Kevin Gower

A MAN’S attempts to cure his hangovers are getting increasingly complicated to the point where they may be too difficult to do while hungover.

Martin, 41, not his real name, in the difficult position of loving getting shitfaced, but finding that quick, no-nonsense hangover cures have stopped working as well due to being old.

He said: “When I was younger I used to be able to shake a hangover off by mid-morning with coffee, a shower and maybe a quick vomit. Those happy days are gone.

“Drinking a litre of orange juice with a full English breakfast worked for a bit, but I was forced to move on to wanking and sleeping for ages. Sadly nowadays two wanks just wear me out, and spending most of the day in bed isn’t much use unless you can turn up to work at 5pm.

“So now my preparations start the night before by downing a pint of milk thistle juice while having a cold shower, then sleeping sitting upright so the alcohol doesn’t stay in my brain.

“In the morning I do the local park’s boot camp, which purges jets of toxins through my mouth, then I take an ice bath and sit down to a breakfast of dry sourdough toast with whale song playing in the background.

“The only problem is it’s way too exhausting to do with a hangover. A bloke in the pub swears by Thai massage, but hungover I’m not sure I could cope with the social interaction. Or a wank.”

Friend Cad, not his real name, said: “Martin could just meet us in the pub at lunchtime for an ever-reliable hair of the dog, but he’s going to an acupuncturist once he’s finished his kelp and wheatgrass smoothie.”

In November 2025, Morocco’s King Mohammed VI decreed that October 31st of each year will be a national holiday, designated as “Aid Al Wahda” (Unity Day in English), according to a statement from the Royal Cabinet.

The royal proclamation marks the adoption of a United Nations Security Council resolution that supports the Kingdom’s position on the Western Sahara issue, which has been widely described in the news as a “Sahara Victory at the UN.” The move is intended to underscore Morocco’s national unity and sovereign identity.

The Security Council resolution renewed for one year the mandate of the long-standing United Nations peacekeeping mission in the disputed Western Sahara, referencing Morocco’s Autonomy Proposal presented in 2007 — which envisions the territory as self-governing under Moroccan sovereignty — as a basis for negotiations.

The resolution is historic as it directly and explicitly joined the growing momentum in support of the Moroccan initiative as the basis to end the dispute under Morocco’s sovereignty.

The creation of “Unity Day” adds a significant new date to the nation’s calendar, reinforcing the importance of the UN’s resolution and its implications for the region. Unity Day will serve as a unifying occasion to celebrate national unity and the Kingdom’s territorial integrity, and it will also be a day on which the King grants royal pardons.

A 28-YEAR-OLD man is delighted to be diagnosed as having ‘anxious avoidant attachment’ by the enthusiastic amateurs on his girlfriend’s group chat.

Rubin, not his real name, who had previously thought of himself as a straightforward sort of bloke who occasionally has a nap, was happy to learn several women he had met briefly had developed a comprehensive psychological profile of him.

He said: “Apparently these women, none of whom have any qualifications but I’m told Marie is very good at matchmaking, have identified a pattern in my behaviour dating back to childhood.

“Thanks to some Instagram reels and a podcast clip, these layman psychologists believe I am commitment-phobic, emotionally unavailable but inexplicably clingy and suffering from a fear of abandonment. Which seems a perfectly rational thing to fear.

“Apparently saying ‘whatever you want, babe’ to restaurant suggestions is a manifestation of my fear of losing control. And I stand accused of ‘weaponised incompetence’ because I forgot our anniversary. I didn’t know we had one. We’re not married.

“Yet for all their expertise regarding the male psyche, they still can’t explain why I get irritated when she asks what I’m thinking and then becomes upset when I tell her it’s football. Sometimes it’s not about her. Very often it’s about Everton.

“Sophie says I need therapy. But I’m already getting it for free against my will in a group chat full of women who claim 20 minutes of silence is a ‘quiet plea for help’.”

Nevada Day commemorates the admission of the state of Nevada into the union on October 31st 1864, when it became the 36th state in the union. 

The words ‘battle born’ appear on the state flag, as Nevada gained its statehood during the American Civil War.

As Nevada Day is a state holiday, all state, county and city government offices will close, along with most schools and libraries. Private businesses can close at their discretion. The US Post Office will be open as will most banks and public transport will operate on nearly normal schedules.

