The Sun Newspaper

ROCKERS Oasis will be back on stage next year — including a 12-date residency at the Etihad Stadium in Manchester.

They are also set to do a record-breaking run of six concerts at Knebworth.

An insider said: “Oasis’ schedule is booked.

“It’s 12 nights at the Etihad over six weeks starting in June.

“They will then play Knebworth six times over a three-week period in September.

“Dates could be added but for now that’s the master plan.”

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Brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher put their long-running feud behind them to re-form the band for the 41-date Oasis Live ’25 tour last year.

The band had split up in 2009 amid rows.

A source said: “Noel and Liam always planned for the tour to have a second run.

“There were discussions about announcing [it] during the World Cup because of the connection between Wonderwall and the Three Lions in this tournament.

“But they’ve settled on August.

“It’ll give the country something to shout about — whether we’re celebrating or commiserating.”

The Etihad is the home of Manchester City, the team the brothers support.

Oasis’ gigs at Knebworth will break the record for the most times an act has played there.

Over their six gigs the band are set to play to 750,000 people.

They performed two shows there in 1996 to 250,000 fans.

A source said: “Knebworth is a special place for Noel and Liam.

“The shows in 1996 broke records as 2.6million people applied for tickets.

“It was the largest demand for tickets in British music history.

“They broke that with Oasis Live ’25.

“Now they’re going to become the only act to have played Knebworth six times.”

The shows would take the band’s tally to eight and Liam’s to ten — as he did two solo shows at the Hertfordshire venue in 2022.

Demand for the new Oasis gigs will be astronomical.

Noel, 59, and Liam, 53, are set to stick with the same line-up as their shows last year — including guitarist Paul “Bonehead” Arthurs, 61, who had to take time off from the tour after he was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

There is speculation there will also be shows outside England, including in Rome and Celtic Park in Glasgow.

The Sun has campaigned for the band’s 1995 anthem Wonderwall to become the soundtrack to England’s World Cup campaign.

RAPPER Cardi B pays homage to the late Amy Winehouse with a style just like the Brit singer’s — including her trademark beehive.

The US star, 33, sported winged eyeliner, similar to Amy’s signature look, along with a purple, figure-hugging dress to a party at Paris Fashion Week.

Amy also wore a purple frock to the premiere of the film Psychosis in London in 2010.

This month marks 15 years since the Back To Black singer’s death at the age of just 27.

During her career, Amy had a string of showbiz spats, including mocking singer Dido and putting an Alexander McQueen dress on a barbecue after a fall-out.

She also called US rapper Kanye West the C-word on stage at Glastonbury in 2008.

THE MASTERPLAN

Oasis to play record-breaking 6 Knebworth shows & 12-night Etihad residency

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Now Cardi has revealed her own feuds have cost her lucrative brand deals, following ding-dongs with fellow rappers Nicki Minaj, Latto and BIA.

The New York-born star told her followers on X: “No lie, last year when I went off, I lost about three deals.

“I lost about three deals when I was bugging out and violating, and giving b*****s the f***ing business.”

Paris Fashion Week will continue until tomorrow evening, with a series of A-listers travelling to the French capital for a schedule of high-end events.

Fresh from attending Taylor Swift’s wedding to Travis Kelce in New York on Friday, Jennifer Lopez, 56, was photographed heading to a party on Monday in a halter-neck evening gown.

Meanwhile, singer Sabrina ­Carpenter, 27, wore a white dress to Dior’s haute couture autumn/winter fashion show held on the same evening.

LOU Teasdale has split with footballer Andy Carroll for a third time – and for her sake, I hope this time it’s for good.

To me Andy is a classic Peter Pan, a man seemingly devoid of the ability to grow up and stop partying like he’s a single twenty-something.

We saw it in the run up to his marriage to the lovely Billi Mucklow back in 2022, when he made a buffoon of himself by passing out topless in bed with two women in Dubai, and now it seems history is repeating itself.

I watched him sidling up to two rather attractive women at Glastonbury last year and although it might have just been a flirt – who doesn’t get turned on by The Prodigy? – it was enough to get the red flags waving in my mind.

If you feel like this is the nineteenth time Andy and Lou have split over the past year, you’re a little way off but not totally incorrect.

They’ve been more on and off than my laptop over the past 12 months so I am hoping, if only for Lou’s sake, that this is the final time.

If she was one of my mates, I’d be staging an intervention because enough is enough.

This time around, insiders have said it’s Lou who has kicked Andy to the kerb, after he flew off on a boozy holiday to Ibiza, despite supposedly promising her he wouldn’t touch drink to save their relationship.

Lou, a respected make-up artist, has now wiped Andy from her social media.

But why she stood by him time and time again is what I cannot understand. They first started dating back in the autumn 2024 and on social media, naturally, it all seemed rather rosy.

Andy had only been single for a short time, following the end of his ill-fated marriage to Billi, the mother of his three youngest children.

But from the outside, all appeared to be well. And, long had been forgotten the scandal that had engulfed the lead up to their wedding back in 2022.

To recap, and if you don’t remember, Andy ended up landing himself in hot water after getting so drunk at his stag do in Dubai that he ended up topless and in bed with two women – who took photographs of him and shared them with pals.

I reported on the story at the time as I knew people close to Billi.

The former reality star was so humiliated by the footballer she almost called off the wedding.

Nothing happened between Andy and the women who partied with him in Dubai, but her friends confessed to me at the time that they were begging her not to marry him.

But their pleas fell on deaf ears and the pair looked genuinely happy in their wedding pictures in the summer of that year.

But fast-forward two years and they announced they were divorcing.

I rang one of her pals after hearing of his latest split with Lou and they made a pertinent point.

“Marrying Andy was something Billi did for love but it was never going to work out,” a friend admits.

“We told her not to go through with it but everything was in place for the wedding, calling it off would have been a nightmare.

“She did love him deep down and wanted to move past it though.

“Andy might not have cheated in Dubai but he was as drunk as a skunk and topless in bed with two women.

“What does it say about your future husband that he’s going to put himself in this position?”

Well, quite.

Not long after his split from Billi was revealed by The Sun, it emerged Andy had started dating Lou.

There was no crossover between the relationship and on the outside, things between Andy – who has two older children from a previous relationship – and Lou seemed happy.

Their Instagram accounts were full of snaps of them together in France, where Andy had been playing for fourth tier club Bordeaux.

But less than a year into their relationship, it all started to get a bit messy.

Lou, who is sober and has been for over a decade, appeared to have no issue with the fact Andy drank alcohol and the pair made it work.

But last summer, things came to a head in Mykonos – with Andy being quizzed by the police twice after two very public rows last June.

The first incident, at the Nikolus Tavern, was so shocking, a restaurant worker went on the record and told us Andy was “very drunk and furious” with Lou.

He added: “He was using very bad words. It was improper behaviour. The woman looked very upset.”

After speaking to police, Andy was allowed to return to Lou but just hours later alarmed staff called cops again after reports of damage to their £500-a-room at a posh hotel.

Andy was taken to a station for questioning but was released without being arrested. Despite the two incidents, Lou stuck by Andy and their relationship continued.

For eight more weeks, the pair went back to posting loved-up selfies online, until out of the blue – Andy’s pals confessed he had dumped Lou last August.

And thus the madness started.

A friend close to Andy was less than charming about their relationship when they told us about the break-up and said: “Andy got sick of Lou’s demands and her influencer lifestyle.

“She’s always posting on social media and he hates that. He told her it was over this week. He’s single now.”

Days later, Andy then confessed he’d “made a mistake” and they got together again.

But fast forward a few weeks and they split up once more.

This time was after a “make or break” holiday, with a friend saying: “They’ve tried to make it work, but they’re just too different.”

Bizarrely, even after all of this – they ended up patching things up – but unsurprisingly it’s now over again.

That relationship, which has become a very tedious version of Groundhog Day, should, in my opinion, end for good now.

And Lou, I implore you not to take Andy back.

There are only so many times someone can drag you down before something has got to give.

I had the misfortune of standing next to the Dagenham and Redbridge player at Glasto last summer as I watched The Prodigy and he got very friendly with two women during the set.

Lou had been on-site with Andy that weekend but by this point had retreated to the Babington House for a well-earned rest from the stench of the long-drops at Worthy Farm.

Being honest, I can’t work out what annoyed me more – having a colleague poke me repeatedly because Andy was all over these women while my favourite song Smack My B**** Up was playing or the fact he had the gall to act like a single man when he was in what appeared to be a loving relationship.

I’m not saying anything happened with those women, or that his actions went beyond a flirt and someone to lean on late at night.

But when a man truly loves a woman, he doesn’t give another one a second look, let alone put his arms around them when his missus’ back is turned.

We’ve all been the woman, or man, that forgives stupidity because we love. But as the old saying goes, once is happenstance, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern.

Don’t let him make a mug of you, Lou.

IT MAY be sizzling at the moment – but set your sights on winter breaks to bag some real value.

Now is the best time to book a Christmas getaway, says Sophie Swietochowski, with prices as low as they go for the next few weeks. You can try out these top deals . . . 

WINTER SUN IN EGYPT

THOSE wanting to spend Christmas on the beach in luxury lodgings should set their sights on Hurghada.

It’s around a five-hour flight, temperatures will reach 23C and you’ll be waited on hand and foot.

You can score a cracking deal with easyJet if you book before July 21, using the code FOOTBALL26.

There’s £100 off a seven-night B&B getaway to the 4H Cook’s Club El Gouna with a new price from £876pp based on two sharing and including flights from Bristol on December 19.

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See easyjet.com/en/holidays.

SANTA IN LAPLAND

IF bucket list is what you’re after, that’s what you’ll get when you whisk the kids off to Finnish Lapland.

Who wouldn’t dream of seeing Santa Claus on Christmas Day?

The Suomo resort will take your breath away, with its thick woodland coated in fresh snow, and cosy wooden lodges where you can hunker down with some wine or a board game around a roaring fireplace.

Along with feeding the reindeer, little ones will get to join the elves filtering through letters and go husky sledding or tobogganing, all while wrapped in their snowsuit and boots — free for all guests.

The four-night package costs from £1,890pp based on a family of four sharing and includes all of the experiences mentioned above, plus flights from Stansted on December 23.

You’ll stay in the Scandi-decorated Arctic Circle Hotel with all meals included and a meeting and gift from Santa.

See canterburytravel.com.

MICKEY IN PARIS

DISNEY doesn’t come cheap, no matter what time of year you visit, but if you book now you can bag seriously good deals over Christmas.

Disney Enchanted Christmas brings the magic from November 7 to January 6 and this season, for the first time, the joy will spread beyond Disneyland Park as you celebrate in Arendelle style in World Of Frozen.

Queen Anna, Elsa ,Olaf and friends, will welcome guests into the Kingdom of Arendelle at Disney Adventure World, plus there are carol singalongs and character meet-and-greets.

Three nights’ room-only in Disney’s Santa Fe hotel is from £745.96pp based on a family of four sharing, flying from Heathrow on December 23.

This price includes four days’ worth of park tickets for the whole family.

See disneyholidays.co.uk.

AMSTERDAM MARKETS

SOME cities simply come alive in winter ­— and Amsterdam is undoubtedly one of those.

The frosted canals of the Netherlands city are lit up by old-fashioned lampposts and pokey cafes serve up piping- hot mugs of Choco- mel spiked with rum to give it some extra warmth.

