Kevin Gower

A MAN who believes the spring weather gives him licence to wear a Hawaiian shirt has been sternly corrected. 

Flamboyant dresser David, not his real name, has been reprimanded by friends and passers-by for greeting relatively pleasant temperatures with a floral shirt more suited to the tropical climate of a Central Pacific archipelago.

Friend Shaun, not his real name, said: “I’ve not shut Dave down because of his cultural insensitivity. He just looks like a massive dickhead.

“We’re only two days into April. The mercury is slowly inching up to 16 degrees. This is a time for T-shirts under denim jackets, maybe shorts if you’re one of those men and feeling adventurous.

“They’re only acceptable on holiday, during a prolonged spell of sweltering weather or at an office Hawaiian day if you work in a twat’s office. Even then, shirts decorated with little pineapples? Leave them to their target demographic of the closeted and divorced.”

Eyewitness Emma, not her real name, said: “Tom’s posing a visual hazard. I had to step into oncoming traffic in order to go over and tell him to put a hoodie over that gaudy shit.

“Also, wearing a Hawaiian today is goading the British weather into turning grey, showery and f**king freezing for the next six weeks. Don’t taunt it, you know how it gets.”

In the 16th century, Montenegro emerged as a semi-autonomous region within the Ottoman Empire. A series of rebellions against Turkish control resulted in Montenegro gaining its independence in 1878 under the Treaty of Berlin.

The name ‘Montenegro’ which refers to the black mountains that cover large parts of the region (about 60% of the country is more than 1000 metres about sea level) was first used in the 15th century.

In 1918, at the end of the First World War, Montenegro became part of the Kingdom of Yugoslavia and then a republic within the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia after the end of the Second World War.

Following the dissolution of the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia in 1992, Montenegro and Serbia established the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, which was renamed as Serbia and Montenegro in 2003 under the Belgrade Agreement, which also contained a provision that any referendum on the independence of Montenegro would not take place for three years.

The independence referendum was held on May 21st 2006, with an 85% turnout, the percentage of votes in favour of independence was 55.5% – a result that was only just over the 55% threshold for accepting independence. The Montenegro Parliament declared independence on June 3rd 2006 and became the 192nd member of the United Nations on June 24th 2006.

Montenegro’s flag was adopted on July 13th 2004. The design is based on the flag that was in use during the reign of King Nicola I, who was king between 1910 and 1918.

After Montenegro became independent of Yugoslavia, its internet domain name changed from .yu to .me

Cameroon became a German colony in 1884, known as Kamerun.  After Germany’s defeat in the first world war, the administration of the colony was divided between Britain and France, becoming UN Trust Territories after the end of the second world war and the creation of the United Nations.

The United Nations Trust Territory known as French Cameroun achieved independence from France on January 1st 1960, and British Southern Cameroons became a federated state within Cameroon on October 1st 1961. 

On May 20th 1972, in a national referendum, Cameroonians voted for a unitary state as opposed to the existing federal state.  President Ahmadou Ahidjo then abolished the federal system of government in favour of a unitary state, the Republic of Cameroon.

Most countries operate under a unitary system.  A unitary state is governed as a single power under the control of a central government and any powers for administrative divisions are delegated from central government.

BRITAIN’S men are in agreement that chilling on the sofa, in the pub or in the shed is up there with hiking or windsurfing as an activity. 

While to observers they seem to be seated and staring into the middle distance with dead eyes, men insist that chilling is a strenuous pursuit and definitely not mental dormancy.

Scott, not his real name, from Stanford said: “Yeah, I spent the whole weekend chilling. Can barely move my arms today because they’re sore from chilling so hard.

“I was up early for a brisk 45-minute chill in bed, then limbered up a marathon four-hour chill in front of the telly. I chilled so hard I don’t even know what was on.”

Fellow man Wayne, not his real name, said: “Chilling is complicated. It’s both activity and inactivity. Like Buddhist meditation, only more challenging.

“You have to wear specialised clothing like unwashed joggers and it requires equipment like a chair with your arse groove worn into it. And take frequent breaks, because it can be dangerous to overdo it.

“Women don’t understand chilling. They think it should involve going on picnics or meeting their friends, but as any man knows those factors risk torpedoing the vibe.”

The Haitian flag was adopted on May 18th 1803, on the last day of the Congress of Arcahaie. The congress was a meeting that had two key outcomes;  the establishment of a united command of the revolutionary army under the supreme authority of Jean-Jacques Dessalines, and the adoption of a flag by the indigenous army.