The name ‘Nevada’ is Spanish and means ‘snow-covered’.

The biggest event to mark Nevada Day is the parade in downtown Carson City, the state capital of Nevada. The Nevada Day Parade is the state’s oldest and most historical event, and with the exception of Hawaii and West Virginia, Nevada hosts the only admission day activity of its kind in the country.

Informal celebrations of this holiday began in the 1870s when it was called Admission Day. Nevada Day became a state holiday in 1933 the State Legislature passed a bill, introduced by Senator Ira L. Winters of Carson City designating Oct. 31st as “Nevada Day” as well as a discretionary holiday. Parades and pageants commemorating Nevada’s history along with the usual gatherings of pioneers were among the festivities.

Following the defeat of the Ottomans in World War I, the allies occupied Turkey as part of the partitioning of the Ottoman Empire.

An uprising of Turkish nationalists led to the Turkish war of independence (1919 -1923). The allies left Turkish regions in July 1923.

Mustafa Kemal, the leader of the Turkish troops was named the first president on October 29th 1923 when the First Grand National Assembly declared Türkiye to be a republic officially in the new capital, Ankara, at the First Grand National Assembly of Türkiye Building.

On the same day, it was decided by the parliament to celebrate with 101 guns. 

In 1934, Kemal was given the title Atatürk, which means ‘Father of the Turks’.

A republican constitution was adopted the following April. Islam remained the state religion for several years, though this was eventually removed from the constitution in April 1928, making Turkey a secular state. Turkey remained a single-party government until 1945.

For the Turkish people, Republic Day is one of the national holidays where national unity and solidarity and social solidarity are at the highest level. It was essential to determine a new form of administration in order to eliminate the administrative vacuum that emerged after the War of Independence, which ended with the victory of the Turkish nation.

WISTFULLY staring at manual workers imagining they have it easier than you? Any one of these good, honest careers would cause your underpaid limbs immense pain:

Gardening

Nothing beats leaving the rat race for a job where you literally touch grass. Charlatans like Monty Don has convinced idiots that gardening is a form of mindfulness and artistic expression, overlooking how much of it is digging, sawing, clipping and lugging around literal sacks of shit. A fortnight of it and you’ll hate plants.

Bartending

Ever been an a night out where you’re not drinking and everyone else is? F**king awful, yeah? That’s every night as a bartender. Spending every night with lager-breathed arseholes and pretending to like them is a skillset office workers simply do not have because they are those arseholes, every Friday night.

Farming

Not everyone wants to follow their primal agricultural instincts, though financiers with untaxed nest eggs are powerfully attracted. The romanticism of owning a farm is sullied by the perpetual whinging farmers are legally obliged to do, about foot-and-mouth or milk prices or the bloody weather. But you’ll be enough like Clarkson to be admired by bigots.

Carpentry

Why not do a reverse Harrison Ford and go from six figures to sawing door jambs? Your current job may not be Hollywood but after a few months at a lathe it will f**king feel like it. Dovetail joints look sexy on Instagram but are an absolute bastard in practice. You’ll wish you were back at your desk, ignoring fine examples of woodworking all around you.

Nursing

After watching The Pitt while commuting, you surely know most of what’s covered in a decade of medical studies. And there’s enough cool in being a caregiver to carry you through graveyard shifts as miserable as an annual conference. Where else but A&E would you find sex toys lodged in funny orifices? Annual conferences, actually.

Scaffolding

Inhaling second-hand vape fumes for eight hours straight is not worth it for being four storeys up. Nor is the risk of an early death worth all-chat about which Marvel superhero has the best tits. It’s hard, all-weather, exhausting, labour. You’ll stare in at offices and wish you could be in there with them. And it’s Captain Marvel, definitely.

The area of Czechoslovakia had been a part of the Austro Hungarian Empire until the Empire collapsed at the end of the first world war. The Czech speaking areas of Bohemia and Moravia had been under Austrian rule while Slovakia was part of Hungary.

Before the first world war, there had been nationalist movements in both the Czech lands and Slovakia. Despite the Czech area being an industrialised region and Slovakia being a mainly agricultural-based country, the two regions took the opportunity to become a new nation.

