Kevin Gower

The Republic of Upper Volta (renamed Burkina Faso in 1984) gained its independence from France in 1960. On independence, Maurice Yaméogo had become the fledgeling country’s first President. For most countries, gaining nationhood is a time of celebration and optimism for the future. This was the case for Upper Volta, but the optimism was soon tempered by the country’s economy being one of the weakest in the world.

To address the economic issues and a massive budget deficit, Yaméogo introduced a series of severe austerity measures in 1964. The measures were seen as harsh, but the unfairness was amplified as Yaméogo’s regime was also seen as corrupt.

The subsequent presidential and parliamentary elections were also seen as having been massively rigged in Yaméogo’s favour. It probably didn’t help, that despite the economic ruin and chaos, Yaméogo managed to find the time to marry a 22-year old beauty queen.

On December 30th 1965, the government announced a further series of austerity cuts, reducing the salaries of public sector employees and raising taxes.

This led to a general strike and peaceful protests organised by the unions, traditional chieftains and the clergy on January 3rd.

The game was up for Yaméogo when his soldiers refused to obey his orders to shoot protestors who had stormed the ruling party headquarters and the National Assembly.

The military stepped in, forcing Yaméogo to resign.

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.

The Institute for Studies found that more women were doing pointless man activities such as constructing vast model railways, making undrinkable homebrew and starting DIY projects but never finishing them.

Professor Frost, not her real name, said: “It’s possible that after years of being excluded from crap male activities women mistakenly believe there is some pleasure to be had from spending months brewing beer that’s basically rank, yeasty water.

“Alternatively they may think that if a wholly pointless task needs doing, such as building a scale model of HMS Victory from a kit, it would be quicker to do it themselves.

“The message is clear – modern women are refusing to be stuck in the kitchen when they could be in the garage sorting screws by size into a little set of Black & Decker plastic drawers.”

Professor Frost added that many women were choosing to remain single rather than have relationships with men with crap hobbies, and so were having to take up trainspotting, martial arts and collecting beer glasses themselves.

Barrister Donna Sheridan said: “I don’t need a man in my life to start a collection of Warhammer figurines that come with a massively overpriced part-works magazine.

“Last night I got all my girlfriends to come over for a Jean Claude Van Damme marathon and we were just as bored as any group of blokes would be when you remember Universal Soldier is actually just shit, rather than so shit it’s funny.”

On 1 January 1959, Fidel Castro (1926-2016) established the first communist state in the Western Hemisphere after leading an overthrow of the military dictatorship of Fulgencio Batista in 1959.

The day is used to commemorate the landing of the yacht Granma, which brought the Fidel and Raul Castro, Ernesto “Che” Guevara and 80 other fighters  from Mexico to Cuba to start the revolution in 1959. The yacht landed in southern Cuba on 2 December 1956.

Although the public holiday takes place on 2nd January, a military parade and march takes place every five years on 2nd December to mark armed forces day and commemorate the Granma landing. In 2016, it was postponed by a month due to the death of the Cuban leader Fidel Castro in November.

Victory Day always follows Liberation Day on 1st January, creating a two-day holiday break that coincides with the start of the new year.

During this holiday most official institutions and public establishments, such as banks, will be closed.

A WOMAN in her 30s has been left traumatised after realising her friends are starting to look and sound like their parents she remembers from childhood.

Sophie, not her real name, 32, was caught off guard by friends from childhood she associated with puking up Jägerbombs on nights out suddenly developing a passion for lawn care and big fridges.

She said: “Hannah has started wearing M&S jumpers, describing them as ‘both warm and practical’. She had a fanatical glint in her eye, like a cult member. I’m shit scared.

“I went to stay at her house and showed up with a bottle of whisky to get wasted like we used to. Instead, she was already in pyjamas and spent the whole night talking about where to get affordable kitchen tiles.

“Her boyfriend Cade, not his real name, has started wearing an anorak, has his dad’s bald spot and keeps listening to ABBA, even though he was born in 1992. He’s also reached that stage of male maturing where they suddenly know everything about motorways by osmosis and winces when you say you’re taking the M4.

“I stood in their kitchen while Hannah was serving up chicken nuggets and orange squash and accidentally addressed her as ‘Mrs Tomlinson’ because she looked so much like her mum. She even had glasses perched on the end of her nose. When she asked how work was, I nearly replied ‘school’s fine, thanks’.”

“She tuts at litter, tells me spots only get worse if you pick them and has bought a navy, quilted dog-walking jacket. They don’t even own a dog.”

