guest

I’ve rarely been more embarrassed.

Saturday Kitchen has been a regular part of the weekend for millions of people over the years. In the days before I had children, I enjoyed nothing more than starting off the weekend slowly with some relaxing, wholesome TV over brunch and a cup of coffee.

I adored not only the live studio cooking fronted first by the legendary James Martin then the equally watchable Matt Tebbutt, but also the segments from the likes of Rick Stein, Mary Berry or the great Keith Floyd slurping his wine while cooking up his rustic, no-nonsense meals somewhere in the south of France.

In fact, I loved it so much that I actually appeared on the show. Remember those days when two random members of the public would be studio guests and would sit at the table off to the side of the set while the guest chefs and celebrities wondered who they were and what they were doing there? Yep, I was one of those.

This was obviously quite a while ago — Saturday Kitchen stopped having members of the public as guests back in 2012, with James Martin saying afterwards: “That wasn’t my decision. I liked having the studio guests. It was the BBC’s decision. Budget cuts — and don’t look at me, I didn’t get a pay rise.”

James wasn’t the only one who was disappointed, with viewers taking to forums to ask why the show had got rid of its non-celebrity guests. One said: “Every Saturday without fail I watched Saturday Kitchen. Now it is just another cookery programme with, nine times out of ten, a boring guest. Bring back the viewer guests, get rid of the celeb.”

Not everyone agreed, though, with one saying: “Er, the viewer guests did nothing, they were hardly ever interviewed, they added little to the programme. So how can that be a loss?”

Viewers also speculated whether their sudden absence was down to the cost to the BBC of paying the guests’ hotel and transport costs. However, having been a Saturday Kitchen guest, I can confirm that the BBC didn’t pay for either of these things. Rightly so, of course.

This is how it worked. There were always two guests, usually a couple (or two friends if someone’s other half was too embarrassed to go on with them). You had to submit an application, including a picture, and then hope for the best.

Not long after we submitted our application, my partner and I got a phone call from a show producer telling us they would like us to be guests on the show. She said something like “As soon as we saw your picture we knew we had to have you on the show.” Which, if you had seen the picture, or any picture of me really, you would find hard to believe. Still, the flattery worked and we were booked on.

The only instruction I can remember being given about our appearance was not to wear black. I forgot this instruction and wore a black shirt, meaning I had to scrabble around on the day to find something to wear over it — which ended up being a beige-coloured tank top. Lovely.

Next we had to get ourselves to the Saturday Kitchen studio, which at that time was in the Kennington area of London, not far from the Oval cricket ground. We were asked to arrive at a stupidly early time in the morning (the show starts at 10am) and were shown into the green room to wait. We were even there before James Martin because I remember him arriving in the car park outside in what my partner described as “one of his funny little sports cars”.

We got to watch from the wings as James and the guest chefs practised their dishes and then it came time for the live show to start. I don’t remember being told not to speak unless spoken to but I didn’t say a word during the entire live broadcast. My partner was interviewed, though, and described having recently cooked a lobster when we’d been guests in a Michelin-starred kitchen.

Her description had the celebrity guest, Eve Myles, laughing out loud and James abruptly moved the conversation on! I still remember the warm way Eve laughed, she seemed genuinely tickled.

But after the show came a moment I still cringe about. I happened to leave the studio at the same time as Eve, who has just starred in one of the best TV crime dramas I’ve seen in a long time. As we both lived in roughly the same area of the UK at the time, I offered her a lift for the 150-mile journey home. Obviously, as any sensible person (let alone a well-known TV star) would, she politely declined this offer of a long lift home to Wales in a battered old Fiesta from a stranger. A less kind celebrity may well have been more blunt in her refusal. But Eve did her best to be polite despite my idiocy, which I’ve always remembered.

Incredibly, this wasn’t my only cringeworthy moment from that day. I’ve also worried ever since that I offended the hugely successful TV chef Jason Atherton, when I asked him at the chef’s table during a break in live filming why he didn’t have a recipe book out. He replied: “I do.” This was way back in 2008 but I’ve still not fully got over the embarrassment.

