Kevin Gower

ARE you a terrible, inconsiderate son who doesn’t know what to get his mum for Mother’s Day? Try these safe gifts.

A phone call

Doesn’t have to be long. A quick two-minute chat will make your mum happy, even though she carried you for nine months and spent 15 agonising hours pushing you out. Try to make the conversation about her for once though, and how much she means to you. Your usual calls where you beg her for money can wait.

Breakfast in bed

Don’t actually know anything about your mum? Don’t panic. While she would’ve definitely enjoyed a thoughtful present related to one of her interests you’re oblivious too, some burnt toast on a plate presented to her in bed is an adequate alternative. Push the boat out and include a cup of tea that isn’t made to her liking.

Some flowers

If you were an attentive son, you would’ve already pre-ordered a bunch of your mum’s favourite flowers to be delivered to her on the big day. Seeing as you’re not even sure if she likes flowers, you’ll have to make do with a handful of daffodils yanked out of her garden. They’re definitely a step up from a bouquet of forecourt flowers, due to not being completely shrivelled yet.

A nice meal

You’ve left it too late to book a table at Wetherspoons, so you’ll have to cross your fingers that there’s a space at a fancy restaurant. Failing that, anywhere your mum can sit in peace for five minutes and sip on an elderflower cordial will do. You have to accompany her to whatever you settle on as well, otherwise she’ll look tragic.

For you to move out

Your mum may say that she wants chocolates or a trip to the spa, but this is really what she’s holding out for. She already knows how she wants to redecorate the childhood bedroom you still live in, so get her the ultimate treat this Mother’s Day by moving all of your crap into a storage unit. If you need help, your dad will be all too happy to lend a hand.

Hungary had been part of the Austrian Empire since the early part of the nineteenth century, though it had operated almost as a separate country; it’s strongest bond to the empire was a common monarch.

The revolution in 1848 began following widespread national discontent with taxation and a desire for freedom of the press, freedom of religion and an independent parliament for Hungary. The desire for independence was also driven by other revolutions across Europe at this time.

On March 15th 1848, the poet of the revolution, Sandor Petőfi and his fellow patriots addressed the nation from the stairs of the Hungarian National Museum, reciting the Nemzeti dal (National Song). They declared a list of demands for democratic rights, now known as the 12 Points of the Pest Revolution  – a document widely considered among the nation’s most important texts.

The famous 12 Points called for the establishment of a Hungarian government and an end to all censorship. By the afternoon, thousands had joined in the cause and sparked the Hungarian Revolution, which later secured the nation’s independence.

The revolution became the war for independence, which resulted in defeat for the Hungarian revolutionaries in October 1849. Despite the failure of the revolution to deliver independence, the revolution is seen as a key point in Hungary’s history and that the efforts of the people at that time should be remembered in this national holiday.

By internet enthusiast Nancy, who doesn’t understand why documents don’t fall out of the cloud when it rains

IN my day dirty old men wore raincoats and leered. Like Terry down the butcher’s. Marie married him, but then she had to with her moustache.

But in the 21st century? They’ve got yachts and planes and islands. Take this Geoff Epstein. Good-looking man by the standards of Geoffs, but by all accounts a wrong ’un. Got Andrew in terrible trouble, and I’m a Royalist but he was always thick as mince.

There’s all sorts in his Epstein’s files, though. Politicians, diplomats, presidents. Makes me wonder – am I in there?

You might ask why he’d be mentioning an ex-bookmaker’s assistant who’s six decades outside his age range and can only get the iPad to work by shouting at it. But I let Roy take a few saucy shots back in the day. Upskirt stuff. So hot I’m surprised we got them back from the chemist.

Lord knows where they ended up, and that’s the sort of blackmail material Epstein was after. There’s nothing more compromising than a sturdy thigh and a floral gusset.

And I could easily be an enemy of a man like that. I’m very forthright. Like Graham at bowls, he didn’t like strong ladies. I’ve reposted endless memes about his mate Peter Mandelson on the Facebook and I even read a few.

Is there any way I can write to the local council and see if I’m in? Like with my Freedom of Information requests about those remote-controlled pigeons I read about online, which they were very dismissive of. Said ‘they move around a lot’ and ‘all look the same’. That’s what they want you to think.

And when Andrew’s interview came out, I publicly – on the Facebook’s neighbourhood group – called him a ‘fat n0nce’. I put the 0 in to stop it being rude. He will have seen that and the word will have gone out that I must be silenced.

Bill Gates knew Geoff, but it’s supposedly a coincidence that my Windows 95 machine keeps breaking down. Never mind that my grandson Oli says it’s ‘riddled with viruses’. Who do you think sent those?

We need them to search the Epstein files for me. And tell them to search ‘Wilks’ as well as ‘Nancy’, because a lot of the time people spell it wrong.

Summer Day is a pagan festival whose observation and traditions originated in the region around Elbasan, in central Albania.

On the outskirts of the city, a shrine was built to Zana, the goddess of hunting, forests, and nature. The tradition was that Zana would come out of the shrine after her winter hibernation on March 14th.

At the time when the traditions of Summer Day became established, March was the first month of the year. In Romania and some other countries in Eastern Europe, the first day of Spring is celebrated on March 14th. In the sixteenth century, the adoption of the Gregorian calendar added 13 days, moving Summer Day away from March 1st.

A traditional food to eat on Summer day is Ballokume, an Albanian biscuit, originating from the city of Elbasan. It is made from cornflour, eggs, sugar, and sugar mixed in a copper bowl.

Summer Day has been a public holiday in Albania since 2004.

A MAN is feeling increasingly nostalgic for his twenties despite having spent the entire decade wishing they would end.