‘Czechoslovak’ independence was proclaimed in Prague’s Wenceslas Square on October 28th 1918. The president of the ‘First Republic’ was Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk, who was the leader of the nationalist movement outside the Austro Hungarian Empire.

Known as the Festival of Lights, Thadingyut is the second most popular festival in Myanmar after Thingyan Festival.

Maya, the mother of Buddha died a week after Buddha was born. She was reborn in the Trayastrimsa Heaven as a god named Santusita. To honour his mother, Buddha ascended to the Trayastrimsa Heaven and preached from the Abhidhamma texts to Santusita for three months. 

The full moon of the month Waso (Dhammasetkya Day) marks the ascent by Buddha and the start of the three month period of Buddhist Lent, when the monks retreat to their monasteries. During this time, monks dedicate themselves to meditation and study. During Buddhist Lent, marriages are forbidden and many people give up meat and alcohol. Buddhist lent often coincides with the rainy season in Myanmar.

The full moon in Thadingyut marks Buddha’s return to earth and signifies the end of Buddhist Lent.

Thadingyut is called the festival of lights as the followers of Buddha lit up their houses and temples to mark the return of Buddha. Towns and villages across Myanmar will be illuminated in honour of this auspicious event.

The Declaration of Neutrality was a declaration by the Austrian Parliament declaring the country permanently neutral. It was enacted on October 26th 1955 as a constitutional act of parliament.

The declaration was a direct result of the allied occupation by the Soviet Union, the United States, the United Kingdom and France between 1945 and 1955. The Soviet Union would not have agreed to the signing of a State Treaty in May 1955 if Austria had not committed itself to declare its neutrality after the allied forces had left the country. The final foreign troops left Austria on October 25th 1955.

Since 1955, neutrality has become a deeply ingrained element of Austrian identity. Legally, Austrian neutrality is both a part of the Austrian constitution and of international law. There is some debate as to whether Austria could change this neutral status on its own account and whether Austria is still truly neutral, given it is a member of the EU.

MEETING an old pal you haven’t seen in years only to find he’s not only sober, but proud of it? Here’s how the long, long evening will inevitably pan out:

Awkward conversation

The talking used to take care of itself as the pints went down. Now it’s just you on the Stella because he’s moved on as, it seems, has any spark of interest he once held. Nod sagely as he waffles about work, his kids’ educational prospects, and how much better off he is physically and financially now he’s off the booze. Take frequent sips.

Time crawling by

It feels like he’s been detailing how his garden office is set up for hours. How can it only be minutes? Why did you arrange to meet so early? To give you more drinking time. At least three hours lie ahead and it’s only going to get harder. Finally you understand how women feel on dates.

Making a pint last an hour

Not drinking isn’t an option, but nor will getting drunk help. Nothing worse than being hammered while a man who used to party explains how he trained for a charity bike ride. And he’s judging you for every pint, so you’ve got to draw it out. It’s been an hour, you’re only halfway down it and you’re actually getting thirstier.

Try and remember something to tell him

What have you done since 2019? Well, there was… lockdown… you got an air-fryer… Christ, your life can’t be this uneventful. If you were both drunk incidents would be flying out, but now he’s given up the sauce and, coincidentally, become unbearably dull you can’t think of anything he would consider news. ‘We’re thinking of getting solar panels,’ you slur.

Think of excuses to leave

Got work in the morning? No, it’s a Friday night. Feeling ill? He may question why you’re already on your fifth pint. Need to relieve the babysitter? No, you already told him your wife’s looking after the kids in return for a good bottle of Merlot. You can’t think of anything. Maybe another drink will help.

Get dragged for a curry

‘Pubs bore me,’ says the man who’s failed to understand the reason they exist, and so he suggests a curry. And now you’re in an environment where most people are sober it becomes apparent how smashed you are. Beating yourself to death with the poppadum tray will be a long and difficult process but you’re out of options.

Retrocession Day is the annual observance to commemorate the end of Japanese rule of Taiwan and Penghu and the claimed return of Taiwan to the Republic of China on October 25th 1945.

The Battle of Guningtou, also known as the Battle of Kuningtou or the Battle of Kinmen, was fought in October 1949 on the island of Kinmen, located in the Taiwan Strait, during the final stages of the Chinese Civil War. The battle resulted in a decisive victory for the Republic of China forces and marked a significant turning point in the civil war.

