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HE may be a 63-year-old “normal” dad these days, but Shaun Ryder has not lost the ability to shock.

When the Happy Mondays frontman spoke to host Jack Whitehall at the Brit Awards last month, his tale of nearly being busted for drugs had to be edited out.

But, then again, putting the potty-mouthed and straight-talking singer on live telly is always a risk.

In an exclusive interview with The Sun, the Mancunian reveals that ITV did not appreciate his story of a drugs raid that happened when he was up for a Brit award in 1996.

Back then, Shaun’s other band, Black Grape, had been nominated for British Breakthrough Act.

Shaun says: “I told him I went to score and the gaff where I went to score got raided by the police as I’m scoring and the cops cottoned on who I was.

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“And I’m saying, ‘Oh, I’m getting a Brit Award here’ and they let me go.

“They busted a heroin house and they let me go because I was up for a Brit Award.”

You might think that Shaun, who has already published two autobiographies, has no fresh stories.

But the singer, who has a new memoir out now and who is writing material for Happy Mondays’ first album in 20 years, always has plenty of tales to tell.

In his latest book, 24 Hour Party Person, he recalls facing down what he believes was a killer orangutan, escaping a gun battle and being held hostage by an armed robber.

There are also numerous car crashes from which he somehow escaped alive.

Shaun, who quit drugs aged 40 after 20 years of substance abuse, admits: “I have used up more than nine lives.”

It could all have ended shortly after Happy Mondays’ first album, Squirrel And G-Man Twenty Four Hour Party People Plastic Face Carnt Smile (White Out), came out in 1987.

Shaun, who was not famous at that point, went to Amsterdam to live for a short while.

He remembers: “Some nutcase we knew from Manchester, who was doing armed robberies and was then in Amsterdam, hijacked a load of people, put them in the canal and shot them and then turned up at the gaff where we were staying and held us hostage for a day or two.”

Luckily, Shaun managed to talk the robber into letting them go.

But there was no way of having a nice discussion with a great ape that appeared in front of Shaun on a Barbados beach when he was recording Happy Mondays’ fourth album in 1992.

At the time there were stories in the local Press about a dangerous orangutan, nicknamed Jack the Ripper, on the loose.

Shaun claims: “This thing just dropped out of the trees right in front of me. It was a f***ing big orangutan.”

Telling himself “don’t show any fear”, the musician stood tall and shouted, “Grrr, arrrgh, f*** off, just f*** right off”, at the animal.

Remarkably, the orangutan did as it was told.

Orangutans are not native to the Caribbean, so there is a good chance it was indeed Jack the Ripper.

And Shaun, who was “smoking up to 50 rocks of crack cocaine a day” in Barbados, insists it was not a hallucination.

The album, Yes, Please!, failed to generate enough sales to justify the £150,000 spent making it and the following year the Happy Mondays broke up.

Shaun formed Black Grape in 1993 with his dancer mate Bez and rapper pal Paul “Kermit” Leveridge.

But it did not help keep him out of trouble.

During one trip to Jamaica, he and Kermit found themselves in the middle of a gun battle while trying to buy drugs.

He recalls: “I was going scoring and someone got shot, shot in the head. We just ran for it. If you’re a junkie going scoring, that’s the sort of s**t you come across.”

It was getting together with third wife Joanne which finally helped Shaun give up drugs and stop boozing.

They had dated briefly before Happy Mondays had hits, but he says: “She blew me out.”

Joanne, who now manages the TV part of his career — which has included two appearances on I’m A Celebrity . . . Get Me Out Of Here! — remained in the same circle as him.

The couple got together more than 20 years ago and married in 2010.

They have two daughters, Pearl, 17, and Lulu, 18.

Shaun, who also has four other children with previous partners, says: “She reeled me in and it’s a good job. “She didn’t let me get away with half of the stuff.

“If she hadn’t I’d have just carried on with crashing, but once I hit 40, I was determined to give up drugs anyway.”

His older children had to deal with his absences and spells in rehab.

But the youngest two have grown up in a more stable environment.

Shaun, who is also stepdad to Joanne’s son Oliver, explains: “I’ve still got two kids at home, so for the last 18 years, I’m just Dad.

“They’ve grown up coming and watching us at music festivals, and they’ve seen me in the jungle, but they’ve never seen that Shaun Ryder who’s off his nut.

“I pick them up from college and all that sort of thing, and drop them off. I’m the f***ing taxi service.

“In this house, you know, we don’t even have booze or anything, so, we’ve just been like a normal f***ing mad family for the past 18 years or whatever.”

Shaun says he did not see much of his older children and admits he was not a good dad to them.

But he says: “I’ve had really no trouble off my kids, I’ve been very lucky with the kids.”

This year is going to be an important one for Shaun.

Apart from the book and new album out next year, he is doing a Q&A tour and is on the road with Happy Mondays.

The return to the studio is due to former Creation Records label boss Alan McGee.

Shaun reveals: “I’m writing it now. Alan McGee wanted a new Mondays album, so Alan usually gets what he wants.”

When it comes out, it will be 40 years since the Manchester group’s first release in 1987.

These days various health problems, including a recent bout of pneumonia, means performing is harder than ever for Shaun.

One legal substance that has helped keep him on the road is the fat jab Ozempic.

Shaun says: “You just raid the medicine cabinet, don’t you, and get on with it, so the show must go on.

“I have an overactive thyroid, so even if I ate f***ing lettuce and tomatoes, I would be big.

“Since I started on the injections my thyroid started to get better.”

If Shaun has his way he will keep performing until the Grim Reaper finally catches up with him.

And the singer would settle for dying on stage, like the comedian Tommy Cooper.

He says: “In this game, you’re doing some Tommy Cooper style, you know what I mean?

“As long as you enjoy it, do what you do, f***ing do it and I still do.

