Occasional Digest

Woman asked why she always chooses wrong men explains there are only nutters left

A WOMAN who is only offered a selection of lunatics and perverts on dating apps has been asked why she always picks the wrong men.

Hannah, not her real name, friends regard her romantic history as a personal failing, despite every app featuring the same rotating cast of commitment-phobes, crypto evangelists and men whose profile picture still includes a fish.

Hannah, 36, said: “They say ‘you need to stop choosing the wrong type’ as if I keep ignoring emotionally intelligent millionaires who do Pilates in favour of a 45-year-old who lives with his mum and calls himself a ‘men’s rights activist’.

“Do they honestly believe I want to spend time with a man who refers to his penis as ‘Little Pete’, as he explained to me in Pizza Express? Or guys who think your lovemaking won’t be impaired by worrying you’ll catch something off the sheets?

“I am wading through a sea of shit while smug marrieds who’ve been off the market since 2012 send me reels about ‘anxious-avoidant attachment’ and ‘manifesting healthy love’.

“They should try having fulfilling relationships when the only options are weird liars who clearly aren’t six foot, even in their massive platform trainers. Or the guy who had seven kids by seven different women because his genes are ‘too good to waste’.”

Shortly afterwards Tomlinson was matched with a man claiming to be a wealthy porn director scouting for new talent, which was both undesirable and unlikely for someone who appeared to live in a Transit van.

Wednesday 15 July Feast of St. Rosalia in Palermo

Palermo is located on the northern coast of Sicily and is the capital of the autonomous region of Sicily.

Rosalia was a devout Christian hermit who lived in a cave on Mount Pellegrino, a few miles north of Palermo. Rosalia died in the cave in 1166 and although she was revered during her life for her piety and had been associated with some miracles, Rosalia wasn’t in line for sainthood… yet.

Our story now rolls forward almost 500 years to 1624. While Sicily was being ravaged by a recurrence of the Plague (Black Death), a Palermo soap seller had a dream. In the dream, Rosalia told him to bring her bones to the city and parade them around the streets. Her remains were found buried in her cave, brought back to Palermo and carried around the city three times, freeing Palermo from the Plague.

In honour of the miracle of saving the city, Urban VIII added Saint Rosalia’s name to the Roman Martyrology on July 15th 1625,  and this is the date celebrated in Palermo, even though her actual feast day is September 4th. St. Rosalia then became the patron saint of Palermo, replacing Saints Agatha, Christina, Nympha and Olivia, who had been patron saints for different parts of the city.

All of this has led to the famous annual Festino in Palermo, the most important festival of the year in Palermo and a truly unique spectacle. On the evening of July 14th, a statue of Rosalia (known as Santuzza, the “Little Saint”) is paraded through the main streets of Palermo on a massive and elaborate boat-shaped chariot, that is made each year. Pulled by oxen, the chariot is joined by colourful dancers, with cries of “Viva Palermo and Santa Rosalia” (long live Palermo and Santa Rosalia) from the crowd driving the procession on from the old town to the marina, where a large fireworks display takes place.

On July 15th, Saint Rosalia’s relics are paraded around Palermo before returning to their resting place in the Cathedral, where they are blessed by the Archbishop of Palermo.

Tuesday 14 July Bastille Day in France

Tuesday 14 July Bastille Day in France

After years of misrule by the Monarchy with increasing taxes and higher food prices, the French people had finally united in a popular uprising in an effort to take control of their own country.

On July 14th 1789, the people of Paris banded together to march on the Bastille. The Bastille was a 14th-century medieval fortress that became a state prison. It was used by the King to imprison his opponents, often without trial and was seen as representing the despotism of the regime of Louis the 16th.

When Louis XVI asked a French duke if the storming of Bastille was a revolt on the evening of July 14th 1789, the duke replied by saying, “No, sire. It is a revolution.”

The duke was correct as the storming of the prison marked the beginning of the French Revolution and came to symbolize liberty, democracy and the struggle against oppression for all the people of France.

