Occasional Digest

Arbaeen is one of the most important ceremonies in the Shi’ite Muslim calendar. 

Arbaeen means forty in Arabic as forty days is the traditional length of mourning after the death of a family member or loved one in Muslim traditions. 

Imam Hussein was killed at the Battle of Karbala in central Iraq on 10 October 680 AD.

Hussein was seen by his followers as the rightful heir of the prophet’s legacy. When he refused to pledge allegiance to the Umayyad caliphate, he was killed in the battle, cementing the schism between Sunni and Shiite Islam. Hussein’s half-brother Abbas was also killed in the battle.

Millions of pilgrims will gather in Karbala on Arbaeen, making it the world’s largest annual human gathering. Making the pilgrimage, known in Arabic as the Ziara, many of the pilgrims travel barefooted from across Iraq and more than 50 countries. Over three million Iranians travel to Iraq for the Ziara.

In Iran, thousands in Tehran will march to a town south of the capital to mourn at the shrine of Shiite saint Abdul Azim.

The colonial history of the islands is dominated by one crop – sugar cane. In the 17th century, the British started to establish sugar cane plantations. These plantations needed a plentiful supply of cheap labour which meant the arrival of African slaves, a practice which continued until the transport of slaves from Africa was banned in 1807. 

The ending of slavery in Antigua and Barbuda differs in two ways to the rest of the British Caribbean colonies.

Firstly, in 1680 Charles II granted Barbuda to the Codrington family. As Barbuda was not under British control, it did not have to abolish slavery on August 1st 1834 like Antigua but decided to free its slaves anyway. 

Secondly, and uniquely among the British Caribbean colonies, Antigua gave immediate full emancipation rather than having a four-year ‘apprenticeship,’ or waiting period. 

To commemorate the earliest abolition of slavery in the British Caribbean, Emancipation Day is celebrated with Antigua’s annual carnival.

A 52-YEAR-OLD man has admitted he cannot purchase anything costing upwards of £99 online unless sitting soberly in front of a laptop computer.

Martin, not his real name, of France will happily purchase T-shirts, tickets, or trainers on his phone but believes that booking a flight, buying a car or renewing insurance requires ‘the big computer’.

He said: “I know that, in theory, the phone does the same thing. It’s just that’s where I watch videos of dogs falling into ponds. I can’t use that to buy a fridge.

“No, for a three-figure purchase it has to be at the dining table. I need a mug of tea, reading glasses, at least four tabs open and my email ready to receive a six-digit verification code. Also a notebook I write numbers in then never consult.

“A phone? That’s for finding out what else that actress has been in, or checking the time, or ordering an eight-pack of drain hair clog removers from Amazon. You can’t buy a used Volvo on that. The mind revolts.”

Professor Frost, not her real name, of the Institute for Studies, said: “To young people, a phone is a small computer. To the old, it’s for accidentally taking extreme close-ups of their nostrils. The laptop is where Serious Things happen.”

Son Gabriel, not his real name, said: “I bought a £2,500 e-bike on my phone. At a gig, between the support and main act, while holding a pint in my other hand.”

The second of August has been an important date in the Macedonian calendar for centuries as it is a major religious holiday – Ilinden, or St. Elijah’s Day, marking the prophet Elijah’s ascension into heaven.

Macedonia had come under the control of the Ottoman Empire in the 14th century. On August 2nd 1903, an uprising against the Ottomans was led by the Internal Macedonian Revolutionary Organization (VMRO). The Ilinden uprising resulted in the liberation of the town of Krushevo, where the first republic in the Balkans was proclaimed. The republic was short-lived, lasting only 10 days before the Ottomans took back Krushevo.

On August 2nd 1944, during the second world war, the Anti-Fascist Assembly for the National Liberation of Macedonia (ASNOM) proclaimed the People’s Republic of Macedonia as part of the People’s Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.

On Republic Day shops will close but restaurants and bars will remain open. The main formal celebrations take place in Krushevo at the area called Mechkin Kamen (Bear’s Rock), where the battle with the Ottoman army took place during the Ilinden uprising.

