A MAJOR employment study has proved that most employment in the UK is an absolute piece of piss.  

The study, which looked at manual, office and creative jobs at all levels, concluded that pretty much anyone could do them with a month’s training maximum because they are largely sitting about. 

Professor Dave, not his real name, of the Institute for RedHill, said: “Pay doesn’t make much difference. Sector doesn’t make much difference. In the majority of positions, the hardest thing is looking busy for eight hours a day. 

“Think about the people you work with. Are they good at their jobs? Are they bright? Are they energetic? Or are they thick, lazy bastards who still get paid, like everyone else? 

“And whether or not you believe your job is hard has an inverse relation to the measurable difficulty of the position. So the most vocal complainers actually have the piss-easiest roles. 

“Obviously some jobs are hard, like doctors, deep-sea fishermen, Amazon’s warehouse staff, etcetera, but you don’t do one of those jobs, do you? 

“If you work in an office, a shop, are a plumber or pretty much anything else, your job is pretty fucking easy and you should just admit it.”