In October, Louis XVI and his queen Marie Antoinette were taken from the Palace of Versailles by 4,000 rioters and put under house arrest at the Tuileries Palace, in the centre of Paris.

After a failed attempt to flee to Austria in 1791, tensions about how to punish the King continued, culminating in the storming of the Tuileries by a new mob and the arrest of Louis XVI in 1792.

France was finally declared a Republic in September that year, ending the 800-year-old monarchy, and in January the following year, Louis XVI was executed by guillotine on the grounds of treason.

In the months that followed, thousands of people considered enemies of the new Republic were executed in a “Reign of Terror” – including Marie Antoinette.

On the one-year anniversary of the fall of Bastille, July 14th 1790, delegates from across the country assembled in Paris to proclaim their allegiance as one national community at the Fête de la Fédération.

In May 1880, a Parisian politician called Benjamin Raspail proposed making July 14th a national holiday to commemorate the storming of the Bastille and the Fête de la Fédération. The French Assembly passed his bill and from 1880, it has been a national holiday in France.

Monday 13 July Sovereignty Day of Montenegro in Montenegro

In the 16th century, Montenegro emerged as a semi-autonomous region within the Ottoman Empire. A series of rebellions against Turkish control resulted in Montenegro gaining its independence on July 13th 1878 under the Treaty of Berlin.

Montenegro thus became the 27th independent state in the world, and a principality ruled by Nicholas I. It became a kingdom in 1910, before unifying with Serbia in 1918. It subsequently formed part of Yugoslavia and only regained full independence in 2006.

The date of July 13th has added significance in Montenegro as it was on this day in 1941 that the people of Montenegro began their uprising against the Nazi German occupation during the second world war.

Despite this date marking Montenegro’s first independence, it is not Independence Day, which is instead celebrated on May 21st and marks the result of the 2006 referendum for independence from Serbia.

Slow, incompetent bartender looking forward to his first shift this evening

A TRAINEE bartender who asks questions like ‘sorry, what’s a Guinness?’ cannot wait to serve thirsty patrons during his shift covering this evening’s England’s match.

Ineffective, bumbling Jack, not his real name, was pleased to see his first go at pulling pints, processing card transactions and figuring out who should rightfully be served next would take place during England’s first group game at a pub showing it live.

He said: “I haven’t had any training, and it’ll just be me because everyone else has already called in sick, oddly. Still, should be fun!

“Everyone will have to bear with me because I don’t know my way around the bar or recognise the difference between an IPA and a lager. But I’m sure the cheerful atmosphere of a high-level football competition will improve everyone’s patience.

“I asked my boss if he thought it would be busy tonight and he laughed, so I’ll take that as a no. Should I struggle to hear orders I’ll just turn off the telly for a minute. That should quell any rowdiness.”

He added: “If it starts to get out of hand I’ll switch over to BBC Two. Only Connect’s on. Though I worry that will make the regulars a bit competitive.”

Sunday 12 July Independence Day in São Tomé and Príncipe

The first people to inhabit these two islands in the Gulf of Guinea were the Portuguese. They first landed on São Tomé, the larger of the two islands on December 21st (Saint Thomas’ Day, hence the name) 1471.

They found the islands’ rich volcanic soil a good basis to support sugar plantations. The plantations were manned by African slaves and ‘undesirables’ from Portugal.

In 1974, the so-called Carnation Revolution in Portugal ended the dictatorial regime and a new approach to its overseas territories.

São Tomé and Príncipe gained its independence from Portugal on July 12th 1975, making it the second-smallest country in Africa. The smallest is another island nation on the other side of the continent – Seychelles.

England needs a fun celebration making light of its past invading other countries in boats

By England fan Anthony from Enfield (not his real name)

WHY should it be Norway? If there’s any nation known worldwide for descending on countries in boats and taking them over by force, it’s surely us.