In your wheelie bin: My definition of safe spaces, by a delivery driver

LOOKING for a parcel that’s allegedly arrived? Don’t worry. I, your humble and innovative delivery driver, have left it in one of these clever places.

Under your doormat

Wasn’t this a great choice for a thin, letter-like delivery? Shame it’s your new hoover I’ve comically attempted to hide under two centimetres of fuzz instead. But like a toddler who hasn’t yet developed object permanence, I can’t really tell the difference.

In a bush

Foliage has long been used for hiding both things and people. That’s why I thrust your precious goods into the epicentre of the world’s thorniest bush. You’ll need either a qualification in tree surgery or some delusional Disney prince-style heroics to reach it, but I know you love a challenge!

With a neighbour you’ve never met in a different street

I’ve really done well with this one – your delivery is inside and protected from all the elements. You may have to encounter a tiny bit of stranger danger when retrieving it, but with luck that neighbour isn’t the one responsible for all those missing cats, so you’ll just have to endure the mild peril of tedious small talk.

In your bin

Very few enterprising thieves will look in this spot, and the smelly goo will hide it even more, so it’s extra safe here. There’s a slight chance it could be bin day when I deliver and the parcel could get taken away with the rubbish, but just think of it as extremely preemptive recycling. You are such an eco warrior!

On the roof

You might think anyone can get this job, but we train for it like the Olympics. That’s the only explanation for how I’ve managed to slingshot your new headphones two storeys up and next to your chimney. I should get a gold medal. You should get a ladder.

Honestly, who knows?

I’ve sent a picture, but it’s so blurry it could be anywhere, or anything! It might not even be your item, but instead a different kind of package and I’m actually sexually harassing you. Just kidding! But I am helping keep your brain active by giving you these puzzles. What would you do without me? Get dementia in later life, that’s what!

Located on the Gulf of Guinea, the hot and humid West African nation shares borders with Togo to the west, Nigeria to the east, and Burkina Faso and Niger to the north.

The region of modern day Benin first came to the attention of the Europeans as a source of slaves with the shores of the region earning the name ‘the Slave Coast’.

Local warlords made agreements with the Portuguese to supply slaves from captured prisoners. One important local kingdom at the time was the Dahomey, known for their military discipline, who grew to be the dominant power in the region. 

Dahomey means ‘on the belly of Dan’. Dan was the name of a rival king. Defeated by the Dahomey, they built their royal compound over his grave. 

With the abolition of the slave trade, the control of the Dahomey was weakened, allowing the French to take over the region at the end of the nineteenth century. In 1904, the colony of French Dahomey was incorporated within French West Africa.

In 1946 with the establishment of the Fourth French Republic, Dahomey became an overseas territory of France with its own parliament and representation in the French national assembly.

On December 4th 1958, it became the Republic of Dahomey (République du Dahomey), a self-governing autonomous republic within the French Community. 

On July 11th 1960 France agreed to Dahomey becoming fully independent. Dahomey gained its full independence on August 1st 1960, with Hubert Maga becoming Dahomey’s first president.

In 1975, the country changed its name to Benin, after the Bight of Benin, a large bay in the Gulf of Guinea.

A MAN was astonished to find that women’s profiles on dating apps contain useful information about them once you scroll past the first photo.

Jack, not his real name, aged 24, could not believe the amount of actionable personal information freely available on women’s profiles when, by accident, he does not instantly judge on their looks and swipe left.

He said: “I was trying to scroll down to get a better look at this one girl’s cleavage, and there it all was. Her age, height, location, all clearly laid out. Plus her name, which I forget.

“I thought it must be a freak glitch, but it’s on every woman’s profile. Along with details about their job, what they do for fun, and what they want out of a relationship. It’s almost like they’re sifting for compatible partners instead of meaningless hookups.

“Armed with all that useful data, I thought about crafting personalised opening messages to my matches. But then I thought no, that’s creepy, they’ll think I’m some kind of stalker pervert who wants to get to know them. So I’m sticking with ‘nice arse’.

“Nobody’s replied to me yet though. Which I’m taking as proof that women are actually shallow bitches and are only interested in wealth, status and height.”

