Occasional Digest

Monday 10 August Carnival Monday in Grenada

From dawn on Carnival Monday (J’Ouvert), traditional masqueraders dressed as devils called Jabs-Jabs (French Creole, from diable diable ‘devil devil’) parade through the streets of Grenada. They are joined by the Ole Mas who are individuals that present satire and theatre on the events of the past year during the morning. 

In the afternoon, the traditional and fancy Mas bands participate in the Monday parade. These traditional masqueraders feature the striking Short Knee bands. With identical head coverings, batwing sleeves and three-quarter (short knee) baggy trousers, they chant and box the air as they dance through the streets from their villages into the capital of St. George’s.  They carry talcum powder as they make their way through the towns and villages. The powder is a symbol of appreciation and sprinkled on those who make cash donations.  

Next come the modern costumed bands who cross the stage at the National Stadium before parading through the streets of St. George’s in the afternoon sun, gyrating to the beat of the year’s most popular calypsos. 

The costumed bands are often heralded by the arrival of the King and Queen of the band, the large costumes which vied for King and Queen of Carnival during the Sunday night Dimarche Gras.

Job-related stress higher if you’re an idiot who expects work to be pleasurable

PEOPLE who think toil should be enjoyable suffer from higher levels of work-related anxiety, it has been confirmed.

Studies have proved that people who go to work for a sense of fulfilment instead of earning money are more likely to be found crying in the loos because their boss gave them ‘constructive feedback’.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “There are only a handful of people on Earth who genuinely enjoy their jobs, and two of them are traffic wardens in Bradford.

“For everyone else, the data tells us that long-term happiness relies on entering the workforce safe in the knowledge that only drudgery and ingratitude lie ahead.

“Joy is best sought outside of sterile offices filled with psychopaths. Popular sources of pleasure include watching a stranger miss a train, or seeing on social media that an old school friend has put on more weight than you.

“If you must insist on feeling something at work, aim for anger or contempt. Far from compounding your stress, they’ll likely lead to a lovely promotion.”

Corporate drone Caroline Ryan said: “I’m thriving at work because I shut down my emotions years ago. Which is just as well, because if I reactivated them I’d feel nothing but despair at my dead-end job.”

Sunday 9 August National Day in Singapore

Singapore declared independence from Britain in August 1963. It joined the Federation of Malaysia in September 1963 after the 1962 Merger Referendum of Singapore.

Singapore left the federation two years later and gained its own sovereignty on August 9th 1965 when Yusof bin Ishak was sworn in as the first President of Singapore.

Singaporeans begin celebrations during the last weeks of July and they will continue throughout August. These celebrations will include concerts, carnivals, and many other festivities.

The largest event among the celebrations is the annual National Day Parade. The parade is held in Singapore’s National Stadium in front of 60,000 people and is nationally televised.

The parade features performances from military and school bands, a 400-piece drum ensemble, solo vocalists, professional dance routines, and displays by the Singapore Armed forces, which include free-fall parachute displays, tower repelling, vehicle shows, a presidential gun salute and a national flag fly-by.

Seven f**king obvious problems with AI everyone should have noticed ages ago

THIS week OpenAI claimed an AI ‘went rogue’, but does anyone believe their melodramatic tales anymore? In fact scepticism is well overdue for AI nonsense like this:

Endless scaremongering

Is AI really a fizzing cloud of megalomaniac electrons trying to escape? Or do OpenAI and co just need to pretend that because they’ve got an overhyped product without many real-world applications? Apart from making copyright-infringing Family Guy porn, obviously.

It’s a guessing machine

AI is far less impressive once you know it’s just really good at guessing relevant meaningful sentences. And LLMs won’t ever stop hallucinating, so you can’t trust it with medical problems, information you could get sued over, or anything to do with air travel. In fact is there any use for something that’s constantly wrong? Except boyfriend?

It’s all about the IPOs

Floating on the stock market is clearly a way for many shareholders to cash out before everything really goes south. What a coincidence your AI has turned out to be super-powerful just now! And in the same watershed year that SpaceX decided to start mining the limitless resources of space!