The Christmas markets will be in full force in the lead-up to the big day.

But these are not your stereotypical tat stalls — everything here if authentically Dutch.

Don’t forget to sample the oliebollen — warm doughballs dunked in powdery icing sugar.

Check in at the 4H Leonardo Museumhotel Amsterdam City Centre which is slap-bang in the heart of the action.

Four nights’ room-only costs from £485pp based on two people sharing and including flights from Liverpool on December 23.

See onthebeach.co.uk.

SKIING IN ANDORRA

Few scenes are more spectacular at Christmas time than those from the top of a snow-drenched ski slope, the sun reflecting off the mountain-scape.

Crystal Ski has some great deals at the moment, including this one to Andorra. The resort of Grandvalira is perfect for both pros and beginners, with one of the largest ski domains in Europe, home to a whopping 215 km of interconnected slopes, meaning there’s great variety.

These pistes are often praised for their world-class ski schools that exceed many others in Europe, plus it’s a little more affordable than the Alps.

Seven nights’ half board at the 4* Residence Pas de la Casa Alaska is from £825pp based on two people sharing including flights from Gatwick on December 20.

See crystalski.co.uk.

SCISSOR SISTERS added some Spice to their set supporting Duran Duran – by inviting Melanie C to join them on stage.

Gushing over landing Sporty Spice as a special guest at the BST Hyde Park Festival on Sunday, frontman Jake Shears said: “We love Melanie C, she’s always been the loveliest person.

“She loves what she does, she’s a killer singer, so we’re so happy she could join us.

“We’re all big show ponies!

“We’ve had a blast.”

Jake told the audience he still can’t believe the group are still going strong and selling out arenas this far into their career, adding: “It’s been 25 years for us this year, and we’ve gone from literally singing along to CDs to being a fully fledged band in that time.

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“Showmanship takes a long time to learn, as does enjoying yourself on stage.

“Our favourite moments on stage are when we achieve a sense of, ‘What the hell is going on here?’”

Reflecting on their sometimes chaotic live shows, Jake spoke of a particularly memorable performance with the late Dead or Alive singer Pete Burns.

He recalled: “One of our best collaborations has to be in the early days with Pete.

“He was such a special, special human being.

“He was a fierce, amazing character – in stilettos – and we like that, we like a little bit of chaos.

“That show was dangerous, scary, and fun.

“We look back at those times and feel like that was another era, those are people that are gone now.

“It’s very special to know we could do that with someone we looked up to before even becoming a band.”

CAUGHT LIVE: LONDON ROCKED BY METALLICA

FOR a band 45 years into their career, Metallica were still full of life as they tore through the final night of their three-year M72 World Tour.

The rockers turned London Stadium into a theatre on Sunday with an in-the-round stage in the centre of the venue as part of their “no repeats” weekend.

They also played there on Friday night but vowed there would be an entirely different setlist.

That meant they didn’t play many of their hits, but still had plenty of material to keep going for over two hours.

The gig fell on the one-year anniversary of the Back To The Beginning concert at Birmingham’s Villa Park, which the band performed at and where Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne played for the final time.

Honouring the late rocker as his widow Sharon watched on from the crowd, they covered the Sabbath epic, Electric Funeral.

Ending on their biggest UK hit Enter Sandman, it was clear Metallica are still at the top of their game.

★★★★☆

Thanks a bunch, Sara

SARA COX kicked off her tenure as the host of the Radio 2 breakfast show by blasting out Lizzo‘s About Damn Time just after 6.30am.

Full of beans, she was congratulated on air over her new job by Hollywood star Tom Hanks, before leaving the studio with flowers just after 10am.

It sounds like Sara’s taking it old school with a new feature called SurpRise And Shine, where she will phone up listeners who have to answer with a specific phrase to win a special prize – either orange socks with her face on or a Sara-branded toothbrush.

One person who definitely wasn’t listening to Sara’s debut though was sacked host Scott Mills.

His husband Sam Vaughan posted a rare story on Instagram which showed he had snubbed the show and was tuning in to Heart Radio instead.

Can’t say that I blame him . . . 

Hot Tyla, so cool

IF this heatwave carries on, I might have to start dressing like TYLA just to stay cool.

The South African singer took to the stage at Afro Nation festival in Portugal at the weekend wearing this miniscule white top and the tiniest of black miniskirts.

She is gearing up to release her second studio album A*Pop on July 24, which includes her recent singles Chanel and She Did It Again featuring Zara Larsson.

I’ve got a sneaking suspicion we can expect a tour announcement in the not-so-distant future, too.

Tyla was forced to cancel her first headline tour in 2024 due to injury, but she was back on stage last year and is earning rave reviews for her festival sets.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed it isn’t long until she’s back here in the UK.

Shania ends in Styles

HARRY Styles had a smile on his face and the Three Lions on his chest before taking to the stage for the 12th and final night of his record-breaking Wembley Stadium residency.

He posed backstage with Shania Twain, who has been opening for him at the shows, which have been seen by almost one million fans.

Writing on Instagram after the concert – where fellow singer Kylie Minogue and actress Rosamund Pike were spotted in the audience – Shania said: “Thank you again @harrystyles for the memories. You have the greatest fans! Leaving London with an overflowing cup – happy and grateful.”

MADONNA’s Confessions II is now outselling the rest of the Top Five combined in the UK album charts, as it races to become her first No1 record in 14 years.

It came out on Friday and is also on track to land two singles in the Top 40 – Danceteria and her Sabrina Carpenter collab, Bring Your Love.

RIGHT on the front and offering gorgeous views, Weymouth’s elegant Hotel Prince Regent is a focal point for tourists who flock to be beside the seaside.

Venture inside, and there are 75 comfy bedrooms with a cosy lounge that’s ideal for whiling away the afternoon. It’s the perfect home away from home.

And best of all, I was chauffeured straight to the front door by coach.

This Georgian-style property is one of several charming hotels bookable through Daish’s Holidays, a UK coach-break specialist for the over-sixties.

It certainly helps to remove all the faff from transportation, food and entertainment.

Stays include pick-up from a number of accessible spots around the UK (or you can drive yourself), plus there’s regular entertainment and half-board accommodation, meaning lunch is the only meal you need to spend on.

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My Weymouth base is handy for the Esplanade, which runs for well over a mile to the harbour.

A stroll along here into the old town and colourful working port area takes ten minutes or so with lots of seats and shelters along the way, or you can grab the bus from the stop just outside.

Bikes are not allowed in the summer, making it a pleasure to stroll.

Be sure to enjoy time in the old town and admire the wonderfully preserved buildings, including The Tudor House Museum on the south of the harbour.

The Nothe Fort stands guard nearby and it’s a gentle climb from the old town – or a steeper climb by steps – but well worth a visit for the views and a peep into the history of the place.

If walking is big on your list then you’re in luck as this area is on the famous Jurassic coast, with fossils dating back 185 million years.

I consider myself to be a bit of an old fossil, so it was apt that I treated myself to a local souvenir, a tiny fossilised local ammonite – a mere 175million years old. I came away feeling I am a spring chicken in comparison!

If you’re feeling a little peckish, the fishing harbour has great pubs and restaurants with lots of outdoor tables.

The boats land their catch on the dockside where you will find a wonderful fresh fish market.

They will even ice pack some for taking home should you wish.

Keep your eyes peeled for the road bridge.

Built in 1930 to connect the north and south side of the harbour, it opens up every two hours to allow taller boats to enter the marina.

In high season there is also a rowboat ferry service you can use instead of taking the bridge.

In the evening there was no need to leave the hotel, as the nightly entertainment in the Crown Ball Room was top-notch with a mix of very good singers, as well as bingo and quizzes.

Before heading home, I couldn’t resist a ride on the old-fashioned Helter Skelter in Weymouth’s amusement park.

I last slid down one when I was under 11, so I was not surprised when the ticket man gave me a look.

Excited, I carried the mat up and whizzed down.

Although it is just as high, the ride seemed to have shrunk over the years.

So, of course, I had to go up one more time, just because I could.

I HAVE normally necked far too much Ouzo the night before to rise with the sun during a holiday in gorgeous Greece.

But my eyes are being opened, literally, to a much more wholesome and healthy way to start the day here on the island of Crete.

While my downward dog should arguably be put down, as my balance has gone walkies, the sound of the Cretan Sea gently lapping at the shore does make a sunrise yoga session surprisingly satisfying.

Never mind sinking sambuca shots, this is how holidays should be — relaxing, restful and geared towards recuperation.

I’m staying at Giannoulis Santa Marina Plaza, a 4* adults-only hotel tailored to a quieter and more authentic Cretan vacation.

Superbly serene, with a calming, child-free environment, it’s right on the golden, sandy, Blue Flag-rated Agia Marina beach.

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My double room is small but comfortably formed, with an ensuite bathroom, TV and compact balcony to enjoy the sunrise over Kri-Kri island (more on that later).

With just 51 rooms and suites at this boutique hotel, even at full occupancy you’ll always get a sun bed.

The food is as good as you’d expect in Greece — super souvlaki, terrific tzatziki, outstanding olive oil — but the jewel in the crown is the hospitality.

From reception staff to the waiters and cleaners, this family-run resort is full of welcoming faces, attentive and always ready with a friendly “kalimera” (good morning) or “kalispera” (good evening).

The majority of guests are couples, over 50, enjoying the easy-going vibe.

By day, the only activity is people rising from a sun lounger for a refreshing dip in the pool or sea.

By night, it’s all about a game of cards on your balcony or a casual al fresco dinner by candlelight.

Crucially, this tranquil base is only 20 minutes — by bus, right outside the hotel, or taxi — from Chania, Crete’s charming old town, where ancient architecture meets a more modern city.

It’s an easy-on-the-eye cultural hub, with shops carved into honey-coloured stone walls, restaurants, cute cafes and churches.

After a few relaxed hours searching for souvenirs down its narrow, cobbled streets and snapping away at the beautiful Venetian harbour and 16th-century lighthouse, it’s time for a change of location, as I head west along the coast to Giannoulis’s sister hotel, Cavo Spada.

A much larger complex, with 150 deluxe rooms and suites, this sporty 5* leisure and spa resort is more suited to active holidaymakers. With tennis and padel courts, an assault course, a running track and indoor and outdoor gyms kitted out with top-quality equipment, its facilities are so good that the Swedish Olympic team use it for their training camps.

You can take part in a calendar of events ranging from spinning to body combat.

But that’s not my idea of a holiday.

Instead, I take advantage of the ­all-inclusive board to sample the decent cocktail menu at the bar overlooking the huge lagoon pool at the heart of the resort.

After over-exerting my right arm with the repeated lifting of a pina colada from table to mouth, I head to the on-site spa for a full-body massage, followed by a sauna and steam room.

Clearly a gem of a resort for keep-fit couples, it’s also a good option for families, with a kids’ outdoor playground and indoor play room.

And it’s just a short taxi ride from Kolymbari port, where I clamber aboard a catamaran for a half-day at sea. Destination — Kri-Kri island.

Our deckhand tells us of the ancient Greek mythology that Kri-Kri — AKA Thodorou island — was created when a massive sea monster and its child were turned to stone by Crete’s protector Poseidon, God of the Sea.

Now it’s a breeding ground for the protected Kri-Kri wild goat.