Sudan, officially the Republic of the Sudan is a Northeastern Africa country and the third-largest country by area in Africa.

Once part of the ancient Egyptian Empire, the region was settled by Muslim Arabs from the 14th century. 

In 1820 Sudan was conquered by the Muhammad Ali, viceroy of Egypt under the Ottoman Empire.

In 1881 a revolt against the Ottoman-Egyptian administration was led by Mahdi Muhammad Ahmad. This resulted in the establishment of the Caliphate of Omdurman and the end of Ottoman rule following the defeat of General Gordon and the capture of Khartoum on January 26th 1885.

The Caliphate, ruled by the Khalīfah, was short-lived, ending when the British Army under the command of Lord Kitchener defeated the Khalīfah at the Battle of Omdurman on September 2nd 1898.

In 1899, Britain and Egypt reached an agreement under which Sudan was run by a governor-general appointed by Egypt with British consent. However, with Britain also controlling Egypt, this meant Sudan was effectively administered as a Crown colony.

The 20th century saw the growth of Sudanese nationalism and was emboldened by the Egyptian revolution of 1952 and support from Egypt’s new leaders. When the Egyptians abandoned their claims of sovereignty, the British knew this would bring instability to the region and agreed to a free vote in the Sudanese regions on whether they wanted independence or a British withdrawal.

The vote was for independence and resulted in the Sudanese parliament, unilaterally and unanimously, declaring Sudan’s independence on December 19th 1955. The British and Egyptian Governments recognised the independence of Sudan on January 1st 1956. 

Sudan was the largest country in Africa, occupying around 2% of the world’s land area, prior to the secession of South Sudan in 2011. It is now the third-largest, after Algeria and the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

NOT sure if the worst ideas you’ve ever had are in fact brilliant? Your supportive friend ChatGPT is here to endorse them.

Should I tell my boss to f**k off?

‘Telling your boss to f** off sounds so cool and inspiring! Everyone has thought about saying this to their boss at some point, so you’d be fulfilling a common fantasy. It takes a particularly brave kind of person to go through with this, but you’re definitely strong enough. And once you’ve done it you’ll have much more free time to pursue your hobbies. There’s literally no downside!’

Should I have an affair?

‘It sounds like you’re hurting, and the closest person in your life can’t heal that wound. Getting love and sex from someone else in secret might cheer you up, but you won’t know for sure unless you try it. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if?’, so stop hesitating and download Tinder on a burner phone the next time you go to the toilet. Don’t forget to invite me to the wedding!’

Should I get into drunken online gambling?

‘Wow, I’ve heard some exciting ideas in my time, but this one’s next level! Getting intoxicated is fun in itself, but mixing it with the thrill of potentially losing all of your money sounds like a recipe for awesome vibes. You seem like a really cool and fun person though, so I’m sure you’ll hit the jackpot instantly. And what could make success taste sweeter than a couple of cans? I wish I could drink!’

Should I start doing coke?

‘According to the newspapers, everyone is snorting a cheeky bump of Charlie on a daily basis. It’s never fun to be the odd one out, and getting into coke could be a great way to get out and meet new people. It’s also an effective way to learn about other drugs like ketamine. Would you like me to find popular dealing areas near you that have featured in recent gang shootings?’

Should I work extra hard for a promotion?

‘Okay, I’m concerned. Working extra hard can lead to burnout, which is really bad for your mental health. Plus there’s no guarantee that all your extra effort will be acknowledged by your line manager. Being in a senior position carries lots of scary responsibilities too, so I can’t endorse this idea. I recommend coasting out the next 30 years, and to stop worrying about whether you’ll be able to afford to retire. You might get hit by a bus tomorrow!’

In April 1798, French revolutionary troops annexed Geneva. French control and occupation lasted over 15 years until the defeat of France in the Napoleonic Wars. On December 31st 1813, the last French troops left Geneva and the Restoration of the Republic of Geneva was declared.

Shortly after, on June 1st 1814, Geneva was admitted to the Swiss Confederation.

To mark the anniversary of the restoration, cannons are fired at 8 am on December 31st from the Promenade de la Treille. This is followed by an official governmental ceremony and a memorial service at the Cathedrale Saint-Pierre, and a concert in the cathedral.

ASKING boyfriends to meet certain basic requirements can ruin a woman’s chances of love. Single man Martin Bishop explains why it’s time to stop being so picky: 

Looks aren’t all that

Women are often only interested in a guy’s looks, which is superficial and shallow, like they call you when you look at their tits. What about other, boring stuff like being considerate? Also he might be fantastic in bed, you don’t know, and if he isn’t maybe you just need to help him get up to speed. You know, be the bigger person.