But instead we’re seeing the fans of our opponents tomorrow all over the US doing their Viking row as if they’re the ones with a proud history of global conquest. When in fact their pillaging warriors barely made it out of Europe.

Don’t get me wrong, it was good violence for its day. Loaded up in longboats and hitting the Northumbrian coast like a modern-day stag do hits Riga, drinking and burning monasteries and chatting up the local girls. All credit to them and their imaginative tortures.

Can’t really hold a candle to the English though, can they? Because when it was our turn to be seafarers, we didn’t waste it. India, Australia, Africa, the West Indies, even Australia. We came, we saw, we conquered and we let them bloody well know it.

Yeah, the Vikings martyred a few saints with the blood eagle. I’m not denying them that. Hardly compares to forcing the indigenous peoples of half the world to toil away in our gold mines and sugar plantations, does it? If we’re honest?

The sun never set on the British Empire. From the Irish next door to the ends of the earth we had them all in thrall. So if Norway’s allowed to be proud of its past of massacres and atrocities, why aren’t we?

Instead of a Viking row we could have, I don’t know, a man with a whip. Maybe not that. Or we could line up like the soldiers in Zulu, miming rifles on our shoulders, firing into the native horde. Okay maybe not that either.

Anyway, you get my point. It’s time for our football fans to reclaim our past with a fun but inoffensive ritual dance of some kind. I’ll leave it to the hardcore England supporters to decide what. We can trust them not to be racially insensitive about it.

Entering text on telly still as primitive as in 1980s

NONE of the advances in technology of the last half-century have made it any easier to enter text via a remote control.

A technological black hole means anyone attempting to search for a film or TV show has to enter it letter-by-letter as if they were putting their initials by a Space Invaders high score in 1980.

Jim Bates of Congleton said: “I tell speakers to play music and they do so. I type a destination into my car and it shows me how to get there. But on my TV?

“There’s no slick user interface. To find a movie on Netflix I have to mash down flimsy rubber buttons while it brightly suggests movies that are not what I want or close to it. All the others are the same.

“Even on the PlayStation, a controller with at least 30 different inputs demands I do it one letter at a time. Why does all pretence of being user-friendly stop at the telly? Why has it remained in the Ceefax era?

“Every site online’s always checking I’m not a sophisticated bot buying tickets or logging into my bank account. They should get these f**king bots working on the telly. Then maybe I could watch Insidious 5 without first having to look up how to spell it.”

Technology expert Jack Brown said: “Now most of our technological agency is given over to machines it’s important to have such instances of human independence, even though typing in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness gave me an embolism.”

Saturday 11 July Naadam in Mongolia

During the Naadam Festival, Mongolians participate in the “Three Manly Games” of archery, wrestling and horseback riding which represent the heritage of the nation. 

The festival originated in the 12th century as a way for Mongolians to demonstrate their military prowess. From the 17th century, Naadam contests were held during religious holidays. Since 1922, they have been held on Revolution Day, the anniversary of the People’s Revolution. 

The coldest capital in the world is not in Russia or Canada, but is Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. The annual average temperature in the city is -1.3°C.

The main Naadam festival takes place in the country’s capital Ulaanbaatar and opens with a cultural performance with ethnic dancing and music before the games get underway. Everyone, young and old are encouraged to participate in the games. 

Wrestling is usually the first sport. The main wrestling event is a knockout competition involving 512 or 1,024 participants. The participants are all men and have to enter the ring bare-chested as legend has it that a woman once infiltrated the games beating the men, so now all the wrestlers have to show they are male before the grappling begins.

Unlike international wrestling events, there are no weight classes and the rules are also simpler – if a wrestler touches the ground with any part of their body apart from their feet and arms, they lose.

The second sport is Archery. From the time of Ghengis Khan, Mongolian archers were famed for their skill and precision with a bow. At its time, the recurved Mongol bow was a weapon without compare on the Eurasian battlefields of the steppe and deep into Western Europe. The games consist of three categories of archery – Buriat, Khakh and Uriankhai – which have differing bows, arrows and distances.