“I’ll still make music and go play music out there until I f***ing drop dead on stage.

“It’s a good place to go, innit? To drop dead on stage, singing Kinky Afro.”

• Shaun’s new book 24 Hour Party Person is available from awaywithmedia.com.

SHE is an Oscar-winner married to a former James Bond, but Rachel Weisz says Hollywood made her feel so ugly she considered having plastic surgery.

When the British beauty first went there in the Nineties, she contemplated a nose job, boob job or liposuction to get noticed and boost her career.

Rachel, now 56 and one of the world’s most sought-after stars, said: “I went into quite a major depression.

“I was watching so many daytime TV shows. And then I would get in my car and drive to these auditions while listening to the radio.

“I feel sick now when I listen to the radio, all these commercials for different car dealers.

“I just felt like the world was so desperate and lonely and sad and people were trying to sell cars and no one wanted to buy them.

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“People are very focused on their own thing. In LA unless you’ve just won an Oscar or you’re ‘Mr Studio Head’, no one talks to you. Even at parties. I was at this big Hollywood party, and no one looked.

“Everyone is blinkered and they just kind of scan the room for ­anyone important. LA makes you feel ugly. Because if you’re an actress, no one pays you any attention.

“And you immediately start thinking, ‘God, I must have a nose job. Or, I must get that boob job, or I must get that lipo’, whatever it is.”

For Rachel, who started her career with bit-parts on Inspector Morse and whose new thriller Vladimir was released on Netflix on March 5, real success and happiness came when she turned her back on the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles.

She decided to split her time between London, where she grew up, and New York with her then-partner, director Darren Aronofsky, and their son Henry, now 19.

Rachel, who has been married to 007 actor Daniel Craig since 2011, told Index mag: “There’s not much room for eccentricity in Hollywood, and eccentricity is what’s sexy in people.

“I think London’s sexy because it’s so full of eccentrics.”

The actress’s breakthrough came in 1999 when she landed the role of feisty librarian Evelyn Carnahan in blockbuster The Mummy.

By 2006 her A-list status was cemented when she won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for The Constant Gardener.

She went on to star in 2009’s The Lovely Bones and 2015’s Youth, as well as 2021 Marvel film Black Widow.

Now Vladimir sees her as ­married college professor M, whose life spirals into a steamy, all-consuming obsession with her younger colleague, played by One Day and White Lotus star Leo Woodall.

The series is based on the book of the same name by Julia May Jonas, which Rachel describes as a ­brilliant piece of writing.

She added of the character she plays: “I deeply empathise with her and understand her. But I left her when I got home.

“She’s like a projection of what a viewer might want to live out.”

Rachel and Daniel, who ­officially ended his 15-year stint as James Bond with No Time To Die in 2021, were friends for years before falling for each other in 2010 while filming thriller Dream House.

Within months they secretly wed in New York and went on to have daughter Grace, now seven. They split their time between Brooklyn in New York and ­Primrose Hill in North London.

But the couple deliberately choose not to do films together.

Rachel said: “I think we really love our private life as a life, as a family, and then we go to work separately.

“It means we can alternate, so I can stay home with the family while he works. We can swap out. If we’re both doing ­something at the same time, it’s probably less ideal.”

Rachel grew up in ­Hampstead, North London, with dad George, a Hungarian-Jewish mechanical engineer, and mum Edith, who originated from ­Austria and was a teacher-turned-psychotherapist.

The star started modelling at 14 and studied English at ­Cambridge University, with her parents hoping she would choose a more traditional career.

Rachel told the Sunday Sitdown With Willie Geist podcast: “They were just the kind of ­parents who were like, ‘You’ve got to get a degree, like you have to go to ­college’, which in the end I did.

“They wanted me to have a fall-back, so I could be a teacher . . . that would be a really good job.

“My parents would be really happy if I was a teacher. My dad was very sceptical about my career choice. I think he wasn’t very impressed by what I was doing.

“He was my harshest critic for a very long time. I think he only, after a good 15 years, was like, ‘OK, yeah’.

“He was tough — yeah, he was tough, in a good way. He was always honest, he didn’t make it nice. He’d take things apart and say, ‘I didn’t understand what you were doing,’ or, ‘That was a bit wooden’.”

But winning her Oscar changed everything.

Rachel said: “That definitely changed my life. Maybe my dad was like, ‘OK, all right, you were OK’.

“He would never be more over the top than that.”

And that Oscar meant she had the freedom to choose the roles she truly wanted, just like the one in Vladimir.

She said: “In the beginning of my career, I just did whatever job I got so I could pay the rent. I wasn’t picky.

“Now I’m in this luxurious position where I can choose things. It’s really about the character and writing, if it appeals to me or if it seems it would be interesting to ­pretend that story.

“I was never the kind of kid that got on the table and did a tap dance and a song. I wasn’t the star of the school plays or ­anything. I was ­actually really shy.

“I think a lot of actors, when I meet them as grown-ups, they go, ‘I was really shy too’.

“I think I’m just a daydreamer. I think storytelling is, in a way, daydreaming, but ­putting your daydreams into ­writing and getting people to embody them.

“I think my daydreaming skills have just come into it, I get paid for it.”

Despite now being praised for her stylish looks, ranging from velvet trouser suits to Valentino haute ­couture, walking the red carpet still makes Rachel nervous even today.

She said: “I don’t think any actress would say doing the red ­carpet is not terrifying. The way to get through it is to pretend.

“It’s a fantasy, like walking into a fantasy world. These people, they transform you, and that is fun.

“What you see on the red ­carpet is not a character that has anything to say.

“I used to be very shy, and in a way that was what was so great about the idea of ­acting. You can hide the real you behind that character.”

But after years of ­struggling with fame, Rachel says she has finally learned to be ­content with exactly where she is in life.

She said: “Someone once said to me when I was younger, ‘Never think the best party is somewhere else’. You know that feeling of being somewhere and thinking you should go somewhere better?

