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WASHINGTON — The Senate is often a stuffy and self-serving institution enlivened mainly by the unintended gaffe, but senior Republicans Bob Dole of Kansas and Alan K. Simpson of Wyoming are standout exceptions.

As Gerald R. Ford’s vice presidential candidate in 1976, Dole delivered tart one-liners and showed a slashing political style that was partly blamed for the defeat of the ticket. After the campaign, Dole reflected on his image and admitted that he had been “going after the jugular–my own.”

“Many people come in and say, ‘I hated you in ‘76,’ ” Dole reflected. “These are generally Democrats. But that was my job; go out and feed them the raw meat. Now they say, ‘Boy, you’ve really changed.’ ”

As the Senate Republican leader and a likely presidential candidate, Dole restrains himself.

“I don’t say you soften, but you understand that certain things work, certain things don’t work,” he said. “I think sometimes you have to say, ‘Don’t say it, let it pass.’ I’ve probably missed some great lines that way.”

His forte is one-liners. He has the delivery of an expert fly-caster and a poker player’s deadpan.

“You don’t hurt people,” Dole said. “Even though people might laugh, and hurt, they think, ‘That was kind of mean.’ And I haven’t done many roasts; they get pretty tough.”

Dole’s material is topical, drawing from events around him.

“I was speaking at the Outlaw Inn at a Republican meeting in Kalispell, Mont.,” Dole said. “I thought, ‘There’s got to be a joke there somewhere.’

“My question (to a Republican audience) was: ‘Why are we having this meeting in Democratic headquarters?”

Simpson’s mere appearance inspires jokes–he is 6-foot-7, nearly bald and rail-thin–and he first developed his humor as a shield against pain.

“Humor for me came from the fact I weighed 185 pounds in the seventh grade and was 5-7 or so,” he said. “I had knock-knees and . . . I couldn’t outrun anybody or outfight anybody or outdo anybody.

“That’s where you’ve got two choices–go and suck your thumb, or learn humor.”

He still debunks his physique. His shiny pate is “the solar panel for a sex machine.”

“Humor is very good for me,” he said. “Especially when you begin to think you are the great potentate of powers and prowess, the high this, the chairman of that. It’s good to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and say, ‘Al, you are full of it.’ ”

He is frequently ribald in private, but careful not to hurt.

“There’s a fine line between good humor and smart-ass, and I sometimes cross it,” he said. “You know when you’re doing something unseemly. There is a misuse of humor around town, like roasts.

“There’s nothing funny about how close you can get to sticking it in some guy. I’ve watched those roasts. The guy goes home and he’s in pain.

“I don’t like ethnic humor. Somebody will come up, say with some story about some minority and I don’t laugh.

“I know that if I laugh . . . or use that kind of humor, that means I have a seed of that stuff cooking in me.”

Satirist Mark Russell has used political humor for years, and the wit of Rep. Morris K. Udall (D-Ariz.) has entertained the nation for a generation. They admire the two senators.

“At his height in ‘76, when he had the hatchet man label, a reporter asked him what he thought of his image of a gut fighter,” Russell joked. “Dole smiled and kicked him in the gut.

“But he’s mellowed. It isn’t as damaging now; he is reflective.

‘Healthy Cynicism’

“Simpson epitomizes the Western disdain for ‘inside-the-beltway’ (Washington know-it-alls),” Russell said. “As did (former Interior Secretary James G.) Watt. But Watt was mean-spirited. Simpson has a healthy cynicism.”

Udall has watched Dole grow as a person and a humorist.

“People like a presidential candidate or majority leader to have a sense of humor and resent it if he is too cruel. He’s taken that to heart.”

Udall compares Simpson to “an old Abe Lincoln around a cracker barrel, always, ‘Let me tell you a story.’

“In the South and West, before television and radio, you had to be an entertainer. You had to go into town and exhort, to inspire folks, but do it in an interesting way and get a few laughs. He’s in this political tradition.

The Wit and Wisdom of Dole and Simpson

Sen. Bob Dole

“On election night in 1976, even at the point where we were 80 electoral votes behind, I went to bed and slept like a baby. Every two hours, I woke up and cried.”

After a congressional battle over banking legislation: “Not that I am unpopular with bankers, but just before I left home tonight, mine came by and picked up his toaster and set of dishes.”

“I was seated next to (Secretary of State) George Shultz and asked him what he thought about the Caribbean Basin. He said, ‘It’s OK, but personally, I like a shower better.’ ”

Of former Interior Secretary James G. Watt: “What can you say about a man whose dream is to have a parking lot named in his honor?”

Sen. Alan K. Simpson

Of former Sen. Howard Baker: “He dresses so loosely, he has to stay inside on trash pickup day.”

On a dubious nominee for appointive office: “He filled out an application form and in the blank where it said, church preference, he wrote, ‘red brick.’ ”

“They were doing a movie on Congress and when they got to the part where the congressman refused the bribe, they had to use a stunt man.”

“The rich are indeed different. Among the Republicans in Beverly Hills, the Internal Revenue Service is known as a terrorist organization.”

“I have come to know the difference between a horse race and a political race. In a horse race, the entire horse runs.”

With the Wayans brothers firmly back in the driver’s seat, horror parody “Scary Movie” muscled its way past He-Man for the top spot at the box office this weekend.

