Occasional Digest

We ask you: What’s your family’s oddest Christmas tradition?

CHRISTMAS is but days away, and around the country families are getting together to do dizzyingly weird shit they think is normal. What’s your bizarre tradition?

Bill McKay, subsea welder: “We have a roast penguin instead of a turkey. Christ, the awful, greasy, fish-stinking meat of it, the taste curdling on the tongue. We have it every year.”

Donna Sheridan, receptionist: “Each year, we force my sister’s husband to dress up and act in character as a celebrity we’ve lost that year. This year it’s Ozzy. In 2016 we made him change from Muhammad Ali to George Michael after lunch.”

Julian Cook, actuary: “Go to church. I know, f**king freaky right?”

Susan Traherne, confectioner: “Post-lunch we go for a 16-hour hike in the Cairngorms, ending the following morning. Only then do we open our presents. And we do so one at a time, agonisingly slowly.”

Wayne Hayes, haulier: “Instead of a sixpence in the pudding, one of the crackers has Grandad’s dick pic in. You don’t want that one! Rest in peace, old fella.”

Tuesday 23 December Losoong/Namsoong in Sikkim India

Sonam Losoong (Farmers’ Harvest) is a New Year celebration of the Sikkimese Bhutia. It is called Namsoong by the Lepchas. The festival marks the time when the farmers rejoice and celebrate their harvest. Although the festival is celebrated privately among family members and friends there is an air of festivity all around. The Black Hat dance takes place at this festival commemorating the victory of good over evil, with ‘chaams’ held in many monasteries two days prior to Losoong.

The festival of Lossong is celebrated with traditional gaiety and colour both by the Lepchas and Bhutias. On the occasion pujas are performed for peace and prosperity for the new year. Certain competitions are also held in traditional skills, such as archery and the merry-making will continue for days.

Monday 22 December Sambisa Memorial Day in Borno

The purpose of the day is mourning victims of Boko Haram insurgents, the victory recorded by the Nigerian Military and the remembrance of fallen soldiers and volunteers who have sacrificed their lives fighting Boko Haram since 2009 in different parts of Borno State.

Boko Haram, an ISIS-aligned jihadist group, has killed over 30,000 people and displaced 2.3 million from their homes. At one time it was the world’s deadliest terror group according to the Global Terrorism Index.

In mid-2014, the militants gained control of swathes of territory in their home state of Borno.

In December 2016, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari announced that the army had seized one of Boko Haram’s last bases in northeastern Borno state, marking a key stage in the offensive against the armed group.

A long campaign in the 1,300sq km forest in Borno led to the “final crushing of Boko Haram terrorists in their last enclave in Sambisa Forest” on Friday, Buhari said in a statement at the time.

Governor of Borno, Kashim Shettima, said: “Based on Buhari’s announcement, the Sambisa forest became deceased or dead at about 1.35 pm on December 22nd 2016.”

As a result, Shettima announced that: “This day will be marked as Public Holiday in Borno for the purpose of celebrating the strength and the victory of our Armed Forces”.

Everything wrong with woman’s life blamed on men

A WOMAN is confident that every failure or shortcoming in her existence is ultimately the fault of men.

After careful evaluation, Hannah, not her real name, has decided that her unfulfilling job, inability to get on the property ladder and her toast burning this morning are all, when it comes down to it, because of the patriarchy.

She said: “Everyone knows the gender pay gap’s all down to selfish, sexist men. But I’m daring to think bigger.

“The traffic that made me late for work this morning? Guess who was driving the not one, not two, but three cars in front. The fillings I need? Because I’m grinding my teeth over men’s bullshit all the time.

“Phone battery low? Because they’re designed by men selfishly designed them with their gruff, masculine one-text-and-away power usage in mind, not women who know the necessity of scrolling Instagram. See? All it takes is lateral thinking.

“As for why I’m single, that’s obviously on men. For not being handsome, not earning for shit and boring on about the crap they’re interested in. They need to sort it out. I’m excellent to date.”

