AN outwardly normal couple have decided to have not one, not two, not three, but four children, it has emerged.
Anthony and Jess, not their real names, of Bush Hill have four offspring, but all appear to have been conceived, birthed and raised without their parents being visibly deranged or members of a cult.
Neighbour Martin, not his real name, said: “Initially we assumed they had some kind of contraceptive f**k-up at least twice, but apparently they really did choose to have this many children.
“They do normal things like going to work, taking the kids swimming, going on a family holiday every year. Frankly it’s creepy how they act like there’s nothing wrong.
“Sometimes they even seem happy about this waking nightmare they’ve created for themselves. Surely one day they’ll both snap and set fire to their seven-seater Citroën?”
Family friend Kah Heng, not his real name, said: “It’s weird. They’re not religious and they know about contraception. I’d understand if they were parenting influencers getting lucrative washing powder deals, but it’s like they enjoy having kids or something.”
Youngest son Oliver said: “I’d like to have more brothers and sisters, but mummy said ‘No, there’s a limit to how many times I can watch Bluey, so f**k that’.”