“You can’t do that. ­Wherever you are is the right place to be.”

“Well, I guess it’s a brother thing.”

The Black Crowes singer Chris Robinson is reflecting on his rollercoaster relationship with his younger sibling, guitarist Rich.

Their explosive chemistry once earned the outfit a fitting accolade — “The Most Rock ’n’ Roll Rock ’n’ Roll Band in the World”.

Chris is first to admit they’ve had their ups and downs since forming in 1984 under their original name, Mr Crowe’s Garden, as schoolkids in Atlanta, Georgia.

“Rich and I, for better or worse, were stubborn and arrogant but always strong believers in the art,” he admits.

“This has always been our path and, no matter what, we have to do it like this.

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“In rock ’n’ roll, there are plenty of show dogs, pure bred and beautiful. We’re f***ing feral.”

Following in the footsteps of other warring brothers — Ray and Dave Davies or Noel and Liam Gallagher — the Robinsons weren’t on speaking terms for five years after their so-called “contractual obligations” tour ended in 2014.

“Sometimes, you have to take your lumps,” continues Chris, employing that very American phrase for suffering setbacks. “But, right now, we’re in the zone. The chemistry is 100 per cent there.

“The way we feel goes right back to when we started — it’s f*** it, just play it — even if we are more well-mannered.”

The Black Crowes’ big reunion began in late 2019 with warm-up shows for a planned 30th anniversary tour of their debut album, the seminal Shake Your Money Maker, the following year.

But the pandemic slammed on the brakes before the dates finally happened across the US in 2021, uncorking the band’s celebrated freewheeling energy.

Back to the live arena came Jealous Again, Hard To Handle, She Talks To Angels and Twice As Hard, songs that somehow bottled up the band’s influences — Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones and Little Feat among them — but still refreshingly their own.

In 2024, with their creative juices flowing, The Black Crowes released their first album of original material in 15 years, Happiness Bastards.

Now the Robinsons are back again — with a bang.

The follow-up, A Pound Of Feathers, comes tearing out of the blocks with the rocket-fuelled, riff-driven Profane Prophecy, setting the tone for another of The Black Crowes’ “love letters to rock and roll”.

The album arrives with some sound advice — “This isn’t a record you play on Sunday morning, this is a f***ing Saturday night burner!”

In a world where smoothly produced pop dominates the airwaves, The Black Crowes are unashamedly sticking two fingers up at it.

“None of what’s going on in that world is relevant to me,” decides Chris, “and rock ’n’ roll is still huge for millions and millions of people.”

He is talking to me via video call from Aspen, Colorado, the premier ski resort in the States, playground of the rich and famous.

“My wife is an avid skier. She’s the Franz Klammer of the family,” he reports with a reference to the Austrian downhill legend.

“I get to do the cooking, the reading and the hanging out.” (And talking to people like me about The Black Crowes). Brother Rich is at home in Nashville and begins his call by apologising for being under the weather.

“I’m going to be coughing randomly,” he says. “I’m in the middle of flu that’s going around.”

After clearing his throat, Rich, the less flamboyant one who lets his guitar wizardry do most of his talking, gamely picks up on Chris’s theme.

“When we got back together, we both agreed we needed to do it properly,” he affirms.

“We knew that bringing back a toxic dynamic wouldn’t be healthy for anyone.

“We couldn’t have the overarching idea that when Chris and Rich get together, it’s a bad thing.

“We’ve always written all the songs, we own the name so coming back with a more mature approach has been very helpful.”

Rich acknowledges that the music landscape for the older, wiser Black Crowes is vastly different from when they started out. “There’s a bunch of people in the industry who like to think rock ’n’ roll is dead,” he says.

“But then there’s a bunch of people trying to keep it alive. Guns N’ Roses, the Rolling Stones, Metallica and Def Leppard are still selling out stadiums.

“Tens of millions of people still want to see bands like them. Rock ’n’ roll is one thing that no one could tame.

“And it’s still like that for us. We can go into a studio with almost nothing and, in a week, make a record.

“There’s a human, organic quality to rock ’n’ roll. We don’t have auto-tune and we don’t have to set our s**t to a grid.”

Looking back at their unfettered past, Chris exclaims: “I have to say I’m so f***ing proud of The Black Crowes, man!

“Rich and I started this band when we were teenagers in Mom and Dad’s house, as a vehicle to write songs.

“And we found our way to being musicians and performers.”

Yet the creation of A Pound Of Feathers has still blown Chris away, most notably because of the stellar contributions from Rich.

The album was made in double-quick time, carried along by the brothers’ spontaneous fusion of riffs and lyrics.

Chris says: “I’ve been on stage and sat in studios my whole life with my brother playing amazing guitar.

“But, with this album, I sat there with my mouth hanging open.

“Granted I’m very close to the flame but everything he did, I was like, ‘Wow, this guy’s taking it to a new place.’”

During the sessions, The Black Crowes were visited by Chris’s friend, Todd Snider, the singer/songwriter who died last November from pneumonia aged just 59.

Chris cherished the chance to hang out with Todd — and to get some memorable feedback from him.

“He was a storyteller, a real poet, and he and I had a great friendship. He also really liked The Black Crowes.

“He asked if he could come and check out the recording. I went, ‘Dude, yeah fine, but you’re going to be the only one here’. So he sat there taking in me and Rich putting music together.

“At the end of the day, he said, ‘Are you f***ing warlocks? Is this some kind of ESP or is it a parlour trick? You don’t say anything yet, 30 minutes later, there’s this massive song blasting out of the speakers’.”

For Rich, the studio is his happy place. “I’ve always loved being in a studio,” he says.

“It’s where you bring to ­fruition all the things you have in your head.

“With this record, we came in without any concrete ideas. By allowing ourselves just to play in the sandbox, it became fun and exciting.”

