Cool vegetarian still eats meat when pissed
A VEGETARIAN who keeps it real still eats kebabs and burgers after a few pints, he has confirmed. Chill herbivore Tom, not his real name,…
Bald man secretly wishes he still had hair
A BALD man has admitted that, though nobody would ever suspect it, he would actually prefer to have hair. Ronny, aged 39, not his real…
Gen Z teen confused by strong male character
A MALE teenager has been left confused by a film in which a man faces challenges like fist fights that are traditionally left to female…
Experts unable to explain why anyone would buy bottled beer in a pub
EXPERTS cannot work out why anyone would buy a small, expensive bottle of beer in a pub. Researchers at the Institute for Studies found no…
Your friends: Are they worth the effort?
HAVING good friends is meant to be a key part of a happy and healthy life, but are they actually worth the effort? Here are…
How to recover from a devastatingly accurate insult from a seven-year-old
CHILDREN say the cruelest, funniest things, directly to you in front of a roomful of people, like ‘Where’s your hair gone, uncle Simon?’ Here’s how…
Businesswoman’s credibility undermined by partially faded nightclub stamp
A WOMAN’S otherwise convincing presentation has been undermined by the fading nightclub entry stamp on the back of her hand. 27-year-old Hannah, not her real…
Woman going away for two days packs 158 pairs of knickers
A WOMAN taking a shed load of clean underwear for a short break in the Cotswolds is not sure why, she has admitted. Loraine, not…
‘What are you thinking?’ and five other questions boyfriends never ask
DATING a progressive and thoughtful man? Convinced he’s not like all the other pigs? He still won’t ask these questions: ‘What are you thinking?’ Unless…
Estate agent reveals plan to read this month’s GQ for a third time
A 24-YEAR-OLD estate agent has announced that he will be spending tonight reading this month’s GQ magazine for the third time. Wayne, not his real…
Emergency plumber drunk on godlike power
AN emergency plumber with an exorbitant call-out fee and a string of desperate clients is feeling more powerful than Zeus, he has confirmed. Due to…
I hate my life, says only honest person on LinkedIn
THE only honest profile on LinkedIn has shared that he hates his job, boss and life and could not give a free-form f**k about his…
Woman furious as back-up husband marries
A WOMAN is outraged after a man she had reserved as her back-up husband had the audacity to marry someone else. Helen, not her real…
A single initial, and other twatty ways to sign off an email
SIGNING off an email is a minefield in which you’re always just one word away from metaphorically losing a foot. Here are some of the…
Woman’s friends dutifully say ‘wow’ about engagement ring
A WOMAN’S friends have all faked amazement at her engagement ring despite having no idea whether it is impressive. 26-year-old Kristine, not her real name,…
Conversation spoiled by boyfriend talking
A PLEASANT chat a woman was enjoying with her boyfriend has been ruined by his insistence on joining in. Sian, not her real name, was…
Strong cup of tea is middle-aged woman’s can of Monster
A MIDDLE-AGED woman who wants to feel energised to the point of anxiety can do so by drinking a strong cup of tea after midday,…
They didn’t bring you a little treat back from the shops: six major relationship red flags
THOUGHT cheating was bad? Wait until you hear about these extreme acts which could easily destroy any relationship. Not buying you a treat from the…
Water bills and other things that will instantly absorb any energy bill savings
THE typical energy bill is set to fall by £238, but don’t crack open the champagne just yet. That money will instantly get sucked up…
Father sits down for talk with teenage son about using incognito mode
A FATHER has sat his teenage son down for a talk about how to ensure your internet history is not visible. Dave, not his real…