Colleague Martin, not his real name, said: “As a man, I fear nodding along to Lucy’s rant is yet another poor male decision which women will end up paying heavily for. Specifically her mates.”

Sunday 21 December Dongzhi in Macau

In Chinese, Dongzhi (‘dongzhi’ in Mandarin and ‘dung zi’ in Cantonese) means ‘extreme of winter’ and the Dongzhi festival marks the Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere.

The winter solstice occurs when the earth is tilted at its maximum annual angle away from the sun creating the day with the shortest amount of daylight.

The solstice marked the middle of winter in many ancient cultures. Solstice literally means ‘the standing still of the sun’ as the sun appears to do just that on sunrise on the solstice before it rises ever so slightly south on the next day. 

Noting the arrival of the shortest day, was a time for celebration. Of course, winter wouldn’t end for several months, but to know that you were past the middle and that the dark, cold nights would start to get shorter is an event that has been marked by feasts and rituals since the dawn of civilisation.

As long ago as the  Zhou period (circa 1100BC-256BC), the Chinese were already observing the winter solstice as a state holiday.

This turning point of the year is an important aspect of Dongzhi with a traditional custom in parts of China being that on Dongzhi everyone turns one year older.

Certainly, the festival is a time to gather with your family and a common activity in southern China is the making and eating of a sweet soup containing balls of glutinous rice, called tangyuan. The spherical tangyuan, which can be stuffed with meat, some kind of sweet paste, or without filling, symbolise fullness and completeness.

In Hong Kong, tangyuan is almost always served as a dessert; the most popular fillings are sesame, red bean, or peanut paste. The clear syrup is sometimes flavoured with ginger or osmanthus flowers.

In Korea, a popular traditional food to eat on Dong-Ji is Patjuk, a red bean porridge. The custom is that the red colour of the porridge can ward off evil spirits and cure sickness.

Man losing battle against arse crack hair

A HIRSUTE man is losing his battle against the endless encroachment of his arse crack hair, it has emerged.

Despite having repeatedly shaved, waxed and plucked the deepest crevices of his behind, Anthony, not his real name, has admitted he is powerless to stop the relentless growth of hair in his bumcrack.

He said: “It was slow to begin with. A few thin wisps started sprouting when I was a teen. Nothing to worry about, or so I thought.

“Over time though, my worst fears came true. What were once odd strands thickened into a matted strip of shaggy bristles. Reaching round for a quick scratch felt more like stroking a dog than touching human flesh.

“I’ve tried epilating my anal cleft, and even gave herbal remedies a go out of desperation, but nothing seems to work. Each morning I wake up with an itchy tress rustling between my butt cheeks, and in a cruel twist of fate the hair on my head keeps thinning.

“Doctors say I’ve got six months until my bum thatch spreads up my back and connects with my shoulder pubes. I’m thinking of using the little time I have left to run a marathon to raise awareness for this debilitating condition.”

Ant’s wife Jess, not her real name, said: “I’m so proud of Tom for bravely fighting his arse locks. Although if he doesn’t stop leaving hair all over the toilet seat soon I’ll happily have him put down.”

Saturday 20 December National Mourning Day in Panama

The United States invaded Panama on December 20th 1989, in an operation codenamed Operation Just Cause. The U.S. stated the operation was “necessary to safeguard the lives of U.S. citizens in Panama, defend democracy and human rights, combat drug trafficking, and secure the neutrality of the Panama Canal as required by the Torrijos–Carter Treaties”.

It represented the largest United States military operation since the Vietnam War.

On December 29th 1989, the United Nations General Assembly approved a resolution calling the intervention in Panama a “flagrant violation of international law and of the independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity of the States”. A similar resolution was vetoed in the Security Council by the United States, the United Kingdom, and France.

Noriega was captured and flown to Miami to be tried. The conflict ended on January 31st 1990.

About 300 Panamanian soldiers and 214 civilians were killed during the invasion, according to official estimates, while the U.S. military reported 23 deaths among its troops. Human rights groups believe the number of Panamanian dead could be higher.

