I went on the world’s ‘coolest’ cruise

I HAVE quite a few questions before I embark on my night in a sub-zero snow hotel.

Is there somewhere to plug my phone? What if I need a wee? Why on earth did I agree to do this?!

I’m at the Snow Resort in Kirkenes in north-east Norway, way above the Arctic Circle.

Like thousands of visitors each year, I’ve stopped here ahead of a Hurtigruten cruise down the coast.

On arrival I took a powerboat out into Kirkenesfjorden to watch fishermen haul eight king crabs out of the water.

Less than an hour later — after the obligatory photo opportunity and steam cooking — I was tucking into the sweet, succulent crabmeat.

WAIL OF A TIME

I drove Irish Route 66 with deserted golden beaches and pirate-like islands

TEMPTED?

Tiny ‘Bali of Europe’ town with stunning beaches, €3 cocktails and £20 flights

At roughly £150 each wholesale, it is little wonder locals call them the “gold of the sea”.

Later I enjoyed a traditional Sami cultural experience, listening to folk tales from artist and musician Jon Henrik while we hand-fed his pet reindeer.

In the evening I ate reindeer — not Jon Henrik’s animal, I should like to add — washed down with delicious pear cider.

I could have opted to stay in one of the resort’s cosy-looking, glass-fronted cabins. Instead, I braved the Snowhotel 365 (it’s open all year), where my bed for the night was a slab of ice topped with a mattress.

Back at home, my wife insists on sleeping with a window open and often hogs the duvet, so I’ve had some training. Even so, this was the first time I’ve been handed a balaclava to wear in bed.

I turned in at around 10pm, with an ice-carved troll looming over me and the thermostat reading -0.2C.

Accompanied by some slightly disconcerting dripping noises, I felt like a packet of peas set to defrost.

I soon nodded off but just a few hours later I regretted the second glass of cider at dinner. Dragging myself out of my snug, arctic-rated sleeping bag, I slipped into spiked boots for a dash to the outside loo.

Ironically, an autumn night in Norway proved considerably warmer than my room.
It was a relief the next morning to board the MS Kong Harald, one of seven ships running on Hurtigruten’s Coastal Express route between Kirkenes and Bergen, calling at 32 ports along the way.

With space for nearly 600 passengers, this is not just a cruise but a working lifeline for locals who commute or move freight between remote fjords.

So is it a cruise or is it a ferry? Onboard you’ll find outdoor hot tubs, sauna, gym though there are no dedicated kids’ clubs. There is also super-fast wifi.

The food is distinctly upmarket, with an expansive buffet and à la carte restaurant bringing the best of coastal Norway to your plate.

The drinks menu is equally impressive. While on board, the crew were retrieving 1,002 bottles of Italian Barolo red wine that had been maturing for 12 months on the seabed of the Arctic Ocean. My cosy twin cabin had a comfortable bed and large window to admire the stunning landscapes.

The deck outside was perfect for viewing the Northern Lights or whale-spotting, both of which you can expect to see from late September onwards.

The ship docks day and night, for as little as 15 minutes in small villages, up to a few hours in bigger towns and cities.

I hopped off at Honningsvåg at 5.45am for an excursion to the North Cape, the dramatic clifftop situated on the coast of Magerøya island in Finnmark, northern Norway.

After soaking up panoramic sea views, I caught the coach transfer to rejoin the ship at Hammerfest without breaking a sweat.

At 11.45pm that night, I disembarked at Tromsø for an atmospheric midnight choral concert in the Arctic Cathedral.

With storms threatening my sea journey to Svolvær, I made the call to end my voyage early.

But the silver lining was a bonus half-day to explore vibrant Tromsø, capped by a wood-fired harbour-side sauna and an invigorating plunge into the icy Norwegian Sea.

Worth every goosebump!