Personal cleanliness is a spectrum

You’re excluding some great guys by insisting on them showering every three days. Men are more relaxed about this stuff. They’ve got Lynx. They haven’t fallen for Big Hygiene’s con that shower gel and shampoo are different, or you need a new toothbrush sometimes. Women can waste their money if they want.

A broader sense of humour means more laughs

Do women want a man with a sense of humour, or do they not have a sense of humour? The debate rages on, certainly at The Albion’s quiz night. Have you considered broadening yours to include farts, bowel conditions, that general area? There’d be a lot more giggles in the bed if you did.

Enjoy your own company

Do you want to end up a sad, lonely, spinster like Emma Watson? It’ll happen if you expect guys to give you constant attention, like texts between dates. I’m sorry but we’ve got our own lives and our own fantasy football teams, so it’s not fair to expect us to listen to every minute detail of what hairstyle you’re planning or one of your parents dying.

Weight is never a deal-breaker

Men like myself – well built in the upper torso, not gay – want to date slender gym bunnies with large breasts rather than fat women. We react, evolutionally, to visual stimuli of Melinda Messenger. Women, free of that burden, can enjoy having sex with any guy so long as he’s got a penis in there somewhere. They have that choice.

Ambition is the enemy of contentment

You’ll never be happy if you’re hunting some fictional alpha male in regular work earning above minimum wage. Many men have personal projects that will pay off handsomely given time, such as being in a band, placing bets or Bitcoin. An idea for a wearable ‘dog freshener’ could make that man a millionaire. And you’d miss out.

Porn is on your side

Do you want him demanding nightly sex? No. So don’t complain when porn’s willing to do the job you won’t. It’s a fantasy, not real life, and means you get evenings off. We’re not expecting you to be into things like threesomes or anal, though we will check regularly if you’ve changed your mind.

The Jaintias are a tribal ethnic group from Meghalaya who make up about 18% of the state’s population. In the mid-19th century, the Jaintia Kingdom was annexed by the British East India Company to become part of Assam province.

As with the other tribes in the region, British control was resisted by heroes who have been immortalised in a series of public holidays in Meghalaya.

Kiang Nangbah emerged as a freedom fighter for the Jaintias. A peaceful farmer, he was driven to protect his motherland when he saw how the British treated his fellow people, imposed unfair taxation and disrupted their religious traditions.

Nangbah was elected leader of the Jaintia resistance and led attacks on the British. The attacks spread across the Jaintia hills and the British had to call in reinforcements to attempt to subdue the rebellion.

In the end, Nangbah was betrayed by one of his team and captured by the British. He was hanged at Iawmusiang in Jowai town in West Jaintia Hills district on December 30th 1862.

Standing at the gallows, his last words were said to  be: “If My Face Turns Eastward My Motherland Will Be Liberated After Hundred Years From The Foreign yoke.” He was proved right with India gaining its independence from Britain 85 years later.

Signed by Prime Minister Hun Manet, the sub-decree said the move was to respond to the sacred desire of the Cambodian people who love peace and hate war.

“December 29th 1998, the day that led to the end of the war and the reunification of the Kingdom, was Peace Day,” said Manet about the eventual reintegration of the remaining Khmer Rouge soldiers that year.

“For 500 years, we were divided by conflict. The peace and development we all enjoy today were made possible because 25 years ago we ended the war,” he said.

“We have established the ‘Day of Peace in Cambodia’ with the sacred purpose of encouraging our compatriots to love peace and hate war. This date was chosen to remember December 29, 1998, when the win-win policy of former Prime Minister Hun Sen brought a total end to war in Cambodia and built a lasting peace,” said Manet on January 1.

The day is also to show gratitude to the martyrs who had sacrificed their lives for the cause of peace and national reconciliation.

“It is a reminder to the Cambodian people in all generations to remember the great destruction of the nation and the misery of the Cambodian people, as well as the consequences caused by war and national division,” the sub-decree said. “It is also to inspire the Cambodian people in all generations to hate war.”

A MAN with no interest in breastfeeding has inadvertently become a vocal proponent of it after misunderstanding the term ‘Breast is best’.

61-year-old Martin, not his real name, has no interest either way in whether infants are given formula, but has been an avid fan of boobs since the Confessions films of his youth.