So, if Eve or Jason happen to read this, please accept my very late apologies. Thankfully, I don’t think I embarrassed myself in front of James Martin or the show’s other guest chef, Bryn Williams (they must have had a Welsh theme that day) and I’ll always remember being on the show. It’s a shame no one gets to any longer. Bring back the guests, BBC!

I decided that, just this once, I was rooting for evil to win — mainly because I liked their energy more.

The wereboar growled next to Black Pudding, a hulking vicious monster, both focused on ripping Puck and Cordelia to shreds. Oberon, an Archfey god, stood alongside them, concerned. But only one thing would decide the fate of everyone on stage: the D20, a 20-sided die.

For 45 minutes on Saturday morning, a rambunctious audience of elves, fairies, gnomes, wizards and more was transported to another land, far away from any concern for modern life, as they watched the “Dungeons & Shakespeare” live show at the Renaissance Pleasure Faire at the Santa Fe Dam Recreational Area in Irwindale.

Lynx the Sword Swallower prepares the audience for his show.

Before Saturday, I’d never attended a renaissance fair, a reenactment of the English Renaissance in the form of an immersive festival (i.e. why the Irwindale fair is based in the 16th century village of Port Deptford). Although I was not entirely new to fanciful make-’em-ups. My family had been members of the Society for Creative Anachronism, a medieval-era living history organization. We frequently dressed up to visit our local kingdom. Once, a wizard gave me a cape. Another time, I won a plague-themed frog toss.

I’d long forgotten what a blissful escape those weekends had been for a young queer kid living in rural America — until Saturday, when I looked around the fair and realized it was a diverse crowd in every sense of the word.

At the “Dungeons & Shakespeare” show, host Willy Nilly encouraged us to lean into the welcoming atmosphere we found among our fellow outcasts.

“Let’s stop worrying about whether we seem weird and make our stories amazing,” the actor, who grew up in conservative Midland, Texas, told the crowd.

And with that same energy, my wife and I trodded further into the fair in hot pursuit of merriment and wonder.

I should note: The Irwindale fair is packed full of opportunities to spend a day. It can, at times, feel overwhelming (and dusty). Here’s what we learned that will set you up for success, should you fancy a trip back in time.

Guests make their way out of the Renaissance Pleasure Faire at sunset.

1. Thou must plan thy morrow

Translation: You must plan your day.

The best way to have the perfect day?

It depends!

Before your visit, I would recommend loosely plotting out your day using the fair’s map. First, you’ll want to discern which performances you’d like to see. Each weekend’s entertainment schedule is released the prior Wednesday, although it can change due to “weather, illness or Her Majesty’s whim,” as the fair website notes.

There are 12 stages and performance areas, each with their own programming. And it’s a real range.

For example, you’ll find MooNie the Magnif’Cent, a fair staple who mixes clowning, stunts and comedy, all without speaking. Supernova the Strongwoman will dazzle the crowd with risky tricks and demolition. And Dora Viellette teaches her audience about an array of music, from medieval to folk favorites, as she plays the hurdy-gurdy (which is very fun to say aloud).

I’d recommend attending the performance you want to see the most early in the day, as the fair seems to get more crowded as the day progresses.

Similarly, if you’d like to focus the day on playing games and experiencing human-powered carnival rides, I’d recommend doing that first. We originally wanted to practice our archery skills, but because we’d waited until after noon, the line was long every time we checked. That said, I did quickly get to throw 10 javelin for $10 later in the day, and I noticed the lines for the “big swing” — aptly named — and the dragon swing were both short. Additionally, it looked like a fairly quick wait to learn from the teachers at St. Jude’s School of Fencing and the Sword Master’s Challenge, where a worker told my wife, “You look like you’d like to hit someone!” (Trust, it wasn’t me, despite my perpetually high anxiety.)

There are also additional paid activities, like having tea with the queen or imbibing via a pub crawl. And then there are the jousting competitions (more on those below).

Her majesty the queen is seen with her court.

2. The Queen doth nay require fanciful garb

Translation: Costumes are not required but very fun.

About five minutes into the fair, I realized I could entertain myself for probably the entire day by simply people watching. Entertainers and guests’ costumes alike were incredible.

