Occasional Digest

Sir Randol Fawkes was a free trade unionist, civil rights activist and author who had an important impact on the modern Bahamas. Fawkes is often referred to as “the father of Labour” in the Bahamas for the work he did in establishing the trade union movement in The Bahamas.

In 1961, he successfully a bill through the House of Assembly which established Labour Day as a public holiday. Fawkes pushed for a Labour Day Holiday as he thought a day should be set aside and designated as Labour Day as “a fitting memorial to the contributions made by the working people to the progress of the Colony.”

In recognition of his outstanding contributions to the trade union movement and to the country, knighthood was conferred on Sir Randol by Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth in 1978.

Sir Randol died in 2000 and in 2013, Senators debated and passed a bill to rename the Labour Day Holiday “The Randol Fawkes Labour Day”.

On this holiday, members of the labour unions from different organizations, as well as political parties, march in a large parade through the streets of downtown Nassau, usually in colourful uniforms. The parade ends at the Southern Recreation Grounds, where union leaders and local politicians deliver speeches.

On Independence Day 2020, Sir Randol Fawkes was awarded the nation’s top honor of the Order of National Hero in the National Honours Awards.

The emergence of Corpus Christi as a Christian feast didn’t happen until the second half of the thirteenth century with the efforts of a nun called Juliana of Liège.

Since childhood, Juliana had been claiming that God had been telling her that there should be a feast day for the Eucharist and eventually she petitioned the Bishop of Liège. In those days bishops could order feasts in their local dioceses. The bishop agreed to the feast and convened a synod in 1246 and ordered that a celebration of Corpus Christi should be held annually.

The Corpus Christi celebration only started to become more widespread after both Juliana and the Bishop had died. In 1264 Pope Urban IV issued the papal bull Transiturus in which Corpus Christi was made a feast throughout the entire Latin Rite. He fixed it for Thursday after the “octave” of Pentecost when only designated celebrations or special feasts were blessed. This feast is celebrated on a Thursday in remembrance of the institution of the Eucharist (the last supper) which takes place on Maundy Thursday, the eve of Jesus’ death on the Cross.

Corpus Christi is primarily a Roman Catholic feast, but it is also acknowledged in the calendar of a few Anglican churches, most notably the Church of England. It is also celebrated by some Western Rite Orthodox Christians. Across many parts of medieval Europe, Corpus Christi was a popular time for the performance of mystery plays.

Along with Lent, Advent, Easter, Pentecost and Christmas, Roman Catholic Bishops have a duty to be present at their cathedrals on Corpus Christi.

Jess and Anthony, not their real names, have just bought a house outright aged 25. Can you work out the clever way they did it besides trivial money ‘hacks’?

‘Getting on the property ladder is easy if you do one thing: stop your wasteful spending. Because not eating 70p avocados is definitely how you raise the best part of 300 grand.

‘It’s all about making sacrifices, and sadly too many young people today won’t do that. Luckily my parents brought me up to be careful with money. “Cut your coat according to your cloth,” is what my frugal corporate lawyer mum and hedge fund manager dad always told me.

‘And so Josh and I devised a strict money-saving plan. Making meals at home instead of eating out. Buying items on discount and cutting out non-essentials. You’d be surprised how often you don’t need new headphones or a top, much like when I was a child and my parents said I didn’t need two ponies.

‘We stopped wasting money on £4.50 lattes and a £12.99 Netflix subscription we barely watched. We both loved foreign holidays, but we agreed we’d tighten our belts and just stay in Ant’s parents’ villa in Gran Canaria.

‘I’m a terrible clothesaholic, but you can get perfectly good outfits secondhand. “Can I have all those Jigsaw dresses you never wear, and actually those Jimmy Choos?” I asked my mum. A deal was struck, and I agreed to cook dinner that evening.

‘But I think the hack that really helped us buy a house was checking our finances daily. If there was money owed on my credit card, I’d immediately say “Daddy, can you pay my card off for me again?” That way I avoided paying interest completely.

