Kevin Gower

White Sunday is a day when youngsters are especially celebrated by their parents and their communities in Samoan congregations around the world. In nearby Samoa, the day after White Sunday is a public holiday called Lotu a Tamaiti Holiday.

As American Samoa and Samoa are on different sides of the International Dateline, they share similar names but are a day apart. This means White Sunday in American Samoa happens at the same time as White Monday (Lotu a Tamaiti) in Samoa!

In American Samoa, the second Monday in October is already a public holiday for Columbus Day.

The tradition of White Sunday was brought to the islands by Christian missionaries in the 19th century and has become a special holiday, when children are treated from getting new outfits to being allowed their favorite food during family toana’i (Sunday meal).

The majority of children are baptised in designated congregations throughout Samoa on White Sunday.

On White Sunday, Samoan women and children dress completely in white clothing. Some of them trim the clothes with the other two colours of the Samoan flag, red and blue. Men will wear white shirts with either white slacks or the traditional faitaga form of the lavalava. If lavalava is worn then it need not be white on this day.

A FATHER cannot wait until his children are back at school so he can love them just the way he used to do.

48-year-old Joe, not his real name, a homeworking architect, has taken to mistily recalling how much he once adored his two children whenever he gets a moment’s peace from them being around all the f**king time.

He said: “I never realised how important the six-hour school day was to my love. And clubs. And evening activities like scouts.

“It turns out when they’re sharing a living and working space with me for six weeks, alternating whinging about how bored they are with demanding stuff, my affection becomes a deep, abiding irritation at every aspect of their presence. Especially their voices.

“I’ve been on a fortnight’s holiday with them, I’ve been on days out to the seaside and museums and walks in the hills, I’ve got an absolute shitload of treasured memories I’m ready to sort through whenever I get a bloody break.

“Can they not just piss off? Go and play in a park or on waste ground or in a fenced-off, condemned building like I used to? What did the Famous Five do in their summer holidays? Got kidnapped by smugglers? Works for me.”

He added: “Oh Christ, they want to bake a cake. The little bastards.”

Columbus believed that the world was round and that a crossing the Atlantic Ocean would provide a shorter route to trade with Asia.

Queen Isabella of Spain sponsored Columbus’ expedition. By being the first country to find a short water route to Asia, Spain could use the opportunity to claim new lands for colonization, profit from lucrative trade with Asia, and spread Christianity to Asian natives.

On August 3rd 1492 Columbus set sail with his three ships on his quest to cross the Atlantic. On October 12th 1492, they landed on what is now the island of San Salvador. They believed they had reached India. Since that time, Native Americans have been known as Indians.

After four voyages to the New World, Columbus explored many of the islands of the West Indies including Cuba, and Jamaica, but never discovered the mainland. After an unsuccessful career as Governor of the Spanish West Indies, Columbus returned to Spain where he died.

In Mexico, Columbus Day is a legal holiday and was called Dia de la Raza which means “the Day of the Races”. It commemorates the history of the races which compose the Mexican people. It is a day Mexicans use to explore both their Spanish and Indian roots.

MEN who insincerely adopt female-friendly behaviours to attract women have been labelled ‘performative males’. However these far better terms exist:

Dickheads

Why dress up men with shallow feminine interests in flowery language? You wouldn’t call a cheater an ‘amorous adventurer’, so why give inauthentic blokes pretending to like feminist bands a clever-sounding title? The most direct description is often the best, and in the case of men who pretend to be cultured and sensitive to try to get into your pants, the appropriate word is ‘dickhead’.

Toxic twats

There’s nothing inherently wrong with a man carrying a tote bag and proudly reading feminist literature. Other men may think he’s a bit of a ponce, but so long as he’s doing it of his own accord it’s not exactly pure evil. The problem with performative males is that they’re only doing these things in order to do very unprogressive things in the bedroom, making them twats of the toxic persuasion.

