designed

I was lying on a bed with no trousers on. A young man helped me into some crotch-high boots and zipped them up. He turned the lights down low, put on some music, pressed a button and left the room. Argh! The boots started to slowly inflate from the toes up, like a giant blood-pressure cuff. As they clenched around my upper thighs, I started to panic. What if they just got tighter and tighter until my legs exploded? As I was about to shout for help, the pressure suddenly released, leaving my legs feeling deliciously light. I took a deep breath and submitted to another 19 minutes of this sweet torture.

I was at Siro Boka Place in Montenegro, having compression boot therapy, which is supposed to boost circulation and reduce swelling. “It’s especially effective on women over 35,” my youthful assistant had told me, helpfully. The hotel, which opened last year, is proud of its “state-of-the-art wellness facilities”. In most hotels that means a poky gym. At Siro the facilities are so good the Montenegrin Olympic team is training here ahead of Los Angeles 2028.

But more about the hotel later. First I was keen to get outside and explore. Siro is in Porto Montenegro, a swanky development on the edge of Tivat in the beautiful Bay of Kotor. My companions and I escaped the bling on a morning ebike tour around the bay, taking us from designer shops and luxury restaurants to charming old fishing villages. We cycled to the tip of the promontory to peer at the islet Our Lady of the Rocks, then biked right round the other side until we were facing Kotor’s triangular, red-roofed old town across the water. We cut inland to complete the loop via a switchback mountain road, where I was grateful for the electric assistance.

The next day we hit the Vrmac mountain trails on foot, hiking to Gornja Lastva, a half-abandoned village high above Tivat, and then on to tiny St Vid church, which stands alone on the peak. The panoramic views made it the perfect picnic stop. In the afternoon, we explored the calm waters of the bay by kayak. It was blissful just getting out on the sparkling water, but with more time it is possible to kayak round to the famed Blue Cave on the Luštica peninsula.

These trips can be booked through Siro, which has partnered with local activity companies. Guests can go running and rock climbing; canyoning in the Drenoštica or Nevidio canyons; paddleboarding on Skadar Lake; or try a host of watersports in the bay, from funtubing and efoiling to wakeboarding.

Back at the hotel, group classes are on offer in the fitness studios – there are about five sessions a day on weekdays and two at weekends. I tried yoga, pilates and mindful strength, while more high-octane options include run club, Hyrox and full body blitz. The gym – sorry, “fitness lab” – is enormous (1,600 sq m), and divided into cardio, weights and functional training zones. There is a lovely 25-metre outdoor pool on the third floor, with views over the marina.

All this exercise called for some more treatments in the spa, or “recovery lab”. During red light therapy, I had to lie in a coffin-like pod with the lid closed – not one for the claustrophobic. The near-infrared wavelengths are thought to help reduce inflammation, speed up muscle recovery and rejuvenate the skin. If nothing else, the gentle warmth was very relaxing, once I stopped thinking about being buried alive.

I was a little nervous about having a body composition analysis, but it was a simple procedure. You stand on a Seca Tru machine and hold the handles, and the results are sent to an app on your phone in about 30 seconds. It seems like sorcery, but actually uses “bioelectrical impedance analysis” to measure the resistance of electrical currents as they pass through the body, and is highly accurate when compared with an MRI or Dexa (bone density) scan. It was fascinating to pore over the results: muscle and fat mass, water levels, bone mineral content, basal metabolic rate (calories burned at rest) and, a new one on me, phase angle: “an indicator of overall health, metabolic activity and nutritional status”.

When I’d digested my results (88/100, not bad for a woman well over 35), I had a consultation with Hélène Boussiard, a French-trained clinical dietitian and fount of nutritional knowledge. We bonded over our vegan diets, but she was less happy with my late nights and alcohol intake. As I’ve been resolving to go to bed earlier and drink less for the past 25 years, it wasn’t exactly a revelation, but her written report did spur me on to try harder.

I cheered myself up with a massage or three. Two were conducted on a waterbed (well, Rivals has brought the 80s back into fashion), one involved stretching and all were utterly incredible. I could have tried cupping, dry needling, EMS therapy and percussive therapy as well, but there are only so many hours in the day.

Guests with any energy left can work out in their rooms, too – they are equipped with a Swedish ladder for pull-ups and dead hangs, a wellness ball to work the core even while sitting, plus weights, resistance bands and a yoga mat. A restful night’s sleep is aided by meditation playlists, temperature-controlled mattresses and sunrise alarm clocks.

As you might expect, the restaurant, Siro Table, serves healthy food. The breakfast buffet features ferments, nuts and seeds, with à la carte options such as avocado toast with poached eggs. At lunch and dinner, there are lots of vegetable-based dishes with protein add-ons “to achieve your desired macros” – I added chickpeas and tofu to courgette spaghetti, for example. But it’s not too abstemious: chips, desserts and wine are all on the menu too. The ground floor Refuel Bar serves smoothies and protein shakes, but there is an actual bar on the roof, with cocktails and Friday-night DJs.