Dating app user Nikki Hollis said: “Dating apps kind of work the opposite way for women. Finding a man likes ‘banter’ and is seeking someone who ‘doesn’t take life too seriously’ can repel us from even the most gorgeous.”

Mary Prince was a Bermudian slave who published her autobiography, “The History of Mary Prince, A West Indian Slave“. Published in 1831, the book was a first-hand account of the brutality of slavery in Bermuda and the first account of the life of a black woman to be published in England.

Her book remains the only first-hand account in existence of the daily life of a Bermudian slave. The book didn’t make its way to Bermuda over 150 years later when an American scholar doing research on Mary Prince presented a copy of the book to the Bermuda Archives.

Oh the horrors of slavery! – How the thought of it pains my heart! But the truth ought to be told of it; and what my eyes have seen I think it is my duty to relate; for few people in England know what slavery is.

I have been a slave – I have felt what a slave feels, and I know what a slave knows; and I would have all the good people in England to know it too, that they may break our now it too, that they may break our chains, and set us free.

The second day of the Cup Match holiday was previously named after Admiral Sir George Somers, who ran aground in Bermuda on July 28th 1609, which led to the founding of the English colony of Bermuda.

It was a one-off official holiday in 1931 and incorporated into the two-day Cup Match public holiday in 1947.

Since 2018, there had been a push to rename Somers Day to Mary Prince Day, so that Emancipation Day is followed by a holiday that recognises a Bermudian who made an important contribution to the abolition movement.

On announcing the change, Lovitta Foggo, the community minister told the House of Assembly that Ms Prince was “recognised on the world stage for the crucial role she played in the abolishment of slavery throughout the British Empire”.

Vanuatu is an archipelago of 82 islands (65 are inhibited) and is located about 1,750 kilometres (1,000 miles) east of Australia.

Despite their remote location, the islands were permanently inhabited as early as 500BC and were part of the Tongan Empire in the 14th century.

European colonial contact began in 1606 when the islands were visited and claimed by Spain which established a short-lived settlement before they were forgotten again.

The islands were rediscovered in 1768 and were given the name ‘New Hebrides’ by Captain James Cook on his visit in 1774.

It was the French who established the first permanent settlements in the 1850s, with the British claiming parts of the archipelago. In 1906, the modernity of the 20th century meant that rather than beat each other to a standstill for overall control, the two European superpowers instead agreed on a unique framework arrangement called a condominium to share the rule of the New Hebrides. To this day, the three official languages of Vanuatu are Bislama, English and French.

The national dish of Vanuatu is ‘lap lap’, vegetable paste, coconut milk and meat cooked in a banana leaf.

In the 1960s, the movement to secede from the dual colonial control gathered momentum, leading to the establishment of a locally elected assembly. The assembly only lasted a few months due to political differences and infighting. A party of national unity was formed in 1978 and a new constitution providing for independence in 1980 was adopted on October 5th 1979. 

The archipelago gained independence on July 30th 1980 as the Republic of Vanuatu (the name comes from two local words meaning ‘home’ and ‘stand’) and joined the

A MEMBER of an ethnic minority who bastardised his name into a single, easy-to-pronounce syllable has been lifted into the air by his gammon colleagues.

After deciding that ‘Sid’ was about his workmates’ level, Kah Kah Patel, not his real name, was transformed in moments from ‘one of those diversity hires’ to ‘one of the good ones’.

He said: “I decided it was easier than repeatedly correcting everyone, but it’s been taken like I’ve offered the olive branch of peace after generations of war.

“It’s unlocked a series of previously unavailable workplace privileges, including Friday pub lunches and being told ‘we don’t mean you, mate’ when immigration comes up. Which it does far more frequently than I had previously realised.

“We’ve gone from ‘where are you really from?’ and ‘do you even drink?’ to invites to play five-a-side, all because I now bear the moniker of an elderly white man. They assume I support England in the cricket. And that I care about cricket.

“It’s amazing what deleting six letters can do for race relations. I’ve told my wife to become ‘Jaz’ immediately and she’ll be promoted by the end of the week.”

