A WOMAN in her 30s has been left traumatised after realising her friends are starting to look and sound like their parents she remembers from childhood.
Sophie, not her real name, 32, was caught off guard by friends from childhood she associated with puking up Jägerbombs on nights out suddenly developing a passion for lawn care and big fridges.
She said: “Hannah has started wearing M&S jumpers, describing them as ‘both warm and practical’. She had a fanatical glint in her eye, like a cult member. I’m shit scared.
“I went to stay at her house and showed up with a bottle of whisky to get wasted like we used to. Instead, she was already in pyjamas and spent the whole night talking about where to get affordable kitchen tiles.
“Her boyfriend Cade, not his real name, has started wearing an anorak, has his dad’s bald spot and keeps listening to ABBA, even though he was born in 1992. He’s also reached that stage of male maturing where they suddenly know everything about motorways by osmosis and winces when you say you’re taking the M4.
“I stood in their kitchen while Hannah was serving up chicken nuggets and orange squash and accidentally addressed her as ‘Mrs Tomlinson’ because she looked so much like her mum. She even had glasses perched on the end of her nose. When she asked how work was, I nearly replied ‘school’s fine, thanks’.”
“She tuts at litter, tells me spots only get worse if you pick them and has bought a navy, quilted dog-walking jacket. They don’t even own a dog.”