Kevin Gower

TAKING a bus or train? Arrogant enough to assume the entire space belongs to you and your children, should you so wish it? Ignore all established etiquette like this:

Use surprise

Those without a deep-rooted sense of entitlement won’t be expecting their tranquility to be shattered by a man with an authoritative tone and his bellowing offspring. Shatter peace, annex tables, inquire sweetly if other passengers wouldn’t mind popping a bit further down. Unnecessary baggage and weaponised iPads can help.

Subjugate the hordes

By now, the herd will be spooked, nervousness heightened, ripe for compliance. Assert spatial dominance by using your children like sheepdogs to corral them into the bad seats, leaving room for your Stubble & Co backpacks in the aisles. If elderly or infirm passengers steadfastly refuse to vacate the positions, patronise them.

Communicate

No-one will know of your day visiting niche museums and spreadsheeting vegan pop-ups unless you vociferously communicate your meticulous itinerary to your life-partner standing one metre away. Admonish your boisterous brood by ridiculous name and offer them air-dried damson strips from your community orchard.

Remain vigilant

Passengers may rebel against your firm hand. Reinforce the silent obedience enforced by your social dominance by regurgitating facts about notable landmarks previously reconnoitred. Leave no gap for anyone chippy to speak.

Change the destination

Public transport has a pre-determined journey. Ignore this. In a loud, clear voice explain you need to deviate from the planned route because of your children’s advanced educational needs, and because your wife is a coeliac. Threaten the driver’s livelihood if necessary, but nicely.

Disembark at your own pace

Get off in your own good time, then immediately re-board because a child’s emotional support toys has been left behind. Ask everyone to stand and search their immediate vicinity for a knitted foraged-wool llama named Topaz. The passengers will not find the toy, no matter how many further searches you request, as it is in your pocket. How silly.

In November 2022 the Falkland Islands Executive Council approved the appointment of 14 November as a Public Holiday in celebration of the birthday of His Majesty King Charles III. This will replace the public holiday previously held on 21 April in celebration of the birthday of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

King Charles III was born on November 14th 1948 in Buckingham Palace. He ascended to the throne following the death of his mother, Queen Elizabeth II on Thursday September 8th 2022.

While King Charles will celebrate his birthday in November, now that he has taken the throne he receives the privilege of celebrating his birthday not once, but twice every year.

It was the same with Queen Elizabeth. Queen’s Birthday was celebrated in June each year, even though the Queen’s birthday was on April 21st.

The idea behind the double birthday is that having a summer birthday means a higher chance of good weather during the Trooping the Colour parade, which marks the official celebration of the monarch’s birthday in the UK. Trooping the Colour is held outside Buckingham Palace on a Saturday in early June and has marked the celebration for over 270 years.

The official birthday tradition was started by George II in 1748. With a November birthday being too cold for a celebratory parade, he tied his celebrations in with the annual Trooping the Colour military parade.

WANT to prove to your ex what a terrible act they committed in dumping you? These six red flags will force them to take you back out of basic decency:

His dickhead mate

There’s always one. Even the group of mates disagree about how he was allowed to become core. He’ll be unhinged enough to ignore every bro code and take you on, and because he knows no boundaries your ex will get regular updates about this obvious act of romantic self-harm. It’s worth your ex getting back with you just to exile him forever.

Her hairdresser

Moving in on a woman who provides a regular service for your ex, like hairdresser or nail tech, will anger her. And, due to shop talk, the new girl will already know what you like in bed up to and including the insertion of that finger at that specific moment. Avoid her bikini waxer, though. After a while they live to inflict that pain.

His boss

He already hates his boss and this would compound it, so won’t go unnoticed. The boss is such a puffed-up prick he’ll have no idea he’s being used and will gloat unreservedly in the office. However your former boyfriend may easily come round to the idea you wankers deserve each other and then you’re stuck with this wannabe alpha.

