Haunts

Sex I had with my brother haunts me and I’m so worried history will repeat itself I can’t leave my own kids together

DEAR DEIDRE: THE inappropriately close relationship I had with my brother is now ruining my experience of motherhood.

I’m so scared that history will repeat itself that I can’t leave my young children alone together, and I panic when they touch each other.

When I was 17 and my brother was 18, we had a secret relationship — which I instigated.

What started as naive, teenage experimentation turned into an incestuously sexual relationship, which lasted until I left home.

I’ve never told a soul about it, and neither has he.

It wasn’t abusive but we are both aware it was socially unacceptable and against the law, and feel ashamed of what happened.

I can’t explain it, except to say that we were brought up in a strictly religious household where sex was considered to be a sin.

Neither of us was allowed to date or go out to parties and the like.

We were also exceptionally close, perhaps because we were so near to each other in age, without many friends.

I’m now 39 and married with two young children — a boy and a girl who are six and four.

He’s still single. We’re still in touch but we don’t talk about the past.

I didn’t dwell on it until my daughter became a toddler, and began to interact with her brother.

Spotting the signs your partner is cheating

Suddenly, I felt terrified of what might occur if I didn’t prevent it.

I started keeping my kids apart, making them play alone in their rooms.

If I see them play-fighting, I pull them apart.

My husband is starting to notice. I know this isn’t normal, and I worry it’s harming their development.

Please help. All I want is for my children to have a happy, ordinary childhood.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re brave to admit what happened and to ask for help. You’re not a bad person.

Clearly you love your children and don’t want to damage them.

But, as you’re aware, it’s important they are allowed to interact normally.

What occurred between you and your brother was unusual – though not unheard of – and it’s very unlikely history will repeat itself, especially if your children aren’t brought up in the strictly religious way you were.

It sounds like you may be more traumatised by what happened – and more guilty about it – than you’d allowed yourself to believe.

Speaking about this to people who understand and won’t judge will help you. You can talk in confidence to nspcc.org.uk (0808 800 5000).

You would also benefit from counselling. Read my support pack, How Counselling Can Help.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

PAL HAS CROSSED THE LINE

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend never liked how close I was to my male mate, but I told him it was platonic.

Now I’m worried his fear was well-founded, after my friend crossed a line.

I’m 29, my partner is 30 and we’ve been together two years. My pal and I have known each other since uni. We’d meet for drinks or text about music and life – nothing flirty.

My boyfriend didn’t love it but I told him there he had nothing to fear.

Yet a few nights ago, when my friend walked me home after a gig, without warning he grabbed me and kissed me on the mouth.

I pushed him away and told him he was out of order. He just shrugged and said he “had to try”.

I told my boyfriend immediately – but instead of supporting me, he called me a cheat and stormed out.

I’m upset at how they’ve both behaved. How can I get life back on track?

DEIDRE SAYS: What your friend did was a serious violation of your trust and consent.

You can contact victimsupport.org.uk (0808 168 9111), who can offer free, confidential help.

You did the right thing by being honest with your boyfriend, but his reaction isn’t fair or helpful.

Jealousy can be painful, but it shouldn’t lead to unfair accusations.

Consider having a calm conversation when he’s ready, explaining how his response to this situation has made you feel.

PORN AND BISEXUAL CONFUSION

DEAR DEIDRE: MY addiction to inter-racial porn is stopping me from developing relationships. I think I need help but I don’t know what sort.

I am a 25-year-old man. I have dated women but I have never had a sex life. The first few times I attempted sex were a complete failure and an embarrassment so I stopped trying.

I then discovered porn and I find it suits me best to watch it.

I am a white guy but I especially like watching white women with black men.

It literally makes me stop in my tracks if I am out in the street and I see a white woman and a black man together.

I know full well that my addiction is preventing me from developing relationships.

I am worried that I might be bisexual too, as I can be turned on by both men and women. I am so confused.

DEIDRE SAYS: Online porn is designed to be addictive and it is brave of you to admit to having a problem.

My support packs Internet Pornography Worry? and Addicted To Sex have lots of information about this and on where you can turn for help.

The best way to try to understand more about your sexuality is to talk through your feelings with someone who understands.

Contact switchboard.lgbt (0300 330 0630) for confidential advice and my support pack, Bisexual Questions, will help you, too.