A WOMAN has been presented with a seemingly spontaneous bouquet by her boyfriend. What has he done? Grace Wood-Morris investigates:

He’s forgotten something

Unless I’ve forgotten one of our significant celebration dates, which I haven’t, he must think he has. But which? I shall accept the flowers haughtily, letting him know he’s done wrong, and wait for him to give himself away later.

He’s bought impulsively

Or he’s compensating in advance for an unwise eBay purchase. Could be anything from a life-size Ultron to a new car. Either way, he knows he’s sinned and this is woefully inadequate as compensation. I’ll retaliate by getting myself that Jigsaw dress that’s in my basket but I had not yet bought, because I am a saint.

He wants a holiday with the lads

The group chat is alive with rumblings of a lad’s trip away. It may have developed into an actual plan, hence the flowers. I’ll get straight on it and report this bouquet to the girls and cross-reference for other suspicious boyfriend behaviour. They’re not going anywhere. But thanks for the flowers.

He loves me

It would be so romantic if he’d been at work thinking about how much he loves me and how much it hurts him to be away from me and that’s why he bought flowers. But based on his track record that’s unlikely. My spontaneous gifts in the relationship so far are a can of Fanta, chocolates he got given by work and a hoodie of his I kind of stole.

He’s cheated

James isn’t the cheating kind, which I know because there’s a tracking app on his phone. Could he have left it at work and snuck out to a hotel for anonymous sex? No, he’s not got that level of planning in him. He can’t even book a citybreak without checking with his mum.

No reason at all

After exhausting all the possibilities. I’ve come to the conclusion that he has bought me flowers for no reason whatsoever. How utterly f**king thoughtless, I deserve better than that.

October 24th is a public holiday throughout the Pakistani state of Azad Jammu Kashmir. 

The Founding Day is celebrated in commemoration of the date of establishment of the state and freedom from the Dogra regime on this day in 1947.

Azad Jammu and Kashmir, abbreviated as AJK and colloquially referred to as simply Azad Kashmir, is a region administered by Pakistan as a nominally self-governing entity and constituting the western portion of the larger Kashmir region, which has been the subject of a dispute between India and Pakistan since 1947.

In Muzaffarabad, the day begins with a 21 gun salute. The main function are held at Parade Ground, where the Prime Minister of Azad Jammu and Kashmir hoists the national flag.

Special prayers are offered in mosques for the integrity and prosperity of Pakistan and the early liberation of Indian Illegally Occupied Jammu and Kashmir.

A TWO-HOUR Monday morning meeting has ended with all participants drained, shaken and unable to explain what went on.

Boss Nei, not his real name, sent a calendar invite last week for a ninety minute ‘team huddle’, which was later extended by half an hour for reasons unclear either on the invite or, according to survivors, in the actual meeting.

Dazed facilities manager Emma, not her real name, gulping down a black coffee, said: “What the f**k was that?

“I know there was an agenda at the start, and someone must have been taking notes, but I cannot tell you who or why or what about. All I know is that within 20 minutes up was down, black was white and I was barely clinging to my sanity.

“I went in there with a pretty decent idea of what my role is, I think. Now I can barely remember my own name. Was I fired? Am I meant to be doing something now? Has lunch already happened or not?”

Neil said: “I know my team, and they can’t stand quick one-on-one chats or briefing emails. They really function best in a large group, where we cover a lot of ground and everyone gets a chance to speak, especially me.

“I hope they feel like it was sufficiently detailed. We’ll reconvene late on Friday afternoon to pick up where we left off. I’m sure all of the points from the last meeting will have been actioned. Even if I’m a little vague on what they were.”

Following the end of the Second World War, Hungary had increasingly come under the control of their liberators from Germany, the Soviet Union.

Following democratic changes in Austria, some Hungarians had hoped for similar concessions in their country, but those hopes were quashed with the establishment of the Warsaw Pact in 1955, placing Hungary behind the so-called ‘Iron Curtain’. Demanding democratic changes and the withdrawal of Soviet forces, Hungarian students held a demonstration in Budapest on October 23rd 1956. The demonstration drew popular support and the crowds grew and similar protests broke out across Hungary. This led to the Soviets deploying tanks on the streets of Budapest in an attempt to take back control. Violent rebellion then erupted in all parts of Hungary, with uprisings removing the local government. A new democratic government ousted the ruling communist party.