Psychologist Hannah, not her real name, said: “The phenomenon has been observed for decades with Mohammed becoming Mo and countless Chinese students deciding ‘Kevin’ was preferable to three years of ‘I’ll never get that right’.”

Patel’s colleagues have declared Britain the least racist country in the world, citing the fact they ‘get on brilliantly with Sid’ and ‘he even eats sandwiches’.

This day, the first full moon of the fourth month in the Burmese calendar, commemorates the Buddha’s first sermon to five monks in the Deer Park in Benares, India and the founding of the Buddhist sangha (monkhood) about 2,500 years ago.

In the sermon, which is known as ‘Setting the Wheel of Dhamma in Motion’, the Buddha first spelled out the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path.

Waso Full Moon Day marks the beginning of Buddhist lent (Wasso), which generally coincides with the height of Myanmar’s rainy season. Buddhist Lent last for three months from the full moon of Waso until the full moon of Thadingyut. It is normally a time of heightened religious activity around the country. Pilgrims throughout the country gather wild flowers to offer at pagodas, and offer new robes to monks. Almost all monks will not leave the grounds of their monastery during this time.

During the period of Buddhist Lent, many Buddhists will abstain from eating meat, drinking alcohol or smoking. It is also traditionally a time when Myanmar people are not allowed to move house.

Peru was first colonised by the Spanish in the 15th century. Despite the wars of independence being fought across Latin America in the early 19th century, Peru remained loyal to the Spanish crown. There had been some insurrection but this had been quashed by the government.

The Viceroy of Peru then initiated a military campaign against Chile and their fight for independence. Despite some early success, the tide turned against the Viceroy and the Royalist forces. Argentina and Chile then signed a treaty to pursue the ‘liberation’ of Peru. On entering Lima, the Argentinian commander, Jose San Martin declared the independence of Peru on July 28th 1821, with the phrase: “Peru is from this moment free and independent by the general will of the people and by the justice of its cause that God defends.”

However, it wasn’t until 1824, following the decisive victory at the Battle of Ayacucho under the leadership of Simón Bolívar and José de San Martín, that independence was achieved.

They say that the Rio Carnival is the greatest show on Earth as the streets of Rio de Janeiro explode in a riot of colour and noise as partygoers from across the world welcome the onset of Lent in early spring. That tradition had made its way from medieval Europe via Africa to the Americas during the age of exploration and the slave trade.

It wasn’t just Brazil that began a tradition of Carnival. From Louisiana in the USA, across the Caribbean and into South America, different geographic, ethnic and religious influences shaped each Carnival to form its unique identity.

Take the Saba Summer Festival as an example. Part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands, Saba is a tiny island only five square miles nestled in the northeastern Caribbean, yet its colourful and exuberant annual festival packs enough “spice per mile” to compete with the grandest of carnivals!

According to Saba Tourism Bureau, Carnival, also known as Saba Summer Festival has been taking place since 1975. It’s held in July as many Sabans living abroad, in particular students furthering their education elsewhere, return home for the Summer holidays. The Saba Summer Festival may use terms familiar to Lent Carnivals such as Jouvert and Last Lap, but the focus here is on having fun rather than a last splurge before the austerity of Lent.

The public holiday for Carnival Monday replaced Whit Monday, which is no longer observed as a public holiday.

Highlights of the festival include the Opening Night Jump-Up, which is when islanders parade through the street, dancing and revelling in the joy of the celebration, live concerts, various competitions, comedy shows, costume competitions, and the costumed parades that take place on the final Saturday and Sunday.

THE boss of a company has informed staff of his intention to do an endurance challenge and received no follow-up questions from anyone.

When chief operating officer Martin, aged 49, not his real name, asked for a moment of his staff’s time he expected cheers, awe and promises of vast sums but instead got carefully blank faces and barely perceptible nods.

He said: “I’d been building up to the moment I announced I was doing the Swansea Bay Ironman Triathlon next year, so convened a special lunchtime meeting.

“But the big reveal got me nothing. I can’t understand why. It wasn’t from any lack of enthusiasm on my part, or the quality of the PowerPoint and spiral-bound brochures.

