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We’re nearing the home stretch for kiddie summer movies, moms and dads. Stay hydrated and nourished, because your multiplex chaperone duties aren’t truly over until early August or so, when the fare turns distinctively adult-themed before going full prestige in the child-unfriendly zone of fall awards season.

But with the messy, strained “Smurfs” on offer this weekend, a tired parent may want to bail early and find a last-minute sleepaway camp to shove the little ones off to instead, because this latest big-screen version of the cute-culture behemoth may test your tolerance for all things wee and cerulean. As legacy management goes, it’s more trial than celebration.

Even if you grew up with Belgian artist Peyo’s utopian woodland humanoids (rendered with Hanna-Barbera efficiency for cheap ’80s television), nostalgia isn’t on offer here — just the usual running tap of attention-driven wackiness, creating a fast-growing puddle of gags, colors, songs (including pop icon Rihanna’s contributions) and believe-in-yourself platitudes that feel random, not earned. As deployed by “Shrek” franchise veteran Chris Miller (“Puss in Boots”), animation is less a storied artistic method with which to enchant, so much as a whiz-bang weapon of mass distraction, scalable and noisy.

The Smurfs themselves have come in for something of an origin makeover. No longer simple, communal mushroom-village inhabitants with happy lives centered on personality quirks and avoiding a mean wizard, in this telling (written by Pam Brady) they hail from a line of ancient, cosmic guardians of goodness, a background that feels beholden to the superhero mindset overriding so much popcorn gruel these days. Conversely, the baddies, wizard brothers Gargamel and new antagonist Razamel (both amusingly snarled into existence by voice actor JP Karliak, channeling Harvey Korman), belong to — what else? — an Evil Alliance set on world domination.

Everything about the story, from opening to closing dance party, feels like it was made up on an especially unimaginative playdate by bored kids who’d rather be watching TV. A Smurf called No Name (James Corden) wants to be known for something, like his trait-defined pals Hefty, Vanity, Grouchy, Baker and Clumsy. Close friend Smurfette (Rihanna), the village’s confident, outgoing badass, tries to buck him up, but he sings a boring who-am-I lament anyway.

Papa Smurf (John Goodman) is kidnapped through a portal, the first of many. There’s a missing magical book given the name Jaunty (Amy Sedaris). The Smurf rescue party goes to a disco in Paris. Then the Australian Outback. Outer space too. Natasha Lyonne voices the leader of an underground species of what look like scratchy couch pillows. Razamel hates Gargamel. Papa has a red-bearded brother, Ken (Nick Offerman tiringly doing Nick Offerman), and we learn later, a long-lost sibling named Ron (Kurt Russell). All these brothers, yet I still wouldn’t say family dynamics are a going emotional concern.

Sometimes everyone floats in the air. Mostly, it’ll be your mind. But turn away for one second, and the characters will have likely gone to another dimension. Because, of course, multiverses are really popular now too. Like the kind in which no voice cast member was likely in the same city as any other when they phoned in their lines.

At least the animators looked like they stayed busy. At one point, when dimension-palooza hurtles our tiny blue posse into different animation modes — claymation, pencil drawings, 8-bit video graphics — there’s a whiff of the delightful, meta-zany chaos of classic cartoons. But for the most part, “Smurfs” hews to the textbook silliness of CGI-generated action and attitude humor, only this time so needlessly zigging and zagging it barely has time to convincingly sell its ultimate message of strength in togetherness. An incoherent movie is hardly the vessel for that kind of lesson. When it ends, though, it’ll definitely feel like an example of kindness.

The live-action “Legend of Zelda” movie has found its stars.

Legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto, who’s an executive producer on the film, announced Wednesday on X that Bo Bragason will portray Princess Zelda and Benjamin Evan Ainsworth will play Link in Nintendo and Sony’s film. Miyamoto created the hit video game series with Takashi Tezuka.

British actor Bo Bragason is known for her roles in BBC One’s “Three Girls” and “The Jetty,” as well as Disney+’s “Renegade Nell” and the 2024 vampire comedy “The Radleys.”

Ainsworth, also from the U.K., voiced Pinocchio in Disney+’s live-action “Pinocchio” in 2022 and played Miles in Netflix’s “The Haunting of Bly Manor.” He also stars in the Canadian series “Son of a Critch” and the comedy “Everything’s Going to Be Great.”

The actors’ young ages — 21 and 16 — have sparked fan speculation that the film may draw from “The Wind Waker” or “Ocarina of Time” games, which feature Zelda and Link as teens.

While initially slated for a March 2027 release, production delays have shifted the film’s launch to May 7, 2027.

The project is helmed by director Wes Ball, known for the “Maze Runner” trilogy and “Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes.” A huge fan of the franchise, Ball told Entertainment Weekly in late 2023 that he wanted to create something more akin to “a live-action Miyazaki” than “The Lord of the Rings.”

“That wonder and whimsy that he brings to things, I would love to see something like that,” he told EW about the renowned Japanese animator.

