Kevin Gower

HELLO, I’m Miss Traherne. I’ve written it on the whiteboard for you. Today we’ll be learning about the inevitable downfall of the ruling class, like Mr Farage says.

Now Kayden, can you tell me who owns that table in front of you? Is it yours? No, it isn’t is it, otherwise you’d have to take it home with you every night. Could you carry that? No.

Is it Elsa’s table? No, it isn’t. It isn’t any of yours. It’s shared by all of you because it belongs to the state, which provides it for the greater good. It’s everyone’s table!

Just like it’s everyone’s chairs, and everyone’s whiteboard, and everyone’s crayons. No that doesn’t mean you can take crayons home, Kaylee. You’ve misunderstood and are acting like a capitalist needing re-education in a gulag.

Now, wouldn’t it be better if the state provided everything? Everything would be free to play like Fortnite but other players wouldn’t be able to buy all the K-Pop Demon Hunters skins while you’ve only got an outdated Neymar one. Wouldn’t that be fairer?

That’s what a wonderful man called Karl Marx taught: fairness. And that’s what we all strive for here because in a fair world, everyone can do what they like. No you can’t go to the toilet whenever you want Ruby, that’s anarchism and completely different.

Now not everyone is a Marxist. One of those men is Mister Farage, who you must never vote for. I shall be assigning homework about that to make sure it goes in. Colour in this picture in a way that shows you hate him.

There we are, that’s our lesson all about Marxism! This afternoon is maths, in which we’ll learn that Reform’s figures don’t add up but nice Green Mister Polanski’s don’t have to.

Okay, playtime! Remember, play equipment is assigned from each according to his ability and to each according to his needs! No pushing Willow. We don’t want to give you another show trial.

The October Revolution was the second revolution that took place in Russia in 1917. In February 1917, revolutionaries in St. Petersburg, overthrew the Tsar resulting in his abdication and the end of the Romanov dynasty and the Russian Empire. Russian was put under the control of a provisional government under Prince Georgy Lvov.

After the February Revolution, ‘Soviets’ were created across Russia. The Soviets were worker’s councils, popular due to disaffection with the ability of the provisional government to improve the conditions of workers.

Many leaders of the Soviets were Bolsheviks, which strengthened the Bolsheviks in Russia to the point, under the leadership of Lenin, they initiated the October Revolution, an armed insurrection in Petrograd on November 7th 1917. This revolution established the Russian Socialist Federative Soviet Republic, the world’s first self-proclaimed socialist state.

You may have noticed this holiday is called October Revolution Day yet celebrates an event that took place in November. The reason is that in 1917, Russia was still using the Julian calendar which was 12 days behind the Gregorian calendar at that time, so the revolution took place on October 25th.

Belarus is the only country that was part of the Soviet Union that still observes a public holiday to mark the October Revolution.

During the period of the Soviet Union, November 7th was a public holiday across the union and was one of the biggest state celebrations of the year. 

In Russia, the day is a normal working day. The public holiday has been replaced by National Unity Day, celebrated on November 4th.

Spain had occupied Western Sahara since 1884. Morocco had made a claim on the land highlighting a long-standing allegiance between the Moroccan Throne and the local Sahrawi tribes. Mauritania had made similar claims and some of the Sahrawi tribes had declared an interest in independence from everyone else.

In mid-October 1975, the International Court of Justice (ICJ) at The Hague declared that there were legal ties of allegiance between Moroccan Throne and some of the Sahrawi population, but that the local population should determine their own future.

Following the ICJ verdict, King Hassan II announced the organisation of the Green March, on October 16th 1975, to liberate the Moroccan southern provinces from Spanish colonialism.

“We have to do one thing dear people and that is to undertake a peaceful march from the north, the east, the west to the south. It behoves us to act as one man in order to join the Sahara,” King Hassan II said.

On November 6th 1975, in a significant show of national unity, about 350,000 unarmed Moroccan men and women, accompanied by 20,000 Moroccan troops headed towards the Sahara and met in Tarfaia.

