivia.

On July 16th 1809 the Bolivian patriot Pedro Domingo Murillo led an uprising led a revolt of mestizos, or those of mixed European and South American heritage, against the Spanish authorities in La Paz. Murillo declared Upper Peru (modern-day Bolivia) to be an independent state, beginning the Bolivian War of Independence.

To commemorate the momentous events of 1809, July 16th is now a municipal holiday in La Paz, and the day is celebrated with parades, concerts, fireworks, and dancing.

La Paz is the second-highest city in the world and was the first South American city to have an electricity supply. It was powered by llama dung.

July 16th is also Our Lady of Carmel, honouring the Virgin Mary. Mary is the Patroness of Bolivia and the Armed Forces of the Nation, and of La Paz. In fact, the official name of the city is Nuestra Señora de La Paz (‘Our lady of peace’).

Woman asked why she always chooses wrong men explains there are only nutters left

A WOMAN who is only offered a selection of lunatics and perverts on dating apps has been asked why she always picks the wrong men.

Hannah, not her real name, friends regard her romantic history as a personal failing, despite every app featuring the same rotating cast of commitment-phobes, crypto evangelists and men whose profile picture still includes a fish.

Hannah, 36, said: “They say ‘you need to stop choosing the wrong type’ as if I keep ignoring emotionally intelligent millionaires who do Pilates in favour of a 45-year-old who lives with his mum and calls himself a ‘men’s rights activist’.

“Do they honestly believe I want to spend time with a man who refers to his penis as ‘Little Pete’, as he explained to me in Pizza Express? Or guys who think your lovemaking won’t be impaired by worrying you’ll catch something off the sheets?

“I am wading through a sea of shit while smug marrieds who’ve been off the market since 2012 send me reels about ‘anxious-avoidant attachment’ and ‘manifesting healthy love’.

“They should try having fulfilling relationships when the only options are weird liars who clearly aren’t six foot, even in their massive platform trainers. Or the guy who had seven kids by seven different women because his genes are ‘too good to waste’.”

Shortly afterwards Tomlinson was matched with a man claiming to be a wealthy porn director scouting for new talent, which was both undesirable and unlikely for someone who appeared to live in a Transit van.

Wednesday 15 July Feast of St. Rosalia in Palermo

Palermo is located on the northern coast of Sicily and is the capital of the autonomous region of Sicily.

Rosalia was a devout Christian hermit who lived in a cave on Mount Pellegrino, a few miles north of Palermo. Rosalia died in the cave in 1166 and although she was revered during her life for her piety and had been associated with some miracles, Rosalia wasn’t in line for sainthood… yet.

Our story now rolls forward almost 500 years to 1624. While Sicily was being ravaged by a recurrence of the Plague (Black Death), a Palermo soap seller had a dream. In the dream, Rosalia told him to bring her bones to the city and parade them around the streets. Her remains were found buried in her cave, brought back to Palermo and carried around the city three times, freeing Palermo from the Plague.

In honour of the miracle of saving the city, Urban VIII added Saint Rosalia’s name to the Roman Martyrology on July 15th 1625,  and this is the date celebrated in Palermo, even though her actual feast day is September 4th. St. Rosalia then became the patron saint of Palermo, replacing Saints Agatha, Christina, Nympha and Olivia, who had been patron saints for different parts of the city.

All of this has led to the famous annual Festino in Palermo, the most important festival of the year in Palermo and a truly unique spectacle. On the evening of July 14th, a statue of Rosalia (known as Santuzza, the “Little Saint”) is paraded through the main streets of Palermo on a massive and elaborate boat-shaped chariot, that is made each year. Pulled by oxen, the chariot is joined by colourful dancers, with cries of “Viva Palermo and Santa Rosalia” (long live Palermo and Santa Rosalia) from the crowd driving the procession on from the old town to the marina, where a large fireworks display takes place.