On October 28th the Soviets called for a cease-fire, withdrew their troops and pledged to re-establish free elections.

However, on November 3rd 1956, the Soviets changed their minds. The new government was arrested and within a week the Soviet military had crushed the rebels and the short-lived revolution was over.

It may be known in some regions as Vijayadashami and in parts of southern India, it is known as Dasara. Other regional spellings include Dashera and Dussera.

As this is a ten day festival based on a lunar date with many important days and also because it has many different names in the various regions on India, it is difficult to determine when each region has a holiday. On this site, we show the date of the tenth day and you can assume that most regions will observe this a public holiday.

In India, the festival of Dussehra symbolizes the triumph of good over evil.

The festival traditionally represents the legend of Rama and Ravana.

Ravana, the demon king, abducted the beloved Princess of India, Sita.

The Lord Rama rescued the Princess, proving victorious over the powerful and evil King Ravana.

A WOMAN has hilariously given her boyfriend the illusion of choice while deciding which restaurant to eat at.

Jessica’s partner, Anthoy, not their real names, was excited to be brought into the discussion, foolishly believing his answer would in any way affect the decision that had already been made hours previously.

Jess said: “It was so funny watching Ant carefully consider the options as if it meant something. I hate to compare him to a dog being trained to press the right button for a treat, but that’s what he is.

“I allowed him to consider the local Chinese restaurant, a steak house he liked the sound of, and a salad place I favoured that was the correct choice. As I gently closed down the options with bullshit reasons like us having steak a month ago he really thought he was choosing. It was adorable.

“It’s not manipulative, we’re just one of those lucky couples with incredibly similar tastes. It’s just that Josh doesn’t always know that at first.”

Ant  said: “It’s strange because initially I wanted a steak but then I completely changed my mind. Which was the right decision because the trendy new salad place was lovely, and honestly a lot more filling than I thought.

“Jess and I always make decisions together, but sometimes I have to put my foot down, like last night when I really wanted salad, not a juicy 12-ounce steak with chips.”

Wednesday 21 October President Ndadaye’s Day in Burundi

Melchoir Ndadaye was the first democratically elected and the first Hutu president of Burundi. 

In 1993, in the first free elections after 26 years of military rule, Ndadaye won, polling around 66% of the vote.  He survived a coup attempt on July 3rd and was sworn in as President of Burundi on July 10th of that year.

Aged just 40, he was assassinated on October 21st 1993 during a failed military coup led by former president Jean-Baptiste Bagaza and Army Chief of Staff Col. Jean Bikomagu.

Ndadaye’s assassination was the spark that led to a decade-long civil war between the Tutsi and Hutu ethnic groups. 

Today Ndadaye is remembered as the founding father of the country’s democracy and remains a symbol of unity and reconciliation.

THE French have a lower retirement age and free universities because they’re not afraid to set a shop on fire. They would riot over any one of these British shit sandwiches:

Southern Rail

The disgrace of Southern Rail’s late-running, extortionate service is so monumental that Britain simply cannot confront it. A Frenchman experiencing its knackered rolling stock would head straight to Whitehall with a can of patrol. Thankfully they’ve been deterred from visiting and witnessing our national disgrace by centuries of simmering hostility.

Meal deals

If you’re confused as to why the paprika crisps shelved right next to the sandwiches aren’t included in your lunchtime meal deal, think of our continental neighbours. If they were told the items in their hands were not part of the deal, the till would be through the window in moments and Boots awash with tear gas before ten minutes had passed.

Porn age-verification checks

Erotic imagery is every Frenchman’s God-given right. Every trip to the boulangerie, patisserie or tabac is enlivened by seeing at least five tits. The thought of scanning your face to gaze upon a fanny?  Their reflex for writing angry signs would kick in. They’d sooner surrender to the Nazis again than give up easy access to female nudity.

Axing the triple lock

Thanks to organised violence, the French people have kept their retirement age down to 64. And that’s after a lifetime of toiling through four-day weeks with two-hour lunches. Threatening the triple lock would be good for at least one head-of-state decapitation and a fortnight of looting, if our shite high streets had anything they’d want to steal.