After three days at Siro, I felt like an Olympic athlete myself. Now all I have to do is keep it up back home. I wonder how much a pair of compression boots would set me back?

I’m haunted by the perfection of Roxy board shorts from the early aughts. As a teen surfer girl in El Porto, they were my holy grail. In those years, all the cool surf brands made cute surf clothing, but the emphasis was decidedly more on the aesthetic than the function, which was a bummer when it came to, you know, surfing. Roxy board shorts changed that, especially the particular style I’m thinking of: slightly longer to actually prevent thigh chafe from the board, they sat perfectly on my hips and stayed on with their Velcro and lace-up fly. Unlike when I tried to borrow from the boys section, the board shorts weren’t comically long or baggy or cut straight across the waist. These were made for girls who actually surfed. I bought them in every (very cute) color I could find and surfed them until I couldn’t any longer.

Sonia Kasparian, the original designer of Roxy’s board shorts back in the mid-’90s, smiles in our recent conversation when I recount my astonishment at their discovery. She’s grinning because of course they fit — that was the ethos behind her design. “I wanted [the board shorts] to be totally functional, exactly to the same standards that the men’s were, but designed for women. There was a completely different fit for women than men.” And true to Roxy’s style bona fides, the board shorts looked good enough to pair with a T-shirt. “Everything was designed with the idea of being something that women would not only want to wear in the water, but just wear out walking around in everyday life,” Kasparian explains. “But if you were to go out in the water, those shorts would stay put. They would be comfortable — and they would be completely authentically built.” The brand was testing prototypes in the surf, eventually with pros like longtime Roxy team rider Lisa Andersen, but initially with Kasparian and her fellow Roxy and Quiksilver colleagues Lissa Zwahlen, Melissa Martinez and Amy Grace Patrick, among others. They’d paddle out in the board shorts in the morning to try out their designs before heading into the office, their noses dripping saltwater later in the day as they bent over fabric bins and sales reports.

Some of the first pairs of Roxy board shorts from designer Sonia Kasparian’s personal archive.

(Sonia Kasparian)

The functional ethos was always part of Quiksilver too. For the uninitiated, Roxy is the women’s brand of Quiksilver, the legendary Australian company that began in 1969 and made board shorts that performed as well as they looked. Their innovative, stylish design quickly became a nonnegotiable for the best and coolest surfers, and when Angeleno Bob McKnight discovered the board shorts on a surf trip in the early ’70s, he knew they’d become ubiquitous among surfers in California too. But when McKnight brought the brand to the U.S., he was met with skepticism. As McKnight tells it during our conversation at Quiksilver HQ, when he first approached Walter Hoffman, the renowned California maker of Hawaiian print fabric and eventual supplier and mentor, Hoffman exclaimed that board shorts were “the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life.” The apparel business, according to him, was an impossible one to succeed in. McKnight protested to Hoffman, though: “We’re not in the apparel business. We’re making equipment for surfers.” The distinction paid off with pros and wannabes alike, and by the time Quiksilver launched Roxy with Kasparian in 1990, they were a cultural juggernaut. PacSun, anyone?

When I ask Kasparian about being a part of my personal archives, about being part of the historical surfwear archives, she’s “just so happy.” Despite Roxy’s eventual runaway success — it’s responsible for about 30% of Quiksilver’s sales — it was hard work to convince others in the industry that there was absolutely a need and a desire for fashionable, functional surfwear for girls. “I mean, you would go into the surf shops and you’d see all this men’s product, and you’d see a poster of the Reef girl with her butt in your face, wearing a thong,” Kasparian recounts. It’s not an exaggeration to say that Kasparian and her team made history, not just for teenage me but for countless other girls who wanted to look and feel confident in and out of the surf. “[Roxy board shorts] changed the dynamic of where women fit in the surf industry. They weren’t just the girls that sat on the sideline with the thong and watched their boys out in the water. They were the ones out in the water. And that was huge.”

I haven’t had any luck in finding the grown-up surfer girl version of Roxy board shorts. I still comb thrift racks and bulk bins for something close enough, even trying on the odd pair of early aughts Quiksilver men’s board shorts, as if, just by wanting it enough, I can somehow manifest the completely different fit that Kasparian was so intentional about designing. But board shorts for women these days just don’t hit the same way, especially the longer ones. They read midlife modesty, not stoke; they’re lacking in the joyous, playful audacity that Kasparian and her team infused into their groundbreaking designs. Maybe the board shorts I’m seeing aren’t the vibe because, well, they’re made for women, not girls, and despite my best efforts to never grow up (see: still surfing), I am in fact an adult woman and no longer a girl. And maybe, most of all, when I say I long for those Roxy board shorts from long ago, what I really mean is that I’m nostalgic for a younger version of myself: a surfer girl who was just discovering clothes that made her feel more like herself, with all the evolutions of that person still ahead of her.