times square

SpongeBob SquarePants would, in theory, have little use for stamps. They would get soggy in that pineapple under the sea.

Neither would Patrick Star (no fingers on the ends of those arms), Mr. Crabs (claws) or Squidward Tentacles (his name says it all). One could argue that even the fans of “SpongeBob SquarePants” wouldn’t have much use for stamps. That crowd doesn’t go in for snail mail — although Gary the Snail might.

Nevertheless, the whole gang from Nickelodeon’s long-running animated show — even Sandy Cheeks, the squirrel in the diving suit — is featured on a new set of commemorative Forever stamps, according to the U.S. Postal Service.

But the point isn’t to use them but to collect them, and perhaps look at the yellow, smiling, gap-toothed face of SpongeBob when you need a quick pick-me-up.

If you happen to be in New York City’s Times Square on Aug. 1 from 8 to 10 a.m. Eastern, you can get your hands on the new stamps. The event is free, but the stamps you’ll have to pay for. (A sheet of 16 will cost you $12.48. They’re 78 cents apiece.)

That’s 40 cents more than each stamp would have cost when “SpongeBob” premiered 26 years ago.

The USPS art director, Greg Breeding, designed the stamps with Nickelodeon artwork to guide him, according to the Postal Service. He’ll be on hand for autographs.

The world of Bikini Bottom was introduced in May 1999, and the show began a full run two months later. Creator Stephen Hillenburg, who died in 2018 at age 57 after battling Lou Gehrig’s disease, was — appropriately — a teacher of marine biology in Southern California before switching to animation. He created colorful teaching tools as well as wrote and illustrated stories with the characters who came to populate the show, as The Times wrote in Hillenburg’s obituary.

To set the record straight, stamps have, in fact, been used in Bikini Bottom.

One example: In the Season 13 episode “Patrick the Mailman,” the starfish delivers a letter to SpongeBob and asks him, “Do you know where this Spon-gee-Boob Squir-pa-Nants lives?” He then makes SpongeBob his postal pal.

U.S. sprinter Noah Lyles thinks he’s the fastest man in the world.

Tyreek Hill, the Miami Dolphins receiver with the nickname “Cheetah,” thinks he could beat Lyles in a race.

The two men announced earlier this year that they would settle this most pressing of matters on the track, without offering many other details.

Now, however, it seems the world may never know which of them is truly its fastest runner.

Speaking to reporters Monday at the Stagwell Global Sport Beach event in Cannes, France, the 27-year-old Lyles revealed that his race against Hill, 31, actually had been slated to take place “this weekend” in Times Square but had been called off at some point because of unspecified “complications” and “personal reasons.”

“We were very deep into creating the event. In fact, it was supposed to happen this weekend,” Lyles said. “Unfortunately, there were some things — complications, personal reasons — [and] it just didn’t come to pass.

“But, I mean, we were all in. We were going to have a big event. We were going to shut down New York Times Square and everything. We were gonna have all the billboards for the event. It was going to be a lot of fun.”

Lyles was the world champion in the 200 meters in 2019, 2022 and 2023 and in the 100 in 2023. At last year’s Paris Olympics, he won gold in the 100 and bronze in the 200, later saying he had COVID-19 during those Games.

Following his 2023 world title, Lyles drew attention by telling reporters that teams that win the championship of a league based primarily or entirely in the United Statesare not technically world champions, despite what those athletes might claim.

“World champion of what?” Lyles asked. “The United States?”

During 2024 training camp, podcast host Kay Adams mentioned Lyles’ comments to Hill and asked the speedy receiver if he’d like to race Lyles.

“I would beat Noah Lyles,” replied Hill, a former high school track star who won the 100 and 200 at the 2012 Georgia 5A state meet and ran the 40-yard dash in 4.29 at his 2015 pro day. “I’m not going to beat him by a lot, but I would beat Noah Lyles.”

Lyles’ personal bests are 9.79 seconds in the 100 and 19.31 seconds in the 200. He told Bleacher Report in May that he thought his time in the 40 would be “somewhere between a 4.1 and a 4.2.”

In February, immediately after winning the 60 at the Indoor Grand Prix, Lyles held a scrap of paper in front of his face that read, “Tyreek Could Never.” Last week, after running a personal-best time of 10.15 in a 100-meter preliminary at a Last Chance Sprint Series event at Sherman Oaks Notre Dame, Hill held up a sign that read “Noah Could Never.”

While the two men apparently had been slated to settle their feud on the track, now it looks like that’s not going to happen. Hill took to X on Tuesday to post a version of a popular meme featuring Homer Simpson fading into the bushes, with Lyles’ face super-imposed over that of the cartoon character.

“@LylesNoah after seeing me run the 100m last weekend,” Hill wrote.