“I outlined the course: a mile swim, then biking out through Mumbles into the hills of the Gower peninsula, then a final 13.1k loop along the bay. I invited them along to spectate, but they were staring at their shoes and checking their phones. This is 70.2 kilometres! It is a big deal!”

Team leader Cad, not his real name, said: “So that’s a year of training, boring on about his hydration levels and telling the girls to prod his calves, frequent absences we’ll have to cover and he’s asking us to pay him £50 each.

“Sorry, it’s for charity. Though he didn’t mention which one, presumably because that’s beside the f**king point.”

The Republic of Liberia began as a settlement of the American Colonization Society (ACS), who believed black people would face better chances for freedom in Africa than in the United States.

Between 1822 and 1861, thousands of free blacks were relocated to the settlement at Cape Mesurado on the Pepper Coast of West Africa. In 1824 the colony was named Liberia, and the main settlement was named Monrovia, which remains the present-day capital.

Monrovia is named in honour of U.S. President James Monroe, who supported the colonization of Liberia by the American Colonization Society. This makes it the only other national capital to be named after a U.S. President; Washington, D.C. being the other.

The settlers faced immense hardships in the initial years with atrocious mortality rates due to disease and conflict with the indigenous peoples. Within twenty years, the colony had grown and established economic stability.

On July 26th 1847, the settlers issued a Declaration of Independence and promulgated a constitution. The constitution was heavily based on the United States Constitution and established the independent Republic of Liberia. The United Kingdom was the first country to recognize Liberia’s independence, the United States only recognized Liberia’s independence in 1862 during the American Civil War.

Liberia was the first African republic to proclaim its independence, and is Africa’s first and oldest modern republic, maintaining independence despite the colonial expansion in Africa in the late nineteenth century.

The Star and Stripes 

The Liberian flag is based on the flag of the united States and was adopted on July 26th 1847. It has 11 horizontal red stripes representing the 11 men who signed the Liberian Declaration of Independence. The single star represents African freedom.

HE’S been sitting there all evening and you know, and he knows you know, it’s his round. Use these ways to gently point it out to the scrounging bastard:

The Casual Head Nod

Gaze at your empty glass, then him, then the bar, before giving a gentle nod in that direction. If he asks what you’re looking at, simply reply ‘Your future, mate’. If he still doesn’t get it, point out the bar again, asking if he needs you to mark it on Apple Maps.

The Phantom Wallet Search

Pat your own pockets theatrically before saying ‘Thank God it’s your round because I’ve left my…’ and trail off. Gauge his reaction. Like David Attenborough filming a rare woodland stoat, you’ve startled the round-dodger into revealing his natural defence mechanisms. Namely, staring at the floor, checking his phone or suddenly needing a piss.

Buy Everyone Else a Drink

Return with fresh pints for everyone except him. When he asks where his is, smile warmly and say that that buying him one would only confuse him further about how rounds work. Add ‘You need to master the basics before we move on to advanced round-buying,’ and ask it he’s considered evening classes.

The Public Service Announcement

Raise your empty glass and loudly ask if anyone else wants one. Watch him stare into the middle distance as if pretending not to understand English will save him thirty quid. Then, scratch frantically at your throat, pretending to die of thirst. Saying you fancy a drink isn’t sufficient as the scumbag will respond that he’s ‘alright actually, thanks’.

The Barman Assist

Catch the bartender’s eye and when he asks ‘who’s next?’ point to your friend and his sealed wallet. He’ll already have noticed and, like any decent server of alcohol, considers it a personal insult to civilisation. And his livelihood. Round-avoiders are the only customers publicans despise more than those who order mocktails at peak times.

The Nuclear Option

Pick him up bodily and drag him to the f**king bar. Hold his phone up to his face until it unlocks, then complete the transaction before his flight instinct kicks in. Hold him there even if it does. This is male bonding.

Fulgencio Batista had led a military coup on 10 March 1952 installing himself as president, supported financially and militarily by the United States government. Batista moved to suspend the 1940 Constitution and revoked most political liberties, including the right to strike. 

Fidel Castro was a lawyer with strong communist views. He had participated in the elections that were cancelled due to Batista’s coup. Castro viewed Batista as an oppressive dictator in the pocket of the US and had begun training rebels with the aim of removing Batista. 

