Kevin Gower

A MAN with no interest in breastfeeding has inadvertently become a vocal proponent of it after misunderstanding the term ‘Breast is best’.

61-year-old Martin, not his real name, has no interest either way in whether infants are given formula, but has been an avid fan of boobs since the Confessions films of his youth.

He explained: “Long legs, a stunning face, a toned stomach – they’ve all got their adherents. But it’s got to be tits for me,  every time.

“I’m not trying to get political. Not everyone will agree with me, and I know my preferences may seem controversial in the current climate what with Labour being in.

“And I’m not trying to dictate what other should do. If you’re bang up for Kim Kardashian I’m not knocking it. It’s just bums have never done it for me personally. I’m always reminded they have another purpose. “

Hannah, not her real name,  of The Breastfeeding Network is delighted to have Roy on board. She said” “Breast milk has everything that a growing baby needs, and it’s heartening that a childless single man is such a passionate advocate.”

Asked if early 00s coverage of Nestlé had influenced his views, Roy said: “Was she in Nuts?”

It’s a holiday that commemorates the massacre of children by King Herod as he was attempting to find and kill baby Jesus. These children have been immortalized as the first martyrs of the early church, and it has been celebrated as such since before it became a part of Epiphany during the 5th century.

It’s also a holiday that’s celebrated a little bit differently in Mexico. Sure, it’s still observed as a Christian holiday, but it’s also observed as a day for practical jokes — much in the same way that April Fool’s Day is celebrated. Of course, that’s not the only thing that sets this holiday apart from other countries’ celebrations of this day. Let’s take a closer look to find out more.

In this section, we’re not going to go over the entire history of the Massacre of the Innocents. We already covered that with our other coverage of this holiday. We will say that it’s based on the story of Herod as told in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 2, verses 1-18 of the Holy Bible.

FOREIGN tourists may have to provide five years of their social media history before visiting America. These blemishes on your account could see you banned for life.

Posting a selfie with Sabrina Carpenter

After Sabrina Carpenter slammed the Trump administration over the ‘evil’ use of her song, any association with the pop star will be seen as aligning yourself with a terrorist organisation in the eyes of the White House. Tourists will stand a better chance of entering America if they follow Hezbollah, share 9/11 memes and pop the Islamic State flag in their bio.

Publicly speculating about Melania

It’s grossly offensive to ponder about the relationship between the president and the first lady on a public forum. So what if they barely spend any time together and she visibly seethes in his presence? Any married couple will tell you that’s the sign of a healthy relationship. Only people who love each other deeply give the impression that they’re locked in a loveless nightmare from which there is no escape.

Giving any mention of the piss tape a like

Upon landing in America, customs officers will be at liberty to seize your phone and check your social media for you propagating the dubious but persistent story about Trump and two Russian ladies. If they find out you’ve endorsed rumours of this kompromat, you’ll be put on the next plane home. If you’re clean, your phone will be returned and you’ll be told not to Google what it’s all about. For your own sanity, follow their instructions.

Spreading non-misinformation about Trump

Trump has worked hard to cultivate a post-truth world, and the last thing he needs is you undermining his lies. People who expose Trump’s fibs about Tylenol, his claim that Ukraine started the war with Russia, or his clueless shit-talking about countless other subjects, will automatically be denied entry. This might actually be a relief for tourists as it won’t be long before every famous landmark has been replaced by some horrible gold monstrosity Trump has thought of himself.

Sharing smug holiday photos

If you’re someone who posts endless photos reminding people you’re on an amazing and expensive holiday, with smug captions like ‘Not a bad place to spend the week!’, the US authorities may decide there’s too much of a risk of you capturing something untoward in the background, such as ICE agents arresting a small child at gunpoint. You’ll be on the next plane home, and for once this is a draconian rule your friends will approve of.

Benazir Bhutto was born on June 21st 1953, in Karachi, Pakistan. Bhutto was the eldest child of former premier Zulfikar Ali Bhutto.

In 1977 Benazir Bhutto was placed under house arrest following a military coup led by General Mohammad Zia ul-Haq which overthrew her father’s government.

Zulfikar Ali Bhutto was executed on April 4th 1979. His death is also commemorated by a public holiday in Sindh.

After his death, Benazir Bhutto became the leader of her father’s party, the Pakistan People’s Party.