A Gen X man’s guide to looksmaxxing, by our TikTok beauty influencer

With Jess, not her real name, your Gen X TikTok beauty influencer baffled as to why they haven’t put stem cells in her night cream

GETTING older is a natural process and nothing to be ashamed of. And if you believe that, please exit the dating market and go to an open space to die.

But, in a 21st century so aging for those of us unfortunate enough to be born in the last one, it’s not just women who need to be eternal. It takes only 3.14 seconds for a woman to clock your weird gnome features and suboptimal height. Ample time to fix it with make-up products like these.

All men want to be taken seriously on the world stage, and who’s taken more seriously than JD Vance? When those dark-rimmed peepers lock on you, he’s exactly like the Red Light Green Light girl in Squid Game, only with more arbitrary deaths.

You too can wield power like this with JD’s go-to kohl pencil: L’Oreal’s Black Death Vector Injector in shade Erotic Necrotic, currently available on subscription only. But to enter the lottery to be put on the waiting list is only £85 a month!

And you’re rightly embarrassed about your weak jawline. But you can go from Gail Platt to R-Pattz in seconds with the actor’s own line in men’s contouring: The Bat-Mandible Structural Reconstruction Protocol, available on the darknet for just 22 bitcoin.

As for the hair loss? Hey, it happens to all men apart from the rich, famous ones. Have you considered going to Turkey? Then normal people wouldn’t have to see you.

Also, if you’re a Gen X man? Stop going on about the 90s, they weren’t that great, it’s creepy that you listen to Olivia Rodrigo, we can all tell you drink, getting your nipple pierced was a mistake then and is a mistake now and stop dating 20somethings.

I’m here like I always was, waiting to be claimed like a hold-all full of Primark underwear at a lost luggage auction, only much, much dirtier. You should never have left me.

Friday 10 July Gospel Day in Kiribati

Generally, Gospel Day falls on July 10th, but it may be shifted around depending on what days of the week the three days of holidays cover. These dates are not usually updated until close to the start of the year, so check back here for the latest dates.

The main religion in Kiribati is Christianity. It was brought to the islands by missionaries in the 19th century. Today, Roman Catholics and Protestants account for the large majority of followers.

This holiday was established to create a day for Kiribatians of all faiths to join in combined services to give thanks and strengthen the sense of shared community between the different branches of Christianity in the country.

Thursday 9 July State Rebellion Day in São Paulo

Vargas was supported by the military and the political elites but was unpopular with the general population.

The uprising began on July 9th 1932, after four protesting students had been killed by government troops in May. The state’s insurrection never ignited a nationwide rebellion and Vargas crushed the revolt on October 2nd 1932.

In spite of the defeat, some of the rebel’s demands were granted by Vargas afterwards and the anniversary of the rebellion is the most important civic date in the state of São Paulo. Paulistas (as the inhabitants of São Paulo are known) consider the Revolution of 1932 as the greatest movement in its civic history. It was the last major armed conflict in Brazil’s history.

Backpacker finds himself two hours into gap year

A 25-YEAR-OLD taking a gap year to find who he really is has inconveniently done so in a service station on the way to the airport.

Rubin, not his real name,  plan to travel the world immersing himself in the philosophy and culture of exotic, and coincidentally cheap and sunny, countries was derailed when he suffered a sudden epiphany in a Burger King overlooking the M1.

He said: “I was expecting to find enlightenment on Ayahuasca in the Peruvian jungle or meditating with monks or whatever. Not staring at a promotional poster for Toy Story 5 Whopper Meals.

“But I realised that who I am, deep down, is an uninteresting British man who even at Angkor Wat would wish he was on his phone, and I came to peace with that.

“I told my dad I was cancelling my ticket and spending the year in my room instead and he must have had the same epiphany as me, given the deep, heavy sigh of happiness he let out.”

