How to look like a millennial who doesn’t give a f**k about looking like Gen Z
WANT to look like a person in their 30s and 40s with no interest in dressing like the younger generation? Here’s how. Sneer at your…
Dad ruining stag do
ENJOYMENT of a man’s Prague stag do has been drastically reduced by the presence of the groom-to-be’s father, guests have confirmed. 30-year-old Oliver, not his…
Woman on date pretending she can’t finish pizza
A WOMAN on a first date is maintaining a pretence that eating an entire pizza is far too much for a delicate girl like her. 34-year-old Hannah,…
Wife lying in wait to ruin husband’s anecdote
A WIFE who is very bored of hearing the same anecdote yet again is lying in wait to ruin it at just the right moment. Jessica,…
Gen Zer exhausted after day of visualising work
A TEENAGER is shattered after a full day of imagining what a full day at work would be like. Grace, not her real name, aged…
Friends suspect woman not drinking at wedding is hungover
GIGGLING friends suspect a woman, aged 33 and newly married, is refusing all alcohol because she is in a delicate condition after an epic session. …
Five things bosses expect you to do on your holiday
HOLIDAYS are a time for much-needed rest, relaxation, and escape from work. Here are five pieces of unsolicited toil your boss expects regardless: Replying to…
Success! This man has made it to 40 without having any real responsibilities
A MAN who recently hit 40 has somehow managed to do so without taking on anything that could be considered a responsibility. Alan, not his…
Horrified man discovers going to bed early makes him less tired following day
A MAN who has felt sluggish and groggy every morning for the last 20 years has been stunned to learn that getting more sleep makes…
Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again
A WIFE who keeps agreeing to share a whole bottle of wine with her husband has only had one glass again, it has been confirmed.…
You choose, says girlfriend who’s already decided
A MAN offered the opportunity to decide what TV show to watch is unaware the outcome has already been decided. Stephen, not his real name,…
New boss wants you to know he likes football
YOUR new boss claims to be an ordinary bloke on the basis that he supports West Ham. The white male in his early 40s, brought…
Dad who was miserable failure with girls forced to give relationship advice
A FATHER who was unable to attract women in his youth is having to advise his son about relationships, it has emerged. The situation is…
Woman clearly villain of her own anecdote
A WOMAN is telling an anecdote which appears, to all listeners if not to the speaker, to be about what an arsehole she is. Sophie,…
How attitudes to gay kisses on screen have changed, according to your dad
USED to be you’d be up until 1am to see a couple of lasses kissing, now it’s on prime time. And the men. Your retired…
Boss taking credit for team’s work only contributed management bullshit
A BOSS has taken all the credit for his team’s work despite mostly just distracting them with management toss. Manager Stephen, not his real name,…
25-year-old woman tells mum about parking fine in hope she’ll pay it
AN ADULT woman has told her mother how upset about an unfair parking fine she is in the hope her parent will step in and…
How to understand today’s youth with the Teen-English Dictionary
HAVING remained a mystery for centuries, a new dictionary has translated the various grunts and noises used by teenagers. Start understanding them with these entries. …
Things you do in your 40s your own parents would never have got away with
MANY activities you do now would have made you a social pariah in your parents’ day, especially in middle-age. So cherish your freedom to do…
Loud sneezers told to get a f**king grip
LETTING rip with the deafening roar of a shotgun blast impresses absolutely no-one, loud sneezers have been informed. Professor Frost, of the Institute for Studies,…