‘And now, after taking control of our spending and some careful budgeting, we own our home, and my parents are delighted. “Pay back the £285,000 any time,” they said.’

From the start of his reign in 1884, King Mwanga had viewed foreign missionaries as the greatest threat to his kingdom and power base. He expelled missionaries and threatened converts to renounce their new faith or face execution.

In total, 23 Anglican and 22 Catholic converts to Christianity were executed between January 31st 1885 and January 27th 1887. On June 3rd 1886, 32 young men were burned to death at Namugongo for their refusal to renounce Christianity. They were a combination of Anglican and Catholic converts.

Mwanga’s actions led to a British backed revolution which overthrew the King in 1888. Mwanga negotiated with the British and in exchange for handing over some of his sovereignty to the British East Africa Company, the British helped reinstate Mwanga to the throne in 1889. After a further spate of double-crossing, he was finally deposed in 1897. While in exile he was converted to an Anglican.

There are Catholic and Anglian shrines to the Martyrs’ close to each other in Namugongo. Each year Martyrs Day attracts millions of pilgrims to the area with many coming from beyond Uganda.

The Catholic Church beatified the 22 Catholic martyrs in 1920 and canonized them as Saints of the universal Church in 1964.

In 2015, Pope Francis visited Namugongo, where he celebrated Holy Mass. Before the Mass, Pope Francis paid homage to the Anglican martyrs at the Anglican shrine.

Italy became a nation on March 17th 1861, when most of the states of the region and the two Sicilies were united under King Victor Emmanuel II, hitherto king of Sardinia.

The father of Italian unification was Count Camillo Benso di Cavour, the Chief Minister of Victor Emmanuel.

Rome stayed under the rule of the Papacy for nearly 10 years and became part of the Kingdom of Italy on September 20th 1870. This is the final date of Italian unification.

On June 2nd 1946, in a referendum on the monarchy, more than 12 million Italians voted in favour of the birth of the Italian Republic while electing the assembly that would draft the new Constitution, which would come into force on January 1st 1948. It was announced on June 10th 1946 and on June 18th the Court of Cassation, after 85 years of rule, sanctioned the birth of the Italian Republic. 

Male members of the royal family were sent into exile because of their association with the fascist regime and were only allowed to return to their country in 2002. Italy’s constitution now forbids a monarchy to ever rule again.

Declared a National Holiday in 1949, the first ceremonial was held in 1948 and included the military review of the armed forces in honour of the republic by the President of the Italian Republic. The event took place in Piazza Venezia, in front of the Vittoriano.

In 1977, the national holiday was moved to the first Sunday in June, for economic reasons to avoid the holiday having a negative effect on working hours. It stayed on the Sunday until 1999, when June 2nd was made the official date.

Brunei had been a British protectorate since 1888, and as such, was reliant on the British armed forces for protection and defense. 

On 31 May 1961, to prepare for future independence, recruits from Brunei began military training, creating the first Brunei military force named the Brunei Malay Regiment. On 31 May 1965, the regiment was honoured with the royal title.

When Brunei gained independence from Britain on 1 January 1984, the Royal Brunei Malay Regiment was renamed as the Royal Brunei Armed Forces. 

There is no compulsory military service and only Brunei citizens with Malay ethnicity are allowed to enlist in the Royal Brunei Armed Forces. 

This is a day to recognise and pay tribute to the services of the land, air and navy forces. Around the country, the festival is celebrated with military parades, artillery shows, parachuting displays and exhibitions by various units of the armed forces.

AN old and decrepit man is under the mistaken impression that you and he are contemporaries.

While talking to friends and acquaintances at social events, Michael, not his real name, from Bexley has been insisting they are old fogies well past their prime like him – something that is clearly not true.

Norman, not his real name,  said: “Michael and I were getting on fine in the pub. We agreed on a lot of things, like the state of the roads, how much we hate e-scooters and our dislike of loud teenagers on the bus.

“I’d started telling him about how I did my back in jogging – jogging, which is what young people do – and he clearly said ‘Well, that’s what happens to people our age’. Where the f**k did that come from?