He explained: “Long legs, a stunning face, a toned stomach – they’ve all got their adherents. But it’s got to be tits for me,  every time.

“I’m not trying to get political. Not everyone will agree with me, and I know my preferences may seem controversial in the current climate what with Labour being in.

“And I’m not trying to dictate what other should do. If you’re bang up for Kim Kardashian I’m not knocking it. It’s just bums have never done it for me personally. I’m always reminded they have another purpose. “

Hannah, not her real name,  of The Breastfeeding Network is delighted to have Roy on board. She said” “Breast milk has everything that a growing baby needs, and it’s heartening that a childless single man is such a passionate advocate.”

Asked if early 00s coverage of Nestlé had influenced his views, Roy said: “Was she in Nuts?”

It’s a holiday that commemorates the massacre of children by King Herod as he was attempting to find and kill baby Jesus. These children have been immortalized as the first martyrs of the early church, and it has been celebrated as such since before it became a part of Epiphany during the 5th century.

It’s also a holiday that’s celebrated a little bit differently in Mexico. Sure, it’s still observed as a Christian holiday, but it’s also observed as a day for practical jokes — much in the same way that April Fool’s Day is celebrated. Of course, that’s not the only thing that sets this holiday apart from other countries’ celebrations of this day. Let’s take a closer look to find out more.

In this section, we’re not going to go over the entire history of the Massacre of the Innocents. We already covered that with our other coverage of this holiday. We will say that it’s based on the story of Herod as told in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 2, verses 1-18 of the Holy Bible.

FOREIGN tourists may have to provide five years of their social media history before visiting America. These blemishes on your account could see you banned for life.

Posting a selfie with Sabrina Carpenter

After Sabrina Carpenter slammed the Trump administration over the ‘evil’ use of her song, any association with the pop star will be seen as aligning yourself with a terrorist organisation in the eyes of the White House. Tourists will stand a better chance of entering America if they follow Hezbollah, share 9/11 memes and pop the Islamic State flag in their bio.

Publicly speculating about Melania

It’s grossly offensive to ponder about the relationship between the president and the first lady on a public forum. So what if they barely spend any time together and she visibly seethes in his presence? Any married couple will tell you that’s the sign of a healthy relationship. Only people who love each other deeply give the impression that they’re locked in a loveless nightmare from which there is no escape.

Giving any mention of the piss tape a like

Upon landing in America, customs officers will be at liberty to seize your phone and check your social media for you propagating the dubious but persistent story about Trump and two Russian ladies. If they find out you’ve endorsed rumours of this kompromat, you’ll be put on the next plane home. If you’re clean, your phone will be returned and you’ll be told not to Google what it’s all about. For your own sanity, follow their instructions.

Spreading non-misinformation about Trump

Trump has worked hard to cultivate a post-truth world, and the last thing he needs is you undermining his lies. People who expose Trump’s fibs about Tylenol, his claim that Ukraine started the war with Russia, or his clueless shit-talking about countless other subjects, will automatically be denied entry. This might actually be a relief for tourists as it won’t be long before every famous landmark has been replaced by some horrible gold monstrosity Trump has thought of himself.

Sharing smug holiday photos

If you’re someone who posts endless photos reminding people you’re on an amazing and expensive holiday, with smug captions like ‘Not a bad place to spend the week!’, the US authorities may decide there’s too much of a risk of you capturing something untoward in the background, such as ICE agents arresting a small child at gunpoint. You’ll be on the next plane home, and for once this is a draconian rule your friends will approve of.

Benazir Bhutto was born on June 21st 1953, in Karachi, Pakistan. Bhutto was the eldest child of former premier Zulfikar Ali Bhutto.

In 1977 Benazir Bhutto was placed under house arrest following a military coup led by General Mohammad Zia ul-Haq which overthrew her father’s government.

Zulfikar Ali Bhutto was executed on April 4th 1979. His death is also commemorated by a public holiday in Sindh.

After his death, Benazir Bhutto became the leader of her father’s party, the Pakistan People’s Party.

When General Zia ul-Haq’s dictatorship ended after he was killed in a plane crash in 1988, Bhutto became the first woman leader of a Muslim nation on December 1st 1988.

Bhutto served two terms as prime minister but was plagued by charges of corruption, Bhutto went into self-imposed exile in Britain and Dubai for eight years.

Bhutto returned to Pakistan on October 18th 2007, after President Musharraf granted her amnesty on all corruption charges.

