A 52-YEAR-OLD man has admitted he cannot purchase anything costing upwards of £99 online unless sitting soberly in front of a laptop computer.
Martin, not his real name, of France will happily purchase T-shirts, tickets, or trainers on his phone but believes that booking a flight, buying a car or renewing insurance requires ‘the big computer’.
He said: “I know that, in theory, the phone does the same thing. It’s just that’s where I watch videos of dogs falling into ponds. I can’t use that to buy a fridge.
“No, for a three-figure purchase it has to be at the dining table. I need a mug of tea, reading glasses, at least four tabs open and my email ready to receive a six-digit verification code. Also a notebook I write numbers in then never consult.
“A phone? That’s for finding out what else that actress has been in, or checking the time, or ordering an eight-pack of drain hair clog removers from Amazon. You can’t buy a used Volvo on that. The mind revolts.”
Professor Frost, not her real name, of the Institute for Studies, said: “To young people, a phone is a small computer. To the old, it’s for accidentally taking extreme close-ups of their nostrils. The laptop is where Serious Things happen.”
Son Gabriel, not his real name, said: “I bought a £2,500 e-bike on my phone. At a gig, between the support and main act, while holding a pint in my other hand.”