And while anchoring up for some paddleboard play and a snorkel in clear azure water, it’s fun to see if you can spot any of the cliff-climbing goats.

Having worked up an appetite thanks to all that, well, relaxing, back at the hotel’s Azzuro restaurant I really get stuck into a sensational a-la-carte option with Michelin star-worthy food.

After another cocktail workout (my right arm really is doing the heavy lifting on this break), I educate myself with two mainstays of Greek culture.

A complimentary olive-oil tasting session (FYI: trust the Cretan chef and store your olive oil in the fridge) is followed by wine-tasting with the hotel’s maitre d’.

I could quite easily finish a bottle of the white — an indigenous Vidiano.

But like I have done since arriving in Crete, I’m taking it easy — I’ve got another yoga session at sunrise.

WATCHING the morning sun sparkle on an immaculate padel court as the first players warm up, I can’t help but admire their dedication.

I, however, have a different priority in mind and a few minutes later I’m settled at a shaded table on a flower-filled terrace, enjoying breakfast of omelette, mini tortillas and crushed tomatoes on crusty bread.

Fellow guests in their pristine tennis whites head towards yet more courts as the Andalusian sun rises into a clear blue sky.

Perhaps later. For me, the comfy Balinese beds beside the terrace pool are calling.

And that’s the joy of the Higueron Hotel Malaga Curio Collection by Hilton on Spain’s Costa del Sol.

There are sporting and spa facilities that would put a posh country club to shame — and all sorts of indulgent ways to do very little but soak up all that sunshine.

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Don’t let the name fool you though.

While it has Malaga in the title, the hotel actually sits in the hills directly above the bustling, British beach favourites of Benalmadena and Fuengirola.

Malaga city itself — with its Picasso Museum and buzzing tapas bars — is an easy 30-minute drive away.

Meanwhile, the superyachts, designer boutiques and champagne-fuelled glamour of Marbella and Puerto Banus sit 30 minutes in the other direction.

Snag yourself a cheap hire car from the airport and the whole coast is your oyster.

But the joy of this hotel is just how much there is to keep you busy without ever leaving the grounds.

The extensive sporting facilities include not just the ten padel and tennis courts, but beach volleyball sand courts and three for basketball as well as indoor and outdoor pools and a huge air-conditioned gym.

The spa is just as comprehensive, with a hydro circuit in its heated pool with pressure jets, massage beds, Jacuzzi and waterfalls.

There’s also a sauna, steam rooms and dedicated rooms for treatments.

Luckily for me, the hotel had plenty to keep non-sporty guests busy.

As well as the main pools and terraces — including a stunning adult-only rooftop infinity pool — there’s also a private beach club on the coast.

A free hotel shuttle whisks you down the hill to yet more comfy lounging spots, a pool and two superb restaurants.

And what could be more indulgent on a sunshine break than food created by a Michelin-starred chef?

There are seven a-la-carte restaurants in the hotel and the beach club, three of which have menus designed by award-winning chef Diego Gallegos.

While the Michelin-starred Sollo has tasting menus at £150pp, you can still enjoy the chef’s creations at funky fusion restaurant Arara.

Its £51 tasting menu features Brazilian, Peruvian and Andalusian flavours with a South East Asian twist, with eight courses designed to be shared by diners.

For daytime indulgences, catch more chef- inspired dishes at the beach club, including clams cooked in sherry with flying fish roe and delicious prawns in a spicy pil pil sauce.

Rooms in the main resort are ultra-modern — opt for a deluxe for stunning views of the resort and Mediterranean beyond.

And if you’ve really got cash to splash, the exclusive Leiro Suites are another level.

There’s more space, Scandi designs and funky balcony furniture.

But you’ll also get the choice of breakfast at the rooftop Infinity restaurant and access to the Balinese beds there and at the Beach Club.

Also included is spa access, free guided sports activity, early check-in and late check-out and parking, as well as priority ­reservations.

The hotel offers the best of the Costa Del Sol and a host of sporting options to keep you fit and healthy.

For me though, those Balinese beds at the Infinity Rooftop are the reason

I’ll definitely be returning for the stunning views — and the most chilled of snoozes.

SOAKING up the breathtaking Perthshire scenery in style is the perfect way to unwind.

Here, Janice Hopper goes glamping in a wagon and discovers some of the area’s best beauty spots.

The Pad

With a wood-fired bath that offers sweeping views over Loch Doine and Loch Voil, an outdoor pizza oven and a wood-burning stove, a stay in Monachyle Mhor’s restored 1950’s Pilot Panther showman’s wagon is pretty unforgettable.

Set on a 2,000-acre working family farm within the stunning Loch Lomond & The Trossachs National Park, it has a double bed, cute bunks and bucketloads of vintage charm.

At the estate’s blush-pink farmhouse, you’ll find your private bathroom and get a free cuppa as you sink into deep-green sofas beside the fire to play board games – just be sure to tuck into delicious, home-made chocolate cake, £4 a slice, while you do.

Explore

Start your day with a bracing wild swim in Loch Voil, before warming up in Monachyle’s cocooning sauna, from £20 per hour.

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Then stroll five minutes along the shore to discover the LookOut artwork – a mirrored cube reflecting the landscape.

Kids will love the hour-long farm tour, collecting eggs, meeting donkeys Jake and Mylo, and feeding lambs, £20 per family.

Or, ditch the clan to try apitherapy – lying in an “apipod”, listening to 60,000 bees buzzing away in the hives beneath you.

It’s surprisingly calming and costs £25 for one hour, including soothing lemon balm tea (Monachyle mhor.net/experience).

Just four miles away is the quaint village of Balquhidder, where you can check out the resting place of famed Scottish outlaw Rob Roy, buried in 1734.

Later, hop in a canoe to beaver-spot on beautiful Loch Tay with CAG Adventures. A two-hour tour costs £40 per person (Cagadventures.com).

Refuel

Combine seafood with the landscape at Falls Of Dochart Smokehouse.

As the roar of the waterfall surges in the background, tuck into a platter of hot and cold whisky-smoked salmon, cheddar, paté, plus oatcakes and blinis, from £22, while sipping gin infused with local tayberries, £7.40 (Fallsofdochart.co.uk).

Quaint cafe The Golden Larches serves up tasty cream teas, £4.75 (Thegoldenlarches.com).

Or join exuberant owner and chef of Monachyle Mhor, Tom Lewis, on a wine safari, combining walking Balquhidder Glen with nibbles and plenty of vino stops. Six-hour wine safaris cost £150 per person.

After a hiking pit stop? It’s got to be Broch Cafe’s suntrap terrace in Strathyre, where you can recharge with a generous BLT, £9.50 (Brochcafe.com).

It handily sits on the 79-mile Rob Roy Way, and the scenic stretch from Strathyre to Callander along Loch Lubnaig is a much more manageable nine miles (Robroyway.com).

Book It

Stays in The Wagon cost £170 per night for up to four guests (Monachylemhor.net).

“TIKTOK made me do it”, I say to my friend, as I send her a snap of my coffee  made by a robot.

If there was ever a city that embraces technology to celebrate the ridiculous, it’s Tokyo. And ­coffee is just the beginning.

Last time I went to Japan’s capital, around 10 years ago, it was an expensive trip. Back then, the Yen (the country’s currency) was strong against the British pound and everything was twice the price.

This time around, with rates dropping over the years, one of the world’s coolest cities is surprisingly affordable again.

And I was buzzing to begin exploring on a budget.

Starting strong, I’d checked into trendy Yotel, a slick and modern hotel that embodies Japan’s futuristic vibe.

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With 23 properties around the world, the brand is known for its prime locations, without the steep price tag.

The Tokyo one has room rates from £118 per night and is just steps away from one of the city’s coolest areas, the Ginza district.

The well-heeled neighbourhood is packed with stylish restaurants and bars, high-end shopping and elegant department stores.

Shopping is a major activity in Tokyo, with the flagship Uniqlo store just a few minutes from Yotel. This is the biggest Uniqlo in the world, its 12 floors packed with cool clothes and knitwear at a fraction of the UK price.

Then there is possibly the most famous shopping district in Tokyo, Harajuku. This is the place for eccentric outfits, outrageous headwear and funky souvenirs.

There are also cool vintage stores nestled between the tourist tat, but I was more concerned with all the ridiculous things to eat and drink along here.

A toasted sandwich with rainbow cheese, followed by a giant multicoloured candyfloss and a coffee at Café Reissue that had a foamy top in the shape of Hello Kitty.

This is where you will also find the Shibuya crossing, the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world, where crowds get ready to race across when the traffic stops.

With 3,000 people crossing every two minutes, this interchange has become a tourist attraction in itself, as you run for your life and dodge people making TikTok videos, taking selfies and proposing.

For dinner, we bunked down at Kushiyaki Bistro Fukumimi Ginza, an underground izakaya.

The antidote to Tokyo’s tech-savvy tourist trails, this traditional tavern serves meat skewers and Japanese picky bits, with lots of lively banter.

As well as the great food, we made some new pals at the bar.

The language barrier didn’t seem to matter in the jovial atmosphere.

After a taste of authentic Japanese dining, I wanted to experience the country’s unique culture and try some traditional pastimes.

First stop was a Tea Ceremony at Maikura (£43, mai-ko.com).

Once we’d been decked out in colourful kimonos, we all sat on the floor to enjoy matcha with a special blessing.

Then it was straight on to Ginzabashi to make and carve our own chopsticks at an independently owned cafe (£18, ginzabashi.com).

By this point, we had worked up quite the appetite, so we tried our hand at sushi making at the famous Tsukiji Fish Market.

Covered in rice and with a not-so-artistic display of Nigiri and Maki in front of me, I can confirm it is not as easy as it looks.

But, our patient sushi master was on hand to help us out and the end result was a lot more impressive than I was expecting.

The experience is £52 per person, but the price includes a tour of the market and you get to eat all the sushi you roll and some extras too (japanwondertravel.com).

Simply wandering around the city itself is enough to keep you busy. Street art, historic buildings, quirky characters and buzzing neighbourhoods are all part of Tokyo’s appeal.

That’s how I found myself at the hole-in-the-wall coffee shop in Harajuku being served by a bear.

The name Anakuma Café means “bear in a hole” in Japanese, and this tiny booth is exactly that.

I order my flat white on a tablet and it’s served through a hole in the wall by a comedy furry hand.

By the time I stopped laughing and taking pictures, my coffee had gone cold, but it was all about the experience. Which is as cheap as chopsticks.

THINK family fun, adrenaline- seeking and a Stateside holiday – and Orlando is most likely to spring to mind.

But the Florida tourist favourite is now being given a run for its money by the Texan city of San Antonio. 

Sure, there’s no destination with more theme parks than Orlando — which has ten to choose from, including big-ticket names Disney and Universal — but San Antonio’s four are unique.  

And, best of all, they are significantly less hard on the wallet. 

First stop on my theme park crawl of the city was Morgan’s Wonderland, the world’s first ultra-accessible theme park and a prime example of what makes San Antonio so special for this type of holiday. 

The thinking behind the 25-acre park’s “inclusive” billing is that there are genuinely rides for everybody to enjoy — families can truly participate together and have fun with one another.  

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Then there’s SeaWorld which, while also plying its trade in Orlando, provides a much more immersive and educational experience in Texas — really shining at a time when many are questioning the ethics around zoos and aquariums.  