Sneaky shits

Performative males may be dickheads, but it shouldn’t be overlooked that they’re also devious. Instead of trying to bluster their way into a woman’s bed with male bravado, they’ve studied the dating landscape and opted for an underhanded strategy. One that a worrying number of men might be tempted to try if they weren’t too embarrassed to buy a Labubu doll.

Fake beta bastards

Phoney performative males have ruined being a thoughtful, sensitive man for all of the genuine beta cucks out there. Baggy knitwear and owning a cat was all these mild-mannered blokes had in their sexual armoury, and now that’s been forever trashed by youthful trendy knobheads who drink matcha tea and pretend to understand Mary Wollstonecraft.

Regrettably attractive

For women, one of the worst things about performative males is that they can bypass their better judgement and come across as regrettably attractive. Yes, everything they do is superficial, but some of them look a bit like Timothée Chalamet. And compared to the other oddballs and would-be pick-up artists on the dating market they’re among the most harmless. So long as you ignore that weird sense of fakeness you can’t quite put your finger on.

The birthday of the Governor of Sarawak is a regional public holiday in Malaysia on the second Saturday in October.

The State of Sarawak is located on the north-west of the island of Borneo and is the largest of the 13 states by area.

The head of the Sarawak state is the Governor known as the Yang di-Pertua Negeri. The role is a largely symbolic position appointed by the King of Malaysia on the advice of the Malaysian federal government.

Abdul Taib Mahmud has been the Yang di-Pertua Negeri of Sarawak since 2014. Mahmud’s birthday is on May 21st. As with many other states, the date of the official birthday doesn’t change with each governor. In Sarawak, the second Saturday in October was chosen as it coincides with the first governor of Sarawak, Abang Haji Openg, whose birthday was October 7th.

THERE is no better motivation to get promoted, change career or finally start your own business than having an utter arsehole as your manager, experts have confirmed.

While workers who are praised and encouraged will remain at the same level for years, being unfairly criticised while the underling of a no-holds-barred credit-stealing obnoxious wanker is a sure route to working success.

Career psychologist Dr Neil, not his real name, said: “A kind line manager who takes the time and effort to understand and assist their charges? Only holds you back.

“A vicious tosspot? Not only enhances team cohesion by giving everyone a hate figure, but also provides much needed impetus to seek promotion. They’re the vital oil in the wheels of success.

“So many vital career moves are provoked not by a ‘desire to lead a team and leverage my skills’ as liars claim at interview, but to ‘never see that strutting narcissistic prick again in my life’.

“Employees will put in hours of unpaid labour just to rack up the achievements needed to achieve escape velocity. We can only imagine how much technological progress will be engendered by those fleeing Elon Musk.”

Manager Edwin, not his real name, said: “I have to be a dick to them, but I hate it. At night, I knit socks for the poor, look at team photos with a tear in my eye and reassure myself it’s for their own good.”

In case you were in any doubt as to how seriously Ecuadorians take their freedom, the country has three public holidays dedicated to independence.

Ecuador can claim to be the cradle of independence in Latin America when Quito made the first attempt to throw off the shackles of Spanish colonial rule in August 1809. While that attempt proved unsuccessful, it sowed the seeds of revolution, and on October 9th 1820, the coastal port of Guayaquil became the first city to gain its independence from Spain.

Cuenca joined Guayaquil when achieved its independence on November 3rd 1820, that’s another public holiday.

The rest of Ecuador celebrated independence following victory at the Battle of Pichincha under the command of Simón Bolívar, on May 24th 1822, which completes our hat-trick of Independence holidays.

King Sejong the Great who was the fourth monarch of the Joseon Dynasty, along with fellow scholars invented the Korean alphabet in 1443. The promulgation of the system came afterwards with a commentary guide “Haeryebon” in 1446. The original name of the language was “Hunminjeongeum,” which translates to “a set of proper sounds for the education of the entire nation.”

The aim of the new alphabet was to improve literacy among the general population, who struggled to learn the complicated writing system used at that time which was based on Chinese characters.