Rich gives a shoutout to producer Jay Joyce, who also helmed Happiness Bastards.

He says: “Nine and a half times out of ten, he agrees with us when we’re excited about something.

“He’s there with us, not bogging us down by trying to insert himself when its unnecessary.”

So what of the songs? There’s the aforementioned opener Profane Prophecy which captures the unvarnished sound of The Black Crowes’ live mayhem, yet recorded in the calmer confines of a studio.

You hear Chris nodding to past rock ’n’ roll excesses by hollering, tongue firmly in cheek, “My pedigree in debauchery is my claim to fame.”

He smiles, “Of course I have to embrace that life. That’s why I sing, ‘I eat casino breakfast off the kitchen floor’.”

But he maintains that while giving “a vision of a debauched rock ’n’ roller”, he’s also “confusing fact with fiction”.

The four-minute shindig concludes with the ensemble chant of the phrase that yielded the album title, “a pound of feathers or a pound of lead”.

Chris got the line from In Here The World Begins, a song by long-defunct British electro-pop band Broadcast.

“I loved the phrase and what it could mean because a pound is a pound,” he says. “It doesn’t matter whether it’s lead or feathers. There’s some weird wisdom to it.”

We turn our attention to Cruel Streak, pounding rock underpinned by funky rhythm.

“I’m adjacent to funk at all times,” says Chris. “Growing up in Atlanta, there was this multi­racial band called Mother’s Finest who played heavy funk with ‘Baby Jean’ Kennedy as lead singer.

“There’s a lot of Mother’s Finest in The Black Crowes.”

On the R&B-flavoured It’s Like That, which comes with heavy basslines and a hint of reggae, the brothers employed an amphibian guest, which, as Chris explains, fits with their anything goes attitude.

“I was staying in Nashville, and the doors were open. I heard this frog, so I recorded him. That’s my Nashville rasta frog on the solo.”

Rich says: “There are tree frogs all over the South. They were blaring one night and Chris said, ‘Man, I want to use that sound’.

“So he took his phone and pressed record. We found the right space for it on the song.” On the loose, laidback country-tinged Pharmacy Chronicles, recalling the vibe of the Rolling Stones’ Exile On Main St., Chris sings “let the demons find you” because, he insists, we mustn’t think everything is “sugar-coated, glossy and gorgeous”.

“Especially something as messy as a 40-year career in rock ’n’ roll,” he adds. “I can’t believe some of the s**t I was doing. Get some surgical gloves and get to it!”

But Chris is not one to dwell on the past, with all its euphoric highs and crashing lows. “I am devoid of nostalgia,” he says.

“I like to think I interact with the world as a poet. I’m always writing — it could be because I overheard a conversation at an airport check-in.

“I’m no Bruce Springsteen,” he confesses. “But I connect with the world through whatever inspires me.”

And, as he puts it, “a lot of the darkness that is the United States right now” informs A Pound Of Feathers.

It explains why final track Doomsday Doggerel with its line “a front row seat to the end of times” is in stark contrast to the closing song on Happiness Bastards.

“On that last record, Kindred Friend was a beautiful pastoral thing with harmonica, about me and Rich, the band and our audience,” says Chris.

“Doomsday Doggerel is much darker. We haven’t remembered lessons from our past and the f***ing racism means we’re operating at a very low frequency.

“I just hope that someone can play this record on a Saturday night, keep out the low frequency and get a better hum going.”

As Pharmacy Chronicles ebbs to a close, you hear a defiant chorus of “the good times never end”.

As far as Chris and Rich and the rest of The Black Crowes family are concerned, rock ’n’ roll is the perfect antidote to personal and universal turmoil.

“We’re loud, we can be sloppy but we are like an old cartoon of two people fighting on a train,” says Chris.

“The train goes round a bend, leaning all the way over a cliff, but then it comes back up. That’s us.”

THE BLACK CROWES

A Pound Of Feathers

★★★★☆

SORRY ladies, there is only room for one Mrs Beckham.

Over the past year, queen bee Victoria has seen son Brooklyn and his wife Nicola go all out to prove they have no wish or need to be part of the Beckham family brand.

Instead, they have made moves to cement themselves as a rival power couple with global appeal.

In January’s now infamous Instagram rant aimed at his parents, Brooklyn said of his wedding: “My mum hijacked my first dance with my wife, which had been planned weeks in advance.”

Conjuring an image that has been lampooned across the internet ­endlessly, he added: “She danced very inappropriately on me in front of everyone. I’ve never felt more uncomfortable or humiliated in my entire life.”

But considering how much they claim to want to detach themselves from Brooklyn’s famous mum, it’s Nicola’s appearance that has us all doing a double-take.

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By all accounts, she seems to be morphing into a Victoria avatar.

Both women have posed for pics in slinky catsuits.

And on Monday, Nicola shared a topless mirror selfie wearing just a pair of tights while prepping for her upcoming ballerina film Prima — instantly sparking comparisons yet again with her equally slender mother-in-law.

Is it just an uncanny coincidence?

Or is this the US-born 31-year-old’s ­declaration that — though there might be one Mrs Beckham — Mrs Peltz-Beckham has real girl power and is ready to steal the spotlight?

The proof, of course, is in the pouting.

A true copycat

IT’S not just Vic’s red carpet outfits and off-duty dressing that Nicola likes to imitate.

In fact, she looks to her mother-in-law when it comes to fancy dress too.

And she’s took posh appearance in it as a PVC catsuit clad Catwoman for a 2018 Vogue shoot his inspiration for her own sexy feline cosplay.

They say immitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But when it comes to Nic versus Vic, the claws are out.

Met their match

FORGET Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake in double denim.

When it comes to twinning nobody did it better than Victoria and David Beckham, who used every photo call in the nineties to share a matching moment.