“It took us a long time to achieve this demand, and finally, the day has arrived,” said Trinidad Ayola, president of the Association of Friends and Relatives of Victims of December 20th.

In March 2022, President Laurentino Cortizo, the president of Panama declared an annual national holiday to commemorate Panamanians who died during the 1989 U.S. invasion of the country.

The decree signed by the President establishes December 20th, the date of the invasion, as a national day of mourning. “By enacting this law, we settle a debt with the nation, with those who died in that tragic event, who we remember with respect,” Cortizo said

I’m 60 with a Spotify Listening Age of 19. Here’s how you can be like me

OLD man? Look again, because according to my Spotify Wrapped, I am a svelte and fresh-faced 19. Here’s how you can get a musical age in the tantalising teens:

Music is cyclical

Instead of listening to comfortable 80s rock, why not listen to Chappell Roan? She paints her face like KISS, belts it out like Heart and the cheesy guitar solo at the end of Pink Pony Club is the equivalent of anything by Def Leppard’s Phil Collen. Plus it’s about finding true joy by being a stripper! Ignore the gay bits and that’s hair metal city.

Think sexually

But – and this is where you’ll have to stretch yourself – from the lady’s side of the bed. Because while there’s a sorry dearth of men boasting about their conquests in song, today’s young women are sex-crazed. Slap on a Sabrina Carpenter or Lola Young track about giving it up to the wrong guy, imagine yourself as him and you’re laughing.

Don’t trust your memory

Men try to reduce their Spotify age by streaming recent acts. Unfortunately getting older means your mind plays tricks, and they consider the likes of Notorious BIG, the Kooks and Fatboy Slim to be recent when actually they’re somewhat older. Spotify has loads of lists of new music; just put those on indiscriminately. But how will you stand it? Next point.

Other voices, other rooms

Who says you have to be in the same room you’re streaming in? Especially when you’ve got a multi-room Sonos set-up, like I have. Simply set Rap Caviar or K-Pop ON! streaming in the kitchen while you play Shades of Deep Purple on 180 gram vinyl. Your listening age is reducing by the minute while you’re vibing to real music.

Remember the remaster

What about when you’re out and about? Then deluxe versions, remasters and box sets are your friends. Springsteen’s seven-album Tracks II may comprise unreleased gems going back to the 1980s, but it only came out this year so it’s as 2025 as Sombr. Be up to the minute while mired in the past and it’s all on noise-cancelling cans. Nobody will know.

Grin and bear it

There are times when no substitute will do. When you’ve picked her up for the date and the leather seats in your BMW are crying out for Dire Straits? That’s when you play FKA Twigs. ‘Yeah, Eusexua?’ you’ll say, casually, ‘So much better now she’s updated the track order.’ And just like that, you’re Spotify Listening young.

Friday 19 December Liberation Day in Goa

By the end of the 15th century, Portuguese explorers, such as Vasco da Gama, had discovered a new sea route to India, making Goa an attractive base for the new trade routes. In 1510, the Portuguese overthrew the ruling Bijapur sultan Yusuf Adil Shah with the help of a local ally, establishing a permanent settlement in Goa. This was the beginning of Portuguese rule in Goa that would last for over 450 years.

Goa prospered, becoming the largest city in Asia for a time, with a population of over 40,000. It became known as ‘Rome of the East’ and boasted over 300 churches.

By the middle of the 18th century, Portuguese Goa had expanded to most of its present-day state limits. Though they lost other possessions in India, the borders of Portguese control stabilised, forming the Estado da Índia Portuguesa or State of Portuguese India, of which Goa was the largest territory.