Your previous ex

Sourcing the ex you dumped before your dumping is the easy route to jealousy, but he could only be dating you to make his own recent ex jealous and then she’ll revert to her ex and time will begin to go backwards. Before long you’re flirting with Joel from school just to make a man you met 12 years later angry.

Her cousin

A risky strategy, no matter how flirtatious he was at that wedding. Turns out he doesn’t just drink heavily and knee-slide onto dancefloors at family occasions, but on Tuesday evenings in Wetherspoons. And now you’re tainted and he can never get back with you and you’re in two overlapping sets of family photos.

The next person you meet

If trying to date people familiar to your ex didn’t work, just grab the first desperate lonely singleton that comes along and ask them on a date to the cafe your ex works in. Tell him you’re only doing it to make him jealous, it doesn’t matter, the random’s only in it for a snog and a grab of a boob. Does it work? Well, you can’t go to that cafe again.

The original anniversary day celebrated by the Canterbury Province was December 16th. Like several other provinces, this date marked the arrival of the first ships to the region. In Canterbury, the first two ships, the Charlotte Jane and the Randolph arrived on December 16th 1850.

The Canterbury Agricultural and Pastoral Association’s Metropolitan Show is the largest agricultural and pastoral show in New Zealand and has taken place since 1859. 

By at least 1918, the Friday of Show Week had become known as People’s Day or Show Day. In the 1950s the official provincial holiday for the anniversary day of the province was changed from December 16th to the Friday of Show Week. This move allowed banks and businesses to close and for people from the region to attend the show.

The date for Show Day is the second Friday after the first Tuesday of November. This date avoids any clash with the Melbourne Cup which is held on the first Tuesday in November.

The anniversary day of Christchurch Show Day is observed in Central and North Canterbury. South Canterbury observes Dominion Day (the fourth Monday of September) as its anniversary day. It may be seen as strange for a province to have two anniversary days, but since many of the regions celebrate provinces that were abolished in 1879, it’s not worth worrying about.

The many colourful festivals of this northeastern Indian state are opportunities to showcase the culture and traditions of the region’s unique communities and tribes.

Ningol Chakouba is no exception. It is a festival of the Meitei community, which is the majority ethnic group in Manipur.

Handily, if we translate the name of this festival from Manipuri, what happens at this festival becomes very clear – ‘Ningol’ means married daughter and ‘Chakouba’ means an invitation for a lunch at the mother’s house.

On Ningol Chakouba parents welcome their wedded daughters to their “mapam” (mother’s house) for a grand feast.

The married women visit in their finest traditional attire with their children. Gifts are offered with a blessing to the daughters and the grandchildren by the parents.

The son of the family formally does the invitation one week in advance, to his sister.

With no particular religious elements, this is a popular social celebration aimed at strengthening the bond of love and affection between married women and their parental families.

A DEEPLY disturbing man has the stamina to go out on Monday to Thursday evenings and wants to know if you are ready to join him.

Marketing manager Martin, not his real name, is possessed with a demonic energy which makes him able to go out for a pint, a movie or even a pub quiz when he has completed eight hours of soul-crushing work and has a presentation to give tomorrow.

He said: “I clock out at five and don’t go to bed until past 11pm. So, against popular convention, I like to spend that time doing things other than phone and telly.

“I don’t just go drinking. Sometimes I go to a gig or visit a friend. It’s amazing what you can achieve, even in such a short window, when pointless toil hasn’t completely sapped your will to live.

“Tonight I’m going to a dance class then swinging by the bookshop for a thought-provoking lecture. Your body will be completely knackered but your life will be enriched. Come along! What have you got to lose?”

Fellow colleague Joanna Kramer said: “I do things in the evening too, mainly wanking and eating McDonald’s in bed like a normal person.

“If he wants to do things at night he should go and live in London, where they cater to sick beasts like him. But because he doesn’t work until 10pm he can’t afford to. Hah.”

The region now known as Angola was first visited by Europeans by the Portuguese explorer Diogo Cão in 1484. Over the following centuries, the Portuguese established settlements and trading posts along the Angolan coast. It was not until the 20th century that Portuguese control extended to the interior region of Angola.