Originally Hangeul consisted of 28 letters. This was later reduced to 24 (14 consonants and 10 vowels) and the language is regarded as so logical and phonetic that linguists worldwide consider it to be one of the most remarkable writing systems in the world.

King Sejong himself famously said of Hanguel, “A wise man can acquaint himself with Hangeul before the morning is over; a stupid man can learn it in the space of 10 days.”

The 14 consonants in Hanguel are grouped to represent how your mouth is shaped as you voice them.

The celebration of the proclamation as a holiday began in the mid-1920s as an attempt to preserve the Korean alphabet while under Japanese colonial rule of Korea (1910-1945), during which time Japanese was the country’s official language. 

Originally the day was celebrated according to the Lunar calendar, then on October 28th following some discussion about using the Gregorian or Julian (in use in 1446) calendar. In 1946 the Hangeullal(Hangeul Day in Korean) was finally specified as October 9th in 1946.

Following liberation from Japanese rule after the end of the Second World war, Hangeul Day was designated an official holiday in 1949.

Hangeul Day was excluded from the list of public holidays in 1990 for practical and economic reasons. It regained some of its status in 2005 when it was designated as a national day of celebration. It reinstated as a public holiday in 2013.

THE phrase ‘I couldn’t have done it without you’ is a lie in every circumstance in which it is used without exception, research has found.

A lexicological investigation has revealed that whether the statement is being made by a CEO, a charitable organiser, a headteacher, the leader of an SAS squad operating behind enemy lines or the Pope, it is demonstrably untrue.

Researcher Jo, not her real name, said: “When, as a bridesmaid, I was told the wedding simply could not have been organised without me, my suspicions were aroused. Because I did piss all.

“Nikki was desperate to get hitched. Does she honestly expect us to believe that without a WhatApp group saying ‘oh those flowers are lovely’ she would have been unable to book a venue, choose a dress and persuade Craig that he couldn’t do any better?

“Based on this, we looked into other occasions and found they were no better suited to the phrase’s use. On around 90 per cent it’s being used by the person who’s done all the work, is fully aware it’s untrue and is actually pretty resentful about it.

“Oddly it’s rarely used in situations where it’s appropriate, like after sex, to the other drivers in a multi-car pile-up or when being a complete freeloader at work who nonetheless expects credit.”

Head of research Professor Frost, not her real name, said: “Thanks for all your hard work, Jo. We couldn’t have done this without you.”

Boat Racing Festivals take place in many towns and villages across Lao at this time of year. The specific days of the races may vary from location to location. The public holiday may also change depending on what day of the week, Boun Ok Phansa, the last day of Buddhist Lent, falls on.

The Boun Suang Heua boat racing festival held in Vientiane is the largest and most supported of the boat racing festivals. The entrants come from all parts of Lao to compete in the races which take place along the Mekong river on Fa Ngum Road.

The races are usually 2km long, though the start and finish lines of the races change slightly from year to year as they depend upon the levels of the river.

The traditional racing boats are carved from a single tree and can hold up to fifty rowers. In the days before the races, the boats are cleaned and given offerings as they are considered sacred items.

The start and finish lines of the races change slightly from year to year as they depend upon the levels of the river.

There are usually three categories of boats: sport for men; traditional for men; and traditional for women. The teams of rowers are usually sponsored either by companies or by ministries or organisations in Vientiane.

Usually, the races start with the women, followed by the men’s races. The winners in each category receive prize money and a trophy, presented by high ranking officials.

Fa Ngum road and other streets leading to the river are lined with stalls days before the actual festival starts. These sell all kind of clothes, food and drinks. During the races, the streets are thronged with noisy and cheerful spectators urging on their favourite teams.

The Bank of Lao (BOL) is the central bank of the country.

The Government adopted October 7th 1968 as the founding day of the banking sector, as this was the date of the first printing of the liberated Laotian Kip currency under the leadership of the Lao People’s Revolutionary Party. The currency was printed in a cave in Viengxai district, Hauphanh province, which was a revolutionary base at the time.