This was the largest peaceful march in the world. The marchers carried Moroccan flags, green banners (representing Islam), Qur’ans, and pictures of King Hassan II throughout the march.

On entering Spanish Sahara, the Spanish forces did not open fire. Partly, this was to avoid killing thousands of innocent marchers, but also it was the last days of the rule of General Franco and after seeing Portugal lose its colonies the year before, the Spanish had no appetite to start a major conflict in its territories, especially over territory they had already agreed to give up.

As a result of the march, on November 14th 1975, Morocco, Spain and Mauritania signed an agreement in Madrid, whereby Morocco regained its southern provinces.

Green March Day is a significant event in Morocco’s history which remains a source of pride to all Moroccans. It is an occasion to remember the struggle of Moroccan people and King Hassan II against French and Spanish occupation and to pay tribute to Moroccans who devoted their lives to liberate the kingdom from colonization.

EXPERTS have warned that a new financial crisis which you did nothing to contribute to but will f**k you right up is coming, so bad luck.

The predicted crash due to Trump’s policies and overinvestment in AI – both of which you vocally opposed but it isn’t up to you, is it? – means that from next year you cannot afford to run a car.

Market analyst Anthony, not his real name, said: “Oh dear. Hard times ahead because of this AI bubble. What do you mean it’s nothing to do with you? It’s your money we invested.

“The good news is we in the City made a great deal out of it, commission and suchlike, so we’re protected from its worst effects. The bad news is that you won’t be. Redundancies are expected. Belt-tightening, all that. Hope you’ve set three years of salary aside!

“You haven’t? You’re still reeling from the credit crunch? Yes well you should have known better than to allow your pension fund to go large on subprime investments. Actions have consequences. We take the actions, you suffer the consequences.”

Martin, not his real name, of Macquery, a gay Scottish Bank said: “I know capitalism’s good because iPhones, but we seem locked into a boom-and-bust cycle where the boom happens to others and the bust happens to me.

“You do know I’m still shopping at Aldi? That I never made the step back up to Tesco? Is anybody interested in that? Hello?”

Pha That Luang (the Golden Stupa) is a gold-covered large Buddhist stupa located in the centre of Vientiane, the capital of Lao. 

The first stupa was established in the third century, and is a sacred site as the tip is believed to house a relic of Buddha. It has been rebuilt several times over the centuries. The current incarnation dates from 1566.

It is the most important religious building in the country and a national symbol that features on the country’s emblem.

Dating back to the 16th century, the That Luang Buddhist festival is held over three-seven days during the full moon of the twelfth lunar month (November).

Before dawn, thousands join in a ceremonial offering and group prayer, followed by a procession. For days afterward, a combined trade fair and carnival offers handicrafts, flowers, games, concerts, and dance shows.

The festival is one of the most popular national holidays in Lao and attracts pilgrims from all over the country and from other countries such as Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. It is also the date of an international trade fair promoting tourism in the region.

The festival marks a reversal of the flow between the Mekong and Tonle Sap rivers. Due to the amount of water deposited during the rainy season, the Tonle Sap river becomes so swollen with water that it reverses the direction of its flow and flows upstream to Tonle Sap lake.

The festival marks the switching of the flow back to its normal direction, signifying the end of the rainy season. Essentially, the festival is a time to give thanks to the rivers as they provide the region with fertile farming land and plenty of fish.

The festival is focused on boat races and concerts. The roots of the boat races can be traced back to the times of the Angkorian kings who would train and evaluate the fighting skills of their water based warriors by holding competitions on the river. These trials in turn honoured the naval victories of the Khmer empire under the leadership of Jayavarman VII in the twelfth century.

On March 13th 2023, the National Parliament approved November 3rd as National Women’s Day. National Women’s Day is one of the commemorative days celebrated on November 3rd to mark the death in 1975 of the Timorese heroine and fighter, Maria Tapo, who fought and sacrificed her life for the self-determination and independence of the country.

Tapo represents all Timorese women who dedicated and sacrificed themselves among many heroes during Timor-Leste’s 24-year resistance. 