On my visit, I was hugely impressed by the knowledge and passion that staff brought to our animal encounters, and by the lack of showiness around these — the sense was that we were there to observe, not that the marine life was there to perform.  

Adrenaline seekers are not forgotten about in San Antonio, either.  

They can get their kicks at Six Flags — a site of more than 200 acres with 11 roller- coasters and a waterpark.

The rides may not be as dramatic or heavily themed as those at Walt Disney World, but they will certainly impress even the biggest coaster buffs.  

Meanwhile, those travelling with younger children can avoid the heaving tourist crowds that you will likely encounter on a holiday to Orlando.  

But what also makes San Antonio a sure hit for parents, compared with Orlando, is that you can save mega-bucks on entry.  

On average, you’re looking at spending around US$50-$100 per adult here, compared to US$99-$147 in Florida — a huge difference if paying for an entire family.  

Theme parks aside, San Antonio is a marvel in itself, too. 

It predates Orlando by around 150 years so has more of a story to tell, having played a significant part in The Texan Revolution.  

You can learn all about this at the fabulous Alamo heritage site. 

Visitors can view the preserved Catholic mission where the Battle of Alamo was fought in 1836, between a small number of plucky Texan defenders and the mighty Mexican army.  

It’s rare to see anybody, let alone a proud US state, celebrate a fight they lost. But this two-week conflict, where the Texans ultimately met with defeat, has become synonymous with bravery and resistance.  

Touring the historic site, which includes a chapel and barracks, I was struck by the overarching message that comes across: it’s not about winning but about trying. And at $48 entry for a family of four, it’s great value for money.

San Antonio also has an impressive zoo, in Brackenridge Park — but if your holiday aim is to do things you’d not easily be able to do back home, then take a short stroll through the park to the Witte Museum.  

It is somewhat akin to London’s Natural History Museum in terms of being brilliantly kid-friendly.  

It’s also fascinating — to the extent that little ones will barely even clock how much local and historical knowledge they’re soaking up.  

Naturally, the Dinosaur Hall is a draw, but the Texas Wild Gallery and McNay Family Global Gallery are each special.  

Wildlife habitats in the former, and tales of how locals lived in ancient times in the latter, combine in a way that’s compelling for visitors both young and old. 

Do note, however, that some attractions in San Antonio are closed in winter, or operate on a limited schedule. Six Flags, for instance, opens only on weekends. 

In summer, meanwhile, beware the heat — which can near 40C. But there is welcome air-con at museums such as the Witte, and the very child-friendly DoSeum — a hands-on, learn-through-play space. 

Outdoors, the San Antonio Botanic Garden has a water-play feature, and boat rides along the San Antonio river are shady and cool, plus a load of fun for families.  

San Antonio serves up great food, too. While “family friendly” can mean highly processed hot dogs and chicken nuggets, it’s a different story here — where barbecue, Tex Mex dishes and celebratory decor make for fun and flavourful dining.  

In particular, do eat at local institution Mi Tierra, which is festooned with colourful paper banners and wandered through by traditional Mexican mariachi musicians.  

The Tejas Rodeo is unmissable, too, bringing people of all ages together for an evening of bull and horse riding, as well as barrel racing, against a backdrop of Western music and steakhouse aromas.  

Even littlies get in on the action, with “mutton bustin’” — trying to stay on the back of a bucking sheep.  

You’re not likely to find that in Orlando.  

WHEN it comes to booking a family getaway, holiday parks always tick the right boxes for us.

But taking a kid-free, romantic mini-break at one? That probably wouldn’t have made the checklist.

After a blissful weekend in one of the new Butterfly Lodges at St Ives Bay Park, however, I’m more than happy to add it to the list.

The Cornish park has the air of a fancy hotel — only without the steep price tag.  

Snuggled in the golden sand dunes facing the wild Atlantic Ocean on the three-mile, award-winning Towans beach, the front row lodges — all wooden boards and fishing net decking — look more akin to a project from Grand Designs or George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces than a static caravan.

And the luxury look is mirrored inside, too. The master bedroom is kitted out with orange and teal velvets, wooden surfaces and an ultra comfortable super-king bed.

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Plus there is a stylish sideboard in the spacious entrance hallway, mood lighting and sofas and throws worthy of a smart New York apartment.  

Even the bathrooms were a cut above — stylish matt gold taps and smart black framed shower screens. 

And if we had decided to bring the kids, there was also a second bedroom with twin beds that could be converted into another super king, as well as two bunks above, each with their own TV and curtain for privacy.

Looking out towards our private decking area, however, we were a little relieved we’d left our children at home.  

This meant we could enjoy the splendid St Ives sunset views from the hot tub, glass of bubbly in hand, without the fear of being dunked at any minute. Bliss.

Aside from the lavish accommodation, one of the best highlights of a grown-up getaway to St Ives Bay Park is the location.

It goes without saying that this part of Cornwall is utterly stunning and there are walking routes aplenty from your doorstep.

Although if you’re after something truly spectacular, the seven mile hike from Porthcurno (around a 40-minute drive away) to Land’s End along the South West Coast Path is a must.

We started in the white sandy cove of Porthcurno beach which, framed by craggy cliffs and with the clearest blue sea, could have easily been mistaken for a cove in Thailand.

The water, of course, is a tad colder, but some brave souls, including a wetsuit-clad teenager, were having a great time being hurled around in the huge foamy waves.

A steep climb up some stairs carved into the cliffs followed, and then beautiful beach, after beautiful beach, after beautiful beach along the coastal path, from tiny little fishing cove Porthgwarra to the lofty rocks and golden sands of Nanjizal Bay.

It’s a taxing hike, but the views make it totally worthwhile.

Just make sure to plan ahead as the buses back from Land’s End to Porthcurno, where we had parked, are a little unpredictable, so we were stung for a costly taxi ride.

It’s not just glorious beaches and cracking rambling trails that our park was surrounded by either.

The town centre of St Ives is a 15-minute car ride from the lodge and is home to some brilliant little restaurants.

On our first night we had visited Porthminster Beach Cafe, a gorgeously relaxed place that received a mention in the Michelin Guide for its delicious seafood dishes — we tucked into a delicious monkfish curry and a yummy piece of halibut loin with artichoke and chicken butter sauce.

For something a little more casual, though, Talay’s Thai Kitchen really hit the spot.

The pleasingly spicy roasted duck red curry and juicy weeping tiger steak really added some warmth to our windburnt cheeks post hike.

Stuffed and tired after the day’s exertions, it was back to the lodge for a recuperating sunset soak in the hot tub.

We ended the night hunkering down in the gorgeous living area as the wind buffeted the lodge from the Atlantic beyond.

And there hadn’t been a mini disco or mascot in sight. How’s that for an affordable romantic getaway?

THE word “splat” has been on Ian Gillan’s mind for a few years now.

To him, it is a word to conjure with, one to fuel his wild flights of imagination.

To most of us, it summons visions of insects hitting windscreens or ripe tomatoes falling to the floor.

As you will discover, however, the Deep Purple singer and lyricist — he of the legendary full-throated holler — has given “splat” a much deeper meaning.

What if it represents the end of humanity as we know it?

Then, as he suggests with an “optimistic” spin on the notion, “What if we morph into something else that’s metaphysical?”

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When Gillan first considered Splat! as an album title, he thought it sounded “too terminal”.

He says: “I knew how the interviews would go — ‘So this is your last record, right?’ ”

It soon becomes clear from talking to the hard rock survivor that Deep Purple, the last band standing in a so-called “unholy trinity” alongside Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, are very much alive and kicking.

When it came to writing themed lyrics for Purple’s 24th studio LP, Splat! screamed out from the pages of the notebook Gillan keeps to record his ideas.

Now, in tall, spidery type, it adorns an album cover housing some of the band’s heaviest, most riff-driven, yet most concise music in years.

As Gillan attests, Splat! summons the devil-may-care spirit of iconic early albums Deep Purple In Rock and Machine Head — and songs like Child In Time, Smoke On The Water and Black Night.

“What I’m hearing now is the band as it was in ’69,” he says.

There’s no doubting that the current line-up of Gillan, founder member Ian Paice (drums), another stalwart in Roger Glover (bass), Don Airey (keyboard player since 2001) and recent recruit Simon McBride (guitar) has hit a purple patch.

“You can give all kinds of reasons, but, quite simply, I think it’s human chemistry,” says Gillan, who lives in Portugal and turned 80 last August.

“The songs are coming easy.

The band is cranking live.

When all the elements work well, they feed off each other.”

He salutes Northern Irish guitarist McBride, who replaced Steve Morse in time for previous album =1, for adding a dynamic gut-punch to proceedings.

He agrees with me that the songs on Splat! don’t “outstay their welcome”, crediting legendary Canadian producer Bob Ezrin (Alice Cooper, Pink Floyd, Kiss) for “keeping the arrangements snappy”.

Gillan recalls how it used to be: “With the band having no leader — we never have really — it was often a case of sitting there and one of us would say, ‘Let’s make this bit longer, let’s put another section in there’.

“We might spend weeks arguing or debating an arrangement.

But Bob just comes in and says, ‘I’m not liking that’, and cuts it out.”

Gillan considers Purple to be “an instrumental band”, with the music always getting written first.

Then it’s time for him to step in with the lyrics and those still mighty vocals, delivered with all the theatricality you might expect from someone who took the part of Jesus on the original Jesus Christ Superstar album.

It’s fair to say that Splat!, also the name of the album’s emphatic closing track, represents one of Gillan’s most ambitious concepts, so let’s return to his thought process.

“For some time now, I’ve been trying to make an album sound as if all the songs belong,” he says.

“There’s one exception on this record and I’m not happy about it,” he announces by way of a slight digression.

When I suggest that the track in question might be Third Call, which seems more to do with sex than metaphysics, Gillan replies: “Oh, how did you guess?

It should have been called Sore Thumb.

“I’ve done my own little album on my computer, replacing it with a song destined to be a B-side or bonus track called Hoot ’n’ Slither, which does fit.”

So, let’s hear about his mind-boggling concept, so big that it almost hurts the brain.

“I’ll probably find myself in pseud’s corner again,” he mutters with a smile, before launching into his explanation.

“I’ve been fascinated by the word eternity since I was eight.

I couldn’t understand how things could go on forever.

As a child, it didn’t seem possible to me.

“One summer night, I started thinking about the end of the road, the end of the country, beaches, the sea, the sky, the stars.

“I started panicking, so I built a brick wall around my universe, as many kids have, I’m sure.

“That was it, I was safe.

And then, a horrible thought occurred to me: ‘What’s behind the bricks?’ ”

Gillan says that “later in life”, Edwin Abbott’s classic novella Flatland, a satirical study of a two- dimensional world written in 1884, got him thinking about other dimensions, the afterlife and spiritual worlds.

Then he considered that the population of Earth had “virtually tripled” during his lifetime.

He continues: “For some years, this explosion has seemed unsustainable to me and that the only way to escape is not by flying through the solar system in tin cans.

“It has to be metaphysical.

I’m hopeful.

Perhaps we might become some sort of intelligent energy.”

Gillan draws my attention to the song The Only Horse In Town, one of the last recorded for Splat! and driven by Airey’s fulsome keys and McBride’s shimmering riffs.

It was inspired by a real-life encounter with someone close to death near Noble Street Studios in Toronto where Purple were doing a recording session.

