I hope Lou Teasdale cuts off ‘Peter Pan’ Andy Carroll for good
LOU Teasdale has split with footballer Andy Carroll for a third time – and for her sake, I hope this time it’s for good.
To me Andy is a classic Peter Pan, a man seemingly devoid of the ability to grow up and stop partying like he’s a single twenty-something.
We saw it in the run up to his marriage to the lovely Billi Mucklow back in 2022, when he made a buffoon of himself by passing out topless in bed with two women in Dubai, and now it seems history is repeating itself.
I watched him sidling up to two rather attractive women at Glastonbury last year and although it might have just been a flirt – who doesn’t get turned on by The Prodigy? – it was enough to get the red flags waving in my mind.
If you feel like this is the nineteenth time Andy and Lou have split over the past year, you’re a little way off but not totally incorrect.
They’ve been more on and off than my laptop over the past 12 months so I am hoping, if only for Lou’s sake, that this is the final time.
If she was one of my mates, I’d be staging an intervention because enough is enough.
This time around, insiders have said it’s Lou who has kicked Andy to the kerb, after he flew off on a boozy holiday to Ibiza, despite supposedly promising her he wouldn’t touch drink to save their relationship.
Lou, a respected make-up artist, has now wiped Andy from her social media.
But why she stood by him time and time again is what I cannot understand. They first started dating back in the autumn 2024 and on social media, naturally, it all seemed rather rosy.
Andy had only been single for a short time, following the end of his ill-fated marriage to Billi, the mother of his three youngest children.
But from the outside, all appeared to be well. And, long had been forgotten the scandal that had engulfed the lead up to their wedding back in 2022.
To recap, and if you don’t remember, Andy ended up landing himself in hot water after getting so drunk at his stag do in Dubai that he ended up topless and in bed with two women – who took photographs of him and shared them with pals.
I reported on the story at the time as I knew people close to Billi.
The former reality star was so humiliated by the footballer she almost called off the wedding.
Nothing happened between Andy and the women who partied with him in Dubai, but her friends confessed to me at the time that they were begging her not to marry him.
But their pleas fell on deaf ears and the pair looked genuinely happy in their wedding pictures in the summer of that year.
But fast-forward two years and they announced they were divorcing.
I rang one of her pals after hearing of his latest split with Lou and they made a pertinent point.
“Marrying Andy was something Billi did for love but it was never going to work out,” a friend admits.
“We told her not to go through with it but everything was in place for the wedding, calling it off would have been a nightmare.
“She did love him deep down and wanted to move past it though.
“Andy might not have cheated in Dubai but he was as drunk as a skunk and topless in bed with two women.
“What does it say about your future husband that he’s going to put himself in this position?”
Well, quite.
Not long after his split from Billi was revealed by The Sun, it emerged Andy had started dating Lou.
There was no crossover between the relationship and on the outside, things between Andy – who has two older children from a previous relationship – and Lou seemed happy.
Their Instagram accounts were full of snaps of them together in France, where Andy had been playing for fourth tier club Bordeaux.
But less than a year into their relationship, it all started to get a bit messy.
Lou, who is sober and has been for over a decade, appeared to have no issue with the fact Andy drank alcohol and the pair made it work.
But last summer, things came to a head in Mykonos – with Andy being quizzed by the police twice after two very public rows last June.
The first incident, at the Nikolus Tavern, was so shocking, a restaurant worker went on the record and told us Andy was “very drunk and furious” with Lou.
He added: “He was using very bad words. It was improper behaviour. The woman looked very upset.”
After speaking to police, Andy was allowed to return to Lou but just hours later alarmed staff called cops again after reports of damage to their £500-a-room at a posh hotel.
Andy was taken to a station for questioning but was released without being arrested. Despite the two incidents, Lou stuck by Andy and their relationship continued.
For eight more weeks, the pair went back to posting loved-up selfies online, until out of the blue – Andy’s pals confessed he had dumped Lou last August.
And thus the madness started.
A friend close to Andy was less than charming about their relationship when they told us about the break-up and said: “Andy got sick of Lou’s demands and her influencer lifestyle.
“She’s always posting on social media and he hates that. He told her it was over this week. He’s single now.”
Days later, Andy then confessed he’d “made a mistake” and they got together again.
But fast forward a few weeks and they split up once more.
This time was after a “make or break” holiday, with a friend saying: “They’ve tried to make it work, but they’re just too different.”
Bizarrely, even after all of this – they ended up patching things up – but unsurprisingly it’s now over again.
That relationship, which has become a very tedious version of Groundhog Day, should, in my opinion, end for good now.
And Lou, I implore you not to take Andy back.
There are only so many times someone can drag you down before something has got to give.
I had the misfortune of standing next to the Dagenham and Redbridge player at Glasto last summer as I watched The Prodigy and he got very friendly with two women during the set.
Lou had been on-site with Andy that weekend but by this point had retreated to the Babington House for a well-earned rest from the stench of the long-drops at Worthy Farm.
Being honest, I can’t work out what annoyed me more – having a colleague poke me repeatedly because Andy was all over these women while my favourite song Smack My B**** Up was playing or the fact he had the gall to act like a single man when he was in what appeared to be a loving relationship.
I’m not saying anything happened with those women, or that his actions went beyond a flirt and someone to lean on late at night.
But when a man truly loves a woman, he doesn’t give another one a second look, let alone put his arms around them when his missus’ back is turned.
We’ve all been the woman, or man, that forgives stupidity because we love. But as the old saying goes, once is happenstance, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern.
Don’t let him make a mug of you, Lou.