The double shiny leather to those famous purple wedding day numbers the pair made history.

Nicola and Brooklyn have duly tried to take the mantle, posing in matching pyjamas, Burberry and tuxes.

But they’re double trouble antiques seems somewhat amateur in comparison.

Our advice? More pleather!

Oh, jacket in

NICOLA was once keen to show she had earned her stripes as part of Clan Beckham – channelling Victoria’s vintage Dolce & Gabbana biker jacket.

She was seen wearing the statement piece on a 2024 trip to Paris for Fashion Week – more than two decades after Posh Spice Vic teamed it with chequerboard jeans and a pair of tinted aviators to watch

Manchester United be crowned Premier League Champions in 2001.

Now I’m the mane attraction

ONCE a committed blonde, Nicola made a bold statement when she ditched the bleach in 2022.

Before then, her golden locks were a trademark, drawing comparisons to her own mother, ex-model Claudia Peltz.

But after giving the colour one last hurrah at her wedding in May that year, Nicola embraced her “wifey” era with a brand-new barnet suspiciously like Vic’s brunette, mid-length do.

Dyeing for attention, maybe?

Pipped at the post

WHEN it comes to getting sentimental online, Victoria is a pro.

She often uses Instagram to declare her love for her brood.

In fact, she even did it yesterday to wish Brooklyn a happy birthday, telling him: “I love you so much” – despite the fact her estranged son had blocked his whole family on the site and requested his parents do not interact with him or tag him in posts.

Naturally, Nicola is just as effusive, regularly writing, “I love you baby” and uploading smoochy snaps to her own social media – letting Brooklyn, and the world, know that she can get soppy, too.

A pattern’s emerging here

IF Victoria airs her love on Instagram, David does it on his body.

He has famously tattooed it inch by inch to create a tapestry of tributes to his family, including the words “Posh” and “Victoria”, which are emblazoned on his hands.

Not one to be outdone, Brooklyn is following suit, decking out his body with tattooed tributes to Nicola – and he even has an image of her eyes inked on his neck.

Staring out from behind him, they firmly tell the world: “I’m the only Mrs Beckham that matters”.

I don’t give a ship

LOUNGING on the back of her £16million family yacht with loved ones is among Victoria’s favourite pastimes.

And for a while, Nicola would have happily soaked up the sun beside her as they sailed the Mediterranean.

But since the family schism, Brooklyn and Nicola have been holidaying sans Beckhams – instead, joining Nic’s family last summer on their much bigger superyacht in the south of France.

Yes, they pushed the boat out – leaving choppy waters in their wake.

They’ll make them see red

THERE is nothing Victoria and David love more than a romantic dinner together.

The couple often share snapshots from special anniversaries as they clink glasses next to a super-expensive bottle of wine.

So it is no surprise that Nicola and Brooklyn have added that to the list of “things we can do, too” – recently sharing a stream of photos from their loved-up date nights, each with a glass of pricey red in hand.

They really are sips off the old block.

You’ve got a lot of front

VICTORIA has graced the front page of hundreds of fancy magazines over the years – posing for in excess of 30 international Vogue covers, in addition to the likes of Elle, Glamour and Harper’s Bazaar.

Still, Nicola is clipping at her heels, having graced the cover of Glamour Germany’s Love Issue last year alongside Brooklyn.

She even nabbed her own solo cover for Tatler in 2022, which bore the controversial headline, “The New Mrs Beckham”.

Ouch!

CARAVAN park owners have a message for Labour: park the holiday tax now. 

One of those making the call is Claire Flower, who runs a site in Paignton, Devon, which has ­welcomed guests for more than 60 years.  

Beverley Holiday Park was started by her grandfather and now 12,000 tourists a year spend their breaks there. 

But Claire, 53, fears for the future if Labour bring in a visitor tax of at least £2 per head per night. 

She says: “If the Government puts a tax on everyone ­visiting, that means a lot of families won’t be able to afford it.  

“Holidays aren’t just a luxury, ­people rely on them for their mental health and family time. 

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“Plenty of parents these days work two or three jobs and there can be shift work in families, too. Holidays are often the only place whole ­families get to sit and eat together. 

“The Government talks about wanting people to spend their money here, not in Spain or Portugal or wherever in Europe, but how are people encouraged to do that if they’re going to be taxed for it?” 

Clare is a member of the Holiday and Residential Parks Association (Harpa), which wants the Government to abandon plans for local mayors to tax anyone staying ­overnight on a break in their area.  

She believes the tourist tax will affect the whole English Riviera in the South West, which depends heavily on holidaymakers. 

Claire says: “The economy of the entire bay will be hit. We employ 180 staff in the summer and 80 all year round.  

“We pay our VAT, our business rates, all our taxes and we help the local economy in a really big way with all the visitors we can accommodate who go on and spend in local businesses. 

“If our numbers start to dwindle, it’s impossible to say where the impact will hit hardest.” 

The park has free indoor and outdoor swimming pools but its utility bills have gone through the roof. 

Claire says: “It’s becoming harder and harder to operate but we have such loyal and lovely visitors, so we work hard to keep prices affordable.  

“We’ve even got a 30 per cent off Easter holiday offer at the moment to encourage people in.” 

The park was founded by Claire’s grandad Stan Jeavons in 1965, and her nephew Adam Furneaux, 22, is the fourth generation to work there. 

Claire says: “Grandad would be devastated at the prospect of the tax. English holiday parks like ours contribute £9.2billion in visitor spend into the economy.  

“For a lot of people, even if they could afford to go abroad, there may be a health reason they can’t or there might be another reason they choose to holiday in the UK rather than overseas.” 

Lee Jenkins, from Abertillery in Gwent, has been visiting Beverley Holiday Park since 1971, when he was three years old.  

He spent his honeymoon at the park with wife Julie in the 1990s and visits several times a year.  