Angola is known for its unusual rock patterns, vast gorges, and waterfalls.

The first movement towards independence for Angola began in the 1950s with the creation of political groups wanting self-determination for Angola.

The Portuguese regime at the time refused to countenance any moves by its colonies towards independence and the independence movement in Angola was suppressed. this led to an armed guerilla campaign that began in 1961 becoming the Angolan War of Independence. The war only came to an end when a military coup in Portugal in April 1974 overthrew the regime of Estado Novo. The new Portuguese government then called a cease-fire and stopped all military action in the African colonies, declaring its intention to grant them independence without delay.

The three main guerrilla groups formed a transitional government in January 1975. Fighting soon broke out between these groups as they vied to gain control of the country. With support from Cuba, one of the groups, the People’s Movement for the Liberation of Angola (MPLA), took control of Angola’s capital, Luanda, and declared independence on November 11th 1975.

The capital Luanda has been the world’s most expensive city for ex-pats since 2013.

Due to the lack of written historical records the exact birth date of Genghis Khan is unknown. It is generally accepted that he was born in 1162, in the north of modern-day Mongolia, not far from Ulaanbaatar, the capital of Mongolia.

Named Temüjin, he was born to a tribal leader. Temüjin proved himself to be an excellent politician, diplomat and warrior and achieved the  impossible – uniting the nomadic tribes on the Central Asian plateau.

The skill of the Mongols with the horse and arrow had been honed over centuries of hunting on the steppes of Asia, making them formidable opponents on the battlefield. Combine this with Genghis Khan’s reputation as one of the world’s great generals and his appetite for conquest and Eurasia was faced with a military force that was seemingly unstoppable.

By the second decade of the 13th century, while Europe was an ever-changing patchwork of small feudal states, Genghis Khan was ruling over a vast empire that would eventually span the breadth of Asia, making it the largest contiguous empire in history – in just fifty years, a third of world’s land surface had fallen under Mongol control.

Genghis Khan had 500 wives. A 2003 genetics study found that one in 200 of the male population (16 million men) are directly descended from Genghis Khan.

The Azerbaijani Democratic Republic adopted the Azerbaijani tricolour as the national flag of Azerbaijan Democratic Republic on November 9th 1918.

The flag was flown until 1920 when Azerbaijan became part of the Soviet Union. It wasn’t until 1991, and the break up of the Soviet Union, that the Azerbaijani flag flew once again when the Supreme Council of the Azerbaijan Republic announced a tricolour flag with a star and a crescent as the national flag of Azerbaijan on February 5th 1991.

The state flag is a symbol of Azerbaijan’s national sovereignty and to highlight its importance to Azerbaijan, on November 17th 2009, President Ilham Aliyev signed an order to declare November 9th as National Flag Day and a legal holiday.

To honour the flag, the National Flag Square in Baku was officially opened by President Ilham Aliyev on September 1st 2010.

Each year on November 9th, hundreds of people gather in the National Flag Square to watch a ceremony to raise Azerbaijan`s tricolour as the country marks National Flag Day. Confirmed by the Guinness Book of Records, the tricolour flies on the tallest flagpole in the world. The flag itself measures 70 meters high by 35 meters wide and weighs 350 kg.

A COUPLE who spent close to a thousand pounds on three days in Vienna have called what to others would be a major financial event a mere ‘trippette’.

Allan and Kevin, not their real names,  flew to Jersey on Friday for ‘a little bit of breathing space’ having apparently found the pressure of Zoom meetings in their home and garden offices while simultaneously choosing Farrow & Ball paint colours too much to bear.

Allan said: “We needed a couple of days to recharge. Nothing extravagant. Just flights, a suite and a few tasting menus. No theatre, no opera and not even business class.

“Unfortunately the flights, the dinners, new outfits, cocktails and cake with gold leaf on does add up. No wonder people are so concerned about the cost of living these days. Thankfully Hugh’s art history degree saved on shelling out for a tour guide.