On July 15th, Saint Rosalia’s relics are paraded around Palermo before returning to their resting place in the Cathedral, where they are blessed by the Archbishop of Palermo.

Tuesday 14 July Bastille Day in France

Tuesday 14 July Bastille Day in France

After years of misrule by the Monarchy with increasing taxes and higher food prices, the French people had finally united in a popular uprising in an effort to take control of their own country.

On July 14th 1789, the people of Paris banded together to march on the Bastille. The Bastille was a 14th-century medieval fortress that became a state prison. It was used by the King to imprison his opponents, often without trial and was seen as representing the despotism of the regime of Louis the 16th.

When Louis XVI asked a French duke if the storming of Bastille was a revolt on the evening of July 14th 1789, the duke replied by saying, “No, sire. It is a revolution.”

The duke was correct as the storming of the prison marked the beginning of the French Revolution and came to symbolize liberty, democracy and the struggle against oppression for all the people of France.

In October, Louis XVI and his queen Marie Antoinette were taken from the Palace of Versailles by 4,000 rioters and put under house arrest at the Tuileries Palace, in the centre of Paris.

After a failed attempt to flee to Austria in 1791, tensions about how to punish the King continued, culminating in the storming of the Tuileries by a new mob and the arrest of Louis XVI in 1792.

France was finally declared a Republic in September that year, ending the 800-year-old monarchy, and in January the following year, Louis XVI was executed by guillotine on the grounds of treason.

In the months that followed, thousands of people considered enemies of the new Republic were executed in a “Reign of Terror” – including Marie Antoinette.

On the one-year anniversary of the fall of Bastille, July 14th 1790, delegates from across the country assembled in Paris to proclaim their allegiance as one national community at the Fête de la Fédération.

In May 1880, a Parisian politician called Benjamin Raspail proposed making July 14th a national holiday to commemorate the storming of the Bastille and the Fête de la Fédération. The French Assembly passed his bill and from 1880, it has been a national holiday in France.

Monday 13 July Sovereignty Day of Montenegro in Montenegro

In the 16th century, Montenegro emerged as a semi-autonomous region within the Ottoman Empire. A series of rebellions against Turkish control resulted in Montenegro gaining its independence on July 13th 1878 under the Treaty of Berlin.

Montenegro thus became the 27th independent state in the world, and a principality ruled by Nicholas I. It became a kingdom in 1910, before unifying with Serbia in 1918. It subsequently formed part of Yugoslavia and only regained full independence in 2006.

The date of July 13th has added significance in Montenegro as it was on this day in 1941 that the people of Montenegro began their uprising against the Nazi German occupation during the second world war.

Despite this date marking Montenegro’s first independence, it is not Independence Day, which is instead celebrated on May 21st and marks the result of the 2006 referendum for independence from Serbia.

Slow, incompetent bartender looking forward to his first shift this evening

A TRAINEE bartender who asks questions like ‘sorry, what’s a Guinness?’ cannot wait to serve thirsty patrons during his shift covering this evening’s England’s match.

Ineffective, bumbling Jack, not his real name, was pleased to see his first go at pulling pints, processing card transactions and figuring out who should rightfully be served next would take place during England’s first group game at a pub showing it live.

He said: “I haven’t had any training, and it’ll just be me because everyone else has already called in sick, oddly. Still, should be fun!

“Everyone will have to bear with me because I don’t know my way around the bar or recognise the difference between an IPA and a lager. But I’m sure the cheerful atmosphere of a high-level football competition will improve everyone’s patience.

“I asked my boss if he thought it would be busy tonight and he laughed, so I’ll take that as a no. Should I struggle to hear orders I’ll just turn off the telly for a minute. That should quell any rowdiness.”

He added: “If it starts to get out of hand I’ll switch over to BBC Two. Only Connect’s on. Though I worry that will make the regulars a bit competitive.”