After India gained its independence from the British in 1947, India requested that Portuguese colonies on the Indian subcontinent be ceded to India. In line with the approach of the Estado Novo government regarding its overseas territories, Portugal refused to negotiate on the sovereignty of its Indian territories. The Portuguese argued that India had no rights to this territory because the Republic of India did not exist at the time when Goa came under Portuguese rule

On 19 December 1961, the Indian Army invaded with Operation Vijay. The operation took 36 hours and ended with the surrender of the Portuguese Governor General Vassalo da Silva and the annexation of Goa, and of Daman and Diu islands into the Indian union. Goa, along with Daman and Diu, was organised as a centrally administered union territory of India. 

On 30 May 1987, the union territory was split, and Goa became India’s twenty-fifth state, with Daman and Diu remaining a union territory.

Whole year’s worth of office sexual tension purged at Christmas party

A YEAR of simmering flirtation, suggestive Slack messages and provocatively reloaded printers spectacularly detonated last night at the Wexford Consulting Christmas event. 

Survivors reported the impact of free prosecco on bloodstreams only accustomed to a light lunch unleashed 12 months of hungover Tuesday erections and bored mid-meeting fantasies, culminating in a sex-crazed bacchanal at a Brentwood bowling alley.

Digital alignment co-ordinator Tom Booker said: “It was like Eyes Wide Shut on a mixed use retail/hospitality estate by a ringroad.

“All the repressed desires – Grace bending over, Gareth’s tank top phase, Chloe’s anecdote about water aerobics – burst forth in a riotous flood of festive lust. Turns out paper hats and a DJ playing SexyBack, and Gareth from audit becomes Caligula.

“Doran and Amelia – of ‘we’re just friends, we just have lunch together’ – were rutting in an alcove. Jo from HR was waiting her turn for each of them. I was going down on Carly from sale, who has a minge so comely I wish I could mention it in her performance review.

“And the buffet? I didn’t realise Harry from operations would be the sushi platter, and I’m afraid I made quite a pig of myself. At one point there were three of us tonguing his balls. He’s a promising young man.”

Workplace psychologist Helen, not her real name, said: “The Christmas party exists not to celebrate a year of productivity, but to make employees so divided and ashamed they’re incapable of confronting management for another 12 months.”

Man wonders what it would feel like not being the one getting dumped

A MAN who has been told by his girlfriend it is over between them has idly wondered what it would be like to say those words rather than hear them.

Jordan, not his real name, aged 31, knows the script so well after countless dumpings he can mouth along, but for the first time found himself imagining actually being the one to end it.

He said: “I’m not relationship material. They all tell me that. Which is a shame, because I quite like having someone around to shag.

“I’d never end it with a woman, because why would you? I don’t really know what incompatibility is. None of them enjoy ten-hour Championship Manager games or a beer sesh with my mates, so maybe it’s them that’s incompatible.

“Nonetheless, because I’m a gentleman, I carry on dating them anyway until the end comes. But the idea it could be me who calls that end has never really occurred to me before.

“It must feel glorious to actually finish with someone, a real power trip. To be the one saying ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ and ‘Let’s make this a friendship and see where that goes’ while meaning the exact opposite.

“But it’ll never happen. It’s not me. I’m just too much of a nice guy and too grateful for sex.”

Wednesday 17 December National Day in Bhutan

Bhutan’s official name is the Kingdom of Bhutan. It is also known as “The Land of the Thunder Dragon.” This refers to Druk the mythical dragon, a national symbol of Bhutan.

Bhutan was first unified in the early 17th century by a Buddhist monk, Ngawang Namgyal. It was ruled under the Tibetan dual system of government led by the Zhabdrung – reincarnations of the mind, body and speech of Ngawang Namgyal.

In the late 19th century, Bhutan was being pulled apart by conflicts with Tibet and the British Empire.

This led to a power struggle between regional leaders with Ugyen Wangchuck, the Ponlop of Tongsa in central Bhutan emerging as the dominant figure in Bhutan, uniting the country and establishing better relations with British India.

The rise of Ugyen Wangchuck highlighted the ineffectiveness of the dual system and in November 1907, an assembly of religious leaders and, government officials was held, which decided to end the 300-year-old dual system of government and to establish a new absolute monarchy with Ugyen Wangchuck as the king.