Woodland fairies carrying giant daffodils or wearing hats covered in mushrooms. Knights in real armor. Every version of Merlin the wizard, spanning an expansive gender spectrum. Gnomes in tall red hats. And at least one pickle pope blessing people with herbs. You might say they were kind of a big dill. (Hold your applause.)

There are multiple themed weekends, too, including the first weekend when guests were encouraged to strut out in their best pirate garb.

1

2

3

4

1. Stephanie Divinski looks down at her shoulder puppet. 2. Trilainna Stanton, also known as Prince Rain, of San Diego. 3. Partners Reese Pei, left, and Mariner Song are pictured. 4. Meisha Mock, left, and Aimey Beer both wear wolf masks created by Meisha.

3. Parley with the guildfolk

Translation: Talk to the townspeople.

Around the fair, you have the opportunity to interact with several guilds and performance tropes. “The most fun you’ll get at the fair is from talking to people,” my friend Matthew, who has several years of renaissance fair experience, told me. “As someone who volunteers with a guild, we aren’t just there to sit around and look pretty. Come talk to us.”

I loved watching the fae creatures of the Fantastikals frolic around, getting into mischief. I kept an eye out for Danse Macabre, whose members dance away the threat of the plague to the fair. But I was most starstruck when I met her majesty Queen Elizabeth I. (Note: The actors do not break character, even to tell a journalist their given name outside of their fair life.)

As I waited in line, I observed the diligently trained actors of the Queen’s Court. The lord high treasurer bent down and handed a gold coin to a toddler doddling around as his family waited to meet the queen. He tried to eat it, but was bested by his mother.

1

2

3

1. The Fantastikals, representing nature and the elements, provide a sense of wonder and mischief. 2. Royal guard member Maria DeSilva, left, stands by Anna of Austria, the queen of Spain, and her sister Elisabeth of Austria as they read their Bibles together. 3. A maid of honor to the queen passes the time with canvas work.

“You must be quicker if you are to be successful,” Sir Thomas Heneage, the court’s gentleman usher, told him.

I asked the queen what a newbie like me should know about visiting her village.

“I would tell them that at the fair, there is all the world to be had,” she said. “And no matter what you find that will set your heart alight, you will find it here.”

(I also asked her if it was as fun as it looked to be carried around in a basket by the Yeomen of the Guard, and after a good laugh, she affirmed, “It is truly a highlight of our day.”)

The crowd cheers as the jousters charge one another during the final bout of the day.

4. Hark! What a clatter!

Translation: Prepare for shouting

But it’s the fun kind!

When the fair opens at 10 a.m., guests shout, “Open wide the gates!”

“Huzzah!” is commonly shouted out in celebration, like when you tip someone, or when your trusty javelin strikes the target (mine did not).

And “God save the queen!” is exclaimed during the parades and just about any time the queen is around.

5. By hook and crook, ready thyself for a joust

Translation: It’s essential to attend a joust.

A jousters charges toward his opponent during the final bout of the day.

Attending a joust is one of the quintessential renaissance festival experiences.

At the L.A. fair, there are generally three joust performances per day: the Deptford tournament joust, the queen’s joust and the “joust to the death.”

It’s best to arrive 45 minutes early to get a seat, as the performance space fills to capacity. You will be turned away if it is full.

And it’s competitive. Immediately after sitting down, my seatmate informed me that we were rooting for green and blue, and the other team was our mortal enemies. I hooted and hollered accordingly.

6. There is much fine belly-timber

Translation: There is so much good food.

OK, here’s a confession: I eat a vegan diet. But, I can still appreciate the wide range of food options available — including the iconic turkey leg.

After securing our marinated tofu nachos and poke bowl, my wife and I sat down among other guests. Our tablemates had purchased a litany of fried options, including scotch eggs from the Quail Inn, which also serves bacon-wrapped jalapeño peppers, cheese fritters and “whole, partially deboned quail.”

I personally regret not heading over to Scoops on Tap, where I could have ordered vegan lemon blueberry swirl and mint chip ice cream. Their spirit-infused offerings include buttery beer, mocha stout crush and drumstick stout (which is not turkey-flavored, but rather a vanilla base).