“We’re not wealthy. We both work incredibly hard and budget like everyone else. But skimping on ourselves would be a false economy. The boys will be back from boarding soon enough and we won’t get chance.

“Skiing in February? Still up in the air, depends on Hugh’s bonus. Of course we’re still taking a month in Tuscany in summer, but only because we own the farmhouse.”

Friend Martin, not his real anem, who has not left the UK since 2022 and on payday treated himself to a Charlie Bigham’s paella for one, said: “Nine hundred quid for a weekend? For that I’d want to come back with a new kitchen.”

In Nepal, Lakshmi Puja is celebrated on the third day of Tihar, a five-day festival that culminates on Bhai Tika.

One of the most popular and enduring Hindu deities, the goddess Lakshmi symbolizes good luck. The word Lakshmi is derived from the Sanskrit word Laksya, meaning “aim” or “goal,” and in the Hindu faith, she is the goddess of wealth and prosperity of all forms, both material and spiritual.

Lakshmi is said to be the daughter of the mother goddess Durga. and the wife of Vishnu.

In some parts of India, Lakshmi Puja takes place on the full moon in the month of Ashwin. Often called Kojagari Lakshmi Puja or Bengali Lakshmi Puja, this version is more closely related to Durga Puja than Diwali.

NEED to apologise to get the situation over with? Here’s how to insinuate that you’re not really to blame.

‘I’m sorry you feel that way’

The classic. Technically an apology, but one which cleverly places responsibility for the entire situation on the other person’s misguided feelings. All you said was that Clare is a ‘big fat cow with personal hygiene problems’. She shouldn’t be so oversensitive in meetings.

‘I’m sorry if I upset you’

The word ‘if’ does the heavy lifting here. You’re not admitting you upset them. You’re merely expressing regret that they have somehow become upset in circumstances that remain completely mysterious to you. Strangely, you don’t get off scot-free in court by simply stating: ‘If I didn’t murder him I’m not guilty.’

‘I’m sorry. I thought you understood’

Brilliant, pure genius. Especially effective because it begins as an apology and ends as an accusation. It’s not your fault he didn’t check your relationship wasn’t one of those monogamous ones. Oh we’re arguing about the definition of ‘being engaged’ now, are we? Typical mansplaining.

‘I apologise for my part in what happened’

Perfect if you want to suggest there were multiple parties involved and your contribution was approximately four per cent. It also strongly suggests that other people’s roles were considerably larger. It’s just so true. Angela White keeps making these interesting videos and your wife shouldn’t creep into the house like a f**king ninja. And nor should her mother.

‘I’m sorry, but…’

Followed by anything that makes the first two words completely meaningless. ‘I’m sorry, but you were being incredibly annoying’; ‘I’m sorry, but what did you expect me to do?’; ‘I’m sorry, but birthdays for ordinary people were only invented by the Romans, so as an Anglo-Saxon by heritage I had no understanding of this supposed concept.’

‘Fine. Sorry’

This is the most honest apology because it communicates three things. One, you are apologising. Two, you do not mean it. Three, you’re fully aware this is a tactical masterstroke because once you’ve technically apologised there’s nowhere for the conversation to go. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game, fuming girlfriend.

The October Revolution was the second revolution that took place in Russia in 1917. In February 1917, revolutionaries in St. Petersburg, overthrew the Tsar resulting in his abdication and the end of the Romanov dynasty and the Russian Empire. Russian was put under the control of a provisional government under Prince Georgy Lvov.

After the February Revolution, ‘Soviets’ were created across Russia. The Soviets were worker’s councils, popular due to disaffection with the ability of the provisional government to improve the conditions of workers.

Many leaders of the Soviets were Bolsheviks, which strengthened the Bolsheviks in Russia to the point, under the leadership of Lenin, they initiated the October Revolution, an armed insurrection in Petrograd on November 7th 1917. This revolution established the Russian Socialist Federative Soviet Republic, the world’s first self-proclaimed socialist state.