December 17th 1907 saw the Coronation of His Majesty the First King of Bhutan, Druk Gyalpo Ugyen Wangchuck. This established the Wangchuck Dynasty which continues to rule Bhutan.

The Druk Gyalpo is the official title of the head of state of Bhutan, meaning “Dragon King” in Dzongkha.

This is Bhutan’s most significant national holiday and is widely celebrated throughout the country.

The white color of the dragon in Bhutan’s flag represents purity, the yellow represents the Kingdom of Bhutan’s yellow Kabney, the orange represents the Buddhist tradition, and the jewels represent Bhutan’s wealth and security.

Tuesday 16 December National Day in Bahrain

Bahrain is an archipelago of 33 islands. From the 1860s, Bahrain had been a British protectorate.

Isa bin Salman Al Khalifa was made the first emir of Bahrain from 1961 until his death. Born in Jasra, he became emir upon the death of his father, Salman ibn Hamad.

During his 38 year reign, Bahrain gained its independence from the United Kingdom on August 15th 1971, and Bahrain underwent an economic transformation into a modern nation and a key financial center in the Persian Gulf area.

At the age of 65, Isa bin Salman Al Khalifa died of a heart attack on March 6th 1999 at the al Sakhir Palace in Manama shortly after his meeting with the United States defense secretary William Cohen. He was succeeded by his eldest son, Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa

Mum wants to know what your Christmas argument plans are

YOUR mother would like to know what you want to have a row about this Christmas so she can plan accordingly.

With Christmas just weeks away, your organised mum needs to find out if you are planning to get annoyed at your dad’s political views over dinner, or if you are more in the mood for getting pissed off with probing questions about your personal life.

Your mum said: “You threw a childish tantrum over what we got you for your big present last year, remember? The shirt and tie set? So I’m guessing you don’t want to do that again so soon.

“Unresolved traumas are always popular. Would you like me to dredge up some repressed memories I can drop into conversation at the worst possible moment? Coming last at sports day maybe? I’d be happy to do that if you give me some notice.

“Arguments about money are a bit predictable, and I expect everyone will be doing them this year. But if you’ve got your heart set on that then send me some recent bank statements and I’ll start finding criticisms of your income and spending.

“If you’re not fussed either way we’ll keep it simple with a squabble about when we’re opening presents or what to watch on TV. You know, the traditional disagreements.”

Your dad said: “I’ve already sorted out an argument about your mum’s cooking for Boxing Day, so try to avoid that topic.”

Monday 15 December Kingdom Day in Bonaire

The Charter for the Kingdom of the Netherlands is a legal instrument that sets out the political relationship between the four countries that constitute the Kingdom of the Netherlands: Aruba, Curaçao, and Sint Maarten in the Caribbean and the Netherlands. It is the leading legal document of the Kingdom. The Constitution of the Netherlands and the Basic Laws of the three other countries are legally subordinate to the Charter.

The first version of the Charter, which described the relationship between the Netherlands, Suriname, and the Netherlands Antilles, was signed by Queen Juliana on December 15th 1954. This version lasted for a couple of decades until November 25th 1975, when Suriname became an independent republic.

Bonaire was part of the Netherlands Antilles until the country’s dissolution in 2010 when the island became a special municipality (officially, a “Caribbean public body”) within the country of the Netherlands. It is one of three special municipalities in the Caribbean; the others are Sint Eustatius and Saba, and all three are known as the Caribbean Netherlands.

Kingdom Day became a new public holiday in the Netherlands Antilles in 2008, replacing Antilles’ Day (October 21st).

After the split of the Netherlands Antilles, Curaçao announced that KIngdom Day would no longer be a public holiday in Curaçao.

Dad belatedly realises how f**ked up paper rounds were

A FATHER explaining to his sons that he coupled school with 13 hours of twilight manual labour a week has realised in hindsight how bizarre that was.