7. Pray thee pay full mind to the merchants

Translation: Take time to learn about the artisans.

Drabbits, hand-crafted and one-of-a-kind shoulder puppets, at the Imagination Adoptorium booth.

Throughout the fair, you can easily find unique and colorful birthday gifts, like dragon eggs or a buy-your-own-fairy house, that would make your nieces, nephews and little cousins quickly proclaim you their favorite relative.

Beyond that, you can speak to artisans who’ve been honing their craft, in some cases, for decades. I asked glass artist Stuart Abelman, who has regular glass-blowing demonstrations during the fair, how his artistry fits into the renaissance fair.

“They’ve been blowing glass for 5,000 years,” Abelman, whose studio is based in Van Nuys, said. “Through the Renaissance, there were incredible glass blowers at Murano, Italy, incredible glass blowers. The queen drank [out of] beautiful glassware. They were the best.”

An assortment of masks are seen in the Mischief Masks booth.

8. Fret not if the winds of fate blow you elsewhere

Translation: Don’t worry if you can’t attend this specific fair.

California has several renaissance fairs and similarly themed events throughout the year. And, for the most adventurous, there are other fairs across the country and world, including the Texas Renaissance Festival, said to be the largest in the U.S.

Fairs scheduled this year in California include: Escondido Renaissance Faire (spring event: April 25–26, May 2–3; fall event: TBD); Summer Renaissance Fantasy Faire in Idyllwild (June 13–14); Central Coast Renaissance Festival in San Luis Obispo (July 18–19); Idyllwild Renaissance Faire (Sept. 12–13); and the Northern California Renaissance Faire in Hollister (Sept. 19–Oct. 25).

I spoke to Deptford’s lord mayor, Sir Barnubus Bliss, about what’s most important to him about folks experiencing the fair closest to L.A.

“Every time someone comes through those doors, I always wish them a ‘Welcome home,’” he said, “because it is my understanding that no matter where you are from, no matter what your life has been, when you come within these gates, when you are within our walls, you are at home, no matter where you were beforehand.”

Nik Frey, far left, and his partner Joanna Dominguez, far right, sword fight with Bexleigh Kilker, 9, and Bexleigh’s dad Kevin, as they all wait out traffic after opening day at the Renaissance Pleasure Faire.

And I felt that as I watched adults gallivant around with childlike glee. As my wife and I left the fair, I did not find myself immediately reaching for my phone. I wanted to stay, just a while longer, in a world where seemingly everyone is welcome to be just as they are.

I am blindfolded and seated in a vintage armchair set in the center of a darkened, red-lit room with Gothic accents. An actor is performing nearby. I hear their voice, but cannot, of course, see them. I suddenly spring upward in my seat, alarmed at the touch of some sort of cloth — or perhaps a feather? — across my ankles.

I’ll never be entirely sure. For wearing the small veil across my eyes was a requirement to participate in “Poe: Pulse & Pendulum,” the debut offering from new troupe Theatre Obscura L.A. The company’s initial performance contains two one-act plays, modern interpretations of Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Pit and the Pendulum” and “The Tell-Tale Heart.”

While the stories are familiar to many, Theatre Obscura increases the levels of discomfort. In this room, I am at times unsettled, at once tracking the movements of the actors while attempting to remain hyper aware of any sudden touch or scent. “The Pit and the Pendulum,” the first half of the program, translates especially well to this setting, its dark sense of demented confinement keeping my nerves on high alert.

Conjuring such a state of anxiety was the point.

“If you take the visual away, it’s going to make you feel uneasy,” says Paul Millet, who devised the concept.

There are jump scares. Downtown event space the Count’s Den has been outfitted with about 50 speakers for the Obscura shows, which run through April 12. Some are visible before one puts on the blindfold. Many, though, are hidden under seats or couches, as the audio will trail the actors around the room, or perhaps a sudden crash or door opening will have me jolting my attention elsewhere.

“The Pit and the Pendulum” is a story of torture, and as the narrator, here played by Melissa Lugo, desperately speaks of a blade swinging above, actors will fan us, timing their waves with each swoosh of the audio. I was prepared for that one, as a fellow theatergoer nearby let out a soft yelp when the unseen gestures first arrived above their head.