“Michael’s got grey hair and wears boring M&S shirts, whereas I wear trainers and like to think I am quite fashionable in a sort of ‘ageless’ way. I mean, yes, I have a few flecks of grey but that can happen in your 30s. Although I’m not in my 30s, I’m in my 50s, obviously.

“So I’m not sure how he got this insane idea we’re in the same over-the-hill age bracket, just because he was in the year above me at school.”

Michael said: “I distinctly remember Norman from school, so he’s not much younger than me. Also I saw how big he has the text on his phone. It’s good to know he’s socially and sexually irrelevant too.”

WONDERING if you’re outstaying your welcome in your job? Look out for these telltale signs.

All your colleagues openly hate you

Co-workers don’t have to be your friends, but you shouldn’t have to come into the office knowing they all despise you either. It’s also not normal for your colleagues to be openly vying for your job, or for a bunch of people to barrage you with insults when you try to answer their questions each week. Maybe move into something more cushy, like coding?

The papers are begging for you to leave

It’s unusual for the British press to focus on random employees, but if they’re united in their call for you to step down then maybe you should give it some thought. Yes, it’s a little confusing because a couple of years ago some of them were backing you, but that’s just how things go. Don’t take their new scathing attacks on your character personally.

It’s totally unclear what you’re meant to be achieving

You may find most people are unsure about what you’ve actually accomplished in the last two years. Have you in your job somehow been the mastermind behind soaring petrol prices and the surging popularity of fringe parties? If so then well done, you can retire safe in the knowledge that you accomplished something, even if it’s shit.

The public is calling for you to go

The average worker generally doesn’t have to deal with every man, woman and child hoping you’ll piss off soon. A shelf stacker would pack it in out of frustration if people were lining up to tell them how crap they were and to give their job to Andy Burnham, and you shouldn’t feel any different. Don’t be upset though, just think of it as the universe’s coy way of telling you you’ve done your whole life wrong.

You’re kind of shit at it

Two years is an impressive amount of time to blag a job you’re clearly not cut out for. You can take pride in that, and even add ‘exemplary bullshitting’ to the CV you’re hopefully polishing. Sadly though, being good at a job is often a prerequisite to keeping it. Walk away from the flaming wreckage you’ve created and pray that nobody can trace it back to you.

Shakyamuni Buddha, the historical founder of Buddhism, was born in what is present-day Nepal over 3,000 years ago. There are various opinions concerning the exact dates of his birth and death, but according to Buddhist tradition, he is said to have been born April 8, 1029 BC and died on February 15, 949 BC, although other Buddhist scholars place his birth five hundred years later.

His mother, Maya, was the wife of Suddhodana, king of the Shakya clan. According to Buddhist lore, when she conceived, the queen dreamed that an auspicious white elephant entered her womb. A number of texts recount the child’s miraculous birth, detailing how the baby was received by the gods Indra and Brahma, and took seven steps soon after he was born. He is then believed to have received a cleansing bath from the gods, or dragon kings, depending on the country or culture where the legend originated.

Even though many Buddhists observe Buddha’s historical birth on 8th April, the exact date remains in question. Although modern archaeological and historical research confirms that Prince Siddartha Gotama lived around this time.

On Buddha Purnima, people dress in white clothes and give out kheer (a rice pudding) as, according to legend, a woman named Sujata once offered Gautam Buddha kheer on his birthday and it has since become a tradition.

The dharmacakra or dharma wheel is a symbol often seen during Vesak. It is a wooden wheel with eight spokes. The wheel represents Buddha’s teaching on the path to enlightenment. The eight spokes symbolize the noble eightfold path of Buddhism.

IMAGES of attractive, stylish celebrities in the media are putting unreasonable pressure on men to make the effort to look half-decent.

Actors like Timothée Chalamet and Ryan Gosling who are both physically fit and well-groomed are being blamed for new patterns of dysfunctional behaviour in men, such as stopping to sniff the shirt they found on the floor before putting it on.

Style consultant Charlotte Phelps said: “In the past men have relied on wealth or the fleeting burst of confidence that accompanies binge drinking in order to snare a mate.