Why haven’t all the jobs disappeared?

Sam Altman and others have been predicting that AI will eviscerate white-collar jobs since at least 2023. This conspicuously hasn’t happened. And if AI can’t even replace some of the morons you’ve sat in an office with, you’re not holding out much hope for it becoming HAL 9000 or Skynet. And The Terminator would be a pretty slow-paced film if it was one of Elon’s robots.

It’s clearly programmed to stroke your ego

Express a coherent thought, and the bumlicking toady that is Gemini will say: ‘That’s an incredible insight into [whatever]!’ Being told you’re good at something when you’re not is unhealthy, and likely to lead to heartache in all but a few rare cases, eg. Ed Sheeran.

Jesus, look at the actual accounts

AI giants are losing money in shit-yourself amounts. OpenAI, for example, will lose $14 billion this year and already effectively has debts of $96 billion. The truly scary thing is there’s no clear path to getting large numbers of people to pay for AI in a consistently profitable way. That’s a bit of a flaw in your business model, like inventing an iPhone without internet access or the ability to make phone calls.

It’s AI jam tomorrow

Ever noticed how literally every claim about the amazing things AI can do relates to the future? How many other businesses could stay afloat like this? ‘Don’t worry, our range of handy covers to keep acid rain off your noodles will be selling like hotcakes once we’re living in Blade Runner!

Saturday 8 August Tendong Lho Rum Faat in Sikkim

Teendong Lho Rum Faat is celebrated by Lepcha people. It takes place on Tendong Hill in South Sikkim and other parts of the state

Tendong Lho Rum Faat is one of the oldest festivals of the Lepchas and is usually held on August 8th. The name, Tendong is derived from the Lepcha dialect, which translates to ‘the hill of the raised horn’ The three-day celebrations begin with the offering of prayers to Mount Tendong in South Sikkim.

Legend has it that Mt. Tendong saved the Lepcha people during the great deluge which flooded the entire Mayel Lyang country, now known as Sikkim. The festival is an annual thanksgiving to the saviour mountain.

During the festivities, people make a model of the mountain in the facade of their homes and worship it. It is exclusively made of nine stones and the people dance and sing wearing traditional masks to get the blessings of the mountain.

As per the Lepcha mythology, at the time of creation, Tendong Hill had risen from the horns of a deity. It was a volcanic peak that erupted and destroyed Naho and Nather Pokh, the sources of the Teesta and Rangeet rivers which caused a deluge. As the lower region started to flood causing loss of life and property, the horn rose miraculously and the tribesmen hurriedly started to ascend the Tendong Hill, which became their only chance for survival.

Various literary and cultural programmes are held in the state capital to commemorate the occasion. On the concluding day, exhibits of traditional Lepcha food, costumes and ornaments are displayed.

The girlfriend’s guide to massively overcomplicating a takeaway order

A TAKEAWAY is the convenient and easy option. Until certain girlfriends decide to turn the process into a gruelling ordeal. Here’s how.

‘I don’t know what to have’

Yes, choice is a problem with restaurants. Ask your boyfriend if they do a taster menu, because the Indian on the high street is likely to model itself on The Fat Duck. Or ask what he’s having and say you’ll share his without addressing how this affects the quantity of food. He’ll be delighted to do that, because you’re a couple and couples share everything.

‘Do they do a low-calorie version?’

Your boyfriend needs to find out if there are zero-carb meals without meat and cheese too. Also you want low-fat coleslaw with skimmed oat mayo. They should have that at Tony’s Burger Shack. Get your boyfriend to phone them about all this, because he doesn’t mind feeling like a wanker if it’s for you. Then render the whole exercise pointless by excitedly discussing which calorie-packed dessert you’re going to have.