Jean-Jacques Dessalines created the flag by taking a French tricolour and ripping out the white centre. His god-daughter, Catherine Flon, sewed the remaining horizontal bands together – the tricolour became the bi-colour. The blue in the Haitian flag is said to represent the Haitian’s of African descent and red for the Gens de couleur (French for ‘people of colour’). 

In the struggle for independence from France, Haitians of African descent had been set against the ‘Gens de couleur’. They had made peace earlier in 1803 and were now united against the French. It is interesting that the Haitian struggle for independence was inspired by the French Revolution and now their flag was also based on the French one.

Over the intervening years, the flag has been changed several times. The bands became vertical in 1804. A red and black variation has also bee in in use more than once. The current flag was adopted on February 17th 1986, after the departure of Jean-Claude Duvalier and was ratified a year later by the official adoption of the March 29th 1987 Constitution.

The creation of the original flag was a seminal moment in Haiti’s nationhood and was soon being celebrated each year on May 18th.

In 1919, the government added Universities Day as part of the celebrations. Highlighting the educational system was seen as important by the government as they saw the educational system was under threat due to the U.S. occupation of Haiti that started in 1915.

LOVED up, but not inducing as much nausea as other couples? Follow these tips to become the most in-your-face sweethearts the world has ever despised:

Cling constantly

Don’t just occupy space near your significant other. Aggressively drape your body over them like they’re the only life raft in the ocean and you’re that twat from Titanic.Act like 30 seconds without skin-on-skin contact could kill. Pointedly tap their arm to assert ownership as if they’re an errant dog liable to break for the horizon.

Refuse to have any independent life

A treasured friend going through a tough time and wants to meet up? Bring your boyfriend. Old pal you’ve not seen for a few years made an effort to see you? Be accompanied by your girlfriend throughout. Being an individual is so passé. Fuse yourselves together inextricably and march in synchrony to all your joint activities.

Wear matching outfits

Christmas jumpers are for amateurs. You wear matching matching pyjamas all year round and you’ve bought them for your pets. Next, his-and-hers underwear, the same trainers in different colours and paired tattoos with an emotionally convoluted meaning that you can spend hours of your life explaining to friends who wish to God you’d stop.

Share every bite

Other couples – those whose love is a mere shadow of yours – eat separate, different meals. You can’t imagine how they bear it. For you not to have tasted your other half’s nasi goreng would mean there was a gastronomic experience you had not shared, and what next? Infidelity? Never. You feed each other, to show this need is mutual.

Document every mundane moment

How many photos a day is too many? Five? 15? Aim higher. Celebrate the first time you touched pinkies, ate sushi together, or sent each other the purple heart emoji. Complete each with a caption akin to a small self-indulgent novel, like an influencer receiving six figures annually to promote love.

Give yourselves a portmanteau name

Top off your disgusting display by adopting one of the smug combination names used by those who’ve lost all grip on reality, ie celebrities. Talk about your union with the same level of awe as Brangelina did between 2005 and 2016. Allow others to be grateful the SmiWarrens have graced them with their presence. Allow them to learn.

Today is dedicated to the Day of Family Purity and Respect for Parents, following an order issued by the Georgian government.

The holiday applies primarily to employees of administrative bodies as defined by the General Administrative Code of Georgia.

According to the order, the administrative bodies are allowed to identify specific services and employees to whom the holiday will not apply. This exemption is intended for roles essential to state power and the normal functioning of society, ensuring these critical functions remain uninterrupted.

The decision explicitly excludes certain financial and procurement activities. It does not apply to financial obligations related to individuals under the supervision of the National Bank of Georgia and the activities related to state procurement, as outlined in the Law of Georgia on State Procurement.

WHY isn’t he texting back? Unresolved childhood trauma? Unconventional attachment style? Or are you annoying? Let’s break it down like his parents’ marriage: 

Communication

His parents’ divorce has given him an anxious-avoidant attachment style, you realise, even though he said it was ‘fine’ and ‘meant I got two Christmases’. The absence of love in childhood means he struggles with words of reassurance. That’s why he told you he preferred bigger tits, to push you away because he’s afraid of getting hurt again.

Sex

He showers you with affection before sex but withholds it immediately after lovemaking. A classic response from someone with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, craving intimacy while fearing vulnerability. You tell him you understand his pain while he calls an Uber from the bed, and repeat it in subsequent texts he feels too exposed to reply to.