Malcolm aged 51 from Broome, not his real name or age, was telling his two disbelieving sons that for much of his teenage years he would rise before dawn, collect a heavy bag, walk empty streets delivering newspapers, then go to school, then do the same again in the evening.

He continued: “I got paid a tenner a week for that. Other kids who couldn’t get paper rounds were well jealous. What the f**k?

“Out in the cold and the pissing rain carrying 12 pounds of newsprint – 24 on a Sunday – traipsing round rough estates where every other house had a massive scary dog hurling itself at the door. Seven mornings a week, six evenings a week. That shit was mental.

“I’d arrive at school exhausted. I’d leave school and go straight to the newsagent. Why exactly did my parents put child labour ahead of GCSEs? To save on pocket money?

“If you found out 14-year-olds were setting alarm clocks to deliver your Amazon parcels at 7am you’d think it was weird, right? Some minor celebrity would go on The One Show and launch a campaign to stamp the practice out.”

Son Ryan, not his real name, said: “I do not believe I should have to work until I am 25, and I do not believe Dad.”

Sunday 14 December Roast Chestnuts Day USA

It’s believed that the European chestnut originated in Asia Minor and that the ancient Greeks introduced chestnuts to the Mediterranean region around 1,000 B.C. Chestnuts were spread far and wide by the Romans, who extended the cultivation of this nut into central and northwest Europe. It’s believed that these nuts were originally given the Latin name Castanea, named after the Roman town where the tree was common.

According to popular lore, chestnut roasting was common during the 16th century in Rome, and they were sold by street vendors. The tradition of roasting chestnuts then made its way into the United States, where it became popular and was commonly associated with the Christmas season. In 2015, this holiday was created by an unknown source to celebrate these tasty nuts.

Only job that will survive AI is estate agent

THE only employment available once the AI revolution makes humans redundant will be as an estate agent, experts have confirmed.

As every other job is replaced by AI or, for practical jobs, a person holding up a phone with AI on, estate agents will continue to be a human-dominated profession because of the necessity of lying right up in people’s faces.

Estate agent Helen, not her real name, said: “Ask ChatGPT to describe a single room with mould on the walls, a leaking tap and a bed that sags down the the floor and it’ll be honest.

“Ask an estate agent and it’s the latest in urban living, an oasis of comfort in a rapidly-gentrifying area with bathroom facilities shared between six to help the environment. No algorithm can lie that confidently.

“It can write code, diagnose illnesses and create artistic masterpieces, but can it convince a young couple that £1,650 a month for a windowless basement is a ‘rare opportunity’? No. Instead it hallucinates other rooms ‘because nobody should live like this’.

“In a decade, the economy will be just AI and men called Darren with gelled hair who collect nine per cent of GDP for sending three emails a month. Youngsters are training now by standing in broom closets, clapping their hands and saying ‘this feels like the one!’”

Estate agent Martin, not his real name, said: “As long as humans want to live indoors, we will survive. Though if indoors isn’t a deal-breaker for you, I’ve got a patch of waste ground in Haringay for 820 large.”

Saturday 13 December Republic Day in Malta

On December 13th 1974, the Maltese constitution was substantially revised.

This effectively changed Malta from being a Commonwealth realm into a republic. The British monarch was no longer head of state and Sir Anthony Mamo became the first president of Malta. Sir Anthony remains to this day the only person from outside politics to have occupied the post.

The decision to become a republic was driven by the political climate of the time. The Labour government, led by Prime Minister Dom Mintoff, pursued a foreign policy emphasising neutrality and independence. Mintoff championed that Malta’s destiny lay in charting its course, free from the vestiges of colonial influence.

Despite independence and becoming a republic, British troops did not leave Malta until March 31st 1979; this was the first time in its long history that Malta was free from foreign soldiers. That day is commemorated by another public holiday – Freedom Day.

December 13th is also the Feast Day of Saint Lucia, the patron saint of Malta.