On the morning of 26 July 1953, around 160 men under the command of Fidel Castro attacked the Moncada army garrison in Santiago de Cuba, Cuba’s second-largest city. The attack was seen as an opportunity to arm the rebels and instigate a revolution that would bring down Batista. 

By any measure, the assault was a failure, with deaths on both sides. Many of the rebels were hunted down and executed. Those that were captured, including Castro, were sentenced to long prison sentences; though they only served 22 months due to an amnesty for political prisoners.

Fulgencio Batista was removed from power on 12 January 1959. 

Despite the failure of the attack on the Moncada barracks, it is seen as the catalyst for the Castro-led insurrection that eventually expelled Fulgencio Batista. The date of the attack was adopted by Castro as the name for his revolutionary movement. (Movimiento 26 Julio or M 26-7). 

The damage to the Moncada Barracks was quickly repaired by the military after the attack. The bullet holes were recreated in the façade of the barracks after the revolution’s success.

DONALD Trump has made at least $1 billion from cryptocurrency, it has emerged. So who better to give advice on putting your money into this risky and complex investment?

Launch your own cryptocurrency

Obviously you can’t make money from crypto in a legitimate way, so set up your own with an ego-boosting name like ‘Trumpcoin’. Was there a ‘Bidencoin’ that rapidly lost 97 per cent of its value and screwed ordinary investors? No. That guy’s a loser.

Attract the stupidest investors in the world

If you’re an amoral piece of shit selling a product that screams ‘SCAM!’, you’ll need dumb investors. And that’s where MAGA comes in. They’re unlikely to worry about the inherent instability of currency without a central bank when they think Michelle Obama is a man because some dicks on the internet say so.

Get your family involved

I put my sons Don Jr and Eric in charge of my cryptocurrency. There’s nothing more American than a wholesome family-owned business, and if it turns out to have done a load of illegal stuff and they go to prison, who cares? They’re only your children, so it’s not like you’re close.

Make sure you understand it

Never get involved in crypto without knowing how it works. The last thing you want is for your blockchains to get clogged with too many Bitcoins, which might make liquidity leak everywhere. Luckily there’s no one in the world who understands cryptocurrency like me. Everything is computer.

Learn from actual crimes

Many criminal scams involve taking money on false pretences, like selling products you’ve no intention of sending or persuading someone to buy the Eiffel Tower. If this appeals to you, you should definitely start your own cryptocurrency. It’s totally legal and you don’t even have to set up a crummy website full of suspiciously cheap Xboxes.

Make sure you’re president

Your foray into cryptocurrency will be aided by becoming president so that crypto shysters desperately want to start a company with you, and you can lure in more suckers by saying you’ll make America into a ‘crypto superpower’. This sounds like I’m about to tank the US economy with crypto bullshit, but don’t worry, I’ll be fine.

Get out early

The trick with crypto is to watch it massively increase in value, then get rid of it faster than someone who’s just been handed a warm dog turd. It’s the only way to invest in this totally legitimate currency of the future.

DONALD Trump has made at least $1 billion from cryptocurrency, it has emerged. So who better to give advice on putting your money into this risky and complex investment?

Launch your own cryptocurrency

Obviously you can’t make money from crypto in a legitimate way, so set up your own with an ego-boosting name like ‘Trumpcoin’. Was there a ‘Bidencoin’ that rapidly lost 97 per cent of its value and screwed ordinary investors? No. That guy’s a loser.

Attract the stupidest investors in the world

If you’re an amoral piece of shit selling a product that screams ‘SCAM!’, you’ll need dumb investors. And that’s where MAGA comes in. They’re unlikely to worry about the inherent instability of currency without a central bank when they think Michelle Obama is a man because some dicks on the internet say so.

Get your family involved

I put my sons Don Jr and Eric in charge of my cryptocurrency. There’s nothing more American than a wholesome family-owned business, and if it turns out to have done a load of illegal stuff and they go to prison, who cares? They’re only your children, so it’s not like you’re close.