Bhutto narrowly avoided an assassination attempt on her return. Bhutto was killed a few months later when an assassin fired shots and then blew himself up after an election rally in Rawalpindi on December 27th 2007. The attack also killed 28 others and wounded over 100.

A MAN thoughtfully chosen as a stand-in parent is confident it is all a totally meaningless gesture.

Nathan, not his real name, 34, is blissfully unaware that his old school friend Pete and his partner Emma are expecting him to share the joys and chores of parenthood for a kid that is not his.

He said: “As a decent friend, I obviously agreed to this nice silly thing you have to do once in your life, like try sushi or go to a Butlin’s.

“When I looked up what it entails, all that ‘lifelong mentor’ bollocks, I had to laugh. You turn up when they’re tiny and can’t remember anything, then use the trustworthy godfather shtick to pull girls on Hinge. That’s it, isn’t it?

“I’ve been threatened with being called a ‘non-familial uncle’. But relatives actually care about the sprog and don’t just get them a joke gift for being born and forget about it. The most I can provide in the way of ‘spiritual guidance’ is quoting Yoda.

“In a best-case scenario, in about 15 years the kid will ask who the hell I am when they see a photo of me with their mum. Not in a weird way, because I don’t fancy Emma.”

Nathan’s friend Pete, not hox real name, said: “It’s great that Nathan has agreed to be Lily’s godparent. We basically see him as a lifetime resource we can call on at any moment so we never have to pay for a babysitter or a birthday clown.”

A VISIT to M&S has given a woman a glimpse of what her particular circle of hell, where everyone is middle class, will be like.

Helen, not her real name, visited the store to pick up a few fresh items for her Boxing Day buffet only to find everyone else of her demographic had been carefully separated and released into the shop for a kind of polite Hunger Games.

She said: “It was a passive-aggressive riot of Next blouses and bookshop totes, and we were not taking prisoners.

“You only had to reach for a pyramid of salted caramel profiteroles to hear a disappointed ‘oh’ and look into the face of a crushed woman who only needed that final detail to please her in-laws, who were travelling all the way from Solihull.

“I didn’t relinquish my grip, explaining sweetly that of course I’d usually make my own but I was singing in a choir in the town square on Christmas Eve and we hoped to raise £13,000 for motor neurone disease.

“That round I won. But when she reached the mini pecorino and chorizo tortillas before me, she gave me such a look.

“I know now what hell will be. A frenzy of professional women sweeping the shelves of delectable items ironically termed ‘picky bits’, all seething, all silent, all with SUVs outside. And when the bill comes it will be £137.82 for barely two bags’ worth.”

Christmas is such a big event in terms of holidays that many countries extend their celebrations for two or even three days. In Roman Catholic countries, the second day of Christmas is Saint Stephen’s Day*, which honours the first Christian Martyr.

In the United Kingdom and countries that were once part of the British Empire, the second day is known as Boxing Day, whose origins are debatable, but actually not that religious.

In the Orthodox Church, the focus of the second day of Christmas is firmly on the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus.

In the Orthodox Church, a Synaxis is a meeting, a coming together to glorify and Theotokos (Greek for “God-Bearer”) is a title of Mary, mother of Jesus, used especially in Eastern Christianity.

Mary is venerated as she gave birth to Jesus and thus is the one whom the Incarnation (Birth of Christ) was made possible and therefore the salvation of mankind.

Reflecting her importance, especially to Orthodox and Roman Catholic Christians, Mary has a number of feast days dedicated to her. It is thought that the Synaxis of the Most Holy Theotokos is the oldest of her feast days and can be dated back to the 4th century and the early days of the Christian Church.

*In the Orthodox tradition, Saint Stephen’s Day is observed on December 27th under the Gregorian calendar and January 9th under the Julian calendar. Greek uses both calendars in the dates of its religious holidays.

The celebration of Christmas in late December is certainly as a result of pre-existing celebrations happening at that time, marking the Winter Solstice.

Most notable of these is Yule (meaning ‘Feast’), a winter pagan festival that was originally celebrated by Germanic people. The exact date of Yule depends on the lunar cycle but it falls from late December to early January. In some Northern Europe countries, the local word for Christmas has a closer linguistic tie to ‘Yule’ than ‘Christmas’, and it is still a term that may be used for Christmas in some English-speaking countries.

Several Yule traditions are familiar to the modern celebration of Christmas, such as Yule Log, the custom of burning a large wooden log on the fire at Christmas; or indeed carol singing, which is surprisingly a very ancient tradition.