You may have noticed this holiday is called October Revolution Day yet celebrates an event that took place in November. The reason is that in 1917, Russia was still using the Julian calendar which was 12 days behind the Gregorian calendar at that time, so the revolution took place on October 25th.

Belarus is the only country that was part of the Soviet Union that still observes a public holiday to mark the October Revolution.

During the period of the Soviet Union, November 7th was a public holiday across the union and was one of the biggest state celebrations of the year. 

DID you stupidly think you’d be happy and sorted by the time you got to middle age? Here are some unpleasant realities you weren’t expecting.

Renting a flat and being single

A waste of money and a bit lonely. However there might be enough 40-something singleton renters nowadays to force the government to give everyone a free house on their 40th birthday. Naturally you’d also get a decent car, an attractive spouse and some well-behaved kids. It doesn’t matter if they’re actors. Beggars can’t be choosers.

Your metabolism goes wrong

Leading to inevitable weight gain. You can’t even drown your sorrows about being fat with booze because hangovers are no longer a minor inconvenience on the way to work, but a nightmarish journey into paranoia, physical exhaustion and irrational feelings that you have lost at life because you don’t own an Audi.

You are not as successful as you assumed you would be

Even quite grounded people can’t resist fantasies of running their own successful business or writing the next Trainspotting. Unfortunately this requires talent, an element of luck, and single-minded hard work. The latter isn’t going to happen because let’s face it, you’re already knackered from just getting dressed in the morning.

Birthdays are no longer exciting

Childhood birthdays were amazing if you got an AT-AT walker, and in your 20s and 30s you were guaranteed a good piss-up. But birthdays in your 40s feel utterly pointless, unless you’re really excited about reaching the age of 43, which makes you a bit weird.

You’re obsessed with celebrities’ ages

A bizarre side-effect of getting older which makes you compare your own age and achievements with celebs who’ve taken an entirely different path in life. It’s still a kick in the teeth to discover you’re older than Danny Dyer, and haven’t even got his incredibly shit filmography.

Spain had occupied Western Sahara since 1884. Morocco had made a claim on the land highlighting a long-standing allegiance between the Moroccan Throne and the local Sahrawi tribes. Mauritania had made similar claims and some of the Sahrawi tribes had declared an interest in independence from everyone else.

In mid-October 1975, the International Court of Justice (ICJ) at The Hague declared that there were legal ties of allegiance between Moroccan Throne and some of the Sahrawi population, but that the local population should determine their own future.

Following the ICJ verdict, King Hassan II announced the organisation of the Green March, on October 16th 1975, to liberate the Moroccan southern provinces from Spanish colonialism.

“We have to do one thing dear people and that is to undertake a peaceful march from the north, the east, the west to the south. It behoves us to act as one man in order to join the Sahara,” King Hassan II said.

On November 6th 1975, in a significant show of national unity, about 350,000 unarmed Moroccan men and women, accompanied by 20,000 Moroccan troops headed towards the Sahara and met in Tarfaia.

This was the largest peaceful march in the world. The marchers carried Moroccan flags, green banners (representing Islam), Qur’ans, and pictures of King Hassan II throughout the march.

On entering Spanish Sahara, the Spanish forces did not open fire. Partly, this was to avoid killing thousands of innocent marchers, but also it was the last days of the rule of General Franco and after seeing Portugal lose its colonies the year before, the Spanish had no appetite to start a major conflict in its territories, especially over territory they had already agreed to give up.

Following the declaration of independence, the Colombians had ordered their army to march on Panama. 

On 5 November 1903, the locals in Colons managed to convince the Colombian forces stationed in Colon not to advance on Panama City. 

Without this action, it is possible that the Colombians may have gained a military advantage and quelled the independence movement.

THE government’s ‘Be Ready’ campaign is advising Britons on how to prepare for threats like extreme weather and cyber-attacks. Here girlfriend Nikki Hollis interprets that advice.