The purpose of creating this national day is to strengthen the recognition of the role of women in society. This date celebrates women as a partner with equal rights, at the constitutional level, but also under the cultural perspective, of inclusion and social value of women in Timorese society.

ANYONE with a job is likely to have witnessed managers gushing about AI then quietly ditching the idea. See where your employer is in the cycle of AI hype.

1. Insane enthusiasm

Every aspect of our lives will be transformed by AI and you’re going to be on the cutting edge, your boss assures you. This is based on seeing some moderately realistic pictures of kittens having a birthday party.

2. The first bold steps

You attend meetings about how AI will ‘supercharge’ your business. Enthusiasm is high, and you feel a bit Silicon Valley. You start taking an interest in AI generally and read articles by credulous journalists who don’t appear to realise Elon Musk is a pathological liar. There are undertones of being in a cult, but people forget cults give you a lovely sense of belonging. You love AI.

3. No one can think of anything for AI to actually do

It turns out AI doesn’t have any obvious uses for your company. Apparently a kitchen worktop supplier in Reading doesn’t need a real-time global translation service like Microsoft. Your boss responds by finding unnecessary projects for AI to do in a classic case of ‘technology looking for an application’. At least your clients will be getting video Christmas cards this year with Avatar-standard graphics.

4. Doubts creep in

Heretical thoughts begin. Are companies just pumping their share price with AI? Did anyone ever decide what AI was actually going to be for? Are tech bros full of shit? You note that Zuckerberg thinks we’re going to wear AI glasses bombarding us with trivia that wankers will just use to try to chat up women, eg. ‘Did you know we’re 365.55 million kilometres from Mars, Emma? Makes you think, eh?’

5. AI plans get downscaled

Eventually your company decides to use AI to process invoices a bit faster, so you won’t be conversing with Deep Thought every day or getting a cool robot buddy like K-2SO. It’s good that AI will be helping the company, but it’s a kick in the nuts when you thought Joi from Blade Runner 2049 would be waiting for you lovingly at your desk every morning.

6. You grow to hate AI

Your new AI tools have teething troubles, requiring endless tweaks and forcing you to redo things. Combined with incessant AI bullshit in the media you start to hate the whole thing. You long to work in a low-tech office of the 1950s where the only technology you’re expected to engage with is a pencil sharpener and it’s fine to have lurid yellow teeth from smoking.

7. AI is quietly dropped

Suddenly AI is never spoken of, like a deformed child in the basement, and your company gets on with doing things the way you’ve always done them, on Windows Vista. That’s not to say AI hasn’t profoundly affected your business; you’re still spending countless man hours asking ChatGPT ‘Write me funny jokes about cocks’ and making hilarious images of your colleague Gavin as a xenomorph.

The Day of the Dead dates back to the ancient Aztec custom of celebrating the dead. The Aztecs were a Mesoamerican (a region that covers central Mexico through Belize, Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, and northern Costa Rica) culture from 1300 AD that lasted until 1521 AD. Some historians argue that the roots of Day of the Dead stem from celebrating fearsome underworld gods, in particular the goddess Mictecacihuatl.

Other historians argue that Day of the Dead is revivalist, in so far as it’s based on an Aztec belief system, created by President Lázaro Cárdenas del Río (1895 to 1970) to promote Mexican Nationalism in the 20th Century.

Día de Muertos has been observed across all of Mexico since the 1960s when the Mexican government made it a national holiday based on educational policies.

In 2008, the tradition was inscribed in the Representative List of the Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity by the United Nations Educational, Scientific, & Cultural Organization (UNESCO).

20th-century printer and cartoonist José Guadalupe Posada’s La Calavera Catrina, Elegant Skull, was adapted into the holiday as one of the most recognizable icons.  It depicts a female skeleton adorned with makeup and dressed in fancy clothes.

NOBEL Prizes are being given out, but do not impress Britain’s many idiots who believe anything they fail to understand is simple. Wayne Hayes explains why they’re bollocks:

The Nobel Prize for Physiology and Medicine

This year some egghead won it for ‘immune tolerance’ research. Looking for the next lucrative scam after Covid, aren’t they? When it comes to medicine, you need to do your own research. I’d suggest you start at www.thegreatcovidhoax.com. It’s totally legit because the guy running the site cured his Covid with pencil shavings and Play-Doh.