Taxi driver Lee, 58, says: “We’re supposed to support the UK ­economy, aren’t we?

“This country needs people holidaying here, not abroad, so we can support local businesses and spend what we earn here rather than overseas. 

“It seems so short-sighted to tax people out of UK holidays, and it will impact the whole country’s economy.” 

Association Harpa represents 3,000 holiday parks across the UK, from small campsites to major companies.

It believes a holiday tax on British families will place extra financial strain when many are already ­struggling with the cost of living. 

The organisation’s director general, Debbie Walker, says: “Holiday parks and campsites offer some of the most affordable holidays in the UK and this tax risks pricing people out of breaks at a time when money is so tight. 

“While we fully recognise the financial pressures facing local authorities, a holiday tax adding around £100 to a typical two-week family break is not the right ­solution. 

“If we want people to choose UK holidays, taxing them for doing so sends exactly the wrong message.”

Park Holidays UK, which operates more than 50 sites in the UK, says that a tourism tax would be “totally self-defeating” as well as punishing hard-working families who choose to take a holiday in Britain. 

Chief marketing officer Brad May says: “The Government imagines a holiday levy would help raise ­revenues for cash-strapped local councils.

“But it’s far more likely that ­visitor numbers to these areas would drop as families turn to other destinations which are not slamming a tax on their fun. 

“When our guests take a well-earned break, many enjoy visiting nearby attractions, going out for a meal and spending money in local shops.

“So, it’s these businesses which will also suffer as an unintended consequence of this move.” 

All of them are backing The Sun’s Hands Off Our Hols campaign. 

It is a sentiment echoed by Alfie Best, who owns Wyldecrest holiday parks. 

He says: “When you think of a budget holiday in this country you automatically have a picture of a caravan park in your mind. They have been the backbone of holidays for a generation.  

“This tax will surely drive ­holidaymakers abroad in search of better value getaways. 

“If it comes into force, the tax will ultimately lead to the closure of many parks and lots of job losses.” 

“LINDA looks so beautiful, so cool,” says Paul McCartney.

He’s just been watching a film about the decade of his life after The Beatles broke up — and it is filled with images of his much-missed first wife.

“The Linda stuff was very emotional,” he admits at the Man On The Run launch event in London.

“Linda, the kids, me and John [Lennon] — all these memories. It’s like my life flashing in front of me.”

Macca is talking to an intimate gathering that includes his daughter Stella, son James, superfan Noel Gallagher and the actor who will play him in a forthcoming biopic, Paul Mescal. Oh, and me.

He continues: “Seeing me and Linda interacting is special because, you know, she’s not here.

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“So is seeing the kids when they were little, because they’re not little any more. They’ve got kids of their own now.”

The film stirs memories of forming his own band, Wings, with Linda in 1971, prompting this from McCartney: “We tried to follow The Beatles — it’s mad!”

It also brings into sharp focus his relationship with Lennon, which broke down in the wake of The Beatles split but, as we see, they reconciled shortly before John’s death.

Directed by Oscar-winning Morgan Neville, Man On The Run is a masterpiece of ­documentary storytelling.

Rich in source material, partly because Linda was a professional photographer who also shot home movies, it is raw, heartfelt, funny, poignant and, crucially, not remotely sugar-coated.

Before the screening starts, Sir Paul, looking fit and well for his 83 years, strolls on to the stage and quips: “I just want to say thank you to Morgan for keeping in all the embarrassing moments that I asked him to take out.”

But let’s get back to the big ­question: How DO you follow The Beatles?

It was a conundrum that weighed heavily on McCartney as the ­Swinging Sixties drew to a close.

As he puts it himself in the movie, the first thing he did was “escape” and then he had to learn how “to grow up”.

He had married American Linda Eastman in March, 1969, at Marylebone Town Hall, London, and soon afterwards adopted her daughter Heather from a previous marriage.

McCartney was still only 27 when, on April 10, 1970, he told the world that he, John Lennon, George ­Harrison and Ringo Starr were going their separate ways.

The announcement came amid acrimony over the band’s crooked business manager Allen Klein, favoured at the time by John and the others but later described by Paul as “a sort of demon”.

It was all over for the band of four likely lads from Liverpool who changed popular culture for ever.

In private, McCartney had known for months that his songwriting partner Lennon was leaving.

“John broke up The Beatles,” Macca affirms in Man On The Run. “But I got the rap. And that’s a bit of a weight to bear.”

Around the same time as ­Lennon’s bombshell, in late 1969, there were rumours across the US and around the world that “Beatle Paul may be dead”.

There’s a hilarious moment in the film when his younger brother Mike is asked whether it’s true.

“It’s a hoax, it’s a con,” he exclaims, before being asked when was the last time he saw his brother.

Mike replies: “The last time? It was his funeral, I think!”

It turned out that McCartney had the perfect bolthole, in an archetypal middle of nowhere, to hide away and reset his life.

In 1966, he had bought High Park Farm, a 183-acre sheep farm on the Mull of Kintyre (yes, that explains the song) in Argyllshire, only reached via a “long and winding” track.

With its corrugated iron roof and general state of dilapidation, it was, as someone in the film points out, the sort of place a poor farm labourer might baulk at accepting.

But, as the Sixties ebbed to a close, Paul, Linda, their daughters, Heather and baby Mary, plus their Old English Sheepdog ­Martha decamped to the Scottish wilds.

In the movie, McCartney suggests, “We got up there to escape”, and ponders whether he would write “another note of music” before confessing to drowning himself in one wee dram of Scotch after another.

But, with the responsibility of supporting a young family on his shoulders, he realised that “it was a question of HAVING to grow up”.

At the Man On The Run launch, McCartney reflects: “With The Beatles, we were just lads. Everyone, all our management, used to call us ‘the boys’.

“Then I got married and then there was a baby [Mary] on the way.