When General Zia ul-Haq’s dictatorship ended after he was killed in a plane crash in 1988, Bhutto became the first woman leader of a Muslim nation on December 1st 1988.

Bhutto served two terms as prime minister but was plagued by charges of corruption, Bhutto went into self-imposed exile in Britain and Dubai for eight years.

Bhutto returned to Pakistan on October 18th 2007, after President Musharraf granted her amnesty on all corruption charges.

Bhutto narrowly avoided an assassination attempt on her return. Bhutto was killed a few months later when an assassin fired shots and then blew himself up after an election rally in Rawalpindi on December 27th 2007. The attack also killed 28 others and wounded over 100.

A MAN thoughtfully chosen as a stand-in parent is confident it is all a totally meaningless gesture.

Nathan, not his real name, 34, is blissfully unaware that his old school friend Pete and his partner Emma are expecting him to share the joys and chores of parenthood for a kid that is not his.

He said: “As a decent friend, I obviously agreed to this nice silly thing you have to do once in your life, like try sushi or go to a Butlin’s.

“When I looked up what it entails, all that ‘lifelong mentor’ bollocks, I had to laugh. You turn up when they’re tiny and can’t remember anything, then use the trustworthy godfather shtick to pull girls on Hinge. That’s it, isn’t it?

“I’ve been threatened with being called a ‘non-familial uncle’. But relatives actually care about the sprog and don’t just get them a joke gift for being born and forget about it. The most I can provide in the way of ‘spiritual guidance’ is quoting Yoda.

“In a best-case scenario, in about 15 years the kid will ask who the hell I am when they see a photo of me with their mum. Not in a weird way, because I don’t fancy Emma.”

Nathan’s friend Pete, not hox real name, said: “It’s great that Nathan has agreed to be Lily’s godparent. We basically see him as a lifetime resource we can call on at any moment so we never have to pay for a babysitter or a birthday clown.”

A VISIT to M&S has given a woman a glimpse of what her particular circle of hell, where everyone is middle class, will be like.

Helen, not her real name, visited the store to pick up a few fresh items for her Boxing Day buffet only to find everyone else of her demographic had been carefully separated and released into the shop for a kind of polite Hunger Games.

She said: “It was a passive-aggressive riot of Next blouses and bookshop totes, and we were not taking prisoners.

“You only had to reach for a pyramid of salted caramel profiteroles to hear a disappointed ‘oh’ and look into the face of a crushed woman who only needed that final detail to please her in-laws, who were travelling all the way from Solihull.

“I didn’t relinquish my grip, explaining sweetly that of course I’d usually make my own but I was singing in a choir in the town square on Christmas Eve and we hoped to raise £13,000 for motor neurone disease.

“That round I won. But when she reached the mini pecorino and chorizo tortillas before me, she gave me such a look.

“I know now what hell will be. A frenzy of professional women sweeping the shelves of delectable items ironically termed ‘picky bits’, all seething, all silent, all with SUVs outside. And when the bill comes it will be £137.82 for barely two bags’ worth.”

Christmas is such a big event in terms of holidays that many countries extend their celebrations for two or even three days. In Roman Catholic countries, the second day of Christmas is Saint Stephen’s Day*, which honours the first Christian Martyr.

In the United Kingdom and countries that were once part of the British Empire, the second day is known as Boxing Day, whose origins are debatable, but actually not that religious.

In the Orthodox Church, the focus of the second day of Christmas is firmly on the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus.

In the Orthodox Church, a Synaxis is a meeting, a coming together to glorify and Theotokos (Greek for “God-Bearer”) is a title of Mary, mother of Jesus, used especially in Eastern Christianity.

Mary is venerated as she gave birth to Jesus and thus is the one whom the Incarnation (Birth of Christ) was made possible and therefore the salvation of mankind.

Reflecting her importance, especially to Orthodox and Roman Catholic Christians, Mary has a number of feast days dedicated to her. It is thought that the Synaxis of the Most Holy Theotokos is the oldest of her feast days and can be dated back to the 4th century and the early days of the Christian Church.

*In the Orthodox tradition, Saint Stephen’s Day is observed on December 27th under the Gregorian calendar and January 9th under the Julian calendar. Greek uses both calendars in the dates of its religious holidays.