43-year-old Martin, not his real name, has decided that his early adulthood, which was defined by existential dread, financial anxiety and relationship turmoil, was actually the prime of his life in retrospect.

He said: “At the time I was impatiently waiting for everything to fall into place so I could feel like a real adult. God I wish I could go back to those glory days.

“My job was terrible. My prospects were even worse. And I was already lagging far behind my friends when it came to falling in love and buying a house. But compared to now, where things are broadly the same, at least I had hope for the future.

“My twenties really weren’t as terrible as I thought they were. My legs didn’t ache every time I stood up, and my hairline was still on point. Pair that with a complete lack of responsibility and you can see why I miss them so much.

“So what if every day was a battle with my low self-esteem and terrible circumstances? Those are nitpicks. If I zoom way, way out, and only focus on the handful of good memories from that time, they look much better.”

Booker’s friend Anthony, not his real name, said: “Give it 20 years and Martin will be all wistful about his current situation. Which is ridiculous because his life is utter shit.”

In this part of India, farming involves Jhumming, which is a system of rotating which fields are used for planting each year. This means that each new growing season brings some heavy-duty jungle clearing, chopping down and burning bamboo and trees to make the ground ready for a new crop.

In the 15th century, a tradition of taking a well-earned break and relaxing for a few days after the clearing work began.  In those days, the festival could last for days and in the run-up to the grand finale, the traditions of the festival were established. What was also established was that this is primarily a festival of joy. Though it was never heavily religious, as the state and Mizo people moved away from traditional beliefs to become Christian, the festival fell out of favour. It was revived in the 1960s and 1970s.

Today it has grown to be the biggest of the Mizo festivals – the other two big festivals are also agricultural – Mim Kut and Pawl Kut.

And although the role of alcohol has been reduced in this dry state, the gaiety and fervour of Chapchar Kut still shines through with plenty of dancing and music to keep everyone in good spirits.

Chapchar Kut takes place on the Assam Rifles ground in Lammual and involves around 15,000 performers and most of the spectators also get involved in proceedings – particularly Chai, the last dance of the festival.

Due to its strategic position, Mauritius was a prized target for European countries looking to establish control and trade routes in the Indian Ocean. Mauritius passed through Dutch, French and finally British control, becoming a colony of Britain in March 1810.

Mauritius was named by the Dutch in honour of Prince Maurits van Nassau in the 17th century.

In 1959, British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan had given his famous ‘Winds of Change’ speech, stating the British government’s intention to give independence to many of its overseas colonies. This led to an increasing call within Mauritius for self-rule.

The elections of 1966 resulted in a victory for an alliance of the Mauritius Labour Party and other self-rule parties.

On March 12th 1968, Mauritius adopted its new constitution and gained independence as a constitutional monarchy. Queen Elizabeth II remained head of state and Sir Seewoosagur Ramgoolan became the first Prime Minister of Mauritius.

Exactly twenty-four years later, on March 12th 1992, Mauritius was proclaimed as a republic within the British Commonwealth.

To mark National Day, Mauritians will show their pride in their nation by displaying their colourful flag across the island. An official flag-raising ceremony takes place with military parades and live music.

THAT night of slippery anal the two of you haven’t discussed since? Shared over brunch, complete with hand gestures. Here’s how to acknowledge that:

Take pride in your achievements

Why are you embarrassed? You are now one of the great lovers of history, whose sweaty achievements are spoken of with hushed awe in Pret. Like Casanova, Cleopatra or Jacob Rees-Mogg, your prodigious shagging is the sort of feat that would’ve once kept medieval minstrels in business. Except now it’s your girlfriend’s mate Nat who’ll be recounting your tale through various group chats.

She was there first

Long before your first kiss with your beloved, your girlfriend’s best mate heard about your Hinge opener and gave a second opinion on your haircut. You’re only together because this woman approved them, like a chaperone of the Regency period. By listening to stories of your prowess, she’s keeping her role as your girlfriend’s guide through the bewildering gauntlet of modern love.

Fantasise

Pretend you’re living in a letter to Penthouse. You never thought your girlfriend’s mate fancied you. But then she heard tell of how you provided nine minutes of sustained cunnilingus, and now she’s queueing up to sample the goods next to your obliging partner. Have fun imagining how this would play out, while remembering to never, ever tell your girlfriend of this specific fantasy.

Accept things were already awkward

You can only be so close to your girlfriend’s best friend. While she might not acknowledge it, she’s always going to resent you for stealing her pal away from her. So what if stories of your sexual prowess drive a further wedge between the two of you? Don’t worry, she’s only holding onto them to weaponise for when you split.

See if it works two ways

If your girlfriend’s mate is being told all of the sordid details of your sex life, then it’s only fair that you learn about who she’s f**king and how. Open with an easy question, like ‘So does Sonya swallow?’ If your girlfriend is repulsed at your asking and this leads to a relationship-ending argument, at least your paranoia about what’s she’s saying about how you shag will be a moot point.

King Moshoeshoe I is considered the father of Lesotho. He reigned from 1822 – 1870, founding Basutoland to unite the tribes in the area in order to defend themselves from attacks by the Zulus.

Never suffering a major military defeat, Moshoeshoe was able to resist colonialism efforts of the Boer trekkers from the Orange Free State and although Basutoland became a British colony, Moshoeshoe was able to keep his country separate from British South Africa and Apartheid South Africa. 

Ongoing border disputes with the Boers were resolved at the Treaty of Aliwal in 1869, bringing stability to his Moshoeshoe’s Kingdom.

King Moshoeshoe I was given a wool blanket as a gift in 1860 and was so taken with it that he abandoned his traditional leopard-skin kaross (cloak), popularizing the iconic Basotho blanket worn in Lesotho today and during the holiday’s events. 

Moshoeshoe died on March 11th 1870.