AN office worker is living in fear of a colleague who believes he is a real friend and not merely a work friend.
Martin, not his real name, has come to dread Steve, not his real name, escalating acts of friendliness, which threaten to cross the line from cynical work banter into worthwhile friendship.
Martin said: “It’s not that I don’t like Steve, he’s alright. But outside of work we have nothing in common.
“Slagging off colleagues is fine, but now he’s suggested going for a drink, just me and him. Like a date. I managed not to commit, but I’m terrified that when we get to the pub the conversation will just freeze and we’ll both look back on it with embarrassment for the rest of our lives.
“Or what if Steve turns out to be a weirdo with no friends and a huge collection of ultra-violent comic books and hentai porn? He’ll latch onto me and I won’t be able to get rid of him in case he turns into a stalker.
“Then at work everyone will know me as ‘that weirdo Steve’s mate’ and there’ll be no chance of shagging Francesca or Rachel. Or he might ask me to go camping with him. If he’s into camping. Admittedly I’m making a few assumptions here.”
In the event Martin and Steve eventually went to the pub near their office and had a mildly amusing chat about work and mainstream films they had seen, before Malley left to go over to his girlfriend’s.
Bishop said: “I dodged a bullet there.”