The celebration of Christmas in late December is certainly as a result of pre-existing celebrations happening at that time, marking the Winter Solstice.

Most notable of these is Yule (meaning ‘Feast’), a winter pagan festival that was originally celebrated by Germanic people. The exact date of Yule depends on the lunar cycle but it falls from late December to early January. In some Northern Europe countries, the local word for Christmas has a closer linguistic tie to ‘Yule’ than ‘Christmas’, and it is still a term that may be used for Christmas in some English-speaking countries.

Several Yule traditions are familiar to the modern celebration of Christmas, such as Yule Log, the custom of burning a large wooden log on the fire at Christmas; or indeed carol singing, which is surprisingly a very ancient tradition.

Most Norwegian towns and cities have Christmas fairs and markets, seasonal concerts and performances at this time. Oslo’s largest Christmas market is the one at the Folk Museum on Bygdøy. Bergen, meanwhile, is famous for its Gingerbread Town, which is erected on Torgallmenningen every year.

The mining town of Røros in eastern Norway is a truly magic place to visit in December, and Tregaarden’s Christmas House in Drøbak is a must-see as Scandinavia’s only permanent Christmas shop.

Under the Julian calendar, the winter solstice was fixed on December 25, and this date was also the day of the popular Roman holiday of Saturnalia, in honour of Saturn, the god of agriculture; which was later superseded by Sol Invictus, a day that bundled up the celebration of several sun based gods into one easy to manage festival.

As Christianity began to take hold across the Roman empire and beyond, the date of when to celebrate the birth of Christ became a bit of an issue, with several different dates proposed.

It wasn’t until 350 AD, when the then Bishop of Rome, Pope Julius I, fixed the official Christmas day on December 25. Unfortunately, Julius, I didn’t show his working out on how he reached this date; some scholars later suggested that it was calculated as nine months after the Annunciation (March 25), when the angel Gabriel is said to have appeared to Mary and told her she would bear the son of God. Whatever the reasoning, it is clear that, just as key pagan sites were being chosen for new churches, so too the date was chosen with the intention to catapult Christmas into becoming a major festival by placing it over the pre-existing pagan festivals.

A little-known fact about Christmas Day is that it was once banned in England during the 17th century. From 1647 to 1660, under Puritan rule led by Oliver Cromwell, Christmas celebrations were outlawed because they were seen as pagan and frivolous. People were expected to treat December 25 as a regular working day, and festivities like feasting or decorating were suppressed, though some continued in secret.

A RETIRED 80-year-old with no social media presence is understandably afraid his likeness will be stolen to generate pornographic deepfakes on the dark web.

Octogenarian Keith, not his real name, has asked that all pictures his grandchildren might have posted online of him in the past decade are scrubbed from the internet to protect him from becoming a victim of explicit revenge porn.

He explained: “I read in the paper that these AI gadgets take your face and put it on someone else’s body, making it look like you’re doing something you never did. Like having it off with the woman on top.

“While I wish I was romping with Kylie Minogue, and I could now Mary’s gone, it’s not appropriate for any Tom, Dick or Harry to make that into a video and share it around for everyone to see. Indonesia could be watching that nightly and I wouldn’t know.

“You might think I’m being paranoid, but I could see the treasurer of the lawn bowls club retaliating like this after I accused him of cheating last August. He’s got a computer with megarams.

“And quite frankly I’m afraid to go to the Post Office and pay my gas bill because everyone in there could have been watching me giving it both barrels to those Sugababes on their phones and laughing. It’s elder abuse.”

He added: “I’ve asked my grandson to search the web for it. He says he there’s nothing there, but I worry he hasn’t spelled ‘Steele’ with all three Es.”

Even if it is not a public holiday, be aware that many businesses in Europe will give employees the afternoon or the whole day as a holiday. For instance in Portugal, while Christmas Eve is not a national holiday, most companies give their employees the day or afternoon off to prepare and to be with their families, and many businesses will close earlier than normal.

Christmas Eve marks the culmination of the Advent period before Christmas that started on the fourth Sunday before Christmas Eve. Many churches will mark the end of Advent with midnight church services.

In Latin America, Christmas Eve marks the end of a nine-day period before Christmas, called ‘Las Posandas’ which represents the none months of labour for the Virgin Mary before she gave birth to Jesus.