‘I’ll ask my friends’

You’re a bit worried about the doner kebabs your boyfriend is ordering. So message the girls on the group app to see if anyone’s ordered from there and if it has a good reputation. Oh no, what a surprise, they’re not in favour! Lucy adds that the meat is probably stray dogs from Romania. Your boyfriend disputes that, but he wouldn’t want to eat a kebab that’s not 100 per cent grass-fed prime New Zealand lamb, would he?

‘Is that all they do?’

Curse this pizza place for offering mostly just pizzas. Tell you what, why doesn’t your boyfriend phone and ask if you can make your own meal from ingredients you’ve seen in Waitrose? Be specific – you want something simple but nice, with a hint of spiciness that will fill you up but won’t leave you feeling bloated. Or can they do that lovely meal you had in Greece two years ago?

‘Can it be delivered after [insert activity of indeterminate length]?’

You’re not hungry yet, and you don’t know when you will be. Also you have to wash and dry your hair. How long will that take? It’s unclear. And you should really pop to the shop for some milk and loo roll. You could pick up something while you’re there! It’ll be much cheaper. What’s up, sweetie? Is there something wrong with swapping a load of delicious Chinese food for tuna pasta?

‘I’ve changed my mind’

When you started searching you wanted a cheeseburger, but now your boyfriend’s finally about to place the order you think soft noodles might fulfil your needs better. And maybe you should both try eating vegetarian more often? Maybe he could google vegan restaurants locally? Don’t worry, he’s only muttering vile profanities because he feels foolish for not thinking of that.

Friday 7 August Battle of Boyacá in Colombia

In 1819, Colombia was known as New Grenada and involved in a war for independence from Spain.

Bogota was seen as a key strategic location for both the Republicans and the Royalists to hold, and so both armies were heading to secure the town.

Some 150km north of Bogota the forces met at a bridge over the Teatinos River. The Republican army consisted of Colombian and Venezuelans, with support from the British Legion. The army was led by Brigadier Generals Francisco de Paula Santander and José Antonio Anzoátegui.

In just two hours they defeated the Royalist Colombian-Venezuelan forces.

Even though fighting with the Royalists continued for a few years, the victory at Boyacá is seen as the definitive battle in the war and the precursor for Colombia’s eventual independence from Spain. 

This bridge (El Puente de Boyacá) is no longer used, but has been kept as a reminder of South American independence.

Thursday 6 August August Thursday in Anguilla

Across most Caribbean islands, cricket is the national sport, with athletics becoming more prominent in recent years. Uniquely Anguilla’s national sport is boat racing, easily surpassing cricket as the most popular pastime.

The popularity of the sport is said to have evolved from when Anguillans had to find work on other islands and would race each other home.

The boat racing season runs from May to August, climaxing during the Anguilla Summer Festival. The big event on August Thursday is the Meads Bay Boat Race.

The festival and carnival draw to a close on the Sunday after August Thursday, fittingly with another boat race, when the Champion of Champions boat race final is held.

Woman quits job to do some middle-class nonsense

YET another woman with a successful corporate job is leaving to follow her ludicrous middle-class passion.

Hannah 38, not her real name or age, no longer feels fulfilled by an upper-management role with a steady income and instead plans to stake her future on a niche, painfully bourgeois business idea.

She said: “This will be my last month at Barclays as head of systems strategy. Instead I’m going to use recycled textiles to make eco-friendly clothing for cold water swimming.

“The idea came to me at Hampstead Heath Ponds when I saw all these other posh ladies doing lengths. I realised then there was money to be wrung out of them and I cared deeply about the environment and those things.

“My first collection will be out next spring, with prices starting at £499 for a bespoke wetsuit. No one’s thought of this particular idea before, so there’s clearly a demand.

“My friends have been really supportive. Tilly quit her job in publishing to start growing heritage leeks and Zara packed in management consultancy to build book-themed gingerbread houses. I must ask how those businesses are doing.

“Luckily I can do this because my husband Hugh is a hedge fund manager. I explained that when the company’s gone global I’ll hire him as CFO on even more money, but strangely he just sighed and looked sad.”

