FORGET the Oscars, the Met Gala or a Royal wedding.
This weekend saw the VIP event to rule them all, in the form of Kris Jenner’s 70th star-studded black-tie birthday party.
Make no mistake, every celebrity worth their diamonds can gather a gaggle of A-listers, but this event was something different.
The 007-themed bash collected some of the world’s biggest names in business and tech, movies and music for a night of total luxury and couture-costumed backslapping.
Hosted by Amazon boss Jeff Bezos at his and new wife Lauren Sanchez’s Hollywood megamansion, it was proof to the guests — and millions of fans now lapping up every detail they can via Instagram — that Kris Jenner is the unrivalled queen bee.
She is bigger in power and influence than any other fellow guest in attendance, including talk show legend Oprah Winfrey, tech pioneer Bill Gates, multi-platinum singer Mariah Carey, Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg and Kris’s own daughter, Kim Kardashian.
And getting on her guestlist is the equivalent of getting a glowing write-up in the Who’s Who of modern-day heavyweights.
Essentially, Kris can make or break you — but if she likes you, you’re really winning.
It’s a truth that was etched proudly across Meghan Markle’s face as she smiled her way into Kris’s exclusive birthday bash.
Flanked by her less enthusiastic husband Prince Harry, Meghan looked like the cat who had got the cream — which, for her, has been a long time coming.
Meghan may have rejected royal life before hightailing it to the US in 2020, but Buckingham Palace is a long way from Beverly Hills — and across the pond, Kris has more influence, cachet and showbiz know-how than any British monarch.
Since stepping down as senior royals, Meghan and Harry have done their best to ingratiate themselves in the upper echelons of LA, mingling with the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz, Beyonce and actress Kerry Washington.
But they have fallen out with the likes of power couples Victoria and David Beckham and George and Amal Clooney — both of whom have cut them from A-list social functions.
Grandiose pitches
Meanhwile, Meghan apparently pursued her own goal: An actual friendship with Kris, who, as well as holding influence, knows better than most about the art of rebranding.
Let’s remember, her family were once jokingly labelled “the Kartrashians”, known for flogging slimming teas on Instagram and attending the opening of an envelope.
But the joke’s now firmly on all their critics, since they turned themselves into the one of the most lucrative family brands the world has ever seen — one to rival a royal fold.
And it’s Kris who has masterminded the whole thing — a fact immortalised the day she was filmed cooing at Kim, “You’re doing amazing, sweetie!” while her daughter posed nude for a Playboy magazine shoot in 2007.
Back then, she had already launched the entire family on network TV with their own reality series, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, building on the infamy of Kim’s sex tape.
And though the family’s fame in the early days was easily mocked, they’ve since each cemented themselves as aspirational power players in their own right.
Kim and her sister Kylie Jenner are billionaire business moguls with their respective fashion and beauty lines SKIMS and Kylie Cosmetics, while Kendall Jenner is one of the biggest fashion models in the world.
As for Kourtney and Khloe, everything they touch also turns to gold.
Momager Kris still takes ten per cent of her family’s earnings and is well worth the levy, because having a steer and a nod from her is worth its weight in Hollywood opportunities.
Meghan’s long known this, but her efforts so far have mostly been met with muted interest.
Last year, she sent a batch of her home-made jam to Kris, and before that she and her own mum Doria Ragland previously rubbed shoulders with Kris and Kim at various charity dos.
But getting an invite to THE party of the year is the ultimate seal of approval for Meghan, and a sign that her and Harry’s luck might now be changing after all.
So far, they have been slammed by insiders for not following through on lucrative brand deals and mocked for constantly going back on grandiose pitches and promises.
In 2023, Spotify pulled the plug on their $20million audio deal after Meghan produced just 12 episodes of content for her podcast Archetypes, with one exec at the audio streamer labelling them “f***ing grifters”.
