DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has been having an affair with a woman half my age but insists it’s over and was “just about the sex”.
It feels like so much more.
She is a colleague who has been working closely — too closely — with him on a building project.
I had a gut feeling that he was cheating on me and followed him to a pub car park out of town.
I watched him get out of his car, walk across the car park and into the arms of a much younger woman.
I am 46 and my husband is 48. We have been together for 24 years and have two adult children and a grandchild.
His mistress is 23, the same age as my daughter.
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Recently he’s been making excuses to go out at odd times in the evening.
He even told me he’d been called into work on an urgent matter.
After witnessing his infidelity first hand, I was gutted but managed to drive home.
A couple of hours went by and I sent him a text, making up a story that my cousin’s nephew had spotted him at the pub.
He sent a text admitting he was at the pub, saying a client had taken him there for a business meeting.
I knew he was lying and added that my cousin’s nephew didn’t speak to him because he saw that he was with another woman.
With that, my husband knew the game was up and finally admitted his cheating.
He has since ended their affair and changed jobs.
He says he regrets everything and it was just sex.
I love him but I’m struggling with the knowledge he had sex with someone else.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not surprised. Betrayal is so much more than just sex.
It can erode a relationship and building back that trust can take time.
Be honest with your husband and explain how you feel. Tell him how much his affair hurt you.
With the right support, it is possible to make it past an affair but this is something you will have to do together.
Couple’s counselling can help. Contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
It will take some hard work and commitment from both of you to really look at what’s been going wrong.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will also help you.