WIFE’S DOGS ARE RUINING MY LIFE

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife has just bought another dog after we had to have two rehomed a year ago because the neighbours complained about the noise they made.

They wouldn’t stop barking if we left them on their own and were still pretty noisy even when one of us was there.

I am 44 and my wife is 39. We have been together for ten years.

We both work full time and are often out in the evening, so the dogs were left alone for quite long periods on our work days.

One of our neighbours became very aggressive when he complained about the noise.

He swore at me and my wife and threatened us.

It was a very stressful time and in the end it really got to me – the constant barking of the dogs, the rows I was having with my wife about it and then this neighbour having a go at me every time I went outside.

One day I ended up in a fight with this guy when he saw me in the nearby pub – all because of the dogs. The police were called to break it up.

After that, the only option I could see was that the dogs had to be rehomed.

My wife was very much against it and still resents me for making it happen. I thought that was the end of it, but she has now spent money which we can’t afford on a puppy.

She didn’t even ask my opinion. I arrived home one evening to find the dog in our kitchen.

Worse still, even though it cries all night she is talking about getting another one.

I wish she could see what it’s doing to me.

DEIDRE SAYS: She is disregarding your feelings. You need to talk to her and explain how hurtful her behaviour is.

Things can be different this time but your wife needs to understand the puppy needs proper training.

You can talk to the vet for advice on classes. Your puppy also needs plenty of exercise once it is old enough.

The result will be a happier, more settled dog and your neighbours will benefit, too.

HOT TOPIC

THINKING about opening up your relationship to another person can bring a mix of excitement, curiosity and nerves.

Taking time to discuss what you want – and don’t want – can help make the experience more enjoyable and reduce misunderstandings.

A Superdrug survey found 95 per cent of men and 87 per cent of women said they fantasised about sex with multiple partners.

My support pack Thinking Of A Threesome? can guide you through.

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‘I was on vile “Poop Cruise” where sewage seeped into cabins – the smell still haunts me’

The infamous ‘Poop Cruise’ – where passengers were left stranded without any power and had to poo in bags – made global headlines back in 2013 as the chaos unfolded

Kendall Jenkins kisses the ground after stepping off  the Carnival ship Triumph at the Alabama Cruise terminal
Kendall Jenkins kisses the ground after stepping off the Carnival ship Triumph at the Alabama Cruise terminal(Image: AFP/Getty Images)

Netflix documentary series Trainwreck explores some of the most bizarre, jaw-dropping, and at times downright revolting events in recent history. One particularly unforgettable episode focuses on a maritime disaster that made global headlines: the infamous “Poop Cruise”.

In February 2013, the Carnival Triumph cruise ship set sail from Galveston, Texas, with more than 4,000 passengers and crew onboard, bound for a leisurely four-day Caribbean getaway. But the holiday quickly unravelled into chaos.

On the third day, a fire erupted in the aft engine room. Though the blaze was quickly extinguished and no injuries were reported, it critically damaged the ship’s main power systems. The Triumph was left drifting in the Gulf of Mexico without propulsion, or basic functioning utilities.

READ MORE: Couple booted off Ryanair flight after money-saving trick goes wrong

Passengers laying on mattresses on the third deck of the ship
Passengers laying on mattresses on the third deck of the ship (Image: AFP/Getty Images)

With the power out, vital systems failed, including air conditioning, refrigeration, and most importantly, the sewage and sanitation infrastructure. What followed was a nightmare.

Toilets stopped working. Raw sewage began leaking into hallways and cabins, filling the ship with a stench described by passengers as unbearable. Many were forced to relieve themselves in plastic bags and red biohazard bags, as bathrooms became unusable.

With the air conditioning offline, temperatures inside soared, making the interior suffocatingly hot and humid. Dozens of passengers chose to sleep on open decks just to escape the heat and foul odours.

Food quickly became scarce. Without refrigeration, the crew did what they could, serving cold sandwiches and sparse meals often consisting of little more than bread and vegetables. Water was rationed, and tensions steadily rose.

Although communication with the outside world was limited, word of the ship’s grim conditions quickly spread. Images of the stranded vessel and its desperate passengers went viral, drawing international media attention.

Images from the stranded vessel went viral
Images from the stranded vessel went viral(Image: SWNS)

After five gruelling days, the Carnival Triumph was finally towed to port in Mobile, Alabama, bringing an end to the ordeal, but not to the controversy.

