Emergency plumber drunk on godlike power
AN emergency plumber with an exorbitant call-out fee and a string of desperate clients is feeling more powerful than Zeus, he has confirmed. Due to…
I hate my life, says only honest person on LinkedIn
THE only honest profile on LinkedIn has shared that he hates his job, boss and life and could not give a free-form f**k about his…
Woman furious as back-up husband marries
A WOMAN is outraged after a man she had reserved as her back-up husband had the audacity to marry someone else. Helen, not her real…
A single initial, and other twatty ways to sign off an email
SIGNING off an email is a minefield in which you’re always just one word away from metaphorically losing a foot. Here are some of the…
Woman’s friends dutifully say ‘wow’ about engagement ring
A WOMAN’S friends have all faked amazement at her engagement ring despite having no idea whether it is impressive. 26-year-old Kristine, not her real name,…
Conversation spoiled by boyfriend talking
A PLEASANT chat a woman was enjoying with her boyfriend has been ruined by his insistence on joining in. Sian, not her real name, was…
Strong cup of tea is middle-aged woman’s can of Monster
A MIDDLE-AGED woman who wants to feel energised to the point of anxiety can do so by drinking a strong cup of tea after midday,…
They didn’t bring you a little treat back from the shops: six major relationship red flags
THOUGHT cheating was bad? Wait until you hear about these extreme acts which could easily destroy any relationship. Not buying you a treat from the…
Water bills and other things that will instantly absorb any energy bill savings
THE typical energy bill is set to fall by £238, but don’t crack open the champagne just yet. That money will instantly get sucked up…
Father sits down for talk with teenage son about using incognito mode
A FATHER has sat his teenage son down for a talk about how to ensure your internet history is not visible. Dave, not his real…
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, says friend you’re not allowed to find annoying anymore
A FRIEND you previously found irritating and inattentive has been gifted the perfect get-out clause in the form of an ADHD diagnosis. Mark, not his…
Man thinks bar staff at local knowing his name is a good thing
A MAN thinks all the staff at his local pub knowing his name makes him a well-loved neighbourhood face rather than a probable alcoholic. Stephen,…
Gen Z retail worker requesting a mental health day in for big surprise
A 20-YEAR-OLD shop worker is sure his request for time out to aid his mental health will get a positive reaction from his managers. Tamir,…
Decision to dump boyfriend made by committee
A WOMAN has consulted her female friends and relatives so that they can collectively decide wether or not she should dump her boyfriend. Lucy, not…
Gilet wearer admits his arms have been cold for years
A LONG-TERM gilet wearer has admitted that his arms are often very cold. Anthony, not his real name, has been parading around in a green…
Six wankers who always pipe up when the meeting reaches Any Other Business
READY for this tedious, pointless meeting to end, so you can get the f**k out of there? Not so fast, these six arseholes will always…
How bad your friend’s break-up was, measured by her new haircut
THEY split last week. You’re meeting her for lunch after she’s visited the hairdressers. The haircut she gets determines how much of a bastard you…
Haha, the thumbs-up emoji and other texts people send when they don’t fancy you back
A TEXT reply from your crush should show barely-concealed longing and lust. So why are yours bland placeholder messages? Here’s what people text back when…
Gen Z couple break up after realising six-month age gap was problematic
A COUPLE have split after deciding that their six-month age difference created an unequal power balance in their relationship. Calvin, not his real name, 20,…
Woman who has never had to use an app giving dating advice
A WOMAN who has never had to download an app and swipe through awful profiles is daring to give dating advice, it has emerged. Eleanor,…