BOUNCING down Benidorm’s strip on an inflatable horse, a wall of 15 Popeyes hurtles past me.
Party hits blast from a DJ on stage in the packed street as a man with a dartboard painted on his face dances around two nuns on a mobility scooter.
This is Benidorm’s annual British Fancy Dress Party and it’s the most unhinged, brilliant thing I’ve ever witnessed.
Every second or third Thursday in November, Spain’s Brit-favourite resort hosts Europe’s biggest fancy-dress gathering — part Rio Carnival, part hen do on steroids — and this year it attracted 30,000 Brits for a day and night of parades, fireworks and mayhem.
But the Fancy Dress Party isn’t your average Benidorm knees-up.
Having exploded in popularity since its beginnings in the 1990s, it’s the grand finale of Benidorm’s annual November Fiestas — a week of parades, fireworks, religious and cultural celebrations, concerts and street parties that take over the city.
On the Thursday, after days of Spanish fiestas, something magical happens: Benidorm hands the party over to the Brits.
Thousands pour on to Calle Gerona, otherwise known as Benidorm’s main strip, dressed as everything from Pink Ladies to Deadpool — filling the streets and its bars with brilliant, boozy bedlam.
As I stroll to the strip, where the parade takes place, I pass more Fred Flintstones than I can count, Scooby-Doo and a couple dressed as Pringles.
I’ve come as a cowboy – complete with my inflatable horse Benny (named after the town, naturally), who becomes a crowd favourite.
You won’t believe the number of strangers who want to give a friendly pat to a blow-up bronco.
He’s not the most impressive costume here by any means — Shrek and a gang of Tetris pieces make worthy contenders.
Kicking off with a parade of floats during the day, it’s a riot of colour, noise, and good vibes — surprisingly wholesome and always hilarious.
Strangers cheer each other on, Benidorm’s mobility scooters become floats, and grown adults dressed as eggs dance arm-in-arm with a fancy dress chicken.
This is people-watching heaven.
Pirate-themed Morgan’s Tavern, kicks off the madness and it’s here you will find some of the most fun tribute acts in Europe.
Next, it’s over to the cowboy-themed Western Saloon, where ‘Liam Gallagher’ reminds punters: “Why pay to see Oasis at Wembley when you can come to Benidorm, see me for free, and have a whole holiday cheaper?”
He has a point: the prices are a revelation.
Bottles of beer and glasses of wine are generally £1.75-£2.60, and many cocktails are two for €12 (£10.50).
Plus, entertainment in every bar, not just during the Fiesta, is free.
Head to Tapas Alley in the Old Town — a cobbled street lined with tiny, buzzing Spanish bars.
My favourite was Aupa Taberna, where I tried one of the best tortillas I’ve had in Spain, fresh fish dishes, meatballs and jugs of proper sangria. We paid around £15-£20 each with drinks.
A few steps away, La Cava Aragonesa serves outstanding pintxos — crab, salmon, olives and meats piled on crusty bread. Eight pintxos and a bottle of wine set us back around £17.50 for the table.
Pre-parade, try Jungle Bar on the beach for stacked burgers that fuelled us cowboys for hours.
‘THINGS I CAN NEVER UNSEE’
I rented a modern Airbnb in the Old Town: three bedrooms, spacious terrace and beach gear included, which cost £155pp for four of us, for four nights.
It was a ten-minute walk to the beach and 25 minutes to the strip. It’s also 45 minutes away from nearest airport, Alicante, by car — we pre-booked a taxi for four for £57.
Not only is the Old Town quieter and better value, it’s full of charming tiled streets, tapas bars and Spanish families out late.
Benidorm surprised me in every way: It’s wild. It’s loud. I’ve seen things I can never unsee.
But it’s also friendly, colourful, safe, cheap, and beautiful in parts (head to the historic Balcó de la Mediterrània for the perfect sea view pic).
I went for the madness and left plotting my costume for next year.
Me and Benny are ready for round two.
GO:BENIDORM
GETTING THERE: Fly to Alicante in November with easyJet from Luton, Southend, Manchester, Southampton, Liverpool, Bristol and Birmingham with fares from £40 to £70 return.
See easyJet.com.
STAYING THERE: Old Town apartments on Airbnb.co.uk from £620 for four nights.