Avi Arad is also producing the film.

The adaptation marks Nintendo’s second big-screen foray after 2023’s mega-successful “The Super Mario Bros. Movie.” The animated film grossed about $1.4 billion worldwide.

The action-adventure video game franchise, released in 1986, follows young hero Link on his quests to rescue Princess Zelda and overcome the villain Ganon. Missions include navigating dungeons, solving puzzles and taking on an array of enemies.

Celebrated for its innovative gameplay, installments of the popular game include “The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time” and “The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.” In the years since, the franchise has expanded beyond video games and into other media like animated series and comic books, and now film.

Pete Davidson is going to be a father.

The “Saturday Night Live” alum’s girlfriend, British model and actor Elsie Hewitt, confirmed the news Wednesday with a cheeky Instagram post.

“Welp now everyone knows we had sex,” the model captioned a carousel of pregnancy photos, images of the pair and memes (including the viral “Love Island” “mamacita” moment).

Davidson, who famously avoids social media and does not have a public Instagram account, has not yet commented on the news.

Hewitt, 29, and Davidson, 31, first sparked dating rumors in March when they were spotted kissing in Palm Beach, Fla., and they’ve reportedly been living together in Brooklyn and Upstate New York. They made their red carpet debut in May at the Blossom Ball in New York City.

Hewitt, who previously dated Jason Sudeikis and Benny Blanco, has modeled for Guess and was a Playboy Playmate. She landed her first television role in 2018 on the series “Turnt” and has since made appearances on rapper Lil Dicky’s sitcom “Dave.”

Since Davidson left “SNL” in 2022, he has pivoted to focus more on stand-up and movies. The comedian — whose high-profile exes include Ariana Grande, Kim Kardashian, Madelyn Cline, Kate Beckinsale, Margaret Qualley, Kaia Gerber and Phoebe Dynevor — has a few projects lined up this year, including a starring role in the horror movie “The Home,” out July 25.

Davidson spent eight seasons on “SNL,” where he served as the show’s “resident young person,” developed his popular recurring character “Chad” and even bought a boat (the Staten Island Ferry) with co-star Colin Jost. He returned to host in 2023 and participated in the 50th anniversary special in February.

HER breakout role saw her play Michael Douglas’s drug-addicted teen daughter in 2000 crime flick, Traffic.

Since then she’s starred opposite some of Hollywood‘s biggest names from Kevin Costner to Susan Sarandon.

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And 25 years on from that career-defining role, the successful actress, 42, is embracing her natural self.

She was spotted out and about in LA in a vest top and ripped jeans freely showing off her armpit hair as she reached up to adjust her locks.

Going makeup-free, Parenthood star Erika Christensen looked at ease and radiant as she strolled in the sunshine.

Mom-of-two Erika currently stars in ABC crime drama Will Trent as the titular dyslexic detective’s on/off girlfriend Angie Polaski.

She hasn’t stopped working for the past three decades with dozens of film, TV and music video credits to her name.

Some of her best known work includes the films Swimfan, The Upside of Anger and Flightplan, while on the small screen she’s been in The Geena Davis Show and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

Her first major role was back in 1995 when she appeared in Michael Jackson’s Childhood video, though she never got to actually meet the King of Pop.

She once told Blackfilm.com, “I wish I could have met him, I didn’t. We were green screened together. In the video he’s sitting in a forest and all the kids are in boats above him. He sent me an autographed photo and that was nice.”

The interview came out ahead of the release of her 2005 rom-com The Upside of Anger where she played the daughter of Joan Allen’s character Terry Wolfmeyer.

The family drama sees Terry fall for heavy drinking neighbor Denny Davies [Costner] after husband Grey upped and left the family for a life in Sweden with his secretary – though this doesn’t end up being the case.

Erika said at the time, “Kevin Costner and Joan Allen, who does not love Joan Allen? She’s fantastic, so cool as a person.

“She’s our mother, it’s about a family, there are four daughters, Alicia Witt, Kerri Russell, Evan Rachel Wood, and myself. It’s a great cast and it’s written and directed by Mike Binder. He stars in it too.

“It’s a bunch of us over a period of three years. It’s very dramatic and funny. It’s really character driven. I’m looking forward to see it so much.”

Erika was raised a Scientologist in Seattle and has defended the controversial religion in recent years.

She opened up about it to her Parenthood co-star Dax Shepard on an episode of his Armchair Expert podcast, explaining her beliefs.

She said: “I can justify things in all kinds of different ways, but basically, like, as a Scientologist, and I definitely cannot speak for every Scientologist about anything because everybody has their own beliefs and comes at it from even other religions and all kinds of stuff.

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“However, I don’t believe this is the first time I have lived on this planet and I basically think I’ve probably done absolutely everything before.”

The foundation of Scientology is the belief each person is an immortal spiritual being with unlimited potential.

Erika poured scorn on Leah Remini’s stirring docuseries Scientology and the Aftermath as well as follow up Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief.