In 1975 after the establishment of the Lao People’s Democratic Republic, the Bank of Lao merged with the former Lao National Bank to become the central bank for the new country.

During the Six-day War with Israel in June 1967, Egypt had lost control of the Sinai Peninsula.

In an attempt to regain the territory, Egyptian President Anwar Sadat carried out a surprise attack on 6 October 1973. The attack was supported by the Syrians and met with initial success when more than 80,000 Egyptian troops breached the fortifications set up by the Israelis and took control of the Sinai territory. After two days, the Egyptians were forced to retreat when the Israeli army counterattacked and surrounded the Egyptian forces.

The war ended in a cease-fire brokered by the United States. The assault proved unsuccessful in liberating the Sinai Peninsula, but the conflict directly led to talks at Camp David organised by US President Jimmy Carter. These talks resulted in the Israeli-Egyptian peace treaty of 1979 which eventually saw the return of the Sinai Peninsula to Egypt.

The holiday is marked by large military parades and fireworks. It was during one of the parades on Armed Forces Day in 1981, when President Anwar Sadat was assassinated by opponents of the peace with Israel.

A NUMBER of schools have given teenagers conversation lessons to overcome their anxiety about speaking to an actual person about Clearing. Here are some extra tips.

Try not to have a panic attack when you hear words

We understand it’s frightening when words are noises and not letters. It may sound like they’ve escaped from your phone and are flying around in the air, but they can’t hurt you, like a wasp. Well, words can hurt you, but let’s focus on making a simple f**king phone call to UCAS for now.

Try not to get bored

Yes, it’s incredibly boring listening to someone saying words on their own without a TikTok video. Do your best to pay attention, but if you can’t, don’t feel bad. It’s the other person’s fault for not being a ‘cake personality test’ or an eight-second video of Dua Lipa with the caption ‘She’s hot!’ or something equally perceptive.

You can’t use emojis

Sadly, vibrating air molecules do not support emojis. If you feel you must include an emoji, say to the other person: ‘Imagine a sad, round, yellow cartoon face with two massive tears coming out of its eyes. That is my emotions now I am having to go to London Metropolitan University.’

Remember the person is not inside the phone

Words coming out of your phone is baffling, but if you unscrew it you won’t find an adorable little person inside. Or a ‘smol’ person, as you would say in Gen Z slang, unaware that it will soon all be as painfully dated as saying ’Dig the dolly with the classy chassis, Daddy-O’.

Don’t say all your words at once

Don’t gabble ‘IneedaplaceatuniIgotaDinEnglishI’mLucycanInotgotoHull…’ for five solid minutes before ending the call. The aim is to pass on information in digestible chunks, listen to the other person, then respond in a logical way. Actually there’s no way your social media-addled attention span can cope with this. Get your mum to do it.

Be aware you don’t get likes

The person you are speaking to will not be tapping a button to register their approval of the conversation. If you have a pleasant chat they may quite like you as a person in the literal sense, but we appreciate this is a poor substitute for a counter that spuriously rates you according to the fleeting whims of random morons.

Practise on your parents

Before you make the actual call to UCAS, practise by placing a large sheet of cardboard between you and your parents to simulate them being disembodied voices and talk to them. If you can’t think of what to say, try: ‘Sure enough, I have once again only deigned to talk to you when I need something. So while we’re practising my UCAS phone call, can I have a lift to Katie’s and some money?’

Known as the Festival of Lights, Thadingyut is the second most popular festival in Myanmar after Thingyan Festival.

Maya, the mother of Buddha died a week after Buddha was born. She was reborn in the Trayastrimsa Heaven as a god named Santusita. To honour his mother, Buddha ascended to the Trayastrimsa Heaven and preached from the Abhidhamma texts to Santusita for three months. 

