Montenegro

I was lying on a bed with no trousers on. A young man helped me into some crotch-high boots and zipped them up. He turned the lights down low, put on some music, pressed a button and left the room. Argh! The boots started to slowly inflate from the toes up, like a giant blood-pressure cuff. As they clenched around my upper thighs, I started to panic. What if they just got tighter and tighter until my legs exploded? As I was about to shout for help, the pressure suddenly released, leaving my legs feeling deliciously light. I took a deep breath and submitted to another 19 minutes of this sweet torture.

I was at Siro Boka Place in Montenegro, having compression boot therapy, which is supposed to boost circulation and reduce swelling. “It’s especially effective on women over 35,” my youthful assistant had told me, helpfully. The hotel, which opened last year, is proud of its “state-of-the-art wellness facilities”. In most hotels that means a poky gym. At Siro the facilities are so good the Montenegrin Olympic team is training here ahead of Los Angeles 2028.

But more about the hotel later. First I was keen to get outside and explore. Siro is in Porto Montenegro, a swanky development on the edge of Tivat in the beautiful Bay of Kotor. My companions and I escaped the bling on a morning ebike tour around the bay, taking us from designer shops and luxury restaurants to charming old fishing villages. We cycled to the tip of the promontory to peer at the islet Our Lady of the Rocks, then biked right round the other side until we were facing Kotor’s triangular, red-roofed old town across the water. We cut inland to complete the loop via a switchback mountain road, where I was grateful for the electric assistance.

The next day we hit the Vrmac mountain trails on foot, hiking to Gornja Lastva, a half-abandoned village high above Tivat, and then on to tiny St Vid church, which stands alone on the peak. The panoramic views made it the perfect picnic stop. In the afternoon, we explored the calm waters of the bay by kayak. It was blissful just getting out on the sparkling water, but with more time it is possible to kayak round to the famed Blue Cave on the Luštica peninsula.

These trips can be booked through Siro, which has partnered with local activity companies. Guests can go running and rock climbing; canyoning in the Drenoštica or Nevidio canyons; paddleboarding on Skadar Lake; or try a host of watersports in the bay, from funtubing and efoiling to wakeboarding.

Back at the hotel, group classes are on offer in the fitness studios – there are about five sessions a day on weekdays and two at weekends. I tried yoga, pilates and mindful strength, while more high-octane options include run club, Hyrox and full body blitz. The gym – sorry, “fitness lab” – is enormous (1,600 sq m), and divided into cardio, weights and functional training zones. There is a lovely 25-metre outdoor pool on the third floor, with views over the marina.

All this exercise called for some more treatments in the spa, or “recovery lab”. During red light therapy, I had to lie in a coffin-like pod with the lid closed – not one for the claustrophobic. The near-infrared wavelengths are thought to help reduce inflammation, speed up muscle recovery and rejuvenate the skin. If nothing else, the gentle warmth was very relaxing, once I stopped thinking about being buried alive.

I was a little nervous about having a body composition analysis, but it was a simple procedure. You stand on a Seca Tru machine and hold the handles, and the results are sent to an app on your phone in about 30 seconds. It seems like sorcery, but actually uses “bioelectrical impedance analysis” to measure the resistance of electrical currents as they pass through the body, and is highly accurate when compared with an MRI or Dexa (bone density) scan. It was fascinating to pore over the results: muscle and fat mass, water levels, bone mineral content, basal metabolic rate (calories burned at rest) and, a new one on me, phase angle: “an indicator of overall health, metabolic activity and nutritional status”.

When I’d digested my results (88/100, not bad for a woman well over 35), I had a consultation with Hélène Boussiard, a French-trained clinical dietitian and fount of nutritional knowledge. We bonded over our vegan diets, but she was less happy with my late nights and alcohol intake. As I’ve been resolving to go to bed earlier and drink less for the past 25 years, it wasn’t exactly a revelation, but her written report did spur me on to try harder.

I cheered myself up with a massage or three. Two were conducted on a waterbed (well, Rivals has brought the 80s back into fashion), one involved stretching and all were utterly incredible. I could have tried cupping, dry needling, EMS therapy and percussive therapy as well, but there are only so many hours in the day.

Guests with any energy left can work out in their rooms, too – they are equipped with a Swedish ladder for pull-ups and dead hangs, a wellness ball to work the core even while sitting, plus weights, resistance bands and a yoga mat. A restful night’s sleep is aided by meditation playlists, temperature-controlled mattresses and sunrise alarm clocks.

As you might expect, the restaurant, Siro Table, serves healthy food. The breakfast buffet features ferments, nuts and seeds, with à la carte options such as avocado toast with poached eggs. At lunch and dinner, there are lots of vegetable-based dishes with protein add-ons “to achieve your desired macros” – I added chickpeas and tofu to courgette spaghetti, for example. But it’s not too abstemious: chips, desserts and wine are all on the menu too. The ground floor Refuel Bar serves smoothies and protein shakes, but there is an actual bar on the roof, with cocktails and Friday-night DJs.

After three days at Siro, I felt like an Olympic athlete myself. Now all I have to do is keep it up back home. I wonder how much a pair of compression boots would set me back?