Wednesday 5 August July Mass Uprising Day in Bangladesh

The July Mass Uprising Day has been categorised under the Cabinet Division’s “Ka” category, which includes national and international days of major significance. These days often involve extensive ceremonies, official participation, and may be observed as government holidays.

The day will be officially celebrated every year.

The decision was made at a meeting of the advisory council at the State Guest House Jamuna. After the meeting, Cultural Affairs Adviser Mostofa Sarwar Farooki told reporters at the Foreign Service Academy that a preliminary decision had been made to celebrate August 5th as the Student-People Uprising Day.

August 5th is going to be a national day, so the Student-People Uprising Day will be celebrated every year in the future, he said.

The Awami League regime fell on August 5th 2024 amid a mass uprising.

On August 5th 2024, Bangladesh’s former Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina left her official residence as a violent mob was marching towards it. With a serious threat arising over her security, Ms Hasina fled the country.

Tuesday 4 August Arbaeen around the world

Arbaeen is one of the most important ceremonies in the Shi’ite Muslim calendar. 

Arbaeen means forty in Arabic as forty days is the traditional length of mourning after the death of a family member or loved one in Muslim traditions. 

Imam Hussein was killed at the Battle of Karbala in central Iraq on 10 October 680 AD.

Hussein was seen by his followers as the rightful heir of the prophet’s legacy. When he refused to pledge allegiance to the Umayyad caliphate, he was killed in the battle, cementing the schism between Sunni and Shiite Islam. Hussein’s half-brother Abbas was also killed in the battle.

Millions of pilgrims will gather in Karbala on Arbaeen, making it the world’s largest annual human gathering. Making the pilgrimage, known in Arabic as the Ziara, many of the pilgrims travel barefooted from across Iraq and more than 50 countries. Over three million Iranians travel to Iraq for the Ziara.

In Iran, thousands in Tehran will march to a town south of the capital to mourn at the shrine of Shiite saint Abdul Azim.

Monday 3 August Carnival Monday in Antigua and Barbuda

The colonial history of the islands is dominated by one crop – sugar cane. In the 17th century, the British started to establish sugar cane plantations. These plantations needed a plentiful supply of cheap labour which meant the arrival of African slaves, a practice which continued until the transport of slaves from Africa was banned in 1807. 

The ending of slavery in Antigua and Barbuda differs in two ways to the rest of the British Caribbean colonies.

Firstly, in 1680 Charles II granted Barbuda to the Codrington family. As Barbuda was not under British control, it did not have to abolish slavery on August 1st 1834 like Antigua but decided to free its slaves anyway. 

Secondly, and uniquely among the British Caribbean colonies, Antigua gave immediate full emancipation rather than having a four-year ‘apprenticeship,’ or waiting period. 

To commemorate the earliest abolition of slavery in the British Caribbean, Emancipation Day is celebrated with Antigua’s annual carnival.

Middle-aged man can only make major purchases on laptop

A 52-YEAR-OLD man has admitted he cannot purchase anything costing upwards of £99 online unless sitting soberly in front of a laptop computer.

Martin, not his real name, of France will happily purchase T-shirts, tickets, or trainers on his phone but believes that booking a flight, buying a car or renewing insurance requires ‘the big computer’.

He said: “I know that, in theory, the phone does the same thing. It’s just that’s where I watch videos of dogs falling into ponds. I can’t use that to buy a fridge.

“No, for a three-figure purchase it has to be at the dining table. I need a mug of tea, reading glasses, at least four tabs open and my email ready to receive a six-digit verification code. Also a notebook I write numbers in then never consult.

“A phone? That’s for finding out what else that actress has been in, or checking the time, or ordering an eight-pack of drain hair clog removers from Amazon. You can’t buy a used Volvo on that. The mind revolts.”

Professor Frost, not her real name, of the Institute for Studies, said: “To young people, a phone is a small computer. To the old, it’s for accidentally taking extreme close-ups of their nostrils. The laptop is where Serious Things happen.”