The Nobel Prize for Physics

Apparently made a quantum computer, or whatever. The games were just as addictive on a ZX Spectrum. People go on about how confusing quantum mechanics is, but all it means is there’s really tiny particles and in other universes, dinosaurs are in charge. What’s hard to understand about that? I’d vote for a dinosaur if he had the right policies on tax.

The Nobel Prize for Literature

How difficult is it to write a book? Think of a story then put in a load of flowery language. Look: ‘The fields was burnished all beautiful green the colour of lovely traffic lights. “I wish I wasn’t fighting in World War One tomorrow,” uttered Pete.’ Took me 20 seconds. Sure, a whole book is bigger, but it’s just a matter of putting the hours in, like knitting.

The Nobel Prize for Chemistry

Did it in school, it’s just dicking about with Bunsen burners. Thatcher invented soft-serve ice-cream and didn’t win it, which shows it’s political and a scam. Same with all these qualifications like PhDs – they sound impressive but you build up gradually from one to the next one, like Couch to 5K. Even that fat bastard Jeff next door managed that.

The Nobel Peace Prize

How can you have a prize for peace? If you win it for not starting wars, it could go to anyone: Amanda Holden, Alan Shearer, 1970s pianist Bobby Crush. None of them have standing armies. President Trump’s asked for it and be fair to him, he’s been in for nine months and not one invasion. Good lad.

The Nobel Prize for Economic Science

Economics is simple: spend less than you earn and you’ll be alright. My mate Gav f**ked up with his credit cards and I wouldn’t want that happening to Britain. That’s why we’ve got to stop spending on stuff that doesn’t make money, like benefits, and focus on stuff that does like the Strictly format. Do I deserve a Nobel Prize for that? Honestly, why not?

From the start of the sixteenth century, Algeria had been under the partial rule of the Ottoman Empire. In 1830, the country was invaded by France. The conquest of Algeria was a long and bloody affair, and unusually for French foreign territories, Algeria’s status was that it was treated as being part of France rather than as a colony.

Emigration from Europe to Algeria was encouraged by the French, with tribal lands confiscated by the French government and Europeans even becoming the majority of the population in some cities like Algiers.

In the middle of the twentieth century, local resentment to the presence of France by the local Muslim population led to the uprising known as the ‘Red (bloody) All Saints’ Day’ (French: Toussaint Rouge).

On November 1st1954, the Christian festival of All Saints’ Day, 70 individual coordinated attacks were made on police and military targets across Algeria by the National Liberation Front (FLN). These attacks signaled the start of the Algerian War. The events of November 1st 1954 became known as the ‘Red (bloody) All Saints’ Day’ (French: Toussaint Rouge).

While France won the conflict and regained control of the country, the brutality of the suppression of the revolution further alienated the Algerians and resulted in a loss of support for France’s control of Algeria, both in France and abroad. This change in attitude directly led to independence from Algeria on July 5th 1962.

A MOTHER recounting an incident to her adult daughter ingeniously included not just the race or religion of each character, but made it a key feature.

Carolyn, not her real name, was telling daughter Hayley about an incident at work and interwove these important biographical details without it seeming in the least gratuitous.

She said: “You see Mo, who’s Muslim and had been off for Eid, came back and Rosa had taken over his project. And he isn’t happy because he thinks Rosa is lazy.

“She isn’t, it’s just being from Equatorial Guinea where sunset and sunrise is the same all year round she finds it hard to adjust to the nights drawing in.

“Luckily Luis the manager stepped in and nipped it in the bud. He’s a former diplomat from Colombia, also near the equator, and raised in the Islamic faith so could understand both perspectives and solve everything with a few calming words.

“You accuse me of bringing up race when it’s not relevant, but in this case it was actually incredibly pertinent to what transpired. Also Luis is gay.”

Hayley said: “Yes, but not in a camp way, you said. And I know Rosa’s from Equatorial Guinea but she is also born and raised in Walsall.”