Stockpile scented candles

The last thing you want if food supplies are cut off is to run out of scented candles. And other people will be stockpiling them too so I’ve ordered 200. Can humans even survive without scented candles? I wouldn’t like to try it.

Don’t forget treats

A national emergency is going to be really depressing so you’ll need regular treats: Maltesers, Percy Pigs, Cadbury Flakes. There was plenty of space in our stockpile once I’d thrown out all the toilet paper and toothpaste my boyfriend bought. I even found room for Lindt chocolate truffles by binning all those matches. They’re dangerous anyway.

Buy conditioner

On the ‘Be Ready’ website it says to buy bathroom products, and guess what, I’d already bought 20 bottles of conditioner! Clearly I’m good at emergency planning because my boyfriend just bought some silly retro wind-up radio. Now is not the time for impulse purchases, sweetie.

Get a pet

If we’re stuck indoors for weeks or months because of a virus or radiation, a pet will cheer us up. My boyfriend says unnecessarily adding an extra mouth to feed is the antithesis of emergency planning, but I disagree. A dog will keep our morale up and if society breaks down we can use him to hunt and fight off intruders. I think a cockapoo is ideal for that.

Make a good playlist

When Britain’s infrastructure has been devastated by a cyber-attack, listening to your favourite songs will keep your spirits up. My boyfriend said: ‘Er, Nikki, you’re not planning to listen to that on Spotify on your phone which needs to be charged, are you?’ But then he’s never appreciated Taylor Swift.

Prioritise healthy food options

I understand we need to stock up on food, but what did my idiot boyfriend buy? Loads of instant noodles and baked beans! That’s just pure carbohydrate! Luckily some of us are a bit more health-conscious, so I replaced it all with lettuce, low-calorie ready meals and some apples. A nuclear war is going to be bad enough without fat thighs.

Have birthday cards

I just know that the moment society starts to collapse I’ll need to send a birthday card. Obviously I don’t know whose birthday it will be, so I bought loads of different ones to avoid giving my dad one with unicorns on. Unfortunately we were running out of space in the stockpile by then, so I threw out all the condoms my boyfriend had bought. I’m sure he’ll understand.

It was created in 2004 and celebrates the liberation of Moscow from Polish troops in 1612, led by Kuzma Minin and Dmitry Pozharsky. This event marked the end of the “time of troubles” and foreign intervention in Russia. It led to Mikhail Romanov’s accession to the throne.

Speaking in 2021, President Putin said: “National Unity Day marks a dramatic, life-changing period in the history of our country. In the early 17th century, Russia found itself on the brink of losing its sovereignty and could have disappeared from the European and world maps forever. However, the people of Russia did not let this happen. They came together in a volunteer army led by Minin and Pozharsky to defend their homeland, chase out the invaders and traitors, restore a strong state, and stop sectarian strife. They took on the task of saving the country and paved the way for Russia’s revival and strengthening.”

The event was marked by a public holiday which was celebrated in Russia on October 22nd from 1649 till 1917.

The name of the day is in recognition that all the classes of Russian society united to save Russia, even though there was no Tsar to lead them.

There are 193 peoples (tribes or ethnic groups) living in the territory of the country. Russia has a unique religious composition, with the three world religions represented –Christianity, Islam and Buddhism. Russia has 277 languages and dialects. More than three dozen languages, along with Russian – which form part of the Russian Federation – are national

Ecuador’s Public Holidays provide a handy guide to this South American country’s road to independence from Spain.

Independence Day commemorates Quito’s declaration of independence in 1809, the first city to do so in Latin America. While that attempt proved unsuccessful, it paved the way for the nationalist movement that would sweep over Central and South America later that century.

Eleven years later, on October 9th 1820, Guayaquil declared its independence during the Ecuadorian War of Independence – this event is marked by another public holiday.

Cuenca,  the economic centre of the southern highlands, declared its independence on November 3rd 1820.

These declarations were important milestones in the war and gave momentum to the liberation of Quito.