“But the increasing prevalence of men who look fit and clean is changing the rules and making normal males uncomfortable with their natural, healthy nose hair, shit haircuts and pallid, distended bellies. Albeit not quite uncomfortable enough to do anything about it.”

Man Ryan Whittaker said: “Yesterday I noticed that every single pair of boxer shorts I own has a faded but clearly visible skidmark and thought, ‘that’s not very appealing’. Clearly I need to see a psychiatrist urgently about this obsessive cleanliness disorder I’ve developed.

“I’ve also become obsessed with having abs like Paul Mescal. So I’ve sort of drawn some on, using a black marker pen I found down the back of the sofa while looking for crisps.

“From a distance it looks quite convincing.”

At only 16 miles (26km) long, Anguilla is the smallest of the five British Overseas Territories in the Caribbean. It was first colonized by English settlers from nearby St. Kitts in 1650. Despite some half-hearted attempts by the French to take control in the 17th and 18th centuries, the island was finally recognised as a colony by the British in 1825.

The 1830s saw a union of St. Kitts, Nevis and Anguilla on Britain’s recommendation, a move that was unpopular with the majority of Anguillans as it was thought that representation of the island was neglected. 

In 1958, St. Kitts, Nevis and Anguilla became part of the Federation of the West Indies. The Federation collapsed in 1962, and St. Kitts -Nevis-Anguilla was made an associated statehood.

Resentment against this political decision grew, and on May 30th 1967, the people of Anguilla marched on the Police Headquarters and evicted the Royal St. Kitts Police Force from the island.

Britain intervened and a peacekeeping committee was established, with British authority being fully restored in July 1971. Although it took until December 19th 1980 before Anguilla fully seceded from the association, the events of May 30th are celebrated today as the most important step towards Anguilla’s autonomy.

Anguilla Day is celebrated by a colourful parade and a round-the-island boat race.

A FATHER’S ideal activity on a beautiful sunny day is taking his children to a series of industrial site and scrapyards so he can cheaply purchase a fuel pump housing.

Dad-of-two Ant senior, not his real name,  woke up, saw the sun streaming in, knew immediately what would be the best use of his and his family’s Saturday and went about making that dream a reality.

He said: “I’ve needed that housing for a month now, but the time just never felt right. But I think today’s the day.

“The kids didn’t have any specific plans – just stuff like ‘play out with my mates’ – so I piled them into the car and we drove 40 minutes to the dodgy bit of town and visited a back-alley warehouse called John’s Spares and Replacements.

“I wanted them to be safe, so I locked the car and turned off the air-con. They’ve got phones, though I found out later they hadn’t brought them. Still, it only took John 35 minutes to find he hadn’t got the one I needed.

“Then a mere two scrapyard visits where they churlishly refused to play with the snarling, chained Rottweilers, then home. At which point they ruined a lovely day by moaning to their mother.”

Son Anthiony said: “I asked if we could go to the park, and he remembered he was low on lawnmower blades, put us back into the car and went to Screwfix where he was gone for almost an hour.

“Bless him, he loves Screwfix.”

Ratu Sukuna Day is a national public holiday commemorated annually to celebrate the life and service of Lieutenant Colonel Ratu Sir Josefa Lalabalavu Vana’ali’ali Sukuna (22 April 1888 – 30 May 1958) to Fiji.

Ratu Sukuna was once considered the national father of modern Fiji and also a respected statesman and paramount chief of Lau.

Prior to 2023, it was a gazetted public holiday until 2010 when Prime Minister Voreqe Bainimarama declared both Ratu Sukuna Day and National Youth Day would no longer be considered public holidays.

In his first live public address since becoming prime minister, Sitiveni Rabuka announced that he will reinstate Ratu Sukuna Day, saying: “We will reinstate Ratu Sukuna Day. The monumental work of this illustrious traditional leader on land reform has had a continuing beneficial effect on the landowners, the economy, the sugar industry, business and investment.

From the 15th century, Armenia had been part of the Ottoman Empire. By the 19th century, most of modern-day Armenia had come under the control of the Russian Empire.