She said, “It honestly doesn’t have anything to do with anything that I’ve ever learned about the group or organization.

“To be specific about [Going Clear], if somebody has read a book, read Dianetics or some Scientology book and wants to philosophically tell me what they disagree with it, cool.

“That is a totally different thing. But, specifically with that documentary, the documentary was based on a book. The book was not even published in some English-speaking countries because the libel laws are stricter than they are here.”

OK, I’ll say it. I’m sick of superheroes. I blame the Marvel Cinematic Universe (36 movies and counting over 17 years) and the DC Extended Universe (43 movies and counting, mostly since the late 1970s). Maybe Earth’s not big enough for two universes. They’re running pretty thin these days, down to rebooting reboots, making sequels for prequels and squeezing every ounce from the intellectual property tube to fill out streaming platform minutes.

But there’s always Superman. The Krypton-born alien, orphaned, sent off into space for survival and then raised by adoptive parents in Kansas. He’s now been with American pop culture for 10 decades (eight in film). Despite an outfit modeled after a circus strongman, he’s become a durable, transcendent symbol of the ultimate immigrant and somehow a simultaneous embodiment of “Truth, Justice, and the American Way.”

Superman’s the classic American good guy, and so this weekend’s opening of the new “Superman” with David Corenswet is a great time to think about the real good guys and gals in American life — that is, if you can find any. Where are all the good guys and gals in America? What qualifies someone for the title these days?

The idea has definitely shifted. It’s as if by sheer screen volume the fake superheroes overwhelmed the public consciousness. Superheroes are dialed up so high we can’t hear what real heroes sound like anymore. A 2008 poll in Britain found almost a quarter thought Winston Churchill was fake, while a majority of Britons believed Sherlock Holmes was real.

We’ve become confused: We prefer to watch fake heroes on screen rather than expect real ones to emerge in life. And so the fake ones become the only kind of hero we recognize.

The historian Daniel Boorstin described this transition from heroism to fame in his 1961 book “The Image.” He noted that heroes in American history were typically known for great public contribution through immense difficulty and danger. It didn’t matter much what they looked like because their deeds had saved lives and mattered to so many.

But pictures and movies changed everything in the 20th century. Heroes became celebrities. We traded away enduring contributions to the public good in exchange for flimsy, flashy fame that works for a paycheck. Value over values; money over all.

This isn’t hard to see. Look at how college sports has been conquered by contracts and name-image-likeness deals. How law firms kowtowed to an administration making unprecedented demands. How media heavyweights keep bending knees to the same. And let’s not get started with social media “influencers” except to say that doing the right and honest thing has been swept aside by the twin tsunamis of popularity and the Almighty Buck.

Where’s our real truth, our real justice, our real American way?

Not in Congress. The “Big Beautiful Bill” is a perfect example. It might take a Mt. Rushmore makeover to honor the profound contributions to cowardice in the votes surrounding this act. Rep. Jeff Crank (R-Colo.) couldn’t vote fast enough to add trillions to the national debt despite arguing, less than a year ago, that Congress is “turning a blind eye to this $35 trillion in debt,” that it’s “unsustainable” and that “we have to get our fiscal house in order, and we have to do this for our children and our grandchildren.”

Or Rep. Chip Roy (R-Texas), long-time fiscal hawk on the debt, who repeatedly railed against the Big Beautiful Bill’s deficit spending in the final stretch. And then he voted for it.

Or Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.), known for saying “we must ignore calls to cut Medicaid” because “slashing health insurance for the working poor” would be “both morally and politically suicidal.” That was in May. But come July, Hawley voted to cut Medicaid.

The final vote came down to Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska). In a mid-June town hall, she said, “I have made clear very early on that we cannot move forward with a bill that makes cuts to Medicaid.” And yet, despite the fact that nearly 40,000 Alaskans (more than 5% of the state’s population) will likely lose their healthcare coverage as a direct result of the bill, Murkowski caved.

Sarah Longwell, founder and publisher of the Bulwark, spared nothing in her criticism of Murkowski. She wrote that this one action “defines our pathetic political moment,” embodying:

“Selfishness: I’m taking care of me and mine, the rest of you can pound sand;

Lack of accountability: I know the bill is bad, hopefully someone else will fix it;

Cowardice: I’m scared of Trump and his voters and need to go-along to get along with my GOP colleagues;

Moral rot: I know the difference between right and wrong, and actively chose wrong.”

Not exactly Superman. Sounds more like Lex Luthor at his most self-serving and callous.

We don’t need someone faster than a speeding bullet in the House. We don’t need senators leaping tall buildings in a single bound. We don’t need Superman.

But we do need our Clark Kents and Lois Lanes to step up. We do need our real heroes right now. Maybe Crank or Roy or Hawley or Murkowski will see the movie this weekend. Maybe they’ll find some courage for the next vote.

Maybe.

ML Cavanaugh is the author of the forthcoming book “Best Scar Wins: How You Can Be More Than You Were Before.” @MLCavanaugh