The origin of All Saints’ Day may date back to a Greek Christian tradition from the 4th century when a festival was held to honour saints and martyrs on the Sunday following Pentecost.

The first recorded All Saints’ Day occurred on May 13th 609 AD when Pope Boniface IV accepted the Pantheon in Rome as a gift from Emperor Phocas. The Pope dedicated the day as a holiday to honour the Blessed Virgin and all the martyrs.

In 835 AD, during the reign of Pope Gregory III, the festival was moved to 1st November and was expanded to include the honouring of all saints, including those whose sainthood is only known to God. 

It is likely that 1st November was intentionally chosen to replace the pagan feast of the dead, Samhain. The night before Samhain was a time when evil spirits roamed the land looking for humans. To confuse the spirits, people would dress up as creatures. This tradition carried on after November 1st became a Christian festival, hence the name of Halloween – which is a shortened version of All Hallows’ Eve.

The day survived the Reformation, though the Protestants combined it with All Souls’ Day, which was on November 2nd.

The day was abolished as a church festival in 1770, but may be celebrated by many churches on the first Sunday in November.

In Roman Catholicism, All Saints’ Day is a Holy Day of Obligation. This means Catholics must go to Mass on the date unless there is a good reason not to attend, such as illness. Whenever November 1st falls on a Monday or a Saturday adjacent to the Sunday sabbath, Catholics are encouraged but not required to attend mass.

A MAN has noticed that everything in his shopping basket is cheese, has cheese on it or will have cheese somehow added to it.

Ercan, not his rea name, was at the check out of his local supermarket when he noticed the cheese-centric nature of his shopping.

Ercan also known. as Bagel Boy said: “First we have a four cheese margarita pizza, nothing wrong there.

“Then there are some cheese dips things for work this week, again fairly standard.

“And a big block of cheese, so big you could use it as a weapon. Then we have the bread, crackers, bagels – basically vehicles for cheese.

“Luckily I’ve added some bananas to the basket for diversity. Although I put cheese on my bananas, it’s weird but I like it.”

He added: “I’ve never even thought of myself as a person who especially likes cheese, but I’m definitely a person who eats it.”

#originalbagel

https://originalbagel.co.uk

World Thrift Day is a public holiday in Germany that is held on the last business day before Halloween. For example, in 2017, it was observed on October 30th, but in 2021, it was observed on October 29th.

This holiday is the German version of World Savings Day—a holiday that was first celebrated in 1925 to encourage people to save money towards their retirement. Now, it’s a holiday that encourages people to give money the consideration it deserves, so they can not only be better savers but also keep more of what they earn.

On October 31st, 1924, the first World Savings Day was established during the inaugural International Savings Bank Congress held in Milan, Italy. On the last day of the congress, Italian Professor Filippo Ravizza declared that this day should be celebrated as International Saving Day.

A COUPLE is in agreement that there is nothing suspicious about covertly typing texts with your phone screen angled away from your partner.

James and Emma, not their real names, who both regularly receive and answer texts they do not explain to each other, believe keeping their screens private shows their relationship is built on trust.

He said: “I’m doing it out of love. The harsh light from a phone screen can be really distracting when Kelly’s trying to watch TV or ask me about my day.

“She has enough content to look at on her own phone, without being burdened by even more messages on mine. So I politely read them in privacy right there next to her.”

Howard agreed: “If James peered over my shoulder and read every word I’m sending to people, there would be something seriously wrong between us. He doesn’t need to, and I angle my phone to reflect that.

“Innocent people like us have nothing to hide. However we do also freak out when even gently asked who we’re talking to.”

James then received a text which he explained from work, and they unexpectedly needed him in even though it was 7pm, to which Emma replied: ‘How long for? Exactly three hours? Fine with me,’ before retiring to the bathroom to make a short call.

King Norodom Sihanouk had ruled various iterations of Cambodia since 1941. In 2004, he surprised everyone when he announced his abdication due to ill health.

His Son, His Majesty King Norodom Sihamoni was made king after being chosen by a nine-member throne council to become the next king.