The full moon of the month Waso (Dhammasetkya Day) marks the ascent by Buddha and the start of the three month period of Buddhist Lent, when the monks retreat to their monasteries. During this time, monks dedicate themselves to meditation and study. During Buddhist Lent, marriages are forbidden and many people give up meat and alcohol. Buddhist lent often coincides with the rainy season in Myanmar.

The full moon in Thadingyut marks Buddha’s return to earth and signifies the end of Buddhist Lent.

Thadingyut is called the festival of lights as the followers of Buddha lit up their houses and temples to mark the return of Buddha. Towns and villages across Myanmar will be illuminated in honour of this auspicious event.

HAVE you been working from home and slobbing out in a state of undress due to the warm spell? Prepare to panic when a surprise visit or an Zoom call exposes one of these outfits.

Armless sports vest

Purchased during your ‘I’m definitely going to go to the gym and get in shape this year’ phase and disinterred for the humid weather. You never went to the gym and reaped the benefits in the form of a beer belly and muscle-free arms. Now you’ve got an urgent Zoom meeting and you’re hoping none of your colleagues is quick-witted enough to make a snarky comment like: ‘Looks like NSYNC have been letting themselves go!’

Your baggiest t-shirt

Your Arcade Fire t-shirt is the last word in cool. Okay it’s older than your kids, but you’re not throwing it out. It has good ventilation due to the holes and reminds you of the early 2000s when you had youth, hair, hope and not an hour-long meeting about ‘building a market strategy via increased social media reach’ you’ll start zoning out of after four minutes.

Shorts

You’re not a shorts kind of guy. You haven’t actually worn shorts since you last did PE, and you think men who wear them in public look ridiculous. This is obviously transference of your self-loathing of your spindly ‘pipe cleaner man’ legs. You’re sure the Tesco delivery woman is glancing at them with sexual disgust.

Your underwear

Or rather, just your underwear. If you aren’t making the most of the warm weather by working remotely in just your underwear, can you truly call it homeworking? Our ancestors fought for our freedom, and that includes the freedom to look weird and a bit dodgy. That’s what you tell your colleagues on a video call anyway, although it’s not cutting much ice and they’ve clearly decided you are hopelessly addicted to internet porn.

Flip-flops

A super-cheap pair of old-skool pieces of foam with an uncomfortable plastic strap to go between your toes. You wish you’d invested in the designer kind with a logo and comfortable fabric when someone pops round and looks at them with amusement. Still, at least that didn’t cause you extreme physical pain, unlike the four times you’ve stubbed your toe today.

Lesotho emerged in the 1820s, when Basutoland was founded by King Moshoeshoe I who united the tribes in the area in order to defend themselves from attacks by the Zulus.

Basutoland then found itself in territorial disputes with the Boer trekkers from the Orange Free State. King Moshoeshoe turned to the British for help and Basutoland was made a British protectorate in 1868, before gaining colony status in 1884.

On October 4th 1966, Basutoland was formally granted its independence from Great Britain as the Kingdom of Lesotho, with Moshoeshoe II as king and Chief Leabua Jonathan (Basotho National Party) as prime minister.

The lowest point above sea level in Lesotho is 1,500 metres, making it the country with the highest low point in the world.

SURE, the consequences of an affair can be bad, but loads of people seem to be doing it and you’ve got a bad case of FOMO. Here is a beginner’s guide if you’re naturally the monogamous type.

Be more sleazy

Any potential lover needs to be probed with preliminary flirting. You’ll find this embarrassing at first, but it will become second nature. Soon you’ll be able to strike up a conversation with a woman in the queue at Pret and make a conversational leap from ‘Bit of a queue today!’ to ‘Have you got a boyfriend?’ without feeling like an utter dick.

Size up your coworkers

The obvious source of extra-relationship prey is your colleagues, but they have a habit of being happily married or f**king weird. Carry out a risk assessment of each, discarding anyone with a boyfriend in the Royal Marines or so mentally unstable it will be impossible to break it off without finding next door’s cat nailed to your front door.