For many, sight is the most coveted sense. “If you take that away, you’re already naturally uncomfortable,” Millet says. “So we lean into that. We know you’re going to be uncomfortable. We know this is not the norm. But get on that ride with us. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Discomfort, I think, helps to heighten the experience, and ideally allow it to trigger the emotional reactions that the story does.”

“Poe: Pulse & Pendulum” is two one-act, audio-focused performances of Edgar Allan Poe stories.

(Joe Camareno / Theatre Obscura)

Still, touch is limited in the show. Occasionally a rattling of a chair, but little more. The fluttering I felt near my ankles was to mimic the sensation of a running critter. The troupe will ask for audience consent, and participants can opt out. While I went in wondering if “Poe: Pulse & Pendulum” would seek to recall more extreme haunt experiences with lengthy waivers, Millet wanted to keep it light — an audio play, primarily, with just a few in-the-flesh signals.

“We want people to feel unease, but I don’t want anyone taken out of the story because a boundary or line was crossed,” Millet says.

Scent, too, is used with restraint. There are moments when guests will get a whiff of a fragrance that pairs with the storyline. Millet considers the first run of Theatre Obscure to be an experiment in how much touch and scent audiences may want to endure. Smell, he says, is tricky, as the aroma may linger and become a distraction.

Millet has been honing the concept since 2023. Previously, he was part of the team behind Wicked Lit, which ended in 2019 after running for a number of years at unique locations such as Altadena’s Mountain View Mausoleum. Those immersive performances would feature casts and guests walking the venue. Theatre Obscura, however, is fully seated.

“Poe: Pulse & Pendulum” focuses on the fear that something may happen to us when stripped of sight.

(Joe Camareno / Theatre Obscura)

And while the stories of Poe lend themselves to the Halloween season, spooky events increasingly occur year round. Long-running production “The Willows” is set to wrap in early April, and “Monster Party,” a period piece that takes guests to a devilishly extravagant cocktail party, is re-launching in mid-April. Millet, a longtime theater producer who has a day job in television editing, is hoping to stand out by avoiding “the glut” of horror events that occur each September and October.

Theatre Obscura may face challenges, namely persuading potential guests that “The Pit and the Pendulum” is more than simply a live reading with audio effects.

“You can feel the movement of the characters around you,” Millet says. “You’re in the environment with the story as it unfolds. You can experience it on a more visceral level.”

Blindfolded, I felt Theatre Obscura was mostly playing off our fears rather than giving in to them, largely keying in on our anticipation that something may happen to us when stripped of sight. Lugo in much of “The Pit and the Pendulum” circles guests, who are seated sporadically around the room, allowing each of us to imagine how close or far we may be from the hole we are told is at its center. Each show deals with claustrophobia in some way, either of a space, or of a mind.

“The Tell-Tale Heart” is louder, more crowded. The sounds of crashing glass and creaky floorboards had my head working overtime to draw a floorplan, only to then have it distorted when actors would unexpectedly whisper in both of my ears to bring forth the protagonist’s nightmares. While I expected Theatre Obscura to be slightly more aggressive in its uses of touch and scent, it’s a show that asks us to live in our heads, and to sit in our own feeling of trepidation.

“I was intrigued,” Millet says, “with really trying to engage the audience’s imagination.”

BROOKLYN Beckham was offered a public show of support by Sir Elton John — who made him a VIP guest at his Oscars party.

The 27-year-old, locked in a family feud, was seen at the bash alongside wife Nicola Peltz deep in conversation with the singer, 78.

We revealed last year that the I’m Still Standing singer has been acting as a peacemaker between Brooklyn and estranged parents David and Victoria.

And the VIP invitation to Sir Elton’s Academy Awards viewing party in West Hollywood on Sunday night showed his continued love and support for his godson.

A source said: “Elton has seen Brooklyn all adrift without his biological family and he’s stepped up for Brooklyn.

“Inviting him and Nicola to the party was a public show of support for him.

READ MORE ON BROOKLYN BECKHAM

BUILDING BRIDGES?

