EVEN when idiot parents deign to give their child an ordinary name they cannot get it right, for there is no spellcheck in the registry office. The bearers of these are marked for life:
Aimee
A misspelling so commonplace it’s now deemed acceptable, this like everything unacceptable began in America. Presumably the parents knew the word ‘aim’ already from time in the armed forces and/or first-person shooters, and had never got far enough into the alphabet to be familiar with the letter ‘y’. So two Es it is.
Michalle
Lends a little continental sophistication, the parents comfort themselves after realising their error. Meanwhile the child spends her life on the phone to call centres saying ‘no, it’s actually C-H-A-L-L’ to her own humiliation. She won’t ever forgive her mum and dad for what they’ve done. Nobody ever could.
Steaven
Faced with two choices, Steven or Stephen, these parents chose a third way. A wrong way. A f**k up, or a purposeful decision? What was the goal? Uniqueness? Originality? Annoying his teachers so much they refuse to say his name, giving him a free ride on all manner of developmental issues? Sometime normal people can be as abhorrent as celebrities.
Leesa
You know instantly that these parents spell ‘lose’ with two Os. So daft or lazy they’ve gone with phonetic spelling, they’ve inadvertently come up with something almost acceptably middle-class. Coupled with a double-barrelled surname will mean this child almost certainly grows up to have a credit score she doesn’t deserve.
Stefany
These parents do know the letter Y, to their child’s detriment. They’ve f**ked her over twice with first an F and then a Y, creating a name that seems more like a newly-coined adjective meaning ‘a bit like Stefan’.
Micheal
There is a silver lining here in that if you’re hanging with the uneducated, they’ll swear this is the correct spelling. To the point of laughing at and/or fighting those who dare correct it. Stick to the lower of society’s strata, this name is saying, and never dare to dream. A message which will be heeded.