WANT to prove to your ex what a terrible act they committed in dumping you? These six red flags will force them to take you back out of basic decency:
His dickhead mate
There’s always one. Even the group of mates disagree about how he was allowed to become core. He’ll be unhinged enough to ignore every bro code and take you on, and because he knows no boundaries your ex will get regular updates about this obvious act of romantic self-harm. It’s worth your ex getting back with you just to exile him forever.
Her hairdresser
Moving in on a woman who provides a regular service for your ex, like hairdresser or nail tech, will anger her. And, due to shop talk, the new girl will already know what you like in bed up to and including the insertion of that finger at that specific moment. Avoid her bikini waxer, though. After a while they live to inflict that pain.
His boss
He already hates his boss and this would compound it, so won’t go unnoticed. The boss is such a puffed-up prick he’ll have no idea he’s being used and will gloat unreservedly in the office. However your former boyfriend may easily come round to the idea you wankers deserve each other and then you’re stuck with this wannabe alpha.
Your previous ex
Sourcing the ex you dumped before your dumping is the easy route to jealousy, but he could only be dating you to make his own recent ex jealous and then she’ll revert to her ex and time will begin to go backwards. Before long you’re flirting with Joel from school just to make a man you met 12 years later angry.
Her cousin
A risky strategy, no matter how flirtatious he was at that wedding. Turns out he doesn’t just drink heavily and knee-slide onto dancefloors at family occasions, but on Tuesday evenings in Wetherspoons. And now you’re tainted and he can never get back with you and you’re in two overlapping sets of family photos.
The next person you meet
If trying to date people familiar to your ex didn’t work, just grab the first desperate lonely singleton that comes along and ask them on a date to the cafe your ex works in. Tell him you’re only doing it to make him jealous, it doesn’t matter, the random’s only in it for a snog and a grab of a boob. Does it work? Well, you can’t go to that cafe again.