“The snow came down and we saw there were these vagrants living under a blue tarp,” he says.

“The place looked like a rubbish dump.

“We offered them some hot food when we went out to get our takeaway for lunch — and they didn’t want it.

They just wanted dollars for crack.

“I thought of this one guy who probably had days to live.

I imagined his final hit.

“Then (in my mind) I stepped into his shoes and started walking across America until I got to the high plains of New Mexico and found this derelict film set.

“Along with a clapped-out old horse, this guy finds solace, a haven.

It fits very nicely with the overall pattern of the album.”

Next, we take a dive into more of the Splat! songs, starting with the three-minute opening blast, Arrogant Boy, about a bloke called Billy.

“The attitude in the music screamed frustration to me,” says Gillan.

“I had this idea of an ordinary guy down the pub who doesn’t give a monkey’s toss about what goes on at the higher levels of society.

He’s sick of the political pendulum.

“Everyone knows that nothing’s happened in the last fifty, sixty years.

We’ve built nothing.

We’ve done nothing.

We’ve gone backwards in almost everything.

The great institutions are useless piles of rubble.

“So Billy is sticking his head up out of a hole and saying, ‘Get on with it!’”

This brings us to the wild Diablo, recorded in Nashville and featuring guitar solos from none other than country rock star Keith Urban, whose studio the band were occupying.

Here, Gillan truly lets his imagination run riot.

“Diablo is a place where young people go for their rite of passage.

It’s dangerous and many don’t come back,” he says.

“This is the story of Dra-ma.

She pickles her knuckles and has 20 fights before beating up Guts McKenzie in the final.

She celebrates with a bucket of wine and falls into the glitter pool.

It’s all a bit surreal.”

You may think Gillan’s gone off on one but this ceaselessly entertaining character is also partial to a bit of humour.

The Rider is not about someone on a horse, but more about the notorious demands of rock stars when they go on tour.

He says: “I’m not going to mention his name, but he’s a very famous musician in a very famous band.

I was sitting having a beer with him and he said, ‘Someone got a fear of flying so we hired a psychologist.

The next week, there were four psychologists on the plane, one for each member of the band.

Then someone got a bad back so we got a physiotherapist.

The next week, there were four of them.’’

So what about his band’s riders?

“Deep Purple have never been extravagant,” he answers.

“When I was with Black Sabbath, it was a slightly different story, more funny than extravagant.

“I remember Geezer [Butler] complaining that the ham was round and the bread was square, that his sandwich was an incongruous mess which didn’t look right.

“My rider has always been very simple.

It’s bread and cheese, some tea bags — it has to be PG Tips — and a kettle.”

Elsewhere on Splat!, Jessica’s Bra has got to be one of the most eye-catching song titles of the year.

It was supposed to be Bar but, as Gillan admits: “I can’t see too well and make loads of typos these days.

“It’s a sort of Irish pub song.

I grew up in pubs with a beer in one hand, a fag in the other, and in fantastic company.

“My pals were drinking pals — I didn’t smoke a joint until I was 38.

We were pub guys who got locked in, behaved outrageously, but it stayed within the walls.

No harm done.”

Guilt Trippin’, with its gorgeous piano intro and outro and screaming vocals, is about “God and Charlie Darwin having a pint”.

Gillan says: “God is saying, ‘We’ve got to get the numbers right next time,’ but Darwin just goes, ‘Humpty, humpty’.

He doesn’t want to interfere!”

The Lunatic, inspired by the plight of George Orwell’s 1984 protagonist Winston Smith, summons a bout of indignation from Gillan.

“I can’t believe the prescient nature of that book, which was published in 1949,” he says.

“More recently, the NHS proscribed the word lunatic.

I take great offence at that.

Most of my friends are lunatics and always have been — and I happily follow the moon around.”

Through the song Scriblin’ Gib’rish, Gillan vents his spleen at those online matrixes where you have to identify motorbikes or traffic lights, “proving that I am a human being to a f***ing robot”.

Of note here is that he’s heading to UK theatres next spring for his Talking Gib’rish spoken-word tour, a departure from the arena-sized norm.

It’s an opportunity for him to regale audiences with stories from more than six decades in the business.

On a personal level, it’s clear that Gillan is pressing on despite the rigours of live performance and, as he reports, “failing eyesight”.

“Over the past few days, I’ve been taking a deep breath and looking at the future,” he says.

“A few years ago I was doing a talk and the theme was positive ageing.

I realised that when people retire, they stop making long-term plans — even if it’s small things to do with the house or garden.

“But I keep thinking some years ahead with projects, and don’t worry whether I complete them.

“That’s a self-creating energy, like nuclear energy.

It’s incredible.

So, I’m making long-term plans and to hell with it!”

If that’s the template for his mind, what about his body?

Alluding to his younger self — that skinny figure in tight flared jeans with a shaggy mane — he says: “Obviously, I used to be quite athletic when I was young, but I can’t pole vault anymore!

“Well into my sixties, I used to run upstairs two at a time, and now I run down ten at a time.

“So, you’ve got to have a laugh.

Otherwise, you’d sit down and cry.”

One thing is for certain, Ian Gillan and Deep Purple are NOT about to go Splat!

DEEP PURPLE

Splat!

★★★★☆

SINGER Rita Ora has all hands on deck as she enjoys a holiday refresh with friends.

The 35-year-old wore a black bikini as she crawled on a boat in one snap, while in another she lounged on board in a silver bikini.

She was joined on her getaway to Greek island Mykonos by pals including hair salon owner Jade Rae Williams, with the pair posing for a selfie.

Rita posted on social media: “Needed a soul refresh — sun, bikinis and music.”

Recently Rita looked stunning as she soaked up the sun in Greece and flashed her bum on the high seas.

Her toned body and rock hard abs were on full display during her summer holiday which saw her sail onboard a luxury yacht.

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Rita and her crew visited the famous party island of Mykonos where she shared a traditional meal at restaurant Scorpios and also sailed on a luxury yacht.

She put on a cheeky display in a metallic bikini onboard the yacht and flashed her bum as she rode aboard a paddle board.

The singer was spotted enjoying the blue waters including diving and jumping off the yacht in beautiful style.

Her close friend and former Towie star Vas J Morgan holidayed with Rita and was close at hand to supervise her leap into the sea.

While on Mykonos, Rita also rocked a retro style leopard print halter bikini and which she accessorised with ruby coloured chandelier earrings and a black hair bandana.

The Black Widow singer showed off her impressive collection of swimsuits as she relaxed on a sailboat, feasted with friends and took in the sights.

The singer shared a video montage of her on the island of Hydra which included scaling down stone steps, admiring the island’s cats and sunbathing on the sailboat as they cruised over crystal blue waters.

Rita is one of many celebrities known for stripping down to their birthday suits in the hopes of avoiding tan lines.

FIRST REVIEW CONFESSIONS II

★★★★★

AS one of the most talked-about, celebrated and frequently derided pop stars of all time, returning with her first album in seven years is a high-stakes move for Madonna.

The Queen of Pop has never left it so long between albums in her 43-year career. And she has taken an even bigger risk by recording a ­follow-up to her much-lauded 2005 dance-pop opus, Confessions On A Dancefloor.

But rather than playing it safe, ­Confessions II sees her doing just that — confessing.

She addresses everything from how she failed her eldest daughter Lourdes to her regrets over her relationship with her late brother, Christopher Ciccone.

And also, surprisingly, how her first husband, Sean Penn, 65, made her feel during their short-lived marriage.

The most venom-tongued track is titled Bizarre, in which she squarely attacks the Hollywood A-lister, who she was married to from 1985 to 1989.

She references the 1968 Shelby GT500 convertible she gave him as a wedding gift and his conviction for reckless driving in 1987.

And she also lays into how Penn was “threatened” by her and claims he resented her while they were together.

Madge sings: “Love is the strangest thing. Just when you think you’ve finally let go, it comes back to you.

“Movie star, deep blue eyes. In Hollywood, we’re a perfect prize.

“He drove way too fast, Shelby Cobra wasn’t meant to last.”

Earlier the lyrics had turned to anger, as she sings: “Roll out the carpet for us, but you don’t share it.

“All ’cause you’re threatened by me, you won’t admit it.

“The little things that you do don’t make me want you. Who knew love could be so bizarre?”

And in a later verse, she adds: “I know I left you behind and you resent me.

“A thousand reasons why you could never have me.

“The thought of being with you is so indecent. I guess you’ll never know my dirty little secret.”

Penn isn’t the only subject of her scorn, with Betrayal appearing to be about her stepmum Joan, who died in 2024 while the album was being made. Madonna did not attend her funeral.

The singer was five years old when she lost her mum — who she was named after — to breast cancer. Three years later, in 1966, her dad Silvio married Joan, who worked briefly for the family as a housekeeper.

In the opening verse of Betrayal, Mad­onna sings: “This is a story of betrayal. You couldn’t see your fall from grace.

“So take the hammer, hit the nail. You’ll never take my mother’s place.”

And later in the track, she adds: “You betrayed me, you enslaved me.”

But Madonna, 67, shows her softer side on The Test, which sees her and Lourdes, 29 — the eldest of her six kids — open up about their at-times difficult relationship.

On how her daughter was thrust into the limelight because of her own fame, Madonna sings: “Little star, I tried to put you on a pedestal, you didn’t ask for all the flashing lights.

“I didn’t think of how we could disturb, or how it hurt. I wish I knew the pain I caused.”

She continues: “Sometimes I think you wish I’d go away, but the shadow stays, and it’s OK to be yourself.”

Madge also appears to touch on her 2023 brush with death, when she was found unresponsive at her New York apartment and placed into a coma after suffering from an infection that led to sepsis.

Lourdes, 29, who Madonna had with fitness trainer Carlos Leon, was among those that rallied around her in hospital.

Madonna sings: “You made me whole when I was broken, too. I hope and pray I can do the same for you.”

Paying tribute to her mum, Lourdes sings: “You are my reason to be, what I want or look like, what I wear, all the clothes on my back, and what I attract.

“I trace the line of what you have sewn. Keep my own design. Make it a landscape. Make it alive.”

Elsewhere on the album Madonna makes peace with Christopher, who she was accused of “dropping” as her creative director in the early-2000s, and who later wrote a book titled Life With My Sister Madonna.

The once-close pair never fully repaired their relationship and he died of cancer at the age of 63, in October 2024 although she says he now visits her in her dreams.

On the song Fragile, she sings: “We shared a name, a home. We shared a fragile bond, now you’re gone.

“We laughed, we cried, we held each other’s hands. We had each other’s eyes and they belonged

“This is the time I hate the most, the words inside my heart

“I know you’re fragile ’cause you’ve been hurt, been let down.”

At the end of the track, she adds: “Late last night I was fast asleep, you came to me in a dream.

“You said don’t forget about me, don’t forget to be happy.

“So I hope you found a higher ground.”

The 16-track album clocks in at almost 64 minutes, and is a metaphor for a night out, starting with the heavy, pulsating beats of a club.

Then the final five songs represent the evening winding down, with Madonna spilling out her deepest feelings with the bravery and vulnerability that comes from a night of loud, messy partying.

When she reaches the last track L.E.S. Girl — about her life pre-fame on the Lower East Side of New York — you can hear traffic beeping, signalling she is finally on her way home as the morning rush hour starts.