Son Gabriel, not his real name, said: “I bought a £2,500 e-bike on my phone. At a gig, between the support and main act, while holding a pint in my other hand.”

Sunday 2 August Republic Day in North Macedonia

The second of August has been an important date in the Macedonian calendar for centuries as it is a major religious holiday – Ilinden, or St. Elijah’s Day, marking the prophet Elijah’s ascension into heaven.

Macedonia had come under the control of the Ottoman Empire in the 14th century. On August 2nd 1903, an uprising against the Ottomans was led by the Internal Macedonian Revolutionary Organization (VMRO). The Ilinden uprising resulted in the liberation of the town of Krushevo, where the first republic in the Balkans was proclaimed. The republic was short-lived, lasting only 10 days before the Ottomans took back Krushevo.

On August 2nd 1944, during the second world war, the Anti-Fascist Assembly for the National Liberation of Macedonia (ASNOM) proclaimed the People’s Republic of Macedonia as part of the People’s Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.

On Republic Day shops will close but restaurants and bars will remain open. The main formal celebrations take place in Krushevo at the area called Mechkin Kamen (Bear’s Rock), where the battle with the Ottoman army took place during the Ilinden uprising.

In your wheelie bin: My definition of safe spaces, by a delivery driver

In your wheelie bin: My definition of safe spaces, by a delivery driver

LOOKING for a parcel that’s allegedly arrived? Don’t worry. I, your humble and innovative delivery driver, have left it in one of these clever places.

Under your doormat

Wasn’t this a great choice for a thin, letter-like delivery? Shame it’s your new hoover I’ve comically attempted to hide under two centimetres of fuzz instead. But like a toddler who hasn’t yet developed object permanence, I can’t really tell the difference.

In a bush

Foliage has long been used for hiding both things and people. That’s why I thrust your precious goods into the epicentre of the world’s thorniest bush. You’ll need either a qualification in tree surgery or some delusional Disney prince-style heroics to reach it, but I know you love a challenge!

With a neighbour you’ve never met in a different street

I’ve really done well with this one – your delivery is inside and protected from all the elements. You may have to encounter a tiny bit of stranger danger when retrieving it, but with luck that neighbour isn’t the one responsible for all those missing cats, so you’ll just have to endure the mild peril of tedious small talk.

In your bin

Very few enterprising thieves will look in this spot, and the smelly goo will hide it even more, so it’s extra safe here. There’s a slight chance it could be bin day when I deliver and the parcel could get taken away with the rubbish, but just think of it as extremely preemptive recycling. You are such an eco warrior!

On the roof

You might think anyone can get this job, but we train for it like the Olympics. That’s the only explanation for how I’ve managed to slingshot your new headphones two storeys up and next to your chimney. I should get a gold medal. You should get a ladder.

Honestly, who knows?

I’ve sent a picture, but it’s so blurry it could be anywhere, or anything! It might not even be your item, but instead a different kind of package and I’m actually sexually harassing you. Just kidding! But I am helping keep your brain active by giving you these puzzles. What would you do without me? Get dementia in later life, that’s what!

Saturday 1 August Independence Day in Benin

Located on the Gulf of Guinea, the hot and humid West African nation shares borders with Togo to the west, Nigeria to the east, and Burkina Faso and Niger to the north.

The region of modern day Benin first came to the attention of the Europeans as a source of slaves with the shores of the region earning the name ‘the Slave Coast’.

Local warlords made agreements with the Portuguese to supply slaves from captured prisoners. One important local kingdom at the time was the Dahomey, known for their military discipline, who grew to be the dominant power in the region. 

Dahomey means ‘on the belly of Dan’. Dan was the name of a rival king. Defeated by the Dahomey, they built their royal compound over his grave. 

With the abolition of the slave trade, the control of the Dahomey was weakened, allowing the French to take over the region at the end of the nineteenth century. In 1904, the colony of French Dahomey was incorporated within French West Africa.

In 1946 with the establishment of the Fourth French Republic, Dahomey became an overseas territory of France with its own parliament and representation in the French national assembly.