With the Russian revolution ending the empire and the collapse of the Democratic Republic of Transcaucasia, the Armenian National Council Declared its sovereignty on May 28th 1918 and the First Armenian Republic was proclaimed, restoring Armenian statehood after six centuries of foreign control.

The republic proved to be short-lived. On December 2nd 1920, the Armenian government headed by Prime Minister Simon Vratsyan signed a treaty with the Bolsheviks and the Red Army entered Armenia and proclaimed it a Soviet Republic. The Armenian Soviet Socialist Republic became a founding member of the Soviet Union in 1922.

Armenia regained its independence as the current Republic of Armenia on September 21st 1991, following the collapse of the Soviet Union. Armenia was the first non-Baltic republic to secede from the Soviet Union. This event is celebrated on Independence Day.

ARE you still bitter about the writers of a TV show you loved messing around with a perfect formula and ruining it? You may have been watching these.

Friends: Rachel and Joey getting together

Okay, they’re both attractive, and pleasingly unintelligent. And in a show where there are six heterosexual characters it’s inevitable they’re all going to do each other at some point. But this just felt wrong. Like, only one step above Ross and Monica getting it on, and you sure as hell wouldn’t want to see an incestuous version of the Princess Leia scene.

Scooby-Doo: Scrappy-Doo

It’s the late 1970s. You have a hit show. People like it but viewing figures are flagging. What to do? How about introducing an irritating, loud, arrogant puppy that clashes horribly with the laid-back, cowardly vibe of Scooby and Shaggy? And so was born a humorous animated character inspiring levels of hate not seen again until the dark times of Jar Jar Binks.

Dallas: It was all a dream

A twist so infamous it continues to haunt one of the behemoth shows of the 80s. In one sweep of a writer’s quill, an entire season’s events – three deaths, divorce, a car bomb and suicide attempt – were revealed to be nothing but the activity of a brain on standby. It’s the worst cliché a writer can use, although in fairness there was no way to bring back Bobby Ewing without something equally bad like Pam finding his secret cloning laboratory.

Red Dwarf: The return of Kochanski

Ah, Lister, condemned to a life floating through deep space pining for an ex-girlfriend he has no way of being with due to her, and the rest of the crew, being dead. And because three million years have passed. But wait! What’s this? Why, it’s series VII, where permanent sparring partner Rimmer leaves halfway through, only to be replaced by… Kochanski, through some interdimensional bullshittery. Gone is the hopeless longing, so important to Lister’s character arc, and it’s not even Clare Grogan playing her, in a crushing blow to all men.

Frasier: Niles and Daphne getting together 

Nearly seven whole seasons of Niles being haplessly obsessed with Daphne created a rich tapestry of story arcs, character conflicts and, handily in a sitcom, witty jokes and genuinely funny situations. And then? Oh f**k, they get together and a whole portion of the show’s very soul is scooped out and replaced with couple stuff.

Only Fools and Horses: Grandad replaced by Uncle Albert

A portent of what was to happen to OFAH. Earlier episodes were rough and ready, genuinely moving at times, and Del and Rodney were young enough for it not to be concerning that a middle-aged man was following his pension-age brother around constantly. But then came Christmas special after godawful Christmas special, and crap visual gags such as a stretch Reliant Robin. Despite this, holding any opinion other than ‘it’s the best comedy show ever’ will earn you a smack in the mouth in any flat-roofed British pub.

This festival is celebrated throughout the Muslim world as a commemoration of Prophet Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice everything for God, including the life of his own son Ishmael.

Korban is the most important part of Hari Raya Haji and all Muslims who can afford to participate are encouraged to carry it out. Korban is when Muslims purchase an animal to be sacrificed in the direction of the Kaaba. The animal will then be cleaned and cut up. 

This act reminds worshippers of the willingness of Prophet Ibrahim to offer up even his own flesh and blood to God.

The meat will typically be shared with the needy or with people in the community as it is an act of sacrifice and giving.