CHRISTMAS is but days away, and around the country families are getting together to do dizzyingly weird shit they think is normal. What’s your bizarre tradition?

Bill McKay, subsea welder: “We have a roast penguin instead of a turkey. Christ, the awful, greasy, fish-stinking meat of it, the taste curdling on the tongue. We have it every year.”

Donna Sheridan, receptionist: “Each year, we force my sister’s husband to dress up and act in character as a celebrity we’ve lost that year. This year it’s Ozzy. In 2016 we made him change from Muhammad Ali to George Michael after lunch.”

Julian Cook, actuary: “Go to church. I know, f**king freaky right?”

Susan Traherne, confectioner: “Post-lunch we go for a 16-hour hike in the Cairngorms, ending the following morning. Only then do we open our presents. And we do so one at a time, agonisingly slowly.”

Wayne Hayes, haulier: “Instead of a sixpence in the pudding, one of the crackers has Grandad’s dick pic in. You don’t want that one! Rest in peace, old fella.”

Sonam Losoong (Farmers’ Harvest) is a New Year celebration of the Sikkimese Bhutia. It is called Namsoong by the Lepchas. The festival marks the time when the farmers rejoice and celebrate their harvest. Although the festival is celebrated privately among family members and friends there is an air of festivity all around. The Black Hat dance takes place at this festival commemorating the victory of good over evil, with ‘chaams’ held in many monasteries two days prior to Losoong.

The festival of Lossong is celebrated with traditional gaiety and colour both by the Lepchas and Bhutias. On the occasion pujas are performed for peace and prosperity for the new year. Certain competitions are also held in traditional skills, such as archery and the merry-making will continue for days.

The purpose of the day is mourning victims of Boko Haram insurgents, the victory recorded by the Nigerian Military and the remembrance of fallen soldiers and volunteers who have sacrificed their lives fighting Boko Haram since 2009 in different parts of Borno State.

Boko Haram, an ISIS-aligned jihadist group, has killed over 30,000 people and displaced 2.3 million from their homes. At one time it was the world’s deadliest terror group according to the Global Terrorism Index.

In mid-2014, the militants gained control of swathes of territory in their home state of Borno.

In December 2016, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari announced that the army had seized one of Boko Haram’s last bases in northeastern Borno state, marking a key stage in the offensive against the armed group.

A long campaign in the 1,300sq km forest in Borno led to the “final crushing of Boko Haram terrorists in their last enclave in Sambisa Forest” on Friday, Buhari said in a statement at the time.

Governor of Borno, Kashim Shettima, said: “Based on Buhari’s announcement, the Sambisa forest became deceased or dead at about 1.35 pm on December 22nd 2016.”

As a result, Shettima announced that: “This day will be marked as Public Holiday in Borno for the purpose of celebrating the strength and the victory of our Armed Forces”.

A WOMAN is confident that every failure or shortcoming in her existence is ultimately the fault of men.

After careful evaluation, Hannah, not her real name, has decided that her unfulfilling job, inability to get on the property ladder and her toast burning this morning are all, when it comes down to it, because of the patriarchy.

She said: “Everyone knows the gender pay gap’s all down to selfish, sexist men. But I’m daring to think bigger.

“The traffic that made me late for work this morning? Guess who was driving the not one, not two, but three cars in front. The fillings I need? Because I’m grinding my teeth over men’s bullshit all the time.

“Phone battery low? Because they’re designed by men selfishly designed them with their gruff, masculine one-text-and-away power usage in mind, not women who know the necessity of scrolling Instagram. See? All it takes is lateral thinking.

“As for why I’m single, that’s obviously on men. For not being handsome, not earning for shit and boring on about the crap they’re interested in. They need to sort it out. I’m excellent to date.”

Colleague Martin, not his real name, said: “As a man, I fear nodding along to Lucy’s rant is yet another poor male decision which women will end up paying heavily for. Specifically her mates.”

In Chinese, Dongzhi (‘dongzhi’ in Mandarin and ‘dung zi’ in Cantonese) means ‘extreme of winter’ and the Dongzhi festival marks the Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere.

The winter solstice occurs when the earth is tilted at its maximum annual angle away from the sun creating the day with the shortest amount of daylight.