Commitment

Without a healthy relationship model to follow, he cannot understand monogamy. Low self-esteem from his mother nagging him to tidy his bedroom also causes him to self-sabotage for fear of not measuring up. Which explains why he forgot your birthday drinks and was unable to get you a present. Really you were wrong to ask.

Fidelity

Those other girls he’s meeting? A reflection of his fear of abandonment after his dad left and moved three streets away. He can’t understand that you won’t do the same so needs back-ups for security, as a child clings to a blanket. And never communicating honestly as a child meant he didn’t have the skillset to tell you about his polyamorous tendencies.

Disordered

A classic sign of a chaotic inner life caused by inconsistent caregiving in infancy is a constant see-sawing between showing his true feelings and running away. This is why he texts ‘U up?’ at 2am on a Friday, comes round for sex and then isn’t in contact for four months. Saying you have an overbite like a Grand National winner is just an attempt to push you away. It won’t work.

The Sudan People’s Liberation Army (SPLA) was founded as a rebel movement on May 16th 1983. It was led by Commander-in-Chief John Garang de Mabior. Along with the political wing, Sudan People’s Liberation Movement, the aim of the SPLA was to establish an autonomous Southern Sudan, initially within a united Sudan.

Its military actions against the Sudanese government became the Second Sudanese Civil War that would last until 2005.

After South Sudan gained its independence in 2011, the SPLA became the army of the new country. 

The SPLA was renamed as the South Sudan People’s Defense Force in 2018, partly as the SPLA has splintered into so many acronyms over the years that is hard to keep track of who is fighting who.

A WOMAN who settled for a dullard she constantly moans about still looks down on a friend for remaining single, it has emerged.

Susan, not her real name, pities Helen, not her real name, for not having a partner despite frequently disparaging her own husband Martin, most recently stating that he was ‘below average in every respect, from intelligence to penis size’.

Susan said: “Poor Helen. She lives alone and has nobody, aside from a gregarious group of other single friends. 

“She must hate rattling about in all that space, with none of her living room being taken up by a three-metre square model railway. And I just can’t imagine having no one to awkwardly sit in silence for hours with.

“What’s going to happen when she gets older? She says she’ll downsize, retire early and piss off abroad to meet a hot young gigolo. It sounds very lonely to me, unlike being trapped in a stale marriage with a monosyllabic man for the last 30 years of my life.

“Martin hasn’t got much going for him but at least I’ve got a ring on my finger and somebody to take the bins out. That’s what’s important, isn’t it? Please say it is.”

Helen said: “I’d try and convince Susan there’s more to life than being married, but I’m too busy going on holiday at the drop of a hat and experimenting with polyamory. Still, she’s got Martin to not talk to.”

Paraguay is a landlocked country in South America, bordered by Brazil to the east, Argentina to the south and west, and Bolivia to the northwest. Before the arrival of Europeans, the territory was inhabited by various indigenous peoples, including the Guarani, who still make up a significant portion of the population today.

Paraguay was first colonised by the Spanish in the 16th century. The settlement of Asunción, now the capital of Paraguay, was founded by the Spanish on Ascension Day (August 15th) 1537.

There are two theories about where the name “Paraguay” comes from. One version says it means either “River of the Payaguas”, an Indian tribe, or “crowned river” after the native Indian Guaraní words for palm crown and water. A more colourful versions is that there was a parrot named Frank that the first Jesuit settlers befriended when they arrived in the region. To back up this theory, on old maps, Paraguay was labelled as “Parrot”. 

The region had shown dissent against the Spanish for several years and tension had risen in the early years of the nineteenth century due to the growing influence of Argentina in the area.

Some bad decisions by the Governor had weakened Spanish presence, which was already affected by the Napoleonic Wars, enabling the Paraguayans, led by a lawyer, Dr José Gaspar Rodríguez de Francia., to overthrow the Spanish in a fairly bloodless revolution on May 14th 1811.

As a result, Paraguay became the second independent nation in the new world – the United States was the first. Dr Francia became the first President of Paraguay, ruling from 1814 to 1840.

He was influential in the design of the flag of Paraguay, which uniquely is the only national flag in the world that has a different image on each side. In the center of one side is the Paraguayan coat of arms, and on the opposite, the treasury seal with the national motto: “Paz y justicia” (“Peace and Justice”).