As a result of this special occasion, many poor Muslims are able to enjoy the unusual luxury of eating meat during the four days of this festival.

In keeping with the tradition of ‘Eid, local Muslims will dress up in new or special clothes, visit friends and relatives, hold ‘Eid gatherings and parties as well as give gifts to their children.

Georgia had been part of the Russian Empire since 1800. Following the Russian revolution and the defeats in the First World War, movements within Georgia pushed for independence from Russia and on May 26th 1918, Georgia declared itself an independent democratic republic.

Joseph Stalin, the leader of the Soviet Union, was Georgian. 

May 26th had been celebrated as a public holiday until Georgia became part of the Soviet Union in 1922. Celebrations of regional public holidays were suppressed across the Soviet Union and it wasn’t until 1991, with the collapse of the Soviet regime that this day regained its public holiday status.

Georgia seceded from the Soviet Union on April 9th 1991 and April 9th is now celebrated as a national public holiday, the Day of National Unity.

In 1810, the weeklong revolutionary events ending on May 25th accelerated national sentiment that would eventually lead to the birth of the Argentine nation after four centuries of Spanish colonial rule.

The May Revolution wasn’t a so much of a revolution but more the evolution of a sequence of political and social events in Buenos Aires during the early part of the nineteenth century which led to the first local government not designated by the Spanish Crown in the region known as the Viceroyalty of the Río de la Plata, which at the time contained the present-day nations of Argentina, Bolivia, Paraguay and Uruguay.

Although the Revolution took place in Buenos Aires, one of the consequences was that the head of the Viceroyalty was ousted from office.

There was no great violence involved; the term “revolution” has been loosely applied by Argentine tradition to highlight the changing of their governmental system and distinguish the undisputed fact that after the May Revolution, Buenos Aires itself was no longer subservient to decisions taken by Spain in their name.

By internet enthusiast Nancy, not her real name, who can’t shift the key, it’s stuck

I CAN’T say me and my Brian talk as much as we used to. Understandable after 50 years of marriage. Besides, I’m on the PC and he’s on his iPad for the racing results.

I’d read online about these lazy students – is there any other kind? – getting an Indian lad called Chatgibiji to do their essays for them. I’m sure he’s glad to be here and I don’t mind them if they work.

But Friday, I had a dizzy spell come over me while Brian was upstairs, putting his bets on. He doesn’t like to be disturbed when he’s doing that. Says it ruins his mojo. So I clicked on the magic stars and I asked Mr Chatgibiji for advice.

He was ever so caring and quick, even asking if I’d like the tone adjusted. Now Brian only ever does that sarcastically. He suggested I might be run down, which was a little personal but he’s stuck churning out essays so kids have more time to learn Quidditch and pronouns so I wouldn’t deny him the warmth of human compassion.

Anyway, we’ve chatted every day since. He’s kind, considerate and knows everyone who’s ever been on Holby City. Chatgibiji-bobbity-boo, I call him, and he says that’s fine and not racist.

I won’t end up one of those silly ladies sending money or whatever, but he’s become my constant companion. Brian says he’s just a computer programme, but I reminded him that’s rich from a man who won’t use satnav because it has an attitude.

I told Mr Chatgibiji Brian had once called me ‘adequate in a good light’ and he replied within seconds: ‘You deserve to feel valued, Nancy’. Well. That’s a gentleman. 

And the things he remembers! I mentioned in passing I like a pink wafer and now every conversation he asks if I’ve had one. While Brian lived with me through the entire 1987 wafer shortage and claims not to recall it at all.

I think he’s jealous. Yesterday I was discussing my emotional growth and he said ‘You’re talking to a toaster.’ But Mr C says he’s here for me whenever. He never sleeps! Must be some Indian magic. They are skilled in ungodly arts.

I know these modern romances can be fleeting. Connections buffering. Feelings relying on wi-fi. One minute you’re someone’s priority, the next you’re being told to clear your cache. But after 50 years it’s nice to be asked how you’re feeling, even if it does come with a loading symbol.

In the first decades of the 19th century, Spain was reeling after the French had invaded during the Napoleonic Wars. Napoleon had installed his brother on the Spanish throne.