Make sure you understand it

Never get involved in crypto without knowing how it works. The last thing you want is for your blockchains to get clogged with too many Bitcoins, which might make liquidity leak everywhere. Luckily there’s no one in the world who understands cryptocurrency like me. Everything is computer.

Learn from actual crimes

Many criminal scams involve taking money on false pretences, like selling products you’ve no intention of sending or persuading someone to buy the Eiffel Tower. If this appeals to you, you should definitely start your own cryptocurrency. It’s totally legal and you don’t even have to set up a crummy website full of suspiciously cheap Xboxes.

Make sure you’re president

Your foray into cryptocurrency will be aided by becoming president so that crypto shysters desperately want to start a company with you, and you can lure in more suckers by saying you’ll make America into a ‘crypto superpower’. This sounds like I’m about to tank the US economy with crypto bullshit, but don’t worry, I’ll be fine.

Get out early

The trick with crypto is to watch it massively increase in value, then get rid of it faster than someone who’s just been handed a warm dog turd. It’s the only way to invest in this totally legitimate currency of the future.

Simón José Antonio de la Santísima Trinidad Bolívar y Palacios was born in Caracas on July 24th 1783.

He was born into an influential and rich family, but both his parents died before he was ten, and Bolivar was placed under the guidance of several tutors, the most influential being Don Simón Rodríguez, who became his mentor and instilled in Bolivar the ideas of liberty, enlightenment, and freedom. When Bolivar was 14, Rodríguez had to leave the country and Bolivar joined a military academy. When he was 16, Bolívar was sent to Europe to complete his education.

He lived in Spain and married the daughter of a Spanish nobleman in 1802. He then returned to Caracas with his young bride, who died less than a year later from Yellow fever. He then travelled across Europe for a few years, even meeting Napoleon Bonaparte whose success at the time impressed Bolivar.

On his return to Caracas, he found a region that had started to embrace the idea of independence from colonial rule. In 1810, he joined a group of patriots that temporarily seized Caracas and proclaimed independence from Spain.

In 1813, he was given command of a patriot army and he began a successful military campaign – recapturing Caracas from the Spaniards. He was soon forced to retreat to New Granada (now Colombia), which was also at war with Spain. Taking command of a Colombian army he captured Bogota in 1814. The struggle for Colombia (now Ecuador, Colombia, Panama, and Venezuela) continued until 1819. After the military victory, he led the congress that organised the original republic of Colombia and Bolivar became its first president on December 17th 1819.

Lieutenant José Quiñones Gonzales was a Peruvian pilot during the Ecuadorian–Peruvian War. On July 23rd 1941, his plane, a North American NA-50 fighter, was hit while performing a low-level attack on an Ecuadorian border post on the banks of the Zarumilla River.

According to Peruvian accounts, instead of parachuting to safety, Quiñones chose to make the supreme sacrifice by crashing his damaged aircraft onto the Ecuadorian position, rendering the battery out of action. 

Quiñones was promoted posthumously to the rank of Air Force Captain and was declared a national hero by law on May 10th 1966.

A PODCAST has quickly got down to the subject it is ostensibly about a mere 17 minutes into its runtime.

Treating the precious lives of its audience with the respect they deserve, the podcast whipped through its introductions and sponsorship adverts to get to its derivative contents in less time than it takes to listen to half of Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours.

Listener Martin, not his real name, said: “I love this podcast, and I especially love getting through a good chunk of my workout listening to three people unenthusiastically droning on about NordVPN and plugging their upcoming Edinburgh shows.

“Even the staged chatter about what they’d been up to that week was mercifully brief, clocking in at a tight five minutes. They could have stretched it out, as they’d done nothing of interest, but best to leave the audience wanting more.

“Then it was simply a case of sitting through some terrible jingles, a needless recap of the format, and a couple more intrusive Spotify ads at deafening volume before getting right to it.

“Well worth it to hear up to 12 minutes of quizzing a celebrity guest previously unknown to me laughingly detailing their whole Greggs order. I would happily have spent twice the time building up to that hilarity thrillride.”

He added: “I’m thinking of signing up to their Patreon. Apparently you get uncut behind-the-scenes moments delivered direct to your inbox.”