It’s a neat arc for the ambitious album, which she once again made with English producer and songwriter Stuart Price, who she teamed up with on the first Confessions album.

But this record is much darker, heavier and grown-up.

And as well as being symbolic of a single night out, Madonna uses it to represent key parts of her life and the moments that have made her.

The most brilliantly bombastic highlight comes in Danceteria — named after the New York nightclub where she found her friends in the industry and where DJs played her music for the first time.

It’s a feel-good number with a Vogue-style rap and namechecks for everyone from her pal Debi Mazar to artist Jean-Michel Basquiat and even The B-52s.

Another highlight comes with Love Sensation, which appears to be a tribute to her boyfriend, Akeem Morris, 30.

She started dating the former football player in 2024, two years after ending a three-year romance with dancer Ahlamalik Williams, 31, and they now live together in London.

Madonna sings: “When I feel alone I always want to bring you near ’cause you bring a smile right here. You chase away my darkest hours.”

And in the chorus she continues: “Baby, come and get with me, there’s something that I gotta do.

“Baby, when you’re here with me, there’s nothing that we cannot do.”

So far in her career Madonna has sold 450million albums, and counting.

And with this project, she proves there is still plenty of passion, ambition and talent.

Undoubtedly it is her most cohesive and accomplished album since the original Confessions, 21 years ago.

And long may the Queen of Pop ­continue to reign.

LOVE, BETRAYAL AND ECSTASY ON SWEET 16

I Feel So Free: The opening track, released in April, is a throbbing song with breathy vocals and a sample of the 1989 Lil Louis acid house track French Kiss, complete with orgasm. It’s a statement of what’s to come as she says: “On the dancefloor, I feel so free.”

Good For The Soul: Heavy-sounding verses make way for a buoyant and optimistic pop chorus, all about how important letting your hair down is. It was written on her first session for the record.

One Step Away: Madonna dives headfirst into house music on this pulsating track about the release she feels in a nightclub. Over the beat, she utters: “The dance floor is not just a place, it’s a threshold. A ritualistic space where movement replaces language.”

Bring Your Love: The credibly cool lead single features Sabrina Carpenter, uniting two generations of pop stars who are resolute in their determination not to be swayed by naysayers. In the chorus they say: “Bring your love ’cause you cannot shake me. Bring your love ’cause you’ll never break me.”

Danceteria: “Everyone here is a work of art,” Madonna sings on this wonderfully poppy single, inspired by the New York nightclub she went to as a youngster.

Read My Lips: Spanish guitar and a guest appearance from Colombian singer Feid give this a different feel, though there’s a Latin trap beat to keep the party going. It’s clear Madge isn’t happy on it, though, singing: “You cut me with your lies, ’cause you hurt me with your kiss.”

Everything: It opens with strings reminiscent of her 1992 track Deeper And Deeper, but evolves to have regular house music breakdowns fit for a packed Ibiza dancefloor. And she’s worked up, spitting: “It’s not OK, I don’t f*** with it.”

Love Sensation: Pop makes a return on this heart-warming crowd-pleaser. “There’s nothing that we cannot do,” she repeats as the track builds to euphoric choruses. This is destined to be a future single.

Love Without Words: An ode to partying, starts with the sound of smoke being pumped on to a dance floor. “Call it trance, call it house, call it love without words,” she sings.

Bizarre: Madonna teamed up with super-producer Martin Garrix for this revenge track about her ex Sean Penn. The melody, complemented by strings and hints of EDM production, is enough to have people throwing their hands in the air.

School: “I can make moves on the dance floor, I can make love on a man’s floor,” she breathlessly coos on this track, on which her vocals are heavily distorted. It’s one of the weaker songs.

Fragile: There’s a major change of pace with break beats and strings, as she sweetly sings about her late brother Christopher. Her voice truly takes centre stage here.

My Sins Are My Savior: She is joined by Belgian rapper Stromae on this dark and moody track, which wouldn’t sound out of place on 1992’s Erotica album. Reflecting on the criticism in her career, she sings: “I was not lost, I was just broken. They tried to take me down, they tried to take my crown.”

Betrayal: She teams up with producer Mirwais, who she first worked with in 2000, on this 90s-inspired track, featuring brass and piano over bleak and mournful vocals.

The Test: Madonna has said Lourdes approached her about working together to heal their rift, and it certainly sounds cathartic. Her daughter’s voice here is far smoother, but they blend exquisitely.

L.E.S GIRL: It’s the end of the night, Madonna is on her way home and she’s reflecting on when she was a “Lower East Side girl, lost in a fragile world.” It’s a tear- jerker, and triumphant look back at how far she has come. The perfect ending.

TO the untrained eye, he was just a bloke in a shiny police helmet singing about staying at the YMCA.

But behind the tight trousers and macho character in disco group ­Village People, Victor Willis was a musical hitmaker who co-wrote songs that will provide the soundtrack to every wedding, birthday and office party for years to come.

Yesterday, in a Facebook post, his wife Karen Huff-Willis announced Victor’s death, aged 74.

“It is with profound sadness that I must announce the death of my husband,” she said.

“Victor passed away on Tuesday, June 30, 2026, as a result of a short but aggressive illness.”

Long before he was commanding crowds to put their hands in the air to anthems that defined an era, including YMCA, Go West and In The Navy, Victor was singing gospel music in his Baptist minister father’s church.

Read more on Victor Willis

DISCO LEGEND

Village People lead singer & founding member dies at 74 after ‘short illness’

GET DON & BOOGIE

Brilliant moment Donald Trump dances to YMCA at starstudded World Cup draw

He grew up in San Francisco and his high school band, The Ballads, supported The Temptations.

He sat in on sessions with American jazz trumpeter Dizzy Gillespie, before becoming an actor and singer.

A role in the Las Vegas production of musical Hair earned him a place in Broadway productions of Two Gentlemen Of Verona and The Wiz.

In the late Seventies, he caught the attention of flamboyant French producer Jacques Morali, who was creating a musical group based on the macho stereotypes and gay pin-ups of New York’s Greenwich Village.

Their four-track demo, called The Village People, earned the group a record deal, and Jacques asked ­Victor to become the frontman.

While the rest of the line-up were recruited from dance studios and clubs for the roles of the cowboy, the Native American, the biker, the construction worker and the soldier, Victor was thought to be the only straight member.

After albums Macho Man in 1978, and Cruisin’ in ’79 which gave us YMCA, they put out Go West and its title track became a gay anthem, later covered by The Pet Shop Boys.

It also featured In The Navy, which the US Navy co-opted for a recruitment campaign, before realising they were using the ultimate camp parody.

It was around then that Victor met and married his first wife, future Cosby Show star Phylicia Rashad.

They split in 1982.

After battling growing frustrations within the group, Victor walked out in 1979.

But his departure triggered a downward spiral.

He struggled to escape the group’s flamboyant reputation and establish credibility on his own.

His 1979 solo project, Solo Man, remained unreleased for more than 30 years until 2015.

The Eighties and Nineties became a blur of substance abuse, addiction, and brushes with the law.

In 2015, he said: “I got very depressed over the years.

“I got kind of drugged out, because I was disappointed with the way things were and got frustrated, and gave up for a bit.”

He began to turn things around in 2006 after he received court-ordered substance abuse treatment and completed three years of probation.

After getting clean, he turned his energy towards a battleground between him and ruthless record executives who had pocketed the lion’s share of the royalties from the Village People’s catalogue.

This led Victor to meet his second wife Karen, an attorney who helped him fight his copyright case against the companies who controlled Village People’s hits.

They ­married in 2007.

Victor, armed with a gritty determination, launched a historic, multi-year lawsuit under a loophole in the 1976 US Copyright Act, which allows artists to reclaim their work after 35 years.

In a legal victory that sent shockwaves through the music industry, the US courts ruled in his favour in 2013.

Victor clawed back up to 50 per cent of the lucrative copyright percentages for YMCA and his other hits, becoming a hero to older musicians everywhere.

The resolution paved the way for his return to the group in 2017.

Older, wiser, but with that same thunderous voice, he toured the world to packed arenas, watching three generations of families throw their arms in the air to spell out those four famous letters.

By then, YMCA was being regularly played at Donald Trump’s political rallies, a use Victor was unhappy with.

“I don’t endorse Trump, I’ve never endorsed Trump, nor have the Village People,” he told the BBC in 2020.

However, he surprised fans last year by agreeing to take part in the politician’s second inauguration saying: “Our song YMCA is a global anthem that hopefully helps bring the country together after a tumultuous and divided campaign where our preferred candidate lost.”

In his tribute yesterday, Trump claimed: “He was a great and happy guy who loved that I used YMCA at my rallies.”

Regardless, YMCA remains Victors’ biggest hit, reaching No1 in 17 countries.

The star may have hung up his police helmet for the final time, but his legacy is firmly etched into global nightlife.

As long as there is a wedding with a dancefloor, people will be ready to fling their arms up in the air in the shape of a “Y”.

MADONNA is being lined up to make a superstar appearance at London Pride on Saturday.

She has long been a celebrated figure in the LGBTQ+ community, and kicked off Pride Month with a surprise showing in New York last month.

London Pride, which is expecting 1.8million people, will take place at locations across the centre of the capital, with acts including Beth Ditto and MNEK booked to play the main stage in Trafalgar Square.

And my music moles have told me that is where they are expecting Madge to pop up.

My insider explained: “Madonna is a passionate advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and has been a very vocal campaigner for decades.

“Pride means so much to her and the London event happens the day after Confessions II is released.

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“Organisers are playing it by ear in case of any last-minute changes but as it stands, Madonna is primed to come out on the main stage.

“She isn’t going to be performing like she did in New York. It’s more her coming out, speaking to the crowd and then heading off.

“They’re expecting absolute pandemonium if they pull it off.

“But it would be incredible for everyone going to the Pride event in London.”

Madge’s surprise 20-minute set in the Big Apple just weeks ago went down a storm with the crowds, who watched her sing Get Together live for the first time in two decades.

And fans don’t have long to wait until they can hear Confessions II, her latest album with producer Stuart Price.

Madonna has signed a huge new deal with TikTok, with the app streaming tracks from the record live tomorrow night from her VIP album launch party.

The hour-long broadcast will also see Madonna being interviewed about the making of the record, as well as playing a handful of her favourite songs from Confessions II.

It’s a big move for Madonna, after she revealed this week that she can’t stand social media, branding it “mesmerising and also soul-destroying”.

She told Vogue Italia: “Algorithms and artificial intelligence are the opposite of taking risks and to me that is the opposite of making art.”

Anything for us fans eh, Madge?

NICOLE’S PUSSYHAT DOLL

NICOLE SCHERZINGER is brimming with happiness in this sunhat as she celebrates her 48th birthday.

The Pussycat Dolls singer posed for a selfie at the beach on Monday.

Nicole is with her British fiancé Thom Evans in Hawaii, where she was born.

She said: “Last day at this age and she was feeling cute at sunset, back home at her fave beach.”

Nicole will begin rehearsals later this summer for the Pussycat Dolls reunion tour. UK arena shows start on September 29 in Birmingham.

BAD BUNNY COURTS OLD FLAME AT WIMBLEDON

BAD BUNNY has hopped back into his ex’s good books.

He has rekindled his romance with jewellery designer Gabriela Berlingeri, who was with him before fame arrived.