“I had to grow up. I thought, ‘We can’t just be these ‘boys’ any more’. It was time to think about stuff.

“Even though the film is kind of madcap and you see all our insane decisions, in the background there were some sensible decisions, too.”

He remembers how Linda was his guiding light through those years.

“If there was an idea that was a little bit crazy, I’d say, ‘Should I do that? Could I do that?’ She’d say, ‘It’s allowed’. It was a brilliant philosophy in life.”

Director Neville picks up on this theme: “I looked into the questions Paul was trying to ask of himself, questions that I felt were universal.

“How do you deal with your own legacy and the expectations people have of you? How do you balance your career with your family?

“In Paul’s case, he made them one and the same. And that, I thought, was completely inspirational.”

Though Kintyre provided a necessary respite from the dazzling glare of publicity, Macca has never been far away from making music. It’s in his blood.

In 1970, he released his debut solo album, simply titled McCartney, with its intimate DIY aesthetic and featuring at least two songs with his beloved partner in mind — The Lovely Linda and Maybe I’m Amazed.

In 1971, he formed Wings with ex-Moody Blues musician Denny Laine and, controversially, Linda, who until that point had little or no experience, as core members.

Rehearsals for their debut album Wild Life took place at Macca’s converted barn in Scotland, dubbed Rude Studio.

It felt to him as if he was starting over, at the bottom of the pile.

“It was so impossible to do something like that,” he says today.

“Just go back to square one, show up at a university, don’t book hotels, take the dogs in a van. For some reason, we thought it was a great idea!”

If Wings took time to take flight, everything changed in 1973 when they released third album Band On The Run, loaded with classic tunes such as the title track, Jet and Let Me Roll It.

Recorded in extraordinary ­circumstances at EMI’s studio in Lagos, Nigeria, not far from where Paul and Linda were mugged at knifepoint, it paved the way for ­stadium-sized shows in America.

Without the McCartneys’ sojourn to Scotland, there would have been no Mull Of Kintyre, which, at the time of its release in 1977, became the biggest selling single of all time.

A “love song” to that remote idyll, it featured Great Highland bagpipes played so passionately by the local Campbeltown Pipe Band.

Yet, interwoven with stories of Wings’ upward trajectory, there are musings on McCartney’s strained relationship with Lennon during the Seventies.

We’re reminded of John’s caustic song How Do You Sleep?, directed at Paul with its line, “The only thing you done was yesterday”.

And there’s his old buddy left thinking, “Aside from Yesterday, what about Eleanor Rigby, Lady Madonna, Hey Jude, Let It Be and the rest?”

Macca says: “As it shows in the film, I knew John from a very early age — we were just a couple of rock and roll fans.

“We enjoyed hanging out together and we started writing little songs round at my place.

“My dad had a pipe in his drawer. So we thought we’d smoke it. We couldn’t find any tobacco so we smoked tea! We had all those ­memories in common.

“Then we went through the whole trajectory of The Beatles. But John was always just that guy to me, even when he was being really mean and I was having to take it.

“At the same time, it was like, ‘Yeah, it’s just John, he does that’. He’d always done that — so that made it a little bit easier.

“But I loved him, you know. I loved all the guys in The Beatles.

“I try and think of how else it could have been, but with just me, John, George and Ringo, it was a magic grouping. And we did OK!”

Near the end of Man On The Run, you see McCartney being confronted by camera crews about the shocking death of Lennon, who had been shot the day before outside the Dakota Building apartment he shared with partner Yoko Ono in New York.

Macca was criticised at the time for a rather cool, unemotional response — but one look in his eyes reveals his utter devastation.

As for the aforementioned “embarrassing moments” on display in the film, they are what make it so refreshing and endearing.

Hence you see McCartney singing Mary Had A Little Lamb wearing a red clown’s nose with Wings guitarist Henry McCullough looking as if he wants the earth to swallow him.

There’s a moustachioed Paul in a baggy pink suit performing the cabaret-style Gotta Sing Gotta Dance, complete with dancing girls, for his 1973 variety show.

And what about him getting ­busted by Japanese cops in 1980 for having 219g of cannabis in his luggage, spending nine days in custody before being booted out of the country?

McCartney was supposed to be embarking on a Wings tour of Japan but, as it turned out, they never played together again.

He says: “So many bits are embarrassing. The look on Henry McCullough’s face! He’s not happy.

“I was thinking, ‘Maybe we could cut those bits, the dance routine, cool out my image’.

“But Morgan said, ‘No, let me keep them in. You’ll see all that stuff but because you overcame it all and found yourself, you won in the end’.”

Finally, McCartney takes a long hard look at himself — at the ­person “growing up” in Man On The Run and the man he is today.

He says: “You start to see yourself, not just in the mirror, but to realise what your character is like.

“It’s natural for me to be enthusiastic so I don’t always see pitfalls, With me, it’s, “Nah, nah, just do it’.”

IT was the long, hot summer of 1995, John Major was in No10 and Blackburn Rovers were Premier League champions.

The music charts had been dominated by acting duo Robson and Jerome, until one crazy week in August when Britpop’s heavyweights began slugging it out.

Oasis and Blur released their new singles Roll With It and Country House on the same day in a race for the No1 spot — and the nation was absolutely mad for it.

It was an era-defining, pop culture moment, billed as North v South, working-class v posh boys and sing-along anthems v lyrical sophistication.

Yet even their most ardent fans would have struggled to imagine that 30 years down the line the rivalry in all its boozy, sweary glory would be transformed into a theatrical production.

The Battle — which opened at the Birmingham Rep theatre this week — is a comedic caper that tries to recreate the 90s vibe.

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So Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher — played by George Usher — is seen snorting lines of coke, swigging champagne and threatening to knock Blur singer Damon Albarn’s block off.

And the production includes more uses of the C word than have been uttered in much of the rest of British stage history put together.