On December 4th 1958, it became the Republic of Dahomey (République du Dahomey), a self-governing autonomous republic within the French Community. 

On July 11th 1960 France agreed to Dahomey becoming fully independent. Dahomey gained its full independence on August 1st 1960, with Hubert Maga becoming Dahomey’s first president.

In 1975, the country changed its name to Benin, after the Bight of Benin, a large bay in the Gulf of Guinea.

Man discovers women’s profiles on dating apps have bios

A MAN was astonished to find that women’s profiles on dating apps contain useful information about them once you scroll past the first photo.

Jack, not his real name, aged 24, could not believe the amount of actionable personal information freely available on women’s profiles when, by accident, he does not instantly judge on their looks and swipe left.

He said: “I was trying to scroll down to get a better look at this one girl’s cleavage, and there it all was. Her age, height, location, all clearly laid out. Plus her name, which I forget.

“I thought it must be a freak glitch, but it’s on every woman’s profile. Along with details about their job, what they do for fun, and what they want out of a relationship. It’s almost like they’re sifting for compatible partners instead of meaningless hookups.

“Armed with all that useful data, I thought about crafting personalised opening messages to my matches. But then I thought no, that’s creepy, they’ll think I’m some kind of stalker pervert who wants to get to know them. So I’m sticking with ‘nice arse’.

“Nobody’s replied to me yet though. Which I’m taking as proof that women are actually shallow bitches and are only interested in wealth, status and height.”

Dating app user Nikki Hollis said: “Dating apps kind of work the opposite way for women. Finding a man likes ‘banter’ and is seeking someone who ‘doesn’t take life too seriously’ can repel us from even the most gorgeous.”

Friday 31 July Mary Prince Day in Bermuda

Mary Prince was a Bermudian slave who published her autobiography, “The History of Mary Prince, A West Indian Slave“. Published in 1831, the book was a first-hand account of the brutality of slavery in Bermuda and the first account of the life of a black woman to be published in England.

Her book remains the only first-hand account in existence of the daily life of a Bermudian slave. The book didn’t make its way to Bermuda over 150 years later when an American scholar doing research on Mary Prince presented a copy of the book to the Bermuda Archives.

Oh the horrors of slavery! – How the thought of it pains my heart! But the truth ought to be told of it; and what my eyes have seen I think it is my duty to relate; for few people in England know what slavery is.

I have been a slave – I have felt what a slave feels, and I know what a slave knows; and I would have all the good people in England to know it too, that they may break our now it too, that they may break our chains, and set us free.

The second day of the Cup Match holiday was previously named after Admiral Sir George Somers, who ran aground in Bermuda on July 28th 1609, which led to the founding of the English colony of Bermuda.

It was a one-off official holiday in 1931 and incorporated into the two-day Cup Match public holiday in 1947.

Since 2018, there had been a push to rename Somers Day to Mary Prince Day, so that Emancipation Day is followed by a holiday that recognises a Bermudian who made an important contribution to the abolition movement.

On announcing the change, Lovitta Foggo, the community minister told the House of Assembly that Ms Prince was “recognised on the world stage for the crucial role she played in the abolishment of slavery throughout the British Empire”.

Thursday 30 July Independence Day in Vanuatu

Vanuatu is an archipelago of 82 islands (65 are inhibited) and is located about 1,750 kilometres (1,000 miles) east of Australia.

Despite their remote location, the islands were permanently inhabited as early as 500BC and were part of the Tongan Empire in the 14th century.

European colonial contact began in 1606 when the islands were visited and claimed by Spain which established a short-lived settlement before they were forgotten again.

The islands were rediscovered in 1768 and were given the name ‘New Hebrides’ by Captain James Cook on his visit in 1774.

It was the French who established the first permanent settlements in the 1850s, with the British claiming parts of the archipelago. In 1906, the modernity of the 20th century meant that rather than beat each other to a standstill for overall control, the two European superpowers instead agreed on a unique framework arrangement called a condominium to share the rule of the New Hebrides. To this day, the three official languages of Vanuatu are Bislama, English and French.