Oat milk

Our calling the crap we cook ‘food’ has enraged our Gallic neighbours for decades, but at least it came from solid animal-cruel sources. To make milk, milk which masquerades as being from the cow, from oats? Paris would be in flames before the furiously-discarded disposable coffee cup had hit the cobbles.

Comparative lack of riots

Traditionally, the UK holds riots during the summer. This alone would have French people taking to the street to overturn bins. ‘No riots?’ they would cry, ‘But then how can this be called a functioning democracy? We riot… for the riots!’ Not that you’ll understand, because your entire knowledge of French is ‘Hello, my name is John, thank you.’

In 1929 the economic ravages of the Great Depression were being felt worldwide, including Central America. It caused high levels of unemployment and unrest in Guatemala.

To stop the country descending into chaos, the Guatemalan authorities needed someone to take control and give strong leadership. They looked to Jorge Ubico, who had earned a hardman reputation as a provincial governor. Ubico won the 1931 elections, which wasn’t a great shock to the pollsters given he was the only candidate.

Ubico set about his task of improving the country’s economic fortunes and imposed an over-zealous and punitive set of labour laws.

He effectively militarised the country, by making each provincial governor a general and putting military officers in charge of many government posts.

During the second world war, he gave support to the Americans (mainly to annoy Mexico) but that didn’t stop him openly admiring the achievements of European fascists such as Franco in Spain and Mussolini in Italy.

Napoleon Complex

It’s not known what posters if any, the teenage Ubico had on his bedroom wall, but Napoleon would have been a safe bet as he was like a dog with a Bonaparte when it came to Napoleon. Ubico considered himself to be “another Napoleon”. He surrounded himself with statues and paintings of Napoleon, regularly commenting on the similarities between their appearances. Though he wasn’t particularly short – but then neither was Napoleon, despite what British propaganda might have us believe.

While the country was under Spanish rule, a military parade was held whenever a new governor-general took office in Santiago. The First Government Junta’s formal inauguration took place in the city on September 19th 1810, as the first military parade of the new nation.

The National Army of Chile was created on December 2nd 1810, by order of the First National Government Junta.

The Day of the Glories of the Chilean Army was established in 1915. On September 28th 1819, a parade with all the nation’s army units was held to celebrate the victory in the Chilean War of Independence. 

President Joaquin Prieto ordered a military exercise on La Pampilla fields in 1831, and President Manuel Bulnes obtained lands in the Pampilla area for annual military parades in 1842, leading to its transformation into a military installation in 1845. This land became O’Higgins Park in 1873 following the efforts of Luis Cousiño, who was inspired by European parks and decided to infuse a similar design with Chilean features. He commissioned Manuel Arana to design it, and Arana included the Field of Mars that has been used in the annual military parades since.

The purpose of this holiday is to remember all those who have fought in Chilean battles, in which the country has been victorious or defeated; the courage and courage of those who protected the country and its inhabitants are remembered.

The Chilean Army is one of the most technologically advanced and professional armies in the Americas.

Note that the Chilean Navy has its own public holiday. The Day of the Glories of the Chilean Navy is observed on May 21st and marks the date of the battle of Iquique on that day in 1879.

On September 18th 1810, Chile broke from Spanish rule, declaring their independence. The Spanish had ruled Chile since the middle of the 16th Century. The movement to independence had been driven by other South American countries revolting against colonial rule, the French and Spanish warring in Europe and the appointment of an unpopular Governor in 1808.

While Chileans celebrate their independence on September 18th, their declaration in 1810 was the start of a long struggle and the Chilean war of Independence lasted for eight years before Chile could officially proclaim independence on February 12th 1818. Indeed, it wasn’t until 1826 when the last Spanish troops holding out on a remote island finally surrendered to Chilean forces.

At 7,500 feet, (2,286 metres) above sea level, Chile’s Atacama Desert is the driest place on Earth.

With Independence Day being immediately followed by another public holiday (Day of the Glories of the Chilean Army), the whole week around these two days tends to be a period of celebration. Many schools and some companies will declare a week-long holiday.

The events around the struggle for Independence are remembered with the ‘Fiestas Patrias’ (national parties). These fiestas include parades (often including ‘huasos’, the traditional Chilean cowboys), dancing, partying, traditional Chilean food, and displays of national pride.