Six things your ex and her new partner are saying about you

YOU believe the relationship ended with dignity and mutual respect. What she’s telling her new partner is a great deal funnier than that. Here’s what they’re laughing about:

Every monumentally stupid thing you ever said

It’s easy to repeat bollocks you’ve not thought through. Your guard was down. You didn’t really believe there was a hook-handed killer hiding in the back of your car, though she’s recounting it as you very much did and crapped yourself. Everyone’s gullible occasionally. It’s not fair you look an idiot and he gets sex.

Every bad gift you ever gave

Poor planning, lack of funds, an attempt at humorous irony or just misplaced spontaneity means yeah, you gave your share of shit presents. That doesn’t mean she has to take him on a little tour of them while ignoring all the good, thoughtful gifts. While if he gets her a naked woman apron and sex dice it’ll be adorable because he’s new.

Each one of your sexual failings

Obviously you’ll be unflatteringly compared to him. But while at the time she claimed she didn’t mind that sex didn’t drag on, it wasn’t as brief as she’s making out. That bastard she’s with now is going to turn it into a recurring joke, calling you ‘hair-trigger Tommy’ and ‘Johnny come-early’ which isn’t accurate because it was actually very fulfilling.

All the times you got too pissed

You were having fun! Vomiting over yourself after getting thrown out of an Uber, deep-frying a frozen pizza, those widely separated urination incidents; each was a good night. He doesn’t need to look saddened you’d put her through such horrors then begin giggling ‘What a pathetic twat, though’. Bet she’s not mentioned when she fell asleep on the toilet.

Every ex you ever had, as evidence

How did such a wonderful woman end up with such a prick as yourself? Well, she memorised your exes and is listing them in order of comedy value to emphasise that she was the exception. Don’t imagine there’s any solidarity between women: anyone you shagged who was fat, thick, ‘common’ or mental is up there.

He’s just realised he knows you

You live in the same city, you’re similar in age, and the new boyfriend has just realised, uproariously, that he’s actually met you. And you were, he is happy to confirm, one of the most pitiful pricks he’s every had the misfortune to encounter. ‘That’s so funny!’ your ex says, while frantically worrying about all the stories you could tell about her.

Friday 12 December Day of the Virgin of Guadalupe in Mexico

The Story behind this celebration demonstrates how the Catholic faith gained importance in the hearts of the Mexican people. It is a story of miracles and faith that marks an important change in the history of Mexico.

The Spaniards, after they conquered Mexico, had in mind the goal of converting the indigenous indians into catholicism. But the spaniards encountered many difficulties because the Mexican people had existing strong beliefs in their many gods. It wasn’t until the story of the Virgin of Guadalupe and Juan Diego that this started to change.

Juan Diego was a young indigenous Indian walking toward the Hill of Tepeyac on December 12th 1531 when he was stopped by the appearance of the Virgin Mary. The Virgin Mary appearing to Juan Diego was a young woman with black hair and dark skin which looked more like an indigenous person. She ordered Juan Diego to go to the Bishop and ask him to build a church at the Hill of Tepeyac. Juan Diego then ran to the Bishop to tell him what the Virgin Mary had told him. The Bishop didn’t believe what this young man was telling him and decided to ignore the petition.

The Virgin Mary appeared again in front of Juan Diego and told him to collect flowers from the top of the hill, but because it was December Juan Diego knew that there was not going to be any flowers at the rocky hill. Upon reaching the top of the hill, Juan Diego was surprised to see that it was covered with colorful and beautiful flowers. Juan Diego, as he was asked to, collected the flowers using his overcoat and ran again to see the Bishop.

Juan Diego gave the coat full of flowers to the bishop, and here the bishop discovered the image of Virgin Mary’s picture was miraculously traced on the coat. Seeing both the unseasonal flowers and the image of the Virgin, the Bishop realized Juan Diego had told him the truth, and The Basilica of the Virgin of Guadalupe was built on the hill of Tepeyac in Mexico City. 

The basilica at Tepeyac is the most visited Catholic pilgrimage site in the world, and the world’s third most-visited sacred site