Cast your net wide

Romantics think an affair is two people being attracted and, while wrestling with their consciences, having secret trysts. It’s great if you have a true soulmate itching to hop into bed with you, but that’s not usually the case and you’ll have to pull someone from scratch with limited free time due to your actual relationship. This may mean lowering your standards a bit. Obesity, Warhammer t-shirts and Wiccan beliefs should no longer be factors in your sexual decisions.

Hit the apps

There are loads of apps for people seeking affairs. Obviously users deliberately seeking out extramarital affairs are not the most trustworthy, reliable people in the world, but who wouldn’t want a romantic encounter that is like Tinder but much worse?

Practise lying

An affair requires a godawful amount of lying, often about things you’d need psychic powers to predict, such as where that Premier Inn biro came from. Start with small things like telling your partner you found a tenner in the street and work your way up. If they genuinely believe you were taken on board a UFO and a glowing alien called Aziah warned you that mankind must stop destroying the environment, your lies about cheating may not need to be too convincing.

Deduct five years from your life

The aforementioned sources of stress, plus always checking for faint traces of perfume, constantly adminning illicit shags and generally living in a state of mild fear, will be playing havoc with your blood pressure. If you want to feel on-trend, maybe just buy some stressed denim.

On October 1st 1949 Chairman Mao Zedong proclaimed the founding of the People’s Republic of China from atop Beijing’s Gate of Heavenly Peace (Tian’anmen Gate).

This marked the end of a bitter civil war between the Chinese government and the Chinese Communist Party under the leadership of Mao.

In December 1949, the Chinese Government passed the Resolution on the National Day of the People’s Republic of China, declaring that October 1st is the National Day of China.

Located on the Atlantic coast of West Africa, the area now known as Guinea came under European influence from the 15th century with the arrival of Portuguese explorers. The coastal region became an important staging post for the slave trade.

The French arrived to stake a claim on the area in the mid-19th century, with the ruler of Fouta Djallon placing his territory under French protection in 1881. 

The independent Malinke state, ruled by Samory Touré, resisted the French military until 1898, and it wasn’t until 1915 that the whole country was under French control.

The French protectorate of Rivières du Sud was declared a separate colony from Senegal in 1891. As French Guinea, it joined the Federation of French West Africa in 1895. 

In 1958 the French Fourth Republic collapsed due to political instability. In the referendum on the constitution for the French Fifth Republic, only Guinea—under the influence of Ahmed Sékou Touré, the great-grandson of  Samory Touré,  voted against membership in the French Community.

On 2 October 1958 Guinea became independent, with Sekou Touré as the new country’s first president. The other French African colonies would have to wait a further two years before they gained their independence.

Independence Day in Guinea is a patriotic holiday celebrated across over the country with parades, dances, and sports competitions, especially in the capital city of Conakry.

A FAMILY has been left terrified after a taxi driver joined in their conversation, revealing that he had been listening all along.

Mother Joanna, not her real name, thought that, although he could technically hear, taxi drivers were bound by a code of honour based around switching their ears off to passenger conversation.

She said: “I honestly thought he stopped listening as soon as we gave him the location, with all our other speech just degenerating into white noise unless we issued any further directions. Like our Alexa.

“Imagine my horror when I mentioned the local Co-op being renovated and he suddenly started talking about what he’d read in the paper. Joining in! As though he’s part of the family!

“I was as astonished as a duchess whose gamekeeper had put his muddy boots up on the dining table and started discussing Sheffield Wednesday! Is he expecting to come home with us and help himself to some hot buttered toast and me sexually as well?

“I’m now mentally replaying all the things I said about Clara struggling with her clarinet lessons in case he turns it into vicious gossip and spreads it around the town. I still can’t believe how boldly he replied. Out loud. Using words. Driverless vehicles can’t come soon enough.”

Taxi driver Steve, not his real name, said: “I was hoping we’d get onto the affair her husband was discussing last Thursday, but I couldn’t stop her droning on about the Co-op. She’s pretty boring.”