Sunday 12 July Independence Day in São Tomé and Príncipe

The first people to inhabit these two islands in the Gulf of Guinea were the Portuguese. They first landed on São Tomé, the larger of the two islands on December 21st (Saint Thomas’ Day, hence the name) 1471.

They found the islands’ rich volcanic soil a good basis to support sugar plantations. The plantations were manned by African slaves and ‘undesirables’ from Portugal.

In 1974, the so-called Carnation Revolution in Portugal ended the dictatorial regime and a new approach to its overseas territories.

São Tomé and Príncipe gained its independence from Portugal on July 12th 1975, making it the second-smallest country in Africa. The smallest is another island nation on the other side of the continent – Seychelles.

England needs a fun celebration making light of its past invading other countries in boats

By England fan Anthony from Enfield (not his real name)

WHY should it be Norway? If there’s any nation known worldwide for descending on countries in boats and taking them over by force, it’s surely us.

But instead we’re seeing the fans of our opponents tomorrow all over the US doing their Viking row as if they’re the ones with a proud history of global conquest. When in fact their pillaging warriors barely made it out of Europe.

Don’t get me wrong, it was good violence for its day. Loaded up in longboats and hitting the Northumbrian coast like a modern-day stag do hits Riga, drinking and burning monasteries and chatting up the local girls. All credit to them and their imaginative tortures.

Can’t really hold a candle to the English though, can they? Because when it was our turn to be seafarers, we didn’t waste it. India, Australia, Africa, the West Indies, even Australia. We came, we saw, we conquered and we let them bloody well know it.

Yeah, the Vikings martyred a few saints with the blood eagle. I’m not denying them that. Hardly compares to forcing the indigenous peoples of half the world to toil away in our gold mines and sugar plantations, does it? If we’re honest?

The sun never set on the British Empire. From the Irish next door to the ends of the earth we had them all in thrall. So if Norway’s allowed to be proud of its past of massacres and atrocities, why aren’t we?

Instead of a Viking row we could have, I don’t know, a man with a whip. Maybe not that. Or we could line up like the soldiers in Zulu, miming rifles on our shoulders, firing into the native horde. Okay maybe not that either.

Anyway, you get my point. It’s time for our football fans to reclaim our past with a fun but inoffensive ritual dance of some kind. I’ll leave it to the hardcore England supporters to decide what. We can trust them not to be racially insensitive about it.

Entering text on telly still as primitive as in 1980s

NONE of the advances in technology of the last half-century have made it any easier to enter text via a remote control.

A technological black hole means anyone attempting to search for a film or TV show has to enter it letter-by-letter as if they were putting their initials by a Space Invaders high score in 1980.

Jim Bates of Congleton said: “I tell speakers to play music and they do so. I type a destination into my car and it shows me how to get there. But on my TV?

“There’s no slick user interface. To find a movie on Netflix I have to mash down flimsy rubber buttons while it brightly suggests movies that are not what I want or close to it. All the others are the same.

“Even on the PlayStation, a controller with at least 30 different inputs demands I do it one letter at a time. Why does all pretence of being user-friendly stop at the telly? Why has it remained in the Ceefax era?

“Every site online’s always checking I’m not a sophisticated bot buying tickets or logging into my bank account. They should get these f**king bots working on the telly. Then maybe I could watch Insidious 5 without first having to look up how to spell it.”

Technology expert Jack Brown said: “Now most of our technological agency is given over to machines it’s important to have such instances of human independence, even though typing in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness gave me an embolism.”

Saturday 11 July Naadam in Mongolia

During the Naadam Festival, Mongolians participate in the “Three Manly Games” of archery, wrestling and horseback riding which represent the heritage of the nation. 

The festival originated in the 12th century as a way for Mongolians to demonstrate their military prowess. From the 17th century, Naadam contests were held during religious holidays. Since 1922, they have been held on Revolution Day, the anniversary of the People’s Revolution. 

The coldest capital in the world is not in Russia or Canada, but is Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. The annual average temperature in the city is -1.3°C.