The Puerto Rican rapper played to more than 100,000 fans during two sell-out shows at London’s Tottenham Hotspur Stadium at the weekend.

There in support was Gabriela, who has quietly been accompanying him on tour.

She was also by his side at Wimbledon on Monday.

They met in 2017 and dated until 2022. She even appeared as a bride in the video to his 2022 single Titi Me Pregunto.

But he later got together with Kendall Jenner and they dated for 18 months.

Bad Bunny has had quite the glow-up in the past few years and he’s become one of the most-streamed acts in the world.

I’m sure Gabriela will now be the envy of millions.

BRITISH girl group Flo have found a superfan in K-Pop sensation Taemin.

Jorja Douglas, Stella Quaresma and Renee Downer met Taemin backstage at BST Hyde Park where they played on Sunday, after he requested an audience with them.

A source said: “Taemin absolutely loves FLO and thinks they’re brilliant. They talked about working on a collaboration together, which made Taemin’s day.

“They were laughing and joking around for ages before the girls offered to teach him the dance routine to their song, Leak It.”

LILY’S SITTING PRETTY

SULTRY Lily Allen actually has plenty to smile about despite her very public divorce from Stranger Things actor David Harbour.

The singer and actress wore satin lingerie and tiny black shorts when she brought her West End Girl tour to London’s O2 Arena at the weekend – and will return to the capital next week for a third gig at the venue.

Despite looking moody while sitting in a chair on stage, Lily found her smile again as she clutched a bouquet of flowers.

Lily has spent much of the year on the road and was back on stage in Dublin last night.

After a summer of festivals, she will fly to North America in September to play arenas there.

It’s clear Lily is chuffed with the show she has created, which sees her perform her West End Girl album in full.

She wrote on X: “Everyone on this tour is really working very hard to give people the best show we possibly can, and I’m extremely proud of it.”

SAM: I’M HOOKED ON FISH

SAM SMITH has revealed a yearning to be a fishmonger.

The Promises singer told the Dish from Waitrose podcast: “I’m still gutted I’m not a fishmonger. Honestly, I’m not just saying this.

“I was lucky as a kid. We used to go to Waitrose a lot – and the fish section, I just loved. I just like to handle fish. I don’t know, it felt very calming.”

Earlier this year I told that Sam had launched a TikTok account called Sam Served, which documents favourite meals.

And it’s all part of a ploy to get closer to the fish counter.

Sam said: “I was in San Francisco on tour and I was bored, so,I filmed myself eating and it’s just reignited the fishmonger in me.”

I’VE got a sneaky suspicion there may soon be a song featuring pop girls Zara Larsson and Jade Thirlwall.

The pair secretly had a studio session in Paris last week, after the Solidays Festival, where they were both set to perform, was cancelled due to bad weather. I have high hopes for whatever it is they come up with.

BOWIE TREASURE ON TOUR

DAVID BOWIE fans are in for a treat as the V&A Museum has announced today that his incredible archive of outfits, handwritten lyrics and photographs are going on tour for the first time.

David Bowie: On Tour opens at V&A Dundee in November, before heading to Blackpool, County Durham, Hull and Bristol, with more locations to follow.

The collection on Bowie features never-before-seen items including Polaroids for his make-up and costume fittings, a Ziggy Stardust-era acoustic guitar, unreleased projects, lyrics, performance notes and costumes from the singer’s final albums The Next Day and Blackstar.

WILL’S BRIEFS ENCOUNTER

SEEING Will Ferrell playing golf in his underpants wasn’t on my wish list.

But Kim Kardashian signed the actor to model her Skims men’s undies – and it has certainly got us all talking.

Will appears in blue briefs for the new ad campaign, though he was in character as golfer Lonnie Hawkins from his new Netflix comedy series, The Hawk, out July 16.

Kim said of Will: “His body says retired, his Skims say one more round. Built for men who still know they’ve got it.”

If you say so, Kim.

SHAGGY IS THE RIO DEAL

THEY say never meet your heroes, but Shaggy has spent a lifetime doing exactly that.

He has no shortage of famous fans and everyone from Nelson Mandela to Michael Jackson has sung his praises.

In a chat with showbiz reporter Freya Fraser at Rock In Rio Lisboa festival in Portugal, he said of meeting the former South African president: “We were at an award show in South Africa and we’re at the same table.

“He just kind of says, ‘You’re doing really great stuff’.

“We had a great conversation. I’ve met a lot of other people. Michael Jackson was also a super-big Shaggy fan.

“That’s documented on YouTube, everybody sees that. I have actually performed twice for Pope Francis. Queen Elizabeth, we performed for her Jubilee. I met all my heroes, to be honest with you.”

Shaggy is not modest when it comes to his achievements, and he is pretty flashy with his lifestyle too, even if he reckons he isn’t.

He said: “I’m a very practical person, so I’m not buying cars I don’t drive because I’m always on tour. I never drive anywhere, somebody’s always driving me around.

“I’m not buying homes I don’t live in. I have two homes. I’m not buying five of them, you know, I’ll rent them when I need them.”

But he is humble when it comes to his career, which has seen 16 Top 40 hits including four No1s.

He said: “I’m not a genius, God gave me those. If I wrote them, I’d be writing one every week.”

CAUGHT LIVE

Central Cee @ Rock In Rio Lisboa

★★★★☆

CENTRAL CEE ticked Lisbon off his bucket list as he took over the World Stage at Rock In Rio Lisboa before headliner 21 Savage.

On what was the most rap-focused line-up in the festival’s 22-year history, the Londoner tore through a mammoth 21-track set, including Loading, Doja, and Band4Band.

Cench proved he is an international star as thousands of Portuguese fans rapped every word back to him.

The atmosphere could not have been more different from the night before, when Sir Rod Stewart, Cyndi Lauper and Joss Stone had fans swaying along to their anthems.

Staying true to his nonchalant persona, Central Cee – real name Oakley Neil Caesar-Su – asked: “We’re not in a rush, are we?”

And as he worked the crowd and whizzed through high-profile collaborations such as Did It First with Ice Spice and Dave’s Sprinter, I was getting treated like an A-lister.

Rock In Rio Lisboa pulled out all the stops for its guests, with one of the biggest hospitality areas I have ever seen.

The UK may have provided a lot of the talent on this occasion, but we could learn a thing or two from Portugal’s festival scene.

FREYA FRASER

SIR Elton John has signed a multi-million pound deal for an un- limited residency in Las Vegas — as a hologram.

The pop superstar, 79, will be immortalised using cutting-edge tech so fans can enjoy his live performances for decades more.

Elton, whose sight is failing, retired as a touring artist in 2023, but is still set to appear at special one-off gigs.

Dua Lipa, 30, who had No1 song Cold Heart with Elton in 2021, will also appear as part of the residency.

So will Kiki Dee, 79, who topped the charts with Elton with Don’t Go Breaking My Heart in 1976.

The immersive experience is set for the new Hard Rock Hotel, opening next summer.

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Elton is booked to film his performances with Dua and Kiki at Pinewood Studios, Bucks, this autumn.

A source added: “Elton, Dua and Kiki will be holograms. It’s similar to the Abba Voyage show in London, but far more advanced as the technology has come on so much.

“Elton signed a seven-figure deal with Hard Rock. It’s a shift away from a traditional residency and is billed as a fully immersive experience.

“It’s going to look phenomenal.”

AS one of Hollywood’s highest-earning actresses, Millie Bobby Brown has her pick of big-budget productions.

But she reckons British reality show The Celebrity Traitors would be the perfect platform for her secret manipulation skills — after she beat a lie-detector test.

The inquisitive actress took a polygraph with her Enola Holmes movie co-star Louis Partridge, who ended up in a real sweat as he was grilled.

But Millie, 22, remained so composed under questioning, that the machine failed to spot she was telling porkies.

The Stranger Things star, who earned nearly £20million last year, says: “I so want to be on The Traitors. I think I’d be really good.

“Do you know why? I did a lie-detector test with Louis, and Louis was sweating during the whole thing and could not lie.

“And then he said, ‘Her hands are getting cooler and she’s evading the questions’.

“Somehow, the report has come back, like, ‘She’s a pathological liar’.”

The BBC and its Traitors host Claudia Winkleman should get right on the telephone to Millie’s agent, because her appeal to young audiences is unrivalled by any other actress from these shores.

Millie, who grew up in Bournemouth, has been acting since she was nine.

For nearly a decade, she played telepathic Eleven in Strangers Things, which broke streaming records on Netflix before ending last December.

She is now back as Sherlock ­Holmes’ detective sister in her third Enola Holmes movie, which lands on the streaming channel today.

Millie is also working on a host of ideas, producing projects alongside her 24-year-old husband Jake Bongiovi, who is the son of rock singer Jon Bon Jovi.

The couple, who married in May 2024, have a lot on their hands.

Not only did they adopt a baby girl last summer, they also have a huge menagerie of animals at their home in Georgia — including sheep, ponies, goats, cows and ten dogs.

Some critics have questioned whether Millie was too young to adopt at the age of 21.

But she says: “I love being a young mum because I’m able to run around and chase after her.

“And I love where I’m at right now. I never was the kind of girl to be, like, out on the town, you know? So it wasn’t just in my nature. I love living on my farm. I love sewing.”

Having missed out on a normal childhood because she grew up on sets with “men over 40 years old” talking about “grips” and “ladders”, Millie was not the most outgoing teenager.

But that has all changed since she met Jake.

Millie explains: “I can’t talk about, you know, ‘Oh my God, what bars do you like around this area?’. I lack a little bit of that.

“When I met my husband, he’s the most social butterfly, the complete opposite of me. I really tried to lean more into that.”

A lot of Millie’s time, though, is spent watching the telly at home — where ITV’s Love Island is her guilty pleasure. Although Jake is not so keen on the dating show.

She says: “Love Island. He’s like, ‘Millie, I don’t care about these ­people’. And I’m like, ‘Well, I do. And they just broke up’.

“Yeah, I’m a reality TV snob. I mean, I just watch every show out there.”

Film buff Jake would rather go to the cinema to watch a movie, but parenthood now makes nights out a bit tricky.

And Millie says she usually nods off if she settles down in front of a movie.

She reveals: “I have to have a coffee because I typically fall asleep. It’s not because of the film, it’s because I’m tired. I’m a mum.”

Even though she is still only 22, Millie is now almost a showbusiness veteran, having been in the industry for 13 years.

She is able to call on a host of big names for advice, including Top Gun and Mission Impossible megastar Tom Cruise.

Millie is also close to many of the actors she has appeared with on screen, including Winona Ryder, Matthew Modine and David Harbour who are her Stranger Things co-stars.

There is also Helena Bonham Carter, who is her character’s mum in Enola Holmes.

Millie says: “Winona will text every four months, but the longest message ever. However, Helena Bonham ­Carter, she is there for me whenever I need her, and I’m very, very ­grateful to her.

“Matthew Modine, my godfather. He officiated my wedding.”

Tom Cruise is also only ever a phone call away. Millie says: “I’m very lucky to call him my friend.”

Now, she is paying back the support she has received from industry greats by helping to mentor young talent.

Owen Cooper, 16, was thrust into the limelight when his debut performance in Netflix drama Adolescence led to a string of awards, including an Emmy last year.

Millie says: “He has my number, anytime he needs me, has any questions. He texts me, he’s like, ‘Hey, am I doing this magazine? Is this, like, one I should do?’.