The solstice marked the middle of winter in many ancient cultures. Solstice literally means ‘the standing still of the sun’ as the sun appears to do just that on sunrise on the solstice before it rises ever so slightly south on the next day. 

Noting the arrival of the shortest day, was a time for celebration. Of course, winter wouldn’t end for several months, but to know that you were past the middle and that the dark, cold nights would start to get shorter is an event that has been marked by feasts and rituals since the dawn of civilisation.

As long ago as the  Zhou period (circa 1100BC-256BC), the Chinese were already observing the winter solstice as a state holiday.

This turning point of the year is an important aspect of Dongzhi with a traditional custom in parts of China being that on Dongzhi everyone turns one year older.

Certainly, the festival is a time to gather with your family and a common activity in southern China is the making and eating of a sweet soup containing balls of glutinous rice, called tangyuan. The spherical tangyuan, which can be stuffed with meat, some kind of sweet paste, or without filling, symbolise fullness and completeness.

In Hong Kong, tangyuan is almost always served as a dessert; the most popular fillings are sesame, red bean, or peanut paste. The clear syrup is sometimes flavoured with ginger or osmanthus flowers.

In Korea, a popular traditional food to eat on Dong-Ji is Patjuk, a red bean porridge. The custom is that the red colour of the porridge can ward off evil spirits and cure sickness.

A HIRSUTE man is losing his battle against the endless encroachment of his arse crack hair, it has emerged.

Despite having repeatedly shaved, waxed and plucked the deepest crevices of his behind, Anthony, not his real name, has admitted he is powerless to stop the relentless growth of hair in his bumcrack.

He said: “It was slow to begin with. A few thin wisps started sprouting when I was a teen. Nothing to worry about, or so I thought.

“Over time though, my worst fears came true. What were once odd strands thickened into a matted strip of shaggy bristles. Reaching round for a quick scratch felt more like stroking a dog than touching human flesh.

“I’ve tried epilating my anal cleft, and even gave herbal remedies a go out of desperation, but nothing seems to work. Each morning I wake up with an itchy tress rustling between my butt cheeks, and in a cruel twist of fate the hair on my head keeps thinning.

“Doctors say I’ve got six months until my bum thatch spreads up my back and connects with my shoulder pubes. I’m thinking of using the little time I have left to run a marathon to raise awareness for this debilitating condition.”

Ant’s wife Jess, not her real name, said: “I’m so proud of Tom for bravely fighting his arse locks. Although if he doesn’t stop leaving hair all over the toilet seat soon I’ll happily have him put down.”

The United States invaded Panama on December 20th 1989, in an operation codenamed Operation Just Cause. The U.S. stated the operation was “necessary to safeguard the lives of U.S. citizens in Panama, defend democracy and human rights, combat drug trafficking, and secure the neutrality of the Panama Canal as required by the Torrijos–Carter Treaties”.

It represented the largest United States military operation since the Vietnam War.

On December 29th 1989, the United Nations General Assembly approved a resolution calling the intervention in Panama a “flagrant violation of international law and of the independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity of the States”. A similar resolution was vetoed in the Security Council by the United States, the United Kingdom, and France.

Noriega was captured and flown to Miami to be tried. The conflict ended on January 31st 1990.

About 300 Panamanian soldiers and 214 civilians were killed during the invasion, according to official estimates, while the U.S. military reported 23 deaths among its troops. Human rights groups believe the number of Panamanian dead could be higher.

“It took us a long time to achieve this demand, and finally, the day has arrived,” said Trinidad Ayola, president of the Association of Friends and Relatives of Victims of December 20th.

In March 2022, President Laurentino Cortizo, the president of Panama declared an annual national holiday to commemorate Panamanians who died during the 1989 U.S. invasion of the country.

The decree signed by the President establishes December 20th, the date of the invasion, as a national day of mourning. “By enacting this law, we settle a debt with the nation, with those who died in that tragic event, who we remember with respect,” Cortizo said

OLD man? Look again, because according to my Spotify Wrapped, I am a svelte and fresh-faced 19. Here’s how you can get a musical age in the tantalising teens:

Music is cyclical

Instead of listening to comfortable 80s rock, why not listen to Chappell Roan? She paints her face like KISS, belts it out like Heart and the cheesy guitar solo at the end of Pink Pony Club is the equivalent of anything by Def Leppard’s Phil Collen. Plus it’s about finding true joy by being a stripper! Ignore the gay bits and that’s hair metal city.