He plans to spend 12 months on the sofa eating chips, which being in a yurt dodging dengue fever and shitting into a bucket would have made impossible, and will spend the money saved on buying a really big television and noise-cancelling headphones.

Rubin said: “The Buddha spent decades searching for nirvana but I realised I want to do sod all with my life in less time than it takes to watch an Avengers film, so who’s the idiot?”

Wednesday 8 July National Day of Prayer, Reflection and Thanksgiving in Montserrat

The Soufrière Hills Volcano on the southern side of the island became active on Tuesday July 18th 1995. The first explosion occurred in August 1995, and the period of activity lasted until 1999. In 1997, the explosion blanketed Plymouth, the capital of Montserrat, in a thick layer of ash and darkened the sky almost completely. Plymouth had been evacuated in 1995, though a large eruption in June 1997 resulted in the deaths of nineteen people. The island’s airport was directly in the path of the main pyroclastic flow and was completely destroyed. Montserrat’s tourist industry was devastated. The volcano is still active, though the current level of activity is low.

The National Day of Prayer & Thanksgiving provides an opportunity for deep reflection and for the Nation to give thanks for God’s mercies.

Plymouth, Montserrat remains the de jure (in law) capital and as such, it is the only capital city in the world with a population of zero. Brades is the de facto (in effect) capital.

Tuesday 7 July George Town Heritage Day in Penang

Founded by Francis Light of the British East India Company in 1786, George Town was the first British settlement in Southeast Asia. The town was named after the British King, George III.

On July 7th 2008, UNESCO inscribed Malacca and George Town as cultural sites on the World Heritage List, with UNESCO explaining:

“Melaka and George Town, historic cities of the Straits of Malacca have developed over 500 years of trading and cultural exchanges between East and West in the Straits of Malacca. The influences of Asia and Europe have endowed the towns with a specific multicultural heritage that is both tangible and intangible. With its government buildings, churches, squares and fortifications, Melaka demonstrates the early stages of this history originating in the 15th-century Malay sultanate and the Portuguese and Dutch periods beginning in the early 16th century. Featuring residential and commercial buildings, George Town represents the British era from the end of the 18th century. The two towns constitute a unique architectural and cultural townscape without parallel anywhere in East and Southeast Asia.”

Monday 6 July National Day in Comoros

Comoros is a series of three islands (Grande Comore, Anjouan and Moheli) located in the Indian Ocean off the eastern coast of Africa.

The islands first encountered Europeans when Portuguese explorers at the start of the 16th century, though it was France who established colonial rule on Mayotte (the westernmost of the islands) in 1841 when a local king ceded the island to France. Political infighting amongst the Islanders meant that resistance to the French appropriation was limited and by 1908 France had unified the islands under one administration.

In 1912 the islands became part of the colony of Madagascar. Madagascar gained its independence from France in 1960, with Comoros given autonomy a year later.

Probably the most famous rediscovered animal ever is the coelacanth fish. This creature was thought to have been extinct for 60 million years until it was found at the start of the 20th century in Comoros.

After an agreement was reached with France in 1973, referendums for independence were held on the four main islands, with Mayotte voting against independence from France.

On July 6th 1975, the Comorian parliament of the other three islands passed a unilateral resolution declaring independence, with Ahmed Abdallah becoming the first president.

Five random words that will inevitably become Gen Z dating terms

‘SHREKKING’, or being rejected by someone less attractive, is the latest bollocks Gen Z dating term, so what’s next? Any of these five are reasonable contenders.

Tescoing

Tescoing will refer to those relationships where you want to go out with someone more high-maintenance but you’re too poor. Instead, you’ll resort to whoever is convenient yet still offers a reasonable romantic experience. It won’t feel incredible, but at least you’re not dating the human equivalent of Happy Shopper.

Librarying

You’d be forgiven for thinking that librarying will refer to dates that are kept hush-hush. Not so. Instead, it will describe people who forget they have a date, then keep renewing their sweetheart’s interest at the last minute before incurring incremental emotional fees. Currently this is described with the words ‘lazy’, ‘forgetful’ and ‘twat’.

