scare

Why remake “A Christmas Carol” again? Ti West’s “Ebenezer” has a solid pitch. The horror director of “Pearl” and “MaXXXine” cranks up the shivers in Charles Dickens’ moralistic ghost story with jump scares, a zombie horde of ghouls and a cemetery outside the curmudgeon’s bedroom window. It even invents a murder as a treat.

And why has Johnny Depp, who has spent the last several years reeling from his reputation-dinging public divorce trials, chosen loathsome Ebenezer Scrooge as his comeback? Perhaps he likes aligning himself with fiction’s most famously redeemed scoundrel. When this chastened Scrooge yelps, “I’m not the man I was!” Depp gets so riled up that he jumps on his bed until it breaks.

“Ebenezer” sounds like the title of a sympathetic prequel, the sob story of a nasty man’s first “Humbug!” It sort of is. Mostly it’s the same tale, slightly expanded.

Nathaniel Halpern’s script starts by flashing back to Scrooge’s business partner, Jacob Marley (Ian McKellen), while the cranky old creep is still alive, humanizing Scrooge by showing him palling around with a friend. Marley proves to be even meaner, harassing their employee Bob Cratchit (a well-cast Rupert Grint), while Scrooge simply snickers. When Marley drops dead, then returns seven years later as a ghost, this Scrooge is so scared he wets his nightgown. We’re gifted a close-up of the puddle.

That’s the tone in a nutshell. Frankly, I wish it worked. The best holiday heartwarmers have a morbid spritz to them, from “The Nightmare Before Christmas” to “Home Alone.” (On your next rewatch of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” be sure to enjoy the moments where Donna Reed plays Mary like a gothy witch.)

Dickens also prodded his Scrooge to be funny, writing that the character’s jokes were a means of “keeping down his terror.” The novel’s best punchline comes when he accuses Marley’s spirit of being caused by undigested beef or mustard, a hallucination “more of gravy than of grave.” That quip isn’t in here; this Scrooge instead eats punishing gray oatmeal.

Inequality looks especially harsh in Victorian England’s wintry cobblestone alleys. An opening montage cuts between images of hard labor, horse dung and frozen laundry that’s too stiff to fold. “Ebenezer” seems aware that this story, as beloved as it is, won’t inspire society to solve poverty. (The sleigh bells at the ending aren’t that happy.) Cynically, it even puts a sour spin on the two charity workers who ask Scrooge to donate money to the poor. Usually, those chaps are sketched as hapless but benevolent. Here, Scrooge accuses them of pocketing the cash and gauging by their panicky reaction, he’s right.

The Ghost of Christmas Past (a wraithlike Andrea Riseborough) whisks us to Scrooge’s childhood, which has been ladled with extra misery. Scrooge’s dad is now brutally abusive, a trauma with faint support in the book, and his kindly mentor Fezziwig (Ian Midlane) gets stabbed to death by a street urchin, a trauma that’s brand new. I don’t mind the violence — it’s very Ye Olde Fox News. Still, I was surprised that we actually see the knife plunge into Fezziwig’s big, soft belly.

Who is this grim adaptation for? It’s too dark for most kids and not frightening enough for adults. Possibly, a slice of preteens will find it just right. West has never made a PG-13 movie before and who knows if he will again. But I suspect he’ll be happy if his jarring adaptation imprints on even just one future filmmaker the way his own favorite horror films imprinted on him. There’s a glimpse of one of those classics in a shot where Scrooge gets sucked into his own mattress just as Johnny Depp’s jock did in the original 1984 “A Nightmare on Elm Street” — the future star’s feature debut.

Since then, audiences have had a lot of passionate feelings about Depp. Younger generations worshiped him as the blockbuster scamp of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise and the live-action redos of “Alice in Wonderland” and “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Older fans adored him as the adorable outcast of “Cry-Baby” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.” Just last week, I teared up watching a YouTube video of a dog trainer dressed like Edward Scissorhands doing an intricate pas de deux with a border collie. As best as I can explain, I was moved by how much the woman appeared to identify with Depp’s lonely character and how she’d filled her time teaching her pet to pirouette.

Depp is aware that he can pull strong emotions out of people, wrenching his Scrooge’s mouth into a painful frown. But his eyes are empathetic and gooey, a portal right to the miser’s inner child. He keeps making the cheapskate too cute, standing knock-kneed in fright with his hands folded up under his chin. Ultimately, the actor’s need to be loved — to claw himself out of what he fears is an early career grave, an image we see him physically do — hijacks the movie. The traditional beats don’t land.

In lieu of sniffles, we get a childhood sweetheart, Belle (Ellie Bamber), saddled with a subplot about her novelist ambitions, and a Tiny Tim (Freddie Lee-Grey of the recent “Lord of the Flies”) who’s darling but inessential. At least Scrooge’s nephew Fred (Sam Claflin) has a decency that registers and his wife (Daisy Ridley) even manages one of the film’s genuine laughs.

Still, as much as I liked this couple, their scenes get stolen from them twice: first by the impish Rose Williams as a dinner guest whose husband corrects her pronunciation of the word “macabre” and again by the sight gag of a jiggly, focus-grabbing dead goose. That bird is the most delightful thing in the movie. Bless it, everyone.

The tournament debutants put pressure on the Australia line from the start. Soon the entire Aussie team caught the bug with simple drops and brainless errors, and after 12 minutes Simaima Taufa conceded a penalty under the posts.

Fiji opted to kick for two points. Four minutes later, they went all the way.