In the aftermath, investigations uncovered troubling details. CNN obtained documents showing only four of the ship’s six generators were functioning before departure, and that Carnival had prior knowledge of both fire hazards and fuel line issues. Records revealed nine separate fuel line incidents in just two years, raising serious questions about the company’s maintenance practices and safety protocols.

As lawsuits mounted and scrutiny of the cruise industry intensified, Carnival found itself in damage control.

Then-President and CEO Gerry Cahill issued a public apology, saying: “I want to again apologise to our guests and their friends and families. The situation on board was difficult and we are very sorry for what has happened. We pride ourselves on providing our guests with a great vacation experience and clearly we failed in this case.”

Kimberly Townsend, a 54-year-old mother of two and grandmother of three, was among 31 passengers who sued Carnival, holding the company accountable for what they describe as a disastrous voyage.

The cruise liner eventually docked in Alabama
The cruise liner eventually docked in Alabama (Image: Getty Images)

In her testimony, Townsend gave a vivid and emotional account of the harrowing days spent aboard the disabled ship stranded in the Gulf of Mexico. She described terrified passengers crowding the decks, worried for their safety, while foul-smelling toilets overflowed into hallways. There was no power, near-total darkness, long waits for limited water, and a severe lack of food.

Townsend recalled finally managing to reach her mother by phone once the crippled ship was towed into Mobile, Alabama – arriving days late from what was meant to be a dream vacation. She told the court she had begged her mother to come get her right away. As she recounted the moment, her voice faltered, she looked down, and began to sob in the witness chair.

She was one of several passengers from the Carnival Triumph who took the stand, some breaking down in tears, as they spoke about the ordeal and the emotional toll that still lingers a year later.

Carnival cruise ship in 2013
Passengers slept outside to escape the smell (Image: SWNS)

“I did not get physically injured. I got mentally injured,” testified Jean Cripps, a 74-year-old grandmother who suffers from Parkinson’s disease. She went on the cruise with her husband, Alton, who has diabetes and a hurt leg that forced him to retire disabled. The elderly couple was on the cruise as a present from their son, David, and grandson, Easton, who went with them.

“It never ends, the whole experience never ends,” testified Cripps. “It’s over and over again. We had two good days,” she said, referring to the first days of the cruise.

“But that’s not what I think about. I think about the smell, the stench and the bad things. All the memories come flooding back, and I can’t stop them.”

Among the worst memories, Cripps testified, was the fear that the ship, which listed severely after the fire, would actually turn over and sink.

“It was a horrible experience,” testified Michelle Key, 48, who went on the cruise with her mother, Fleda Key, 68. “I walked through water and faeces and urine, no telling what else,” she testified. “We would slip and slide through greasy, gross, slippery muck,” she said, adding “it was very difficult” for her mother.

Fleda Key described having terrible diarrhoea on numerous occasions and having difficulty finding any toilets that were not overflowing.

“There was lots of urine and faeces all the way up to the rim of every one,” she said, explaining she “choked away the smell”. Like many of the witnesses, she testified that she lived for days in total fear that they might not finish the voyage alive. “I was fearful, downright afraid and scared,” said Fleda.

READ MORE: ‘I spent years in pain because of IBS but two weeks later I don’t rush to the toilet’

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Commentary: Guess who suddenly has a ‘TACO’ allergy? How a tasty sounding acronym haunts Trump

Guess who suddenly has a “TACO” allergy? President Yuge Taco Salad himself.

In the annals of four-letter words and acronyms Donald Trump has long hitched his political fortunes on, the word “taco” may be easy to overlook.

There’s MAGA, most famously. DOGE, courtesy of Elon Musk. Huge (pronounced yuge, of course). Wall, as in the one he continues to build on the U.S.-Mexico border. “Love” for himself, “hate” against all who stand in his way.

There’s a four-letter term, however, that best sums up Trump’s shambolic presidency, one no one would’ve ever associated with him when he announced his first successful presidential campaign a decade ago.

Taco.

His first use of the most quintessential of Mexican meals happened on Cinco de Mayo 2016, when Trump posted a portrait of himself grinning in front of a giant taco salad while proclaiming “I Love Hispanics!” Latino leaders immediately ridiculed his Hispandering, with UnidosUS president Janet Murguia telling the New York Times that it was “clueless, offensive and self-promoting” while also complaining, “I don’t know that any self-respecting Latino would even acknowledge that a taco bowl is part of our culture.”

