Totally unreasonable bastards expecting man to do his job
A MAN is being unfairly expected to do the job he is paid to do, it has emerged. Edwin, not his real name, an administrator…
Five things your parents follow with ‘not that there’s anything wrong with that’
YOUR parents aren’t as backwards or as phobic as you believe. Here are five things they’re totally cool with through gritted teeth: Sex between consenting…
How to make yourself totally unemployable
DO you feel obliged to get a job but can’t face spending your life in an office surrounded by people you hate? Just make yourself…
Are you stupid enough to think you can clean the oven? A tragedy in five acts
HAVE you made the unwise decision to clean your own oven, based purely on it being unacceptably filthy? These are the stages of your unfolding…
Are you stupid enough to think you can clean the oven? A tragedy in five acts
HAVE you made the unwise decision to clean your own oven, based purely on it being unacceptably filthy? These are the stages of your unfolding…
Hot desking, and other workplace initiatives to guarantee a hostile environment
MODERN jobs like to advertise perks to improve your wellbeing at work. But while they’re appealing in theory, you’ll soon start to feel it’s oppression…
Christmas carols, ranked by how many lines you know before tailing off
WE love them and know them, or at least a few lines before going blank. Here are Christmas carols rated by how many lines you…
How to choose your workplace nemesis
HAVING a sworn enemy to detest and undermine certainly makes slow days at work go faster. But who should you choose as your arch-enemy and…
Homeworker only in office for the biscuits
A HOMEWORKER has begun to come into the office every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday purely for its selection of biscuits, colleagues believe. Brand manager Martin,…
Mansplaining man actually correct
ONLOOKERS are uncertain how to respond after realising that a man mansplaining to a woman is in fact correct and entirely right to do so.…
Lightweight drinkers unveil plans to humiliate themselves
PEOPLE with a low alcohol tolerance have outlined the ways in which they plan to humiliate themselves over Christmas. Office manager Owen, not his rea name,…
Woman not going out until March
A WOMAN has confirmed that she is not leaving her home until March and that nothing and nobody can stop her. Hannah, aged 29, not…
Woman doesn’t understand film despite talking all the way through it
A WOMAN has no idea what happened in the film she watched with a friend, despite asking questions throughout. When not searching on her phone…
Boss asking ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ hoping to hear ‘doing more work for less money’
A BOSS is hoping that his employee’s five year plan aligns with his own vision of an increased workload for decreased compensation. Managing director Neil,…
Business bullshit ‘vital’ for people who are bad at everything else
POMPOUS business bullshit is vital for maintaining the self-esteem of people who are crap at everything else, research has found. A new study has discovered…
Man takes massive pay cut for dream job that’s still better paid than yours
A MAN has willingly slashed his income in order to pursue his dream job which still boasts a far better salary than yours, it has…
How to harshly judge a new friend based entirely on their Christmas tree
BEEN invited for a Christmas drink at a new friend’s house? Here’s how to make sweeping judgements about their class and taste based entirely on…
Dickhead who is always late acting like it’s somehow beyond their control
AN idiot who is habitually late acts as if it is completely out of her control even when she has been lying in bed watching…
Consumers demand much less information about food
FOOD shoppers have demanded the removal of nutritional information, the country of origin and all extraneous adjectives from their food packaging. New research has found…
The middle-aged person’s guide to losing friends
IS your life cluttered with friends you’d prefer didn’t exist? Or require a minor effort to occasionally meet? Learn how to lose them like a…