sunbathed

THIS is easily the best way to ray-se your holiday game.

Swimming with stingrays on a sandbar in the Caribbean, a 25-minute boat trip from Grand Cayman.

Standing in the warm, waist-deep water amid dozens of these exotic animals is about as close to the ultimate relaxation as you can imagine.

They are totally conditioned to visitors, there’s very little danger of a Steve Irwin moment — and I found it hard to resist the chance to pose while kissing one, though it’s probably not the most ecologically sound thing to do.

The kiss was a bit sloppy and rubbery, but the stingray said she’d had worse.

There really is no better escape from our miserable weather than a Caribbean cruise, gleefully ticking the sun, sand and sea boxes.

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Your only questions are which ship, which ports and what to do when you’re not chilling with the fishes.

We were delighted to be on board Holland America’s Nieuw Statendam, which we joined in Fort Lauderdale, for a week-long voyage stopping in the Bahamas, Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel, an island just off the Mexican coast.

It’s a lovely ship, a nice size with just over 2,500 passengers, and all the bells and whistles you would expect in such a luxury floating hotel.

We loved the Crow’s Nest, the top-deck bar which is the place to be on a sea day, sampling cocktails and deciding which of the many restaurants to eat in that evening, while wondering who those people are who actually spend time in the admittedly well-equipped gym.

We could see people sweating away in there while we went for a stroll around the open decks, stepping carefully over the jogging track and gently bickering over how much to spend playing roulette in the casino.

That is the key point of cruising. It is not normal. Normal life doesn’t have free food at every turn (and free drinks if you invest in the Have It All package) — and if you’re not cruising you don’t pitch up at a private island in the Bahamas very often.

Holland America’s Half Moon Cay featured gorgeous, white-sand beaches to sunbathe on or snorkel off, a friendly bar, a tasty BBQ and, best of all . . . sea horses.

Sorry, not sea horses, but horses that go in the sea. It was truly exhilarating, riding around the paddock and beach first before heading into the water on horseback — and galloping, then swimming through the waves, with no fear of falling off as you’re guaranteed a soft landing.

One fellow rider asked how well the horses were looked after, and got the reassuring response from an animal welfare point of view: “Better than the staff!”

From Half Moon Cay, it was next stop Jamaica, making port in Ocho Rios on the north of the island.

There really are lots of options and excursions for you to pick over and plan for here before you board, including ziplining for the adventurous, river rafting — and the classic, climbing Dunn’s River Falls.

We opted for the waterfalls and it was a lot of fun, going up the river in small groups with everyone buzzing, laughing, splashing and helping each other over the tougher bits (they’re not that tough, I’m an unfit sixty-something and coped).

Reward yourself with a tasty ice-cream at the end before making the short trip back to the ship.

And the options for amusement on board are just as varied. Sit back and enjoy more laughter with a top comedian, take in a bit of live music or a show — and dance the night away.

Or pit your wits in a quiz, challenge your partner to a game of chess, watch a movie or simply sit back and relax with a good book.

Nieuw Amsterdam also offers a host of options for both live and recorded entertainment, and a packed programme of talks and activities.

We had great nights enjoying the live shows in B.B. King’s Blues Club, with the talented All-Stars house band making music and memories, though I do need to find a better quiz team as our pre-show performance in the general-knowledge tester was sadly lacking.

We also enjoyed treat meals and wines in The Pinnacle Grill, Tamarind and Morimoto by Sea, all well worth the supplement — though the standard of cuisine is excellent throughout the vessel, from the buffet to the main dining rooms, and not forgetting the essential late-night pizza availability after watching movies by moonlight on the open deck.

Our last port of call before sailing back to Florida was Cozumel, a charming if tourist-centric island a short ferry ride from the Mexican mainland.

Again, build up your anticipation of your cruise by selecting activities before you go.

We had tough decisions to make, I was well up for going to watch a Lucha Libre show — you know, the Mexican wrestling where they wear masks and get all acrobatic.

Passengers who did go to that loved it, but we decided to stick with what we do best — swimming with things.

Having already snogged a stingray and gone galloping through the waves on horseback, this time we were off to get up close and personal with manatees.

They were terrific, crunching down on heads of lettuce — and a real highlight of this corker of a Caribbean cruise.

Wife Lucy loved them — but has a soft spot for a leathery-skinned, rotund, slow-moving mammal.