Adrian Chilesing

Inspired by his deranged newspaper columns, Adrian Chiles-ers are those people who attract you against your better judgement with the weird shit they come out with. One day they’ll be banging on about their frustrations with cheese rinds, the next they’ll be waxing lyrical about their fascination with Punch and Judy. You’ll never figure them out, and that’s part of their strange appeal.

Chessing

Dates that move in specific, pre-determined ways will be referred to as chessing. These relationships will also be slow-moving, a bit of a headache, and your friends will get bored of waiting to see if they actually go anywhere. After what feels like forever, they will grind to a halt and both parties will walk away in a huff.

Uber Eatsing

This will refer to those times where someone arranges for a date to arrive at their front door, before hooking up with them then feeling bloated and ashamed the next morning. Said hook-ups will be sworn off, unless the singleton in question hasn’t had them round for a few months and they’ve had a tough week at work.

Sunday 5 July Tynwald Day in Isle of Man

The Isle of Man is situated in the Irish Sea between England and Ireland. The Isle of Man is not part of the United Kingdom, but a Crown Dependency. The head of state is Queen Elizabeth II, who holds the title of Lord of Mann.

Norsemen first came to the island in about 800AD and ruled for over 400 years. During that time they established different administrative systems including Tynwald, a parliament for passing legislation. Historians have traced the origin of Tynwald back to 979AD, making it the world’s longest continuous parliament.

From at least from the start of the fifteenth century, Tynwald Day had been celebrated on June 24th, coinciding with the Feast of St. John the Baptist. When the Gregorian calendar was adopted in 1753, the date didn’t shift to remain on June 24th and instead was observed on July 5th under the new calendar.

There is no representation from the Isle of Man in the United Kingdom parliament and UK laws do not automatically apply in the Isle of Man. Tynwald makes the laws which are given final approval by the Queen.

Going ‘Instagram official’: Dating trends only experienced by very online twats

LEWIS Hamilton has done his bit to go ‘Instagram official’ with Kim Kardashian by posting a picture of her. It’s not the only online dating trend we’re all supposed to be doing.

Throning 

Dating someone to raise your status, which in the social media sphere means finding a partner with lots of followers and ‘clout’. This surely rarely happens in real-life, because under these weird new rules of attraction Margot Robbie would be shagging Mr Beast, and thank God she’s not.

Going Instagram official

Just the idea is hilariously stupid: there is NOTHING official about putting a picture on Instagram, and it certainly doesn’t entitle you to child maintenance or half of someone’s house. It’s like saying you’ve committed an Instagram murder by posting a picture of a gun.

Puffer fishing

Like a puffer fish, this date becomes defensive if you get too close. You don’t really need the tropical fish metaphor here, since there are plenty of perfectly adequate terms already, such as ‘fear of intimacy’ and ‘refusing to commit’. And let’s not forget ‘not being that into you’ and ‘losing interest once he’s got his leg over’.

Chalance dating

The opposite of ‘nonchalance’ if you’re stupid, and it means being serious about dates rather than having casual ‘situationships’. Good luck explaining this wanky, obscure term, because if you say ‘Situationships weren’t working for me, so I’m into chalance dating now’ any sane person will think ‘Jesus, what a bellend’, which isn’t conducive to sex.

Identity certainty

A sensible precaution of using online tools to verify that someone is who they claim to be, and not a scammer, married or a serial killer. Could there be a more promising start to a date than knowing you’re not going to end up in a shallow grave in the woods?

Soft-launching and hard-launching

Celebrities are always doing this, but you suspect there’s not the same level of public interest in you shagging a friend of a friend. You’ve probably simultaneously soft- and hard-launched several relationships already just by going into a pub and saying ‘Guys, this is Emma’.