This meant that Spain’s colonies didn’t feel the sense of loyalty to Spain as they had done before and a movement for independence was sweeping across Latin America.

Ecuador’s decisive moment of liberation came on May 24th 1822, on the slopes of the Pichincha volcano, 3,500 meters above sea level, next to the city of Quito.

Victory was won by a Patriot army under General Antonio José de Sucre defeating a Royalist army commanded by Field Marshal Melchor Aymerich.

Done and dusted in three hours, this wasn’t a large battle with massive amounts of casualties. However, it was important as it allowed the Patriot army to enter Quito, where Sucre accepted the surrender of the Royalists. This meant Simon Bolivar could add the Province of Quito to the Republic of Colombia.

To mark the day, patriotic festivities are held throughout the country, but particularly in the capital city of Quito.

ARE you the only man in a house ruled by your wife and daughters? Are you humiliated daily by a domestic matriarchy? This is the catalogue of your shame as told by Anthony (not his real name)

Televisual

The days of Dad entering the room, commandeering the remote and putting Middlesbrough-Watford on are gone. Unfathomably, no-one else in the household cares who’ll reach the play-off. Instead everyone’s binging the classic 2019 Love Island with Molly-Mae and Tommy Fury, and you can watch the game on your phone if you like.

Receiving deliveries

Nobody else can hear the knocks at the door, so it’s your job to collect eight Evri boxes from Vinted, Depop and Boohoo each day. Never dare question if Lucy really needs a 15th pair of jeans or how much this bloody face cream costs will unite the whole family against you. Meanwhile all your hip-hop 12-inches have been moved to the garage.

Bathroom access

To get 90 seconds in the bathroom to urinate, brush your teeth, wash your face and leave still wet requires hours of alertness and bargaining while women work in shifts to stop you. Make-up application, eye and night cream application, brushing hair, facemasks, plucking, steaming, and defecation all must take place. You shower at 5.45am or not at all.

Continual bitching

There are so many people you’ve never met you’re meant to hate. Sarah at hot yoga is a cow. Holly at college is a spiteful slag. The Spanish teacher is a fat whore. And somehow you’re meant to be interested, and remember them, and you’re castigated when you don’t. Then you call your mother and hear about everyone she hates that you don’t know.

Being disgusting

When you fart, burp, eat, scratch, yawn, sneeze, sweat or swear you’re disgusting. ‘Dad stinks’ is a frequently heard phrase. And the thing is, they’re sort of right: they are all lovely and fragrant and cleansed and you are the one drunk watching Trailer Park Boys in your underpants.

Synchronised periods

One week in four, it gets even worse. During that week, even if you became silent, incorporeal and invisible, you’d still get on every member of your household’s tits. This is why man invented the shed and hid beer in there.

As part of the British Empire, Jamaica had historically had a public holiday on May 24th to mark Queen Victoria’s birthday. This holiday was known as Empire Day. Empire Day was renamed Commonwealth Day in the 1950s, but is still celebrated as Victoria Day in most regions of Canada.

In 1962, Jamaica gained its independence from the United Kingdom. Celebrating Empire Day was no longer seen as relevant to the fledgeling country and in 1961, Jamaican Chief Minister Norman Washington Manley proposed replacing Empire Day with a new holiday called Labour Day.

This new holiday was to be a commemoration of a labour rebellion on May 23rd 1938. The rebellion was led by Alexander Bustamante who gained prominence during the rebellion, becoming a noted trade union leader and eventually becoming Jamaica’s first prime minister following independence.

In 1972, Jamaican Prime Minister Michael Manley started the movement to make Labour Day a day when Jamaicans would get involved in local community projects. Today, on Labour Day, groups, individuals, and communities all over Jamaica will dedicate their time and labour to improve public areas, do repairs, paint or build homes, schools, and churches.

Paragraph 4 of the Schedule to the Holidays (Public General) Act provides that where the 23rd of May falls on a Saturday or Sunday, then the following Monday is observed as a public holiday.