And even though Netflix has now produced two series of the universally mocked cookery and lifestyle series With Love, Meghan, it’s been reported that she and Harry are no longer the streaming giant’s golden couple.
Their $100million deal with the streamer has now been downgraded to a “first-look deal” with a reportedly massive pay cut.
In the past week, we revealed how Meghan is returning to acting with a role in the upcoming movie comedy Close Personal Friends.
Having shunned the showier side of showbiz post-royal life, it’s clear she now needs Hollywood’s endorsement more than ever — so getting through the door of Kris’s VIP-packed party is a pretty momentous achievement.
Devotedly loyal
Jeff Bezos’s role as host attests to Kris’ social standing. Not content with putting on their lavish three-day wedding in Venice which was attended by the Kardashian clan, the Amazon boss and his wife Lauren proved there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for their dear friend Kris.
So it only stands to reason that Jeff would be all-ears to any film or TV ideas Meghan might have for his Prime streaming service — provided she has Kris’s seal of approval.
Other heavyweights who donned their gladrags for Kris included Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Microsoft founder Bill Gates, who arrived carrying a perfectly wrapped, rectangular gift (prompting the internet to wonder just what a billionaire brings as a birthday present).
Bill has a lot to thank Kris for, as she recently invested in Phia, an AI shopping start-up co-launched by his daughter Phoebe.
Kris knows what The Godfather taught us long ago: Make sure people owe you enough to remain committed and devotedly loyal.
But the night wasn’t all about business deals, and it’s safe to say that every star who attended the function — many of them dressed in red — had a night to remember.
Maintaining the party’s James Bond theme, Kris brandished a tiny pistol — stressing the point that she’s the one who wields the power.
Dressed in a frilled, hot-red ballgown and dramatic black gloves, the mum-of-six proudly displayed her most expensive purchase — a new facelift, which reportedly cost between $150,000 and $230,000.
She unveiled the results earlier this year, saying, “This is ageing gracefully, my version.”
And she certainly looked delighted with herself on the night, as did her younger actor boyfriend, Corey Gamble, 45, who lovingly followed 70-year-old Kris around all night.
Among the other VIPs attending were Motown legend Stevie Wonder, Oscar nominee Naomi Watts, socialite Paris Hilton, rapper Snoop Dogg, singer Adele and fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger — while hitmaker Bruno Mars performed live.
The night was so eventful that police were called to the premises several times after neighbours complained about loud music.
Cameras were strictly forbidden, but the birthday girl did later post a carousel of photos on Instagram which showed red roses, sweeping scarlet drapery, flowing champagne, 007-themed lighters and poker chips.
It was all accounted for, and Kris was royally venerated like the modern-day monarch she has risen to be.
The rise itself is pretty spectacular, considering her modest beginnings.
Born in San Diego in 1955 to an aircraft manager dad and children’s clothing store owner mum, Kris briefly worked as an air hostess for American Airlines.
Her only “proper” job, she said it made her “see what hard work and great service looked like”.
While married to Hollywood lawyer Robert Kardashian, who represented OJ Simpson during his 1995 murder trial, she became the standard LA wife who knows all the right people and places, but still stands behind her more successful husband.
But after she divorced Robert and married Bruce Jenner, now Caitlyn, she became the former athlete’s manager and turned his faded Olympic career into lucrative brand deals.
Yet it wasn’t until she pitched her family to E! for reality TV glory that she really proved her mettle.
Coining the term momager, she has now leveraged a C-list family to Hollywood royalty.
The Kardashians now run some of the most exclusive rooms in the world — and for Meghan Markle, getting access to them is crucial.
Attending Kris’s party might just be the start of a beautiful friendship.
And if Meghan really plays her cards right, she’ll finally hear those four words that mean so much: “You’re doing amazing, sweetie.”
In the meantime, Meghan — and the rest of Hollywood — know the drill: Curtsey, kiss the ring, and never say no to a Kris Jenner invitation.