The play’s writer, best-selling novelist John Niven, tells me he had to explain the context of the expletive-laden script to the actors.

He said: “The young cast found some of the language challenging at first.

“I had to say that that was just the way people spoke back then. It was more full-on and a much more unfiltered time.

“There’s five or six c***s in it but I guess that’s a lot for the theatre.

“But there’s no way you could accurately reflect those musicians over a five-month period without a few C-bombs dropping. It wouldn’t be authentic.”

John, 60, said he took inspiration for the narrative from a comment by Oasis manager Alan McGee about the rise of his band from a tough Manchester suburb.

He recalled: “Alan said, ‘The thing is, Blur think this is all good media fun but you’ve got five lunatics off a council estate in Burnage who actually want to f*****g kill them’.

“Blur moved the release date of their record to coincide with the Oasis single, so Liam thought, ‘Right, they’ve offered us out’.”

With actor George, 21, successfully aping Liam’s loping gait, he also gets to deliver the most one-liners.

John, who spoke to Blur’s bassist Alex James while writing the play, added: “Someone like Liam is so seductive to write for.

“Noel and Liam are both very funny in completely different ways.

“Noel is really dry and has got great timing, like a stand-up comedian, while Liam is much more surreal, random and unfiltered. He’s a delight to write dialogue for.

“Sometimes you think, ‘F***, have I gone too far there?’

“And then you could go online and find an interview with Liam where he said something ten times crazier.”

John — who began writing the play in 2023, long before the triumphant Oasis reunion last year — also had to explain to the young cast how the Britpop battle came to dominate the national conversation.

He said: “It was such a big cultural phenomenon. The whole country, from six-year-olds to 60-year-olds, knew about it.

“It went from the music papers to the broadsheets to the tabloids to News At Ten. Back then, things spread via radio, TV and the Press, whereas now the culture is so atomised.

“I’ve got teenage kids and you can have acts with a billion TikTok followers who play Wembley Stadium and I’ve never heard of them.”

After a blast of Blur’s Girls & Boys, the play begins at the February 1995 Brits, where Blur won four awards to Oasis’s one.

Collecting the prize for best British group, Damon insisted: “I think this should have been shared with Oasis.”

Interviewed later, Noel Gallagher said: “As far I’m concerned, it’s us and Blur against the world now.”

But the love-in didn’t last. Later that year Noel said of Blur: “The bassist and the singer, I hope the pair of them catch Aids and die because I f***ing hate them two.”

(The guitarist would later appologise, insisting he was “f***ed” on drugs when he made the remark).

When John began writing the play, he recalled the resentment that had built up between the bands in a few short months.

The former music company executive who was at the Brits that year, added: “I thought. Now there’s a dramatic arc.

“Back in February they had all been mates with Noel giving an interview saying, ‘It’s us and Blur against the world now’.

“Now he was saying he hoped they died.”

Then, in August Oasis’s record company Creation announced their new single Roll With It would be released a week before Blur’s Country House.

John added: “Blur’s manager Andy Ross was worried that Oasis would have a massive No1.

“Back then a single could top the charts for a month so Andy was worried the Blur would be stuck at No2.”

Andy, played by Gavin and Stacey star Mathew Horne, decides to move Country House’s release date forward to coincide with Oasis and all hell was unleashed.

The then influential music magazine NME produced a front cover with the headline, British Heavyweight Championship, Blur v Oasis.

A then 29-year-old Clive Myrie reported breathlessly for the BBC News At Ten on the brewing rivalry.

Like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones in the 1960s, the two bands divided friends and families into rival camps.

An exclusive in the The Sun revealed that Oasis-mad Mandy Vivian-Thomas had kicked out her husband Richard for being a massive Blur fan.

Richard said: “Mandy’s been a nightmare. She’s spent a fortune on trash about Oasis and the last starw was using my card to buy their record.

“I’m out on my ear but I’m hoping things will calm down.”

Headlined, You Blurty Rat, the Sun article takes centre stage in The Battle.

It’s cited by Blur guitarist Graham Coxon as a symptom of how the chart battle has seen his band drift away from their indie ideals and into the mainstream.

John explained: “It became apparent how different the two bands were because I think Noel and Liam loved being in the tabloids and wanted to be that big.

“They had no problems with having loads of reporters outside their door. They thought, ‘We want to be the biggest band in the world and this is part of it’.

“But I reckon Blur found it all much more uncomfortable, especially Graham. That when you get that big you’ve got the tabloids banging on your door.

“I think he thought, ‘This is getting crazy now.’”

In the end, it was Blur who would win the Battle of Britpop with Country House topping the charts but Oasis would go on to have a more stellar career.

John added: “Damon and Noel are pals now.

“When men are in their 20s and 30s and they’re really ambitious, they’re all claws and teeth, sharp edges and hustling.

“You hurt people trying to get where you want to be but I think as men get older in their 40s and 50s they get a lot nicer and they calm the f*** down a bit.”

John hopes the play will transfer to the West End after runs in Birmingham and Manchester.

“I don’t think we’ll see a time when two bands dominate the national consciousness in a way like that again,” he said.

“It’s almost impossible to imagine.”

TOUCH OF TARANTINO

EFFING and jeffing as he struts around the stage like a rampant chimp, George Usher has Liam Gallagher down to a tee.

I’m supping a lager in the stalls at the Birmingham Rep, where if you suck your gut in and comb your hair forwards, it could be 1995 all over again.

With blasts of their hits, and aided by newsreel and radio clips, the great Battle of Britpop is fought once again.

The dialogue is pacy, comedic and very sweary. Yet with two bands, assorted managers and girlfriends to cover, there is little time for character development.

However, just as the play seems to be running out of narrative, it plunges into a Quentin Tarantino-esque sequence.

It’s a fittingly surreal end to this parable of a drug-addled decade.

★★★☆☆