“And I’m like, ‘Owen, do what makes you happy. If you’re not tired, do it. But if you’re tired, don’t do it.

“‘Don’t run yourself into the ground and listen to your parents and just enjoy it. But don’t push yourself’.”

Reports emerged at the end of last year about a claimed fall-out between Millie and David Harbour.

It was alleged that she had filed a bullying and harassment claim against the 51-year-old actor, who played her adoptive father in Stranger Things.

But there is no sign of tension in Millie’s interview to promote Enola Holmes 3, where she speaks warmly about David.

She says: “I’m very lucky. David Harbour’s a great person. I like to talk to him.”

The duo are teaming up again for a Netflix TV series, where David is a former FBI agent reunited with his daughter, played by Millie.

The actress insists the untitled project, which will be written by Adolescence co-creator Jack Thorne, is “concrete”.

Millie adds: “The schedule is insane and it’s just placing things in the right place for my time and my schedule. But the David Harbour project is sooner than expected, I think.”

Most recently, Millie filmed a romantic comedy called Just Picture It and has written a book about her grandmother’s World War Two ­stories, called Nineteen Steps.

Whatever she is doing, the young actress and producer will make sure that everyone is comfortable with the working environment.

Discussing the main rules on set, the Gen Z icon says: “I don’t tolerate any bullying. I don’t tolerate any negativity.

“I have been in situations like that before and I only tolerate positivity, love, friendship, kindness, trust, communication.

“And I just will stop people in their tracks if I see that.

“I’ll just take them to the side and be, ‘This isn’t working’.

“I’ll just take them to the side and be, ‘This isn’t working’. We’re playing pretend, for goodness sake. My daughter plays pretend. This is meant to be fun.

“You know, let’s not yell or be upset or dwell on something that’s very, very small and minor.”

Years in showbiz, which is often unforgiving, has clearly taught Millie how to cope with relentless negativity.

The hatred she has experienced online led her to delete her social media in 2021 and leave someone else to deal with her digital output.

She explains: “I needed to hire someone for my mental health to take care of it for me.”

There is no escaping the trolls, though, and last year she called for the cruel comments about her appearance to stop.

There were dumb remarks online about her appearing to be aged 35 or 40.

Afterwards, Little Britain creator Matt Lucas apologised for posting, “No but, yeah but” — the catchphrase of TV “chav” Vicky Pollard — next to an image of Millie in a pink tracksuit top.

He admitted it was a misplaced gag.

Fortunately, Millie is now able to laugh off those brickbats, intended or not.

She says with a smile: “If you Google it, everybody says I look like a 50-year-old. And honestly, I am here for that.

“My mum looks amazing for 50. Gosh, I feel very much 22.”

Let’s all hope that is the truth, and that Millie has the youthful energy to keep up her incredible output on screen.

And with any luck, we will see her plotting away in a cloak inside a Scottish castle very soon.

• Enola Holmes 3 is streaming on Netflix from today.

LEAVE the kids at home – because these cruise ships are pulling out all the stops for the grown-ups.  

TUI has announced that its Marella Discovery 2 will permanently switch to an adults-only vessel from winter next year.  

And it’s not the only cruise line to make this move either.  

Oceania put an 18-plus rule in place for travellers in January, while Fred Olsen made its Borealis ship adults-only at the beginning of the year.  

Sophie Swietochowski picks the best adults-only cruises to book now for 2027.  

SPAIN

Marella Explorer 2  

ALL hands are on deck as TUI’s Marella Discovery 2 is set to transform its children’s spaces into a chic speakeasy, escape room, karaoke room and arts and craft area.  

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This change is scheduled for next winter, but the Marella Explorer 2 is already over-18s only.  

The ship’s features include a “press for bubbles” button at its champagne and prosecco bar Flutes. There’s also the 19th Hole sports bar themed around golf, plus a luxurious spa that has been designed in partnership with wellness brand Champneys.  

If you book now you can bag nearly £500pp off a Spanish Sights sailing, which calls at Palma in Majorca; Palamos, Castellon and Cartagena in Spain; and Gibraltar.  

GO: The seven-night cruise costs from £1,097pp, departing Malaga on May 26. The price includes flights from Gatwick. See tui.co.uk.  

ROME TO BARCELONA

Allura  

THE Oceania cruise line oozes so much sophistication you’ll question why it ever allowed kids on board in the first place.  

Its bars are elegant, its entertainment spaces glitzy and the food surpasses that on most other cruise lines.  

Its newest vessel, Allura, is no exception. Cruisers’ favourite restaurant, Jacques, delivers delightful soufflés and tableside steak tartare.   

There are cooking classes in a swish kitchen and one of the most chic libraries I’ve seen at sea.  

The week-long Rome to Barcelona cruise has port calls including Florence in Italy; Cannes and Provence in France; Palma de Mallorca; and Valencia and Barcelona in Spain.  

GO: The seven-night Rome to Barcelona sailing costs from £1,939pp, departing Rome on October 22.   

See oceaniacruises.com.  

EASTERN CARIBBEAN

Brilliant Lady  

IF raucous fun and debauchery are what you’re after, try Virgin Voyages’ Brilliant Lady.  

Guests can enjoy Scarlet Night, where the ship transforms into one mega party, with performances and late-night dancing in the pool, plus Loteria Gigante, a modern bingo involving shots of tequila and Mexican food.

And that’s barely scratching the surface of the wild shows and theatrical restaurants.  

There is space to unwind, too, including a spa, complete with a mud room, salt room, sauna, steam room and more.  

Right now, an Eastern Caribbean sailing is cracking value, with a free $600 bar tab for anyone who books an Inside or Sea Terrace room via Iglu Cruises.  

The cruise departs Miami and calls at St Maarten; Tortola; US Virgin Islands; San Juan, Puerto Rico; Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic; and Bimini, Bahamas.  

GO: The ten-night Eastern Caribbean & Bimini Beach Club cruise costs from £793pp, departing Miami on January 11. See iglucruise.com.  

NORWAY

Aurora  

AURORA is one of two P&O Cruises’ ships that are adults-only. It is more intimate than P&O’s other vessels, sleeping 1,800 guests, so is great if you’re up for meeting like-minded travellers.  

Its Crystal pool, with a retractable roof, is one of the highlights, meaning you can swim and relax whatever the weather. Plus there’s the Playhouse Cinema featuring 200 proper cinema seats.  

You’ll love the British feel to this ship, too. There’s a homely pub culture on board and many of the boozers offer live music, quiz nights and TVs showing the latest sports games.  

The cruise line is very affordable, with a 14-night Norway sailing costing less than £1,500pp, without the need to shell out on flights.   

The ship departs Southampton and spends a few days at sea before pulling into Alesund, then Bodo, Narvik, Tromso and Haugesund.  

GO: The two-week Norway cruise departs Southampton on March 19. See pocruises.com.  

ISLES OF SCILLY

Spirit of Discovery  

SAGA Cruises has nailed the midlife market. Its ships and itineraries have been specifically designed with age 50-plus travellers in mind — and although you can expect to pay a slight premium, cruisers won’t need to lift a finger.  

Unlike other cruise lines where you’ll have to shell out extra for speciality restaurants or booze, these come included in the price, as does travel insurance, and you’ll also be chauffeured from your door to port.  

Every cabin has a balcony, and solo travellers are extremely well looked after.  

Next year, the cruise line will be celebrating 30 years of sailing so is bringing premium wines on board for the occasion. And those who book early can bag up to 35 per cent off the original fare.  

Included in this offer is the Isles of Scilly and Celtic Sea Escape which calls at Falmouth, Isles of Scilly and Cork.  

GO: The six-night Isles of Scilly and Celtic Sea Escape on Spirit of Discovery costs from £2,306pp, departing Dover on June 27. See travelsaga.co.uk. 

SUPERMODEL Cara Delevingne has revealed she snorted rhino ketamine at the peak of her drug addiction.

The 33-year-old also confirmed for the first time that she dated Aquaman actress Amber Heard.

Cara told a podcast she regularly took a scary amount of drugs and never came down in her 20s because she was always high.

She explained: “I remember being sold, like, rhino ketamine but it wasn’t really rhino ketamine.

“When I first started doing it, if anyone who takes ketamine or has taken drugs knows, you do a tiny bit of ketamine, and that’s enough.

“But I’d be doing really long, big lines because I just wanted to disappear, not have a bit and feel weird. I wanted to completely lose consciousness, tranquilise myself, I suppose.

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“My tolerance was so high with that stuff to the point where I’d go to a party and I’d give some to a 6ft 5in man, and he’d be floored by doing a tiny amount compared to what I was doing, which is scary.”

Class B drug ketamine is a dissociative general anaesthetic and known as a horse tranquilliser.

Rhino ket is the term for a powerful synthetic version or a mix of ketamine and amphetamine.

Cara got sober only in 2022 after photos emerged of her looking dishevelled after the Burning Man festival.

On The Louis Theroux Podcast, out today, she said of the illegal substances: “They were my best friend, my support. They were the thing that I could control my emotions with, you know? They kept me going.

“For a long period I only did drugs. I didn’t drink at all. I don’t know why. I just didn’t like it. I think in my 20s, I never came down, I was just working and partying, and it was fine.”

Cara said she and Amber, 40, formed a friendship on the film London Fields and became romantic only after Amber’s toxic split from Johnny Depp in 2016.

Cara said: “We were close for a long time, then when they were going through the divorce. Yeah, we were entangled, I suppose. But she was also entangled with others.”

When Louis suggested that could be a reference to her dating Elon Musk, she replied: “There you go.”

Heard and Musk dated on and off from 2016 to 2018.

HARRY Styles is looking at New Orleans for his wedding to Zoe Kravitz, it can be revealed.

Pals close to the loved-up pair say they think the Southern US town could be a special spot to tie the knot and have researched venues.

Zoe’s famous musician dad Lenny Kravitz has long-standing roots in the town after buying his first home in the Louisiana town, which has deep ties to the blues music scene.

Back at home, the One Direction star, 32, and US actress, 37, this weekend enjoyed London’s heatwave and were snapped cuddling on a picnic blanket on Hampstead Heath.

They confirmed their engagement to close family and friends in April.

A source said: “Harry and Zoe might have a string of celebrity friends and a Hollywood lifestyle but their wedding won’t be like that.

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“They’re a cool couple and want something unique.

“Zoe’s family ties to New Orleans, plus the town’s musical history, is making it a front runner and they’ve told pals that they’re looking at options for holding their big day there.”

Rock icon Lenny bought his first home in New Orleans in 1994 – a Creole cottage on Dauphine Street in the French Quarter of New Orleans, a block away from the town’s famous Bourbon Street.

Whilst Zoe grew up in Los Angeles with her mother Lisa Bonet, in her teenage years she spent more time with Lenny at his Miami estate and New Orleans cottage.

The Sun revealed snaps of Zoe with a huge diamond ring on her wedding finger in April.

Ex-One Direction singer Harry and Zoe, who played Catwoman in The Batman, have dated since August last year.

They went public with their relationship in Rome but have since kept matters private and not commented on their status.

Harry is said to have popped the question with a ring worth up to £500,000 and first sparked engagement rumours when he and Zoe flew to the Bahamas just after Christmas to stay in her dad’s home there.

A source said at the time: “If it wasn’t an engagement, then it was something that shows they are very much committed to each other.”