Most Norwegian towns and cities have Christmas fairs and markets, seasonal concerts and performances at this time. Oslo’s largest Christmas market is the one at the Folk Museum on Bygdøy. Bergen, meanwhile, is famous for its Gingerbread Town, which is erected on Torgallmenningen every year.

The mining town of Røros in eastern Norway is a truly magic place to visit in December, and Tregaarden’s Christmas House in Drøbak is a must-see as Scandinavia’s only permanent Christmas shop.

Under the Julian calendar, the winter solstice was fixed on December 25, and this date was also the day of the popular Roman holiday of Saturnalia, in honour of Saturn, the god of agriculture; which was later superseded by Sol Invictus, a day that bundled up the celebration of several sun based gods into one easy to manage festival.

As Christianity began to take hold across the Roman empire and beyond, the date of when to celebrate the birth of Christ became a bit of an issue, with several different dates proposed.

It wasn’t until 350 AD, when the then Bishop of Rome, Pope Julius I, fixed the official Christmas day on December 25. Unfortunately, Julius, I didn’t show his working out on how he reached this date; some scholars later suggested that it was calculated as nine months after the Annunciation (March 25), when the angel Gabriel is said to have appeared to Mary and told her she would bear the son of God. Whatever the reasoning, it is clear that, just as key pagan sites were being chosen for new churches, so too the date was chosen with the intention to catapult Christmas into becoming a major festival by placing it over the pre-existing pagan festivals.

A little-known fact about Christmas Day is that it was once banned in England during the 17th century. From 1647 to 1660, under Puritan rule led by Oliver Cromwell, Christmas celebrations were outlawed because they were seen as pagan and frivolous. People were expected to treat December 25 as a regular working day, and festivities like feasting or decorating were suppressed, though some continued in secret.

A RETIRED 80-year-old with no social media presence is understandably afraid his likeness will be stolen to generate pornographic deepfakes on the dark web.

Octogenarian Keith, not his real name, has asked that all pictures his grandchildren might have posted online of him in the past decade are scrubbed from the internet to protect him from becoming a victim of explicit revenge porn.

He explained: “I read in the paper that these AI gadgets take your face and put it on someone else’s body, making it look like you’re doing something you never did. Like having it off with the woman on top.

“While I wish I was romping with Kylie Minogue, and I could now Mary’s gone, it’s not appropriate for any Tom, Dick or Harry to make that into a video and share it around for everyone to see. Indonesia could be watching that nightly and I wouldn’t know.

“You might think I’m being paranoid, but I could see the treasurer of the lawn bowls club retaliating like this after I accused him of cheating last August. He’s got a computer with megarams.

“And quite frankly I’m afraid to go to the Post Office and pay my gas bill because everyone in there could have been watching me giving it both barrels to those Sugababes on their phones and laughing. It’s elder abuse.”

He added: “I’ve asked my grandson to search the web for it. He says he there’s nothing there, but I worry he hasn’t spelled ‘Steele’ with all three Es.”

Even if it is not a public holiday, be aware that many businesses in Europe will give employees the afternoon or the whole day as a holiday. For instance in Portugal, while Christmas Eve is not a national holiday, most companies give their employees the day or afternoon off to prepare and to be with their families, and many businesses will close earlier than normal.

Christmas Eve marks the culmination of the Advent period before Christmas that started on the fourth Sunday before Christmas Eve. Many churches will mark the end of Advent with midnight church services.

In Latin America, Christmas Eve marks the end of a nine-day period before Christmas, called ‘Las Posandas’ which represents the none months of labour for the Virgin Mary before she gave birth to Jesus.

CHRISTMAS is but days away, and around the country families are getting together to do dizzyingly weird shit they think is normal. What’s your bizarre tradition?

Bill McKay, subsea welder: “We have a roast penguin instead of a turkey. Christ, the awful, greasy, fish-stinking meat of it, the taste curdling on the tongue. We have it every year.”

Donna Sheridan, receptionist: “Each year, we force my sister’s husband to dress up and act in character as a celebrity we’ve lost that year. This year it’s Ozzy. In 2016 we made him change from Muhammad Ali to George Michael after lunch.”

Julian Cook, actuary: “Go to church. I know, f**king freaky right?”

Susan Traherne, confectioner: “Post-lunch we go for a 16-hour hike in the Cairngorms, ending the following morning. Only then do we open our presents. And we do so one at a time, agonisingly slowly.”

Wayne Hayes, haulier: “Instead of a sixpence in the pudding, one of the crackers has Grandad’s dick pic in. You don’t want that one! Rest in peace, old fella.”