The main Naadam festival takes place in the country’s capital Ulaanbaatar and opens with a cultural performance with ethnic dancing and music before the games get underway. Everyone, young and old are encouraged to participate in the games. 

Wrestling is usually the first sport. The main wrestling event is a knockout competition involving 512 or 1,024 participants. The participants are all men and have to enter the ring bare-chested as legend has it that a woman once infiltrated the games beating the men, so now all the wrestlers have to show they are male before the grappling begins.

Unlike international wrestling events, there are no weight classes and the rules are also simpler – if a wrestler touches the ground with any part of their body apart from their feet and arms, they lose.

The second sport is Archery. From the time of Ghengis Khan, Mongolian archers were famed for their skill and precision with a bow. At its time, the recurved Mongol bow was a weapon without compare on the Eurasian battlefields of the steppe and deep into Western Europe. The games consist of three categories of archery – Buriat, Khakh and Uriankhai – which have differing bows, arrows and distances.

A Gen X man’s guide to looksmaxxing, by our TikTok beauty influencer

With Jess, not her real name, your Gen X TikTok beauty influencer baffled as to why they haven’t put stem cells in her night cream

GETTING older is a natural process and nothing to be ashamed of. And if you believe that, please exit the dating market and go to an open space to die.

But, in a 21st century so aging for those of us unfortunate enough to be born in the last one, it’s not just women who need to be eternal. It takes only 3.14 seconds for a woman to clock your weird gnome features and suboptimal height. Ample time to fix it with make-up products like these.

All men want to be taken seriously on the world stage, and who’s taken more seriously than JD Vance? When those dark-rimmed peepers lock on you, he’s exactly like the Red Light Green Light girl in Squid Game, only with more arbitrary deaths.

You too can wield power like this with JD’s go-to kohl pencil: L’Oreal’s Black Death Vector Injector in shade Erotic Necrotic, currently available on subscription only. But to enter the lottery to be put on the waiting list is only £85 a month!

And you’re rightly embarrassed about your weak jawline. But you can go from Gail Platt to R-Pattz in seconds with the actor’s own line in men’s contouring: The Bat-Mandible Structural Reconstruction Protocol, available on the darknet for just 22 bitcoin.

As for the hair loss? Hey, it happens to all men apart from the rich, famous ones. Have you considered going to Turkey? Then normal people wouldn’t have to see you.

Also, if you’re a Gen X man? Stop going on about the 90s, they weren’t that great, it’s creepy that you listen to Olivia Rodrigo, we can all tell you drink, getting your nipple pierced was a mistake then and is a mistake now and stop dating 20somethings.

I’m here like I always was, waiting to be claimed like a hold-all full of Primark underwear at a lost luggage auction, only much, much dirtier. You should never have left me.

Friday 10 July Gospel Day in Kiribati

Generally, Gospel Day falls on July 10th, but it may be shifted around depending on what days of the week the three days of holidays cover. These dates are not usually updated until close to the start of the year, so check back here for the latest dates.

The main religion in Kiribati is Christianity. It was brought to the islands by missionaries in the 19th century. Today, Roman Catholics and Protestants account for the large majority of followers.

This holiday was established to create a day for Kiribatians of all faiths to join in combined services to give thanks and strengthen the sense of shared community between the different branches of Christianity in the country.

Thursday 9 July State Rebellion Day in São Paulo

Vargas was supported by the military and the political elites but was unpopular with the general population.

The uprising began on July 9th 1932, after four protesting students had been killed by government troops in May. The state’s insurrection never ignited a nationwide rebellion and Vargas crushed the revolt on October 2nd 1932.

In spite of the defeat, some of the rebel’s demands were granted by Vargas afterwards and the anniversary of the rebellion is the most important civic date in the state of São Paulo. Paulistas (as the inhabitants of São Paulo are known) consider the Revolution of 1932 as the greatest movement in its civic history. It was the last major armed conflict in Brazil’s history.