Brooklyn Beckham reunites with godfather Elton John amid family feud

MOTHER OF INSULTS

Brooklyn snubs Posh on Mother’s Day & posts gushing tribute to wife’s mum

“Elton doesn’t want to get involved in the row — as far as he’s concerned that’s between Brooklyn, David and Victoria.

“But he has been watching everything that has unfolded over the past ten months.

“Brooklyn lives in Los Angeles and when Elton is in town, he’ll often touch base with him.

“Brooklyn knows he has Elton’s ear and support.”

Brooklyn and US actress Nicola, 31, were among a string of celebs at the Elton John Aids Foundation bash, co-hosted by the singer and his husband, David Furnish.

They were photographed with Sharon Osbourne and her I’m a Celebrity star son Jack, while singer Dua Lipa and her actor fiancé Callum Turner were also there.

A source added: “Brooklyn and Nicola had a fantastic time with Elton and David.

“He just wants to move on with his life and is happy to have the support of Elton and David, who have always looked out for him.”

Sir Elton, who has two sons Zachary and Elijah with his hubby, has been very close friends with Posh and Becks for several years.

They asked the singer to be godfather to their first-born son Brooklyn in 1999, and they did the same with Romeo three years later.

Former Spice Girl Victoria was also a guest at Sir Elton’s Oscars party in 2009.

But they have not been pictured together in public since August 2019, when the Beckhams joined Sir Elton and David on a yacht during a holiday in the South of France.

Victoria posted pictures of their trip on Instagram with the caption: “Happy Summer with friends. Kisses @davidfurnish @eltonjohn. We love u both and your boys so much.”

In May 2023, David and Victoria supported Elton on the final night of his Farewell Yellow Brick Road tour and shared videos and photographs from a box at London’s O2 Arena.

Last summer The Sun revealed that Sir Elton had reached out to Brooklyn and Nicola amid their family feud — and invited them to lunch to talk in the South of France.

A source said at the time: “Elton wants everyone to be happy.

“There is no side-taking as such; he simply adores his godson, and really has a laugh with Nicola who he thinks has a great sense of humour.

“He wants to look after them in his role as ‘spiritual adviser’ as a godfather.

“It’s a role he takes seriously.”

We revealed yesterday that Brooklyn snubbed Victoria on Mother’s Day — while posting a birthday message to “the best mother-in-law”.

He told Nicola’s mum, Claudia, “Love u so much”, as she turned 71.

Who won on Hollywood’s biggest night?

One Battle After Another ran away with the night with six Oscars, while Sinners, which was nominated for a record-breaking 16 awards, came away with four. See the full winners list below:

Best Picture: One Battle After Another

Best Actress: Jessie Buckley, Hamnet

Best Actor: Michael B. Jordan, Sinners

Supporting Actress: Amy Madigan, Weapons

Supporting Actor: Sean Penn, One Battle After Another

Directing: One Battle After Another, Paul Thomas Anderson

Adapted Screenplay: One Battle After Another, Paul Thomas Anderson

Original Screenplay: Sinners, Ryan Coogler

Documentary Feature: Mr. Nobody Against Putin

Documentary Short: All the Empty Rooms

Animated Feature: KPop Demon Hunters

Animated Short: The Girl Who Cried Pearls

Cinematography: Sinners, Autumn Durald Arkapaw

Costume Design: Frankenstein, Kate Hawley

Film Editing: One Battle After Another, Andy Jurgensen

International Feature: Sentimental Value – Norway

Life Action Short: 

The Singers (TIED)

Two People Exchanging Saliva (TIED)

Makeup and Hairstyling: Frankenstein, Mike Hill, Jordan Samuel and Cliona Furey

Original Score: Sinners, Ludwig Goransson

Original Song: Golden, KPop Demon Hunters

Production Design: Frankenstein, Tamara Deverell and Shane Vieau

Sound: F1, Gareth John, Al Nelson, Gwendolyn Yates Whittle, Gary A. Rizzo and Juan Peralta

Visual Effects: Avatar: Fire and Ash, Joe Letteri, Richard Baneham, Eric Saindon and Daniel Barrett

Casting: One Battle After Another, Cassandra Kulukundis