Think sexually

But – and this is where you’ll have to stretch yourself – from the lady’s side of the bed. Because while there’s a sorry dearth of men boasting about their conquests in song, today’s young women are sex-crazed. Slap on a Sabrina Carpenter or Lola Young track about giving it up to the wrong guy, imagine yourself as him and you’re laughing.

Don’t trust your memory

Men try to reduce their Spotify age by streaming recent acts. Unfortunately getting older means your mind plays tricks, and they consider the likes of Notorious BIG, the Kooks and Fatboy Slim to be recent when actually they’re somewhat older. Spotify has loads of lists of new music; just put those on indiscriminately. But how will you stand it? Next point.

Other voices, other rooms

Who says you have to be in the same room you’re streaming in? Especially when you’ve got a multi-room Sonos set-up, like I have. Simply set Rap Caviar or K-Pop ON! streaming in the kitchen while you play Shades of Deep Purple on 180 gram vinyl. Your listening age is reducing by the minute while you’re vibing to real music.

Remember the remaster

What about when you’re out and about? Then deluxe versions, remasters and box sets are your friends. Springsteen’s seven-album Tracks II may comprise unreleased gems going back to the 1980s, but it only came out this year so it’s as 2025 as Sombr. Be up to the minute while mired in the past and it’s all on noise-cancelling cans. Nobody will know.

Grin and bear it

There are times when no substitute will do. When you’ve picked her up for the date and the leather seats in your BMW are crying out for Dire Straits? That’s when you play FKA Twigs. ‘Yeah, Eusexua?’ you’ll say, casually, ‘So much better now she’s updated the track order.’ And just like that, you’re Spotify Listening young.

By the end of the 15th century, Portuguese explorers, such as Vasco da Gama, had discovered a new sea route to India, making Goa an attractive base for the new trade routes. In 1510, the Portuguese overthrew the ruling Bijapur sultan Yusuf Adil Shah with the help of a local ally, establishing a permanent settlement in Goa. This was the beginning of Portuguese rule in Goa that would last for over 450 years.

Goa prospered, becoming the largest city in Asia for a time, with a population of over 40,000. It became known as ‘Rome of the East’ and boasted over 300 churches.

By the middle of the 18th century, Portuguese Goa had expanded to most of its present-day state limits. Though they lost other possessions in India, the borders of Portguese control stabilised, forming the Estado da Índia Portuguesa or State of Portuguese India, of which Goa was the largest territory.

After India gained its independence from the British in 1947, India requested that Portuguese colonies on the Indian subcontinent be ceded to India. In line with the approach of the Estado Novo government regarding its overseas territories, Portugal refused to negotiate on the sovereignty of its Indian territories. The Portuguese argued that India had no rights to this territory because the Republic of India did not exist at the time when Goa came under Portuguese rule

On 19 December 1961, the Indian Army invaded with Operation Vijay. The operation took 36 hours and ended with the surrender of the Portuguese Governor General Vassalo da Silva and the annexation of Goa, and of Daman and Diu islands into the Indian union. Goa, along with Daman and Diu, was organised as a centrally administered union territory of India. 

On 30 May 1987, the union territory was split, and Goa became India’s twenty-fifth state, with Daman and Diu remaining a union territory.

A MAN who has been told by his girlfriend it is over between them has idly wondered what it would be like to say those words rather than hear them.

Jordan, not his real name, aged 31, knows the script so well after countless dumpings he can mouth along, but for the first time found himself imagining actually being the one to end it.

He said: “I’m not relationship material. They all tell me that. Which is a shame, because I quite like having someone around to shag.

“I’d never end it with a woman, because why would you? I don’t really know what incompatibility is. None of them enjoy ten-hour Championship Manager games or a beer sesh with my mates, so maybe it’s them that’s incompatible.

“Nonetheless, because I’m a gentleman, I carry on dating them anyway until the end comes. But the idea it could be me who calls that end has never really occurred to me before.

“It must feel glorious to actually finish with someone, a real power trip. To be the one saying ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ and ‘Let’s make this a friendship and see where that goes’ while meaning the exact opposite.

“But it’ll never happen. It’s not me. I’m just too much of a nice guy and too grateful for sex.”