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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE? You’re having a laugh.

We’ve all heard it. The derisory chant from opposition fans when one of the so-called ‘big guns’ is having an off day.

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For example, Southampton supporters had every right to aim it at the multi-billionaires of Manchester City last weekend, when they couldn’t find a way past the worst team in the Premier League.

Only now what was once a mildly amusing terrace jibe sums up perfectly what the leading club competition in the world has become. A joke.

Next season there will be a record SIX English teams in the Champions League.

Almost one third of the entire Premier League will be waved straight into the bizarre league phase by Uefa’s welcoming doormen at an empty small town disco on a wet Tuesday night.

Anyone can come in. From Liverpool who finished top, right down to hapless Tottenham or abject Manchester United hovering above the relegation zone.

It is time to officially ban the phrase ‘elite competition’ whenever the Champions League is mentioned on TV and radio or written in print.

There was a time when you had to win your domestic league to progress into the highest level of European football the following season.

Simple as that.

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We are now at a point where English Premier League teams have to work harder to stay out of the modern Champions League than to get in.

Spurs and Man United, regular participants in the past, have done spectacularly well trying to cock up their seasons. Yet

by virtue of winning the Europa League one of them will be alongside Liverpool, Paris Saint-Germain and Bayern Munich, the already declared winners of their respective leagues.

Erratic Chelsea, under the guidance of boss Enzo Maresca, have lost to Ipswich, Fulham and Brighton.

From winning five Premier League games in a row, they went winless in the next five and couldn’t string a pass together.

They lag 20 POINTS behind the bona fide champions of England from Anfield and are fifth.

Don’t bet against them being in next season’s Champions League.

The constant tinkering and chiselling away at a once simple game has led to Uefa getting its knickers in a right old twist.

Fifth in this year’s Premier League grants a free pass into the treasure trove of the Champions League thanks to the coefficients which measure success where once it was about winning.

A whole page is devoted to thrill-a-minute ‘coefficients’ on the governing body’s website to explain how a system that would baffle Stephen Hawking’s much cleverer cousin actually works: “Uefa calculates the coefficient of each club each season based on the clubs’ results in the  Uefa Champions League, Uefa Europa League and Uefa Conference League.

“The season coefficients from the five most recent seasons are used to rank the clubs for seeding purposes (sporting club coefficient).

“In addition, the season coefficients from the ten most recent seasons are used to calculate revenue club coefficients for revenue distribution purposes only.”

And that’s just the overview.

There’s a gag in there somewhere about how many coefficients does it take to ruin a game of football? Only I can’t see a funny punch line.

There was a time back when the world was black and white in the 1950s when two imaginative French journalists took inspiration from South America and came up with the idea of the best clubs from each country competing for a trophy on our continent.

Ironically, it wasn’t called the Champions League back then. It was the plain old European Cup. A cup fought over by teams in Europe. Simple eh?

Liverpool’s first steps into the European Cup came in 1964, our sole representatives having won the league the previous season under Bill Shankly.

Next season they share the honour with five other English teams and some of them are pretty ordinary.

If Spurs win the Europa League and follow it up by winning the Champions League next year, the champions of Europe will come from a team currently 17th in England’s top division.

You can argue it won’t happen. Yet somehow a side which has lost more league games than it has won this season is in a European final next week.

That’s cup football for you and it’s a wonderful lottery. Qualification for the Champions League is not. It’s a boring carve up.

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STRUGGLING households in parts of the UK could get up to £500 in cost of living help – but you’ll need to meet strict rules.

The cash boost is part of the Household Support Fund (HSF), a £421million pot, which helps low-income families with food, energy bills, and essentials.

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But it’s only available if you live in Worcestershire – that includes the districts of Malvern, Worcester, Wychavon, Bromsgrove, Redditch or Wyre Forest.

To check if you qualify, go to gov.uk/find-local-council – Worcestershire County Council must be listed.

You’ll also need to meet income and vulnerability rules.

Who is eligible?

To qualify, your gross annual income must be:

• £24,570 or less (for a single adult with no children)
• £31,000 or less (for all other households)

You must also have no savings, unless you’re of state pension age – in which case you can have up to £5,000.

And at least one person in your household must meet ONE of the following:

• Be of state pension age
• Have a long-term diagnosed health condition or be registered disabled
• Have a child under four
• Be in receipt of DWP benefits like Attendance Allowance, Carer’s Allowance, PIP or Disability Living Allowance
• Be receiving support from services such as food banks, Citizens Advice, Age UK, mental health or housing support, or your GP’s social prescribing team

How much can I get?

The amount depends on your household:

• Up to £500 for homes with children under 18 or full-time students under 21
• Up to £300 for adult-only households aged 18–66
• Up to £300 for pensioner households

Payments can go straight to your energy provider, be credited via an online portal or come in the form of Post Office vouchers for prepayment meters.

You’ll need to supply:

• A recent energy or water bill (dated within 3 months) showing your name, address and account number
• Evidence of your vulnerability
• Extra documents if applying for help with energy debts or heating repairs

What else is covered?

Help is also available for:

• Repairing or replacing broken boilers
• Installing first-time heating systems
• Servicing and upgrading smart heating controls

You’ll need to complete a separate application if applying for these – but forms will be sent to you once your initial claim is made.

Where to send your evidence:

• Email digital copies to: [email protected]
• Post paper documents to:
  Act on Energy
  Unit 2, Lauriston Business Park
  Salford Priors
  Warwickshire WR11 8SN

Applications will be closed if evidence isn’t sent within 28 days – so act fast.

In other related benefit news, pension savers have been pocketing thousands in tax refunds after being overcharged — and now fresh HMRC changes could stop millions more being stung.

Over 15,000 people got an average refund of £2,881 between January and March this year after being overtaxed when they dipped into their pension pots.

In total, £44million was handed back in just three months, according to new figures — with hopes the amount overpaid will fall thanks to recent rule tweaks.

HMRC rolled out a new system this month, aimed at stopping retirees from being wrongly whacked with a sky-high emergency tax bill when making a withdrawal.

Other help you can claim

If you’re not eligible for the Household Support Fund, you might qualify for other forms of help to cover energy bills or food.

Support may vary depending on your local council – so even if you don’t live in Worcestershire, it’s worth checking what’s on offer in your area.

Several energy firms offer grants to households who are struggling to pay their energy bills worth up to £2,000.

This includes British Gas, Octopus Energy and EDF.

New parents might also be eligible for free food worth up to £442 a year to cover the cost of healthy food and milk via the Healthy Start scheme.

Or, you can get an emergency food parcel from a Trussell Trust food bank.

You can find your nearest via www.trussell.org.uk/emergency-food/find-a-foodbank.

To get a food parcel, you need a voucher from a community organisation like Citizens Advice or your GP. You can then exchange this voucher for a food parcel at the food bank.

It’s also worth checking if you’re eligible for benefits if you haven’t already – billions of pounds’ worth is going unclaimed, according to Policy in Practice.

There are three free calculators you can use to see what you might be entitled to:

• Policy in Practice better off calculator
• entitledto benefits calculator
• Turn2us benefits calculator