Husband can’t wait to hear latest thrilling twists and turns in saga of wife’s office
A MAN cannot wait for his wife to update him on the latest gripping events in the ongoing saga of what’s happened in her office.…
Woman who says ‘You’ll either love me or you’ll hate me’ is universally hated
A WOMAN who claims to have a divisive personality unites everyone who meets her in hatred, it has emerged. Emma, not her real name, aged…
Woman believes social media best place to cry and discuss personal problems
A WOMAN is convinced social media is a suitable forum for her to cry and discuss her most intimate personal problems. Sophie, not her real…
Why you shouldn’t buy that thing you’re sure you want. By your parents
WHAT are you doing? Don’t buy that. Your frivolous purchase will be frowned upon, and your parents will sensibly explain why: Designer dress Why on…
Six excuses to text your ex and tell them you’re with someone else
THE break-up was tough. Working on yourself, ie wanking furiously, was even harder. But now you’re shagging someone new, better and you need your ex to know.…
Sunday 28 July Olav’s Eve in Faroe Islands
Olaf II Haraldsson (Ólavur Halgi in Faroese) was King of Norway from 1015 to 1028. Olaf died on July 29th 1030 in the battle at…
25-year-old who says she feels ‘ancient’ told to shut the f**k up
A 25-YEAR-OLD who spent her birthday complaining about being ‘basically middle-aged’ has been advised by older friends to shut the f**k up. Sian, not her…
Man in hotel missing underlying passive-aggressive tone of an Airbnb stay
A MAN staying in a regular hotel is longing for the underlying hostility of booking a night in an Airbnb, it has emerged. Julian, not…
Mum still typing
A MOTHER is still typing a text messages several hours after the three dots indicating she was composing her reply first appeared. Yvonne, not her…
Couple insist underfloor heating won’t change them
A COUPLE who have just had underfloor heating installed are claiming they will not let it go to their heads. Kevin and Kah Heng, not…
Letting someone with one item go in front of you: Good deeds you’ve got no sodding choice about
SOME acts of kindness are so unavoidable you can’t even congratulate yourself on your incredible generosity toward the little people. Here are some you just…
Woman in meeting only making notes to look like she has faintest clue what’s going on
A WOMAN in a meeting decided to make some notes before her colleagues figured out she had not not been listening to a word that had been…
Man achieves perfect work-life balance by quitting job
A MAN has achieved the perfect balance between his personal life and professional duties by quitting the latter entirely. Former marketing supervisor Tom, not his…
It’s a privilege to let me pass, explains SUV driver
A WOMAN passing in a f**k off massive car does not need to thank you because your car is smaller and therefore utterly insignificant. Carolyn,…
Premature baldness, and other features you’re secretly delighted your mates have got
IT’S unfortunate when a friend suffers from one of these unattractive characteristics. But it’s also excellent that you look stunning by comparison, so don’t feel…
We choose candidates based on their Religious Studies GCSE grade, admit employers
EMPLOYERS have confirmed they only consider giving the top roles to candidates with top grades in their religious studies GCSEs. A survey of more than…
Lanyard powerless outside corporate realm
A CORPORATE worker is beginning to realise that her lanyard wields no power in the outside world. While the length of ribbon with an access…
Woman fearful husband on verge of sleeping naked
A WOMAN is apprehensively waiting for the moment her husband decides to go to bed without wearing any pyjamas, it has emerged. As the hot…
Couple who ‘only smoke when drinking’ drinking a lot
A COUPLE who claim to only to have the occasional cigarette with a glass of wine appear to be drinking six nights a week, friends…
Get back in the office or you’re fired and fill in your satisfaction survey positively: five contradictory statements from human resources
HUMAN resources want to fully exploit their humans as a resource and for them to be happy about it. These are the contradictory messages you…