A GIRLFRIEND is confident her boyfriend will never cheat on her thanks to no woman finding him in any way attractive.
Hannah 28, not her real name or age, feels her relationship with Guido 30, not his real age, is rock solid due to what she calls his ‘complete and utter lack of appeal to every other woman on the planet’.
She said: “I’m not saying Guido never would try to cheat, I’m saying he never could.
“I feel safe in the knowledge that he could try it on with hundreds of women and still remain true to me. How many men are as involuntarily loyal as that?
“Attractive, charismatic partners might stray because they get tempting offers. But a weird-looking guy like Guido whose hobbies are moaning about things and watching YouTube compilation videos of people failing to park? That’s lifelong fidelity right there, baby.
“What self-respecting woman is going to fancy a man who takes her to Pizza Express on her birthday and makes her pay for herself? Well, me, but I’m paranoid about being nearly 30.
“When we first started dating I’d lie awake in a state of panic about him falling for someone else. Then he’d fart so loudly it’d set off the car alarm and I’d go back to sleep.
“People say to trust your partner and I do. But I trust women more.”