A PATHETIC, spineless man has popped the question to his long-term girlfriend via text.
Having dated Sophie, not her real name, for two years, and slowly felt his love for her grow, Cad , no this real name, asked her to make their relationship a serious lifelong commitment with a brief message on his Android phone.
He said: “I know really I should ask her to marry me in person. But even if she said yes she’d only start crying and make a scene. This is much better.
“Anyway she would have got suspicious if I’d whisked her off on holiday and taken her out for a fancy meal. I think it’s fine. It’s not like I got a friend to ask her to marry me on my behalf. I even used proper spelling and grammar for that ‘major life event’ touch.
“I explained we’d become very close, soulmates even, and I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives. Then I included a ring emoji and four kisses at the end to seal the deal.
“I’m just a bit worried because I’ve been left on read for hours now. Sure it only takes two seconds to type ‘I do’?”
She said: “I’m not entirely happy that Jack decided to do this by text. Still, at least I can just put a picture of the ultrasound I just got on our WhatsApp group.”