anxiety

MILAN — He popped the quad axel. He stumbled across the ice. He tried to hide the pained expression.

Ilia Malinin fell apart in the men’s free skate, tumbling from near lock to win the gold medal to eighth place after a disastrous performance Friday. After his music ended, Malinin covered his anguished face. He put his hands on his knees, shook his head in disbelief and scrunched his face, hoping to hold back the tears.

It was the first time since November 2023 that he hadn’t won a competition.

“I just thought that all I needed to do was go out there and trust the process that I’ve always been doing with every competition,” Malinin said with tear-stained cheeks. “But, of course, it’s not like any other competition. It’s the Olympics.”

American Ilia Malinin reacts after stumbling through the men’s singles free skate at the Winter Olympics on Friday in Milan.

(Robert Gauthier/Los Angeles Times)

Malinin skated four times at the Milan-Cortina Games, helping the United States to a team gold medal with a clutch free skate that clinched the one-point win. But the 21-year-old had just one clean skate in his first Games experience. He explained his slow start during the team event as “Olympic nerves.”

There was no explaining away Friday’s flop.

“I think people only realize the pressure and the nerves that actually happen from the inside,” said Malinin, whose technical advantage was supposed to be insurmountable for his opponents. “It was really just something that overwhelmed me. I just felt like I had no control.”

After Malinin’s score was announced, Kazakhstan’s Mikhail Shaidorov covered his mouth in shock. He was the new Olympic champion. Shaidorov claimed his country’s first Olympic gold in figure skating. His coach held his arm up like a boxing champion as a legion of Kazakh fans seated in the corner above the kiss-and-cry booth where skaters wait for their score waved their country’s teal and yellow flags. Malinin hugged him. He pointed to Shaidorov’s chest.

“You deserve it,” Malinin said.

Japan’s Yuma Kagiyama shook off several falls in his program to fight for his second consecutive Olympic silver. His countryman Shun Sato was in tears after learning he took the bronze.

Ilia Malinin’s father, Roman Skorniakov, reacts during his son’s performance at the men’s singles free skate at the Winter Olympics on Friday in Milan.

(Robert Gauthier/Los Angeles Times)

The United States’ Andrew Torgashev finished 12th with his season’s best 259.06-point total. Maxim Naumov stumbled through several jumps in his free skate to finish 20th overall with a 223.36 point total. The 24-year-old who lost both parents in a plane crash last year earned a standing ovation from actor Jeff Goldblum, who was in the stands behind the judges.

As the groups progressed toward the medal contenders, the crowd filled Milano Ice Skating Arena to the brim. Fans in suites in the rafters leaned over glass panes to get a better look. Volunteers and arena workers stood at the top of the concourse with no open seats left to claim.

While rising to the top of the sport with his stunning jumps and crowd-pleasing backflip, Malinin said his mission was to boost the popularity of figure skating to get this kind of attention outside of just the Olympic stage.

But standing at the center of the ice as fans waved U.S. flags from every corner, Malinin, the “Quad God” who looked invincible just three months ago when he became the first person to land seven quadruple jumps in one program, felt scared.

“Especially going into that starting pose, I just felt like all the just traumatic moments of my life really just started flooding my head,” Malinin said. “It was just like so many negative thoughts that just flooded into there, and I just did not handle it.”

He started off the program with a strong quad flip. Then he bailed mid-air on his signature quad axel that he had yet to attempt in the Olympics. The crowd gasped. Panic started when Malinin downgraded a planned quadruple loop to a double two jumps later.

American Ilia Malinin falls while competing in the men’s singles free skate at the Winter Olympics in Milan on Friday.

(Robert Gauthier/Los Angeles Times)

Behind the boards, his father and coach, Roman Skorniakov covered his face. Coach Rafael Arutyunyan, who has worked with Malinin part-time since 2021, paced back and forth. He hit the padded boards for encouragement before Malinin lined up for a three-jump combination.

Malinin fell again.

The program couldn’t end soon enough just to allow the 21-year-old a chance to hide after years of being in the spotlight as the presumed next Olympic champion.

“Being the Olympic gold hopeful is really just a lot to deal with,” Malinin said, “especially for my age.”

Malinin’s free skate music includes self-narrated voiceovers telling the story of his personal journey growing in the sport. As it begins, he uncovers his face. His words echo over the speakers.“The only true wisdom,” Malinin says in the program, “is in knowing you know nothing.”

After this result, that couldn’t be more true.