Loud crushing

‘Loud crushing’ is the practice of being open about a crush on social media rather than playing it cool. You’ve got a feeling this trend was invented by terminally online teenage girls, because if the average woman saw dozens of posts about her by a bloke she barely knew she’d be rightly concerned it was going to progress to ‘forcible chloroforming’.

Breadcrumbing

This is when a romantic interest gives you small amounts of attention, similar to how the children in Hansel and Gretel follow a trail of crumbs, but doesn’t take it further. An example might be suggesting you meet up but then constantly bombing you out. Although surely that’s just your normal social life?

Saturday 4 July USA Independence Day

On July 4th 1776, the United States of America proclaimed its independence from England by signing the Declaration of Independence.

While the signing of the Declaration itself was not completed until August, the Fourth of July holiday is seen as the official anniversary of U.S. independence.

Although Philadelphians marked the first anniversary of independence in 1777 with spontaneous celebrations in the streets of Philadelphia, the first recorded use of the name “Independence Day” wasn’t until 1791 and Independence Day celebrations only became common after the War of 1812.

By the 1870s, Independence Day had become the most important secular holiday on the American calendar and has transformed into what is known as the 4th of July today.

In 1870, The U.S. Congress made Independence Day an unpaid holiday for federal employees, though it wasn’t until 1941 that Congress declared Independence Day to be a paid federal holiday.

Successful 19-year-old filmmaker gives false hope to millions

A YOUTUBER turned filmmaker’s successful debut feature means tens of thousands of teenagers now believe they can do the same, wrongly.

Kane, not his real name, aged 19, has turned his web series Backrooms into a $141m hit movie, causing young, deluded contemporaries worldwide to believe their crappy efforts will be just as successful so they have no need to get A-levels or jobs.

18-year-old Jack, not his real name, said: “Every hot shot producer knows storytelling went out the window with Weinstein. Vibes are in now, and I’m the prime purveyor on TikTok.

“My parents will eat their words after my knowledge of niche online shit pays off. Who’s an idiot for being on 4chan until 4am now, mum? Not me when I finish my This Man screenplay and become a multimillionaire.

“As the old moviemaking adage goes, if you’re a creative teenager currently streaming videogames to an audience of between 12 and 18 people, the studios will come knocking. I think I’ll ask for a budget of $40 million. I only need $15 million, but they don’t know that.”

Mum Sandra Browne said: “The occasional flukey youth success unfortunately inspires a generation of idiots to imagine the cruel machinations of reality will not crush them, which they will.

“Jack is not a ‘digital upstart’ who will ‘reinvent content’ for the 21st century. He’s a lazy dick who got fired by Kebabylon for watching Instagram Reels in their backroom.”

Friday 3 July Independence Day in Belarus

The independence or national days of most ex-Soviet states takes place on the date that marks that country’s independence after the fall of the Soviet Union in the early nineties. 

In Belarus, this was the case in 1990 when the Supreme Council of Belarus declared the country to be a sovereign nation free from the USSR on 27 July 1990. This date was celebrated as the Independence Day of Belarus until 1996.

In 1996, Alexander Lukashenko, country’s first President oversaw a referendum in which nearly 90% of Belarusians voted to celebrate Independence Day on 3 July. The date was chosen to honour those who fought to free the capital, Minsk from Nazi German occupation during the Great Patriotic War (Second World War).

When Nazi Germany invaded the Soviet Union on 22 June 1941, Belarus was the first to bear the brunt of the attack. On 24 June, Minsk came under massive artillery shelling and air strikes from nearly 150 bombers.

Despite resistance from local fighters, the Germans seized Minsk on 28 June 1941. Not accepting the occupation, the residents began a resistance movement that lasted 1,100 days. The efforts of the citizens helped the armies of the 1st and 3rd Belarusian Fronts with the support of the partisans liberate the Belarusian capital from the invaders on 3 July 1944.

Belarus paid a high price for the freedom; a third of the population was killed during the war.

Independence Day is a tribute to the heroism and endurance of Minskers in their struggle to bring freedom to Belarus.