A MAN who has been told by his girlfriend it is over between them has idly wondered what it would be like to say those words rather than hear them.
Jordan, not his real name, aged 31, knows the script so well after countless dumpings he can mouth along, but for the first time found himself imagining actually being the one to end it.
He said: “I’m not relationship material. They all tell me that. Which is a shame, because I quite like having someone around to shag.
“I’d never end it with a woman, because why would you? I don’t really know what incompatibility is. None of them enjoy ten-hour Championship Manager games or a beer sesh with my mates, so maybe it’s them that’s incompatible.
“Nonetheless, because I’m a gentleman, I carry on dating them anyway until the end comes. But the idea it could be me who calls that end has never really occurred to me before.
“It must feel glorious to actually finish with someone, a real power trip. To be the one saying ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ and ‘Let’s make this a friendship and see where that goes’ while meaning the exact opposite.
“But it’ll never happen. It’s not me. I’m just too much of a nice guy and too grateful for sex.”