Adult bellend still says ‘on a school night’
A GROWN man thinks it is cute for him to refer to weekday evening as ‘school nights’, it has emerged. Jack, not his real name,…
What you do for a living versus what your mum tells people you do
YOU’VE got an important and interesting job which your mum can’t get her head round. Here’s what you actually do, compared to what she tells…
Man back from holiday furious at his lazy past self
A MAN has returned to the office furious at how much work was left undone by his lazy bastard self from a fortnight ago. Data…
Six wankers who always pipe up when the meeting reaches Any Other Business
READY for this tedious, pointless meeting to end, so you can get the f**k out of there? Not so fast, these six arseholes will always…
‘Who’s a good little mansplainer? You are’, says wife, pinching husband’s chubby cheeks
A MAN who successfully explained something to his wife she already knew has been congratulated in a manner befitting his achievement. Jo, not her real…
Man clearly getting off on calling boat ‘she’
A MAN with a yacht is clearly turned on whenever he talks about the vessel as if it is actually female. Ian, not his real…
Woman whose work emails full of exclamation marks as dreadful as you’d expect
A WOMAN who liberally peppers her work emails with exclamation marks is just as powerfully irritating in real life, colleagues. Administration manager Hannah, not her…
Woman so fancy she is marrying an Italian
A WOMAN has announced she is so much better than everyone else in Britain she must wed an Italian. Lucy, not her real name, of…
How to guiltily explain to your millennial friends that your parents are buying you a house
HAVE you spent years moaning about being part of ‘generation rent’ but now your parents are bunging you some cash for a house? Here’s how…
Busy mum saves time by preparing marital arguments in advance
A WOMAN has unlocked new efficiencies in her packed weekly schedule by preparing ahead of time a selection of complaints, insults and resentments to fire…
How to look like a millennial who doesn’t give a f**k about looking like Gen Z
WANT to look like a person in their 30s and 40s with no interest in dressing like the younger generation? Here’s how. Sneer at your…
Dad ruining stag do
ENJOYMENT of a man’s Prague stag do has been drastically reduced by the presence of the groom-to-be’s father, guests have confirmed. 30-year-old Oliver, not his…
Woman on date pretending she can’t finish pizza
A WOMAN on a first date is maintaining a pretence that eating an entire pizza is far too much for a delicate girl like her. 34-year-old Hannah,…
Wife lying in wait to ruin husband’s anecdote
A WIFE who is very bored of hearing the same anecdote yet again is lying in wait to ruin it at just the right moment. Jessica,…
Gen Zer exhausted after day of visualising work
A TEENAGER is shattered after a full day of imagining what a full day at work would be like. Grace, not her real name, aged…
Friends suspect woman not drinking at wedding is hungover
GIGGLING friends suspect a woman, aged 33 and newly married, is refusing all alcohol because she is in a delicate condition after an epic session. …
Five things bosses expect you to do on your holiday
HOLIDAYS are a time for much-needed rest, relaxation, and escape from work. Here are five pieces of unsolicited toil your boss expects regardless: Replying to…
Success! This man has made it to 40 without having any real responsibilities
A MAN who recently hit 40 has somehow managed to do so without taking on anything that could be considered a responsibility. Alan, not his…
Horrified man discovers going to bed early makes him less tired following day
A MAN who has felt sluggish and groggy every morning for the last 20 years has been stunned to learn that getting more sleep makes…
Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again
A WIFE who keeps agreeing to share a whole bottle of wine with her husband has only had one glass again, it has been confirmed.…