WHOEVER or whatever chiselled Chesil Beach did a mighty fine job.
The XXXL sandstone cliffs and 12 miles of shingle on Dorset’s Jurassic Coast are a treat for fossil hunter, swimmer and rambler alike.
But for a winter getaway, whether you like a bracing seaside walk, or brooding, storied villages like from the Thomas Hardy novels, Dorset is your wonderland.
First stop on our recent break was the latter — the village of Cranborne, inspiration for Hardy’s Tess Of The D’Urbevilles with its Norman church, coaching inn and thatched cottages.
But our Victorian hotel-restaurant La Fosse was as worldly as it was olde-worlde — chef-patron Mark Hartstone’s cuisine as classy as the interior design by his French wife Emmanuelle and the dining area’s woodland mural with REAL branches.
The menu proudly lists Mark’s local suppliers and our three-course feast, £75 for two, included treats such as anchovies and rhubarb compote, pork tenderloin in apple sauce, and braised quince with praline ice cream. Our bedroom was then just as sumptuous, with church view.
Our next stop, Portland Peninsula in the English Channel off Weymouth, could not have differed more — the full windsock, this wild outpost, but great for blowing away thoughts of the annual tax return.
Our home, though, was the height of comfort — literally so, for the Pennsylvania Estate’s luxury Clifftop Apartments lord it high over the Channel with grandstand terraces.
Hewn of the same Portland Stone as Buckingham Palace, these glass-fronted superpads with James Bond-style kitchen-lounge, two bedrooms, and your own telescope for whale-watching, are quite the treat for two couples sharing or a family.
We swam in nearby Church Ope Cove, named for a now ruined 11th- century chapel with pirate graves — and it was a fine appetiser before bussing into Weymouth for dinner.
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Star of the town’s bouji harbour is seafood restaurant The Catch, hailed recently by one posh critic as “the best restaurant in the world”.
Again, you are in treat land — the tasting menu and wine flight for two costs several hundred. But our fare, from oyster with fermented chilli and pickled shallot, and pickled mackerel with beetroot and salted plum, to chocolate, pear and hazelnut praline choux, was of the gods.
The harbourside Ebike Cafe, in a former grain warehouse, is also foodie heaven — its power porridges, buddha bowls, smoothies and fine wines as hipster-trendy as anything East London could serve up.
Across the harbour is Bennett’s Fish & Chips — top spot to meet the locals and admire old photos of the town — before the posh eateries then spill out on to nearby Chesil Beach.
Walk the epic shore, famed for TV drama Broadchurch, and The Watch House, Hive Beach Cafe and The Club House all offer premium bites.
At the first, we had the best beer-battered haddock, with craft cider, and at The Club House sea bass in seaweed butter sauce, and oysters.
If all that makes you lazy, The Island Sauna, overlooking Portland Harbour, is just the place to flop.
Another trip highlight, literally, was a tour of the Edwardian Portland Bill Lighthouse. As you climb its stair, you hear a haunting recording of the foghorn, at a polite fraction of full might, before being regaled with Spanish Armada tales.
Offshore is the Portland Brace tidal race where currents collide to create perilous turbulence, and our guide told how Sir Francis Drake suckered the Spanish into it before turning his guns on them.
Dorset get more exciting? Surely not.