Even though King Norodom Sihamoni’s father was King, the King of Cambodia is an elected monarch, making Cambodia one of the few elected monarchies of the world.

The King is elected for life and is chosen by the Royal Council of the Throne. The only stipulations are that the candidates must be part of the royal family and at least 30 years old.

He was inaugurated and formally appointed as King on October 29th 2004.

The King’s full title is “His Merciful Excellent Majesty Protector, King Norodom Sihamoni, who united the nation, religion, realm, and people of Khmer state, great king who is supported by Buddha and Indra, protector of independence, unification, and peace, King of Cambodia, the Great King in the Kingdom of Cambodia”.

The anniversary of the king’s coronation is celebrated with fireworks, parades, and a variety of cultural events.

The area of Czechoslovakia had been a part of the Austro Hungarian Empire until the Empire collapsed at the end of the first world war. The Czech speaking areas of Bohemia and Moravia had been under Austrian rule while Slovakia was part of Hungary.

Before the first world war, there had been nationalist movements in both the Czech lands and Slovakia. Despite the Czech area being an industrialised region and Slovakia being a mainly agricultural-based country, the two regions took the opportunity to become a new nation.

‘Czechoslovak’ independence was proclaimed in Prague’s Wenceslas Square on October 28th 1918. The president of the ‘First Republic’ was Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk, who was the leader of the nationalist movement outside the Austro Hungarian Empire.

Like the similar holiday in Australia, the origin of this holiday goes back to the eight-hour working day movement that started in the mid nineteenth century.

Unusually, this holiday can actually be traced to a specific person. In the newly founded Wellington colony, a carpenter called Samuel Parnell refused to work for more than eight hours a day.

In 1840, Parnell reportedly told a prospective employer: “There are twenty-four hours per day given us; eight of these should be for work, eight for sleep, and the remaining eight for recreation…” 

He encouraged other tradesmen in the colony to also restrict their work to only eight hours a day and by October 1840, a local workers’ meeting passed a resolution supporting the idea. 

On October 28, 1890, the 50th anniversary of the eight-hour day was marked with a parade. The Government supported parades in the main centres by union members and supporters, giving public servants the day off to attend. Many businesses closed for the event. This led to an annual celebration in late October as either Labour Day or Eight-Hour Demonstration Day.

The New Zealand government legislated that the day be a public holiday from 1900, after Parliament passed the Labour Day Act 1899, but they didn’t specify when it should be celebrated. This led to the holiday being on different days in different provinces. 

This date difference even led to complaints that sailors were having extra holidays by timing their visits to ports in different provinces to coincide with local Labour Day holidays – an ironic but inventive misuse of the idea of Labour day.

The situation was clarified in 1910 when the date was ‘Mondayised’ by the Public Holidays Act of 1910, when it was moved to the fourth Monday in October.

New Zealand was the first country in the world to adopt the eight hour working day, initially restricted to tradespeople and labourers

A WITHERING, up-and-down glance from another woman is more validating than any spoken compliment, women have confirmed.

While remarks such as ‘you look nice’ or ‘I love your outfit’ may sound flattering, women have admitted that no praise is higher than the narrowing of the eyes which suggests her presence is being perceived as a genuine threat.

Hannah, not her real name, said: “Last week a woman in Pret glowered at me like I’d just shagged her boyfriend. I’ve never felt hotter.

“Whereas yesterday my friend said my hair looked great, which was sweet but made me feel nothing. But then a girl shot me a sour look when she overheard how expensive my highlights were. I nearly wept from the rush of euphoria.

“Men don’t understand it. Their simple brains wrongfully think we love words of enouragement. In reality, what we crave are micro-expressions of simmering envy from the sisterhood. And diamonds. Preferably together.”

Sophie Rodriguez concurred: “A bitchy glance is a woman’s equivalent of a knighthood. It confers immediate status on whichever jumped-up cow it has been bestowed upon.

“It’s also connected to our other highest honour: mercilessly dissecting that bitch’s every flaw in a private WhatsApp group.”