The reboot of the 2000s-era franchise — or “rebootiquel,” as the movie calls itself — brought in $55 million in the U.S. and Canada for a worldwide total of $105.5 million, according to studio estimates. The movie, which had a production budget of $30 million, beat studio expectations and marks the return of the Wayans brothers to “Scary Movie.”

The franchise was developed by Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans and Keenen Ivory Wayans. But after 2001’s “Scary Movie 2,” the Wayans got in a pay dispute with former Miramax executives Bob and Harvey Weinstein. The Wayans have said the Weinsteins did not tell them that 2003’s “Scary Movie 3” would be made without them. The franchise then continued with fourth and fifth installments.

After former MGM film executive Jonathan Glickman was named chief executive of Miramax in 2024, he reached out to Marlon Wayans to see if he’d be interested in reviving “Scary Movie.”

“Always dreamt of having this moment again,” Wayans said, while thanking Glickman and executive producer Marc Weinstock during a short speech at the movie’s premiere. “I thank you guys for having the vision to go, there’s only one way to do the next ‘Scary Movie,’ and that’s to bring the Wayans family back.”

Miramax led the production and financing of the film, while Paramount Pictures was the distributor.

Amazon MGM Studios’ “Masters of the Universe” came in second at the domestic box office with $29.3 million, in Mattel Studios’ first film in theaters since the 2023 smash hit “Barbie.” Globally, the movie made $54 million.

The action adventure movie had a production budget of about $170 million and aimed to reintroduce the ‘80s-era action hero “He-Man” to a new audience, while also driving the nostalgia of adults who played with the franchise toys or watched the original film and series. The movie is part of Mattel Inc.’s strategy to continue extending its toy brands into the entertainment arena.

Mattel Chief Executive Ynon Kreiz said last week that “Masters of the Universe” didn’t need to match the success of “Barbie” “to have a meaningful economic impact on the company.”

A24’s runaway hit “Backrooms” came in third at the box office this weekend, continuing its strong performance with a haul of $25.9 million. Focus Features’ “Obsession” ($25.6 million) and another YouTube-native property, “The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act,” ($12.7 million) rounded out the top five at the box office, according to Comscore data.

Our Yorkshire Farm star Clive Owen opens up about a travel mishap during his Ireland trip with sons Miles and Sid in Channel 5 series Reuben Owen: Life in the Dales

Clive Owen found himself having to explain a “little incident” that happened away from the cameras, after his sons raised concerns.

The farmer, who has nine children with Amanda Owen, has been appearing in his eldest son Reuben’s Channel 5 programme, Life in the Dales.

The show follows the family, who rose to prominence on Our Yorkshire Farm, as they continue to document the ups and downs of their farming life.

A recent instalment saw Clive venture beyond the Dales on a road trip to Ireland with his sons Miles and Sid, as they took part in the All Nations Shearing Champions.

However, the journey proved far from plain sailing for Clive, as he revealed he had suffered an “incident” along the way, reports the Express.

Upon arriving at the competition in Donegal, ahead of the two-day event, Clive declared: “Well boys we’re here. The sheep pens are empty but they’ll be coming we hope.”

The narrator then observed: “With the chill of yesterday’s storm still in the air, there’s a memory the boys haven’t quite shaken.”

Sid enquired: “Are you feeling better after yesterday?”

The farmer brushed it aside, responding: “You don’t let me forget yesterday, you guys. My little incident on the ship…”

Miles chipped in: “That sea air was getting to you.”

Clive then put his sons’ minds at rest: “No I’m fine, so forget all about it.”

The narrator continued: “Unlikely, but with prize sheep, sizzling stalls of Irish grub and more vintage tractors than you can shake a spanner at, Clive’s little incident might slip off the radar.”

Miles then jokingly questioned whether his dad was “up to” judging, as he commented: “You look the part but whether you’re up to it…”

“Just remember, the judge is always right,” Clive hit back.

Ahead of heading off on their lengthy journey, marking Sid and Miles’ first time outside the country, Clive shared his concerns about leaving the farm.

He told Reuben: “I’m going to take Miles and Sid because they’ve never been on a ship and they’ve never been overseas.”

He went on to the camera: “I used to skive off school and go and watch these famous sales and watch these great men sell these wonderful sheep and dream that maybe one day it might be me.

“For me, to eventually breed a Champion myself, that’s pretty amazing, actually. We called him Glory and sold him for £28,000 which was amazing.

“Fellas that go and judge like myself, know how hard it is to breed these things. So I see it as a great responsibility and a great honour to judge.

“It’s a tough thing to do because you don’t make everybody happy when you judge sheep.”

Before setting off, Miles and Sid shared their excitement for the ferry, with the former saying: “Yeah, they reckon it will be a bit stormy.”

“Hope you don’t get sea sick,” Reuben warned, while his girlfriend reassured: “You’ll be fine!”

After asking if Sid has ever been abroad before, he replied: “No I haven’t, this will be the first time.”

Clive added, “It’s quite a journey,” before sharing his concerns for travelling through the Irish sea before hitting the sheep competition.

“Tomorrow, there’s a big storm passing through so I’m quite worried about the crossing, how rough it will be.

“Whether we’re ill or anything, I would not like that to happen but we shall see.”

Reuben replied: “Well have a good time you three,” as they set off, with Clive saying, “Have a good time you three.”

“Miss you already,” Reuben called after them.

Reuben Owen: Life in the Dales is available to watch on Channel 5.