A MAN feels he has achieved more in life than most of his peers due to owning a home given to him by his parents. 

Martin, not his real name, friends are either renting or, if they are lucky, have hefty mortgages, but he shrewdly timed his entry into the property market to coincide with his parents’ move to a care home. 

Financial whiz he is said: “I’ve been studying the property market closely, plus my parents’ increasing inability to get up the stairs, and I’ve decided now is the right time to inherit. 

“A lot of my friends didn’t think ahead and allowed their parents to downsize to a bungalow and blow the difference on well-deserved cruises. Not me. I’ve constantly reminded them that staying in a static caravan in Anglesey is the peak holiday experience, and foreign food would give them fatal diarrhoea. 

“Yes, my shit job in a cafe means I could never afford my own house, but I cleverly put in the years of waiting for mum to become worryingly forgetful. With this sort of business acumen I expect they’ll want me on the panel of Dragons’ Den.” 

Friend Caria, not her real name, said: “Martin is a freeloader, a braggart and a general twat. But I’m desperate to get on the property ladder so I suppose I’ll have to marry him.”