I might’ve been the only Trump critic in the country to defend his decision to promote taco salads. After all, it’s a dish invented by a Mexican American family at the old Casa de Fritos stand in Disneyland. But also because the meal can be a beautiful, crunchy thing in the right hands. Besides, I realized what Trump was doing: getting his name in the news, trolling opponents, and having a hell of a good time doing it while welcoming Latinos into his basket of deplorables as he strove for the presidency. Hey, you couldn’t blame the guy for trying.

Guess what happened?

Despite consistently trashing Latinos, Trump increased his share of that electorate in each of his presidential runs and leaned on them last year to capture swing states like Arizona and Nevada. Latino Republican politicians made historic gains across the country in his wake — especially in California, where the number of Latino GOP legislators jumped from four in 2022 to a record nine.

The Trump taco salad tweet allowed his campaign to present their billionaire boss to Latinos as just any other Jose Schmo ready to chow down on Mexican food. It used the ridicule thrown at him as proof to other supporters that elites hated people like them. Trump must have at least felt confident the taco salad gambit from yesteryear worked because he reposted the image on social media this Cinco de Mayo, adding the line “This was so wonderful, 9 years ago today!”

It’s not exactly live by the taco, die by the taco. (Come on, why would such a tasty force of good want to hurt anyone)? But Trump is suddenly perturbed by the mere mention of TACO.

The popular Doritos Locos Tacos

Doritos Locos Tacos at the Taco Bell Laguna Beach location.

(Don Leach/Daily Pilot)

That’s an acronym mentioned in a Financial Times newsletter earlier this month that means Trump Always Chickens Out. The insult is in reference to the growing belief in Wall Street that people who invest in stocks should keep in mind that the president talks tough on tariffs but never follows through because he folds under pressure like the Clippers. Or a taco, come to think of it.

Trump raged when CNBC reporter Megan Cassella asked him about TACO at a White House press conference this week.

“Don’t ever say what you said,” the commander in chief snarled before boasting about how he wasn’t a chicken and was actually a tough guy. “That’s a nasty question.”

No other reporter followed up with TACO questions, because the rest of the internet did. Images of Trump in everything from taco suits to taco crowns to carnivorous tacos swallowing Trump whole have bloomed ever since. News outlets are spreading Trump’s out-of-proportion response to something he could’ve just laughed off, while “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” just aired a parody song to the tune of “Macho Man” titled — what else? — “Taco Man.”

The TACO coinage is perfect: snappy, easily understandable, truthful and seems Trump-proof. The master of appropriating insults just can’t do anything to make TACO his — Trump Always Cares Outstandingly just doesn’t have the same ring. It’s also a reminder that Trump’s anti-Latino agenda so far in his administration makes a predictable mockery of his taco salad boast and related Hispandering.

In just over four months, Trump and his lackeys have tried to deport as many Latino immigrants — legal and illegal — as possible and has threatened Mexico — one of this country’s vital trading partners — with a 25% tariff. He has signed executive orders declaring English the official language of the United States and seeking to bring back penalties against truck drivers who supposedly don’t speak English well enough at a time when immigrants make up about 18% of the troquero force and Latinos are a big chunk of it.

Meanwhile, the economy — the main reason why so many Latinos went for Trump in 2024 in the first place — hasn’t improved since the Biden administration and always seems one Trump speech away from getting even wobblier.

As for Latinos, there are some signs Trump’s early presidency has done him no great favors with them. An April survey by the Pew Research Center — considered the proverbial gold standard when it comes to objectively gauging how Latinos feel about issues — found 27% of them approve of how he’s doing as president, down from 36% back in February.

President Trump gives a thumbs up in front of a sign saying Latinos for Trump 2020

President Trump gives a thumbs up to the cheering crowd after a Latinos for Trump Coalition roundtable in Phoenix in 2020.

(Ross D. Franklin / Associated Press)

Trump was always an imperfect champion of the taco’s winning potential, and not because the fish tacos at his Trump Grill come with French fries (labeled “Idaho” on the menu) and the taco salad currently costs a ghastly $25. He never really understood that a successful taco must appeal to everyone, never shatter or rip apart under pressure and can never take itself seriously like a burrito or a snooty mole.

The president needs to move on from his taco dalliance and pay attention to another four-letter word, one more and more Americans utter after every pendejo move Trump and his flunkies commit:

Help.

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