Having earned three national championship rings playing volleyball for UCLA, 6-foot-8 Tom Stillwell knows a little bit about competition and commitment to sports excellence.
Nothing, though, compares to his joy being a Girl Dad.
“That’s a full-time job, and being a volleyball dad is the best,” said Stillwell, an All-American at UCLA.
It was never planned that his two daughters, Maya, a 6-4 senior, and Lucy, a 6-0 sophomore, would become volleyball players at Harvard-Westlake. Stillwell and his wife, Julie, met at UCLA. She’s 5-6 and neither was thinking how tall their kids might be. But it happened. They were raising giants.
“We felt they needed to be involved in something and as they started to get really tall, I started to talk to friends who had tall females and their recommendation was get them involved in sports because it’s going to turn their tall from being awkward to cool,” Stillwell said. “For them, whether it was tennis, swimming, basketball or volleyball, it didn’t really matter to us. It was whatever they became connected with. They both had journeys.”
Maya had little interest in sports growing up.
“I was not athletic,” Maya said. “It was originally a way to get my body moving. I was into art and music. I started in club when I was 12 and hated it. It wasn’t for me. When COVID happened, we were forced to move to another club and I loved my teammates and coaches and started to like it.”
She became a top middle blocker, playing on a national championship club team and receiving a scholarship to Northwestern. She’s taken advantage of a mini-grass court in the family backyard and her father’s experience having switched from basketball to volleyball during his high school days at Sherman Oaks Notre Dame.
Lucy followed her sister into volleyball after trying other sports. She’s a backup at Harvard-Westlake, which started the season 7-0 until running into Marymount. The team is 10-2. Both have grade-point averages above 4.0.
Except for their mom, the Stillwells share a common experience — receiving stares because of their height.
Said Maya: “People at school are used to it, but walking outside, it’s like, ‘Oh you’re so tall. Do you play basketball?’ I never get, ‘Do you play volleyball?‘”
“It’s very funny,” Tom said. “I think all tall people have a similar experience with people coming up to you and asking, ‘Do you play basketball?’ When you play sports it helps to have that community because of a lot of their club people are similar height.”
But who gets the extra leg room when flying?
“I’m older and taller,” Maya said.
“She does,” Lucy said.
“Let me tell you who gets the worst seat. Julie, my wife,” Tom said. “She’s like, ‘I’m the mom. I birthed you. I get the worst seat?’”
The daughters never got to meet their legendary grandmother, Liz Shapiro, who was always at Tom’s games at Notre Dame and UCLA. Her generosity to both schools in terms of support will never be forgotten. She died of cancer after Tom’s volleyball career had ended.
“She was a rabid fan,” Tom said. “She would have been at every game, every tournament, club, high school, probably trying to watch practice.”
Tom, 51, has been helpful offering tips whenever his daughters ask, but he has tried to let them listen and learn from their coaches and not impose his own athletic beliefs on them.
“Volleyball just connected with them. It was fun to watch,” he said. “I told them they’re not doing it for me or my wife. They have to enjoy it and if they don’t, they shouldn’t do it. This is their journey, not mine.”
As a Girl Dad, Tom has adopted a specific philosophy no matter what he sees or hears.
“All I’m trying to be is their dad,” he said. “That’s my No. 1 focus. Not their volleyball coach, not their mentor in volleyball. It’s hard enough for these teenage girls. They don’t need to hear their dad yelling.”