Captain Sereana Naitokatoka stole the ball from Jaime Chapman 10 metres from the Australia line, and they drove through the defence for half-back Luisa Yaranamua to score. She also converted to give Fiji an astonishing 8-0 lead.

At last Australia sparked into life, and two tries in the final 10 minutes of the opening half brought them level.

Church drove over in the right corner, before Tamika Upton slipped through the defence as Australia returned pressure following a Fiji drop-out.

But Jocelyn Kelleher missed twice from the tee to allow Fiji in at half-time level. Had Upton not brilliantly tipped a Fiji grubber behind, Australia would have trailed.

Whatever coach Jess Skinner said in the changing room woke Australia up, and they took control.

Church completed her treble – the third a brilliant catch from a booming Tarryn Aiken kick to the corner and before grounding the ball at full tilt – either side of Chapman diving over.

Normal service resumed. But at last, the Jillaroos have been proved fallible – with a late Maria Paseka try providing a deserved flourish for fearless Fiji.

Church, though, had the last word for Australia – collecting Losana Lutu’s kick around 30 metres from her own line before racing clear to score.

WHEN two brothers open a Mississippi blues bar in horror film Sinners, it starts out like a great party.

That is, until someone welcomes in a very troublesome vampire — and all hell breaks loose.

Which is much like my visit to the Sinners haunted house at Universal Orlando’s Halloween Horror Nights.

As I walk arm-in-arm with my best mate, we laugh, scream and cling to each other for dear life as the same terrifying story plays out in front of our eyes.

The Halloween event in Florida has been running for 35 years and film fans can’t get enough of its fully immersive horror houses.

Each year, ten elaborate sound stages are erected to shock, frighten and entertain.

WAIL OF A TIME

I drove Irish Route 66 with deserted golden beaches and pirate-like islands

TEMPTED?

Tiny ‘Bali of Europe’ town with stunning beaches, €3 cocktails and £20 flights

Horror is now the fastest-growing film genre, so it’s easy to see why the Halloween Horror Nights have grown to the scale they are at today.

What started in 1991 as a single haunted house, open to visitors for just three days, is now a two-month Spooktacular that is virtually sold out every night.

Whether you are a big movie buff or not, it’s a unique experience that isn’t for the faint-hearted.

Some of the biggest movies are played out in such intricate detail that, once inside the dark passageways, it’s all too easy to believe you are part of the movie itself.

As well as 2025 box office hit Sinners, Universal has teamed up with other killer movie thrillers.

They include Evil Dead Burn and Hellraiser — a franchise that Lora Sauls, the theme park’s assistant director of creative development, says has taken a decade to secure the rights to.

And the wait was worth it, as Hellraiser delivered the most jump-scares of the night.

The films’ Cenobites and other ghouls burst out of every dark corner, mysterious curtain and doorway, accompanied by strobe lights, wild screaming and flumes of fog.

Other houses this year include Netflix’s Stranger Things 5 — which also has an energetic light and water show inspired by it on the lagoon — while a very cool Ozzy Osbourne: Prince Of Darkness house features music and gothic moments from the late rocker’s back catalogue.

One original theme house is Jack & Oddfellow: Chaos & Control, which stars the much-loved characters who have dominated the event over the last three decades and have sealed their place in Halloween Horror Nights lore.

The remaining five houses cover aliens, cannibals, classic Universal monsters and futuristic cyber baddies, all offering plenty of scares as well as a few giggles.

The Halloween Horror Nights event is on a separate ticket to the regular theme park 14-day passes — and the fear continues outside the haunted houses, too.

Universal Studios Florida gets a complete and creepy makeover as the sun goes down.

Those who re-enter for the night get to enjoy a huge Halloween street party, stretching the length and breadth of the park.

There are dedicated bars and food pop-ups, with drinks and bites themed for the attractions, such as the Meat Grinder Red Velvet Cake and Hellraiser Spicy Meatballs.

Navigating the event is no walk in the park, with five scare zones set up to keep the jumps jumpin’.

One of them, the neon playground based on video game Fortnite, is a fresh and unique take on the event’s street scares.

During the night, you will also pass through Club Horror and The Sideshow Of Decay, which is swarming with zombies.

And the Infernal Carnival Of Nightmares has creepy fairground games and a manic cast of characters.

Perhaps the most terrifying can be found at Downtown Clowntown, which is pretty self-explanatory.

If jesters give you the jitters, I recommend a different route.

Halloween Horror Nights are recommended for guests over 11 — but by day, more wholesome and family-friendly movies take centre stage.

DreamWorks Land at Universal Studios celebrates movies including Trolls, Shrek and Kung Fu Panda.

While over at Epic Universe, you can enjoy rides and attractions based on How To Train Your Dragon, Super Nintendo and the wizarding world of Harry Potter.

Universal’s Islands Of Adventure has you hopping between Hogwarts, Jurassic Park and Worlds Of Marvel, with high-speed coasters such as Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure and VelociCoaster providing the thrills.

The Universal All-Parks Ticket gets you in to all the theme parks, as well as Universal’s water park, Volcano Bay.

That guarantees plenty of excitement and not a clown in sight.

For anyone visiting Florida next September and October, Halloween Horror Nights are a fun way to shake up your holiday.

The event I went to carried on until 2am, so there was still time after midnight to go back through the Sinners house, much to my friend’s despair.

But with entertainment on such a grand scale, a soothing blues soundtrack and the opportunity to laugh at her screaming round every corner, how could I resist?