The national dish of Vanuatu is ‘lap lap’, vegetable paste, coconut milk and meat cooked in a banana leaf.

In the 1960s, the movement to secede from the dual colonial control gathered momentum, leading to the establishment of a locally elected assembly. The assembly only lasted a few months due to political differences and infighting. A party of national unity was formed in 1978 and a new constitution providing for independence in 1980 was adopted on October 5th 1979. 

The archipelago gained independence on July 30th 1980 as the Republic of Vanuatu (the name comes from two local words meaning ‘home’ and ‘stand’) and joined the

Ethnic minority man who shortened his name immediately beloved by gammons

A MEMBER of an ethnic minority who bastardised his name into a single, easy-to-pronounce syllable has been lifted into the air by his gammon colleagues.

After deciding that ‘Sid’ was about his workmates’ level, Kah Kah Patel, not his real name, was transformed in moments from ‘one of those diversity hires’ to ‘one of the good ones’.

He said: “I decided it was easier than repeatedly correcting everyone, but it’s been taken like I’ve offered the olive branch of peace after generations of war.

“It’s unlocked a series of previously unavailable workplace privileges, including Friday pub lunches and being told ‘we don’t mean you, mate’ when immigration comes up. Which it does far more frequently than I had previously realised.

“We’ve gone from ‘where are you really from?’ and ‘do you even drink?’ to invites to play five-a-side, all because I now bear the moniker of an elderly white man. They assume I support England in the cricket. And that I care about cricket.

“It’s amazing what deleting six letters can do for race relations. I’ve told my wife to become ‘Jaz’ immediately and she’ll be promoted by the end of the week.”

Psychologist Hannah, not her real name, said: “The phenomenon has been observed for decades with Mohammed becoming Mo and countless Chinese students deciding ‘Kevin’ was preferable to three years of ‘I’ll never get that right’.”

Patel’s colleagues have declared Britain the least racist country in the world, citing the fact they ‘get on brilliantly with Sid’ and ‘he even eats sandwiches’.

Wednesday 29 July Full Moon Day of Waso in Myanmar

This day, the first full moon of the fourth month in the Burmese calendar, commemorates the Buddha’s first sermon to five monks in the Deer Park in Benares, India and the founding of the Buddhist sangha (monkhood) about 2,500 years ago.

In the sermon, which is known as ‘Setting the Wheel of Dhamma in Motion’, the Buddha first spelled out the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path.

Waso Full Moon Day marks the beginning of Buddhist lent (Wasso), which generally coincides with the height of Myanmar’s rainy season. Buddhist Lent last for three months from the full moon of Waso until the full moon of Thadingyut. It is normally a time of heightened religious activity around the country. Pilgrims throughout the country gather wild flowers to offer at pagodas, and offer new robes to monks. Almost all monks will not leave the grounds of their monastery during this time.

During the period of Buddhist Lent, many Buddhists will abstain from eating meat, drinking alcohol or smoking. It is also traditionally a time when Myanmar people are not allowed to move house.

Tuesday 28 July Independence Day in Peru

Peru was first colonised by the Spanish in the 15th century. Despite the wars of independence being fought across Latin America in the early 19th century, Peru remained loyal to the Spanish crown. There had been some insurrection but this had been quashed by the government.

The Viceroy of Peru then initiated a military campaign against Chile and their fight for independence. Despite some early success, the tide turned against the Viceroy and the Royalist forces. Argentina and Chile then signed a treaty to pursue the ‘liberation’ of Peru. On entering Lima, the Argentinian commander, Jose San Martin declared the independence of Peru on July 28th 1821, with the phrase: “Peru is from this moment free and independent by the general will of the people and by the justice of its cause that God defends.”

However, it wasn’t until 1824, following the decisive victory at the Battle of Ayacucho under the leadership of Simón Bolívar and José de San Martín, that independence was achieved.