The tactless questions to ask when your friend gets dumped
GOT a friend in tears because they’ve just been given the boot by their partner? Make it even worse with these probing and insensitive questions:…
Vaguely in shape dad sets unrealistic beauty standard for men
A FATHER with only a slight paunch and moderately receding grey hair is setting unrealistic beauty standards for men, it has emerged. 49-year-old dad of…
Five major events that can take place during a man’s lengthy toilet visit
A MAN’S trip to the toilet is a huge expanse of time in which monumental events can happen. Including these. A catastrophic extinction event A…
Seven godawful fashion items that should never make a comeback
FASHION is a continuous cycle where certain clothes come back into style even if they’re hideous. These unforgivable items must never make a comeback, but…
Why it takes us five whole days to reply to your messages: The pathetic excuses of slow texters
PEOPLE who take 120 hours to send one-word replies to texts may seem like piss-takers, but they have their flimsy reasons. Such as these… We…
Woman refits anecdote to get advice she actually wants
A WOMAN has received the dating advice she was looking for after adjusting her anecdote in response to feedback she did not deem useful. Hannah,…
Have you ever considered you’re the problem, dating apps ask users
DATING apps have asked their ugly, humourless, unloveable users if they have ever reflected that not being able to find a partner may not just…
Key to happy relationship is remembering you obviously can’t do any better
THE key to a happy relationship is reminding yourself that you cannot possibly do any better, it has been confirmed. The claim was made by…
Man loves banging on about how f**ked things are
A MAN gets a weird self-righteous buzz from talking about how screwed everything is. 29-year-old Scott, not his real name, gets a kick out of describing the…
‘Work harder’, and other brilliant advice from a new manager brought in to shake things up
HI, I’m Nicole, your new manager in Sydney, I want to touch base on my plan for overhauling this team and getting on your tits.…
Teenager’s accent changes dramatically when parents leave the house
THE neighbours of a well-spoken teenager have noticed his accent radically alters when his parents are not around. 17-year-old Huw, not his real name, speech…
Teenager messaging boy she met on bus believes she’s in a situationship
A 13-year-old girl who has exchanged messages with a boy on Instagram has decided to attach the label situationship to their conversation. Grace, not her…
Seven problems attractive people have you could probably cope with
ATTRACTIVE people get preferential treatment at work, research has found, but the gorgeous have replied that beauty brings its own issues. You feel you could…
Woman has valid reason for not closing each of her 47 open tabs
A WOMAN has a legitimate reason for each of the 47 tabs on her computer being open. Nikki, not her real name, has provided a…
Neighbours delighted man’s friend beeped car horn 15 times as he left last night
A MAN’S neighbours are glad his friend was able to beep his car horn numerous times last night as way of saying goodbye. Anthony, invited…
‘Dude’ and other terms women use to keep men at non-romantic distance
WOMEN have a vast array of words at their disposal to keep men in the friend zone. Here are some that strongly suggest you’ve got…
We’ve been together for 23 years but aren’t married. How special are we?
OUR relationship is the best, by far. Because although we’ve been a couple for decades with children and a mortgage, we’re incredibly special because we’re…
‘Who’s a good little mansplainer? You are’, says wife, pinching husband’s chubby cheeks
A MAN who successfully explained something to his wife she already knew has been congratulated in a manner befitting his achievement. Jesica, not her real…
Five ways to be a twat at a petrol station
DO you see filling up with petrol as a challenge to piss off other customers? Here are some practical ways to be a forecourt f**kwit.…
Man believes there is such a thing as ‘quality tequila’
A MAN is insisting his friends dislike tequila because they have not had the ‘good stuff’, not because it is irretrievably vile regardless of cost.…