After the war and independence, Cuenca became the capital of one of the three provinces that made up the newly-formed republic.

Cuenca is the third-largest city in Ecuador and the capital of the Azuay Province. The historic centre of the city is listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site due to its many historical buildings.

The use of slaves on Mauritius was widespread. It began when the French took control of the island and established sugar cane plantations, which needed a large workforce of slaves.

By the time the British took control of the island in 1810, slaves accounted for around 80% of the island’s population with most from Madagascar and East Africa.

In February 1835, slavery was abolished in Mauritius. This instantly created a demand for replacement labour on the plantations.

The solution was to use indentured workers. Effectively indentured workers would work as slaves, but only for the term of their contract, after which they would be freed. This process started in Mauritius and was expanded to other parts of the British Empire.

Between 1834 and 1920, half-a-million indentured immigrants (labourers and their families) arrived on Mauritius, with 97% of the immigrants coming from India. The first labourers, called coolies, arrived from Calcutta (Kolkata) on November 2nd 1834.

A commission to look at the practice of indenture first took place in 1872, though it was 1924 before the practice was abolished.

In 1849 an immigration depot was built at Trou Fanfaron, Port Louis, where the coolies lived for two days before heading out to the sugar estates. It was listed as a national monument and renamed to Apravasi Ghat in 1989.

In 2006, the depot, seen as a symbol of human endurance, was included in Unesco’s list of world heritage sites.

The need to disclose ethnic identity was dropped from the census in 1982, so there are no official figures, but over 60% of Mauritians have ancestors from the Indian subcontinent.

This holiday on the anniversary of that first arrival in 1834 celebrates the rich cultural heritage of the Indian population and their contribution to Mauritian society.

THE foundations of a father’s identity have been shaken after he decided to put the heating on before November.

Anthony, not his real name, 47, has started to question every aspect of his existence after he apparently voluntarily reached for the central heating controls and made the house a pleasant temperature, even though by any measure it is still only autumn.

He said: “My kids didn’t nag me into submission, and my wife told me to put a jumper on when she saw what I was doing. What the f**k is going on?

“This isn’t who I am. I’m your typical dad who maintains an inhospitable temperature with an iron fist. Or am I? Perhaps I’ve been living a lie all these years and the facade is finally slipping.

“Was I really born in Islington? Do I actually enjoy listening to reggae and cheering on the Gunners, or is that all a sham as well? Maybe I’m actually a 16th century French courtesan lost on the dimensional planes.

“Get your shit together, Ant. There’s only so long you can search for answers in the bathroom mirror you’ve headbutted before people start getting suspicious.”

Anthony’s’ daughter Lucy, not her real name, said: “On the one hand dad is a gibbering shell of his former self, but on the other it’s nice and toasty. I prefer him having a terrifying identity crisis.”

From the start of the sixteenth century, Algeria had been under the partial rule of the Ottoman Empire. In 1830, the country was invaded by France. The conquest of Algeria was a long and bloody affair, and unusually for French foreign territories, Algeria’s status was that it was treated as being part of France rather than as a colony.

Emigration from Europe to Algeria was encouraged by the French, with tribal lands confiscated by the French government and Europeans even becoming the majority of the population in some cities like Algiers.

In the middle of the twentieth century, local resentment to the presence of France by the local Muslim population led to the uprising known as the ‘Red (bloody) All Saints’ Day’ (French: Toussaint Rouge).

On November 1st1954, the Christian festival of All Saints’ Day, 70 individual coordinated attacks were made on police and military targets across Algeria by the National Liberation Front (FLN). These attacks signaled the start of the Algerian War. The events of November 1st 1954 became known as the ‘Red (bloody) All Saints’ Day’ (French: Toussaint Rouge).

While France won the conflict and regained control of the country, the brutality of the suppression of the revolution further alienated the Algerians and resulted in a loss of support for France’s control of Algeria, both in